Caitlin Moran sums up the Duke of York perfectly in mocking the deviant royal’s creepiness
There’s awkward and then there’s Prince Andrew and then there’s awful and there’s Prince Andrew.
On Friday, witty journalist Caitlin Moran continued the barrage of mockery of this ghastly buffoon in The Times. She referenced how there no longer any “non-creepy” stories about this repugnant royal and cited stories about how the alleged non-sweating, Pizza Express (Woking branch) fanatic took alleged potential sexual conquests to Buckingham Palace. He supposedly told them to sit “on the Queen’s throne and pretend to be her and onto the famous balcony to wave to “imaginary crowds.”
Continuing about these “what-abouts,” Moran concluded: “I know now the thing I would least like to see: Prince Andrew licking a stamp.” Spot on.
Pictured top: Prince Andrew and his equally ghastly ex-wife, Sarah, Duchess of York.
‘Politicalite’ suggest Phillip Schofield orchestrated his ‘mass coming out’ after a former ‘This Morning’ runner had gone to the press about a supposed relationship whilst he was a teenager
Phillip Schofield has truly milked his ‘coming out.’ Criticised yesterday by Matthew Parris in The Times for behaving badly towards other gay men in hiding his true identity until now, the This Morning presenter’s alleged ‘real reason’ for revealing his sexuality is now under question.
Featured in Politicalite on Monday was a story that claimed 57-year-old Schofield had allegedly had an affair with a former runner on the show named Matt McGreevy.
McGreevy, they reported, in 2014 and then aged 18, “got a taste for television” after spending the day at ITV’s London Studios with the well-known for being angry presenter. The two had interacted first in 2011 (when McGreevy was 15) on Twitter, but now Politicalite report:
“Schofield is alleged to have been having the affair with the runner and he was said to have been ‘furious’ that Schofe had apparently ‘’f**ked him over,’ and he was reportedly going to the press.”
“McGreevy was also said to have had a ‘close working relationship’’ with Schofe, but after they had a ‘bust up’ with McGreevy left This Morning to work on rival show Loose Women.’
McGreevy’s Twitter account has subsequently been suspended for “violat[ing] the Twitter rules.”
Phillip Schofield has neither denied or admitted the claims.
Proof that they met more than once – Phillip Schofield and Matt McGreevy in a café.McGreevy pictured on the set of ‘This Morning’ with a child.Schofield and McGreevy enjoying themselves on a sofa on another occasion.Matt McGreevy’s Twitter account is now suspended for “rule violation.”
Luke Johnson is wrong to urge consumers to embrace alcohol free spirits whilst Luke Jones was right to urge them to love martinis
Under Luke Johnson’s reign Patisserie Valerie collapsed. He claimed the experience of masterminding the destruction of a business that employed 3,000 people “shattered [his] self-belief.” Oh diddums for the poor lamb.
After not so modestly admitting he was “arrogant at times,” Johnson announced: “I still have a contribution to make” and in the last edition of The Sunday Times, he decided to patronizingly lecture the British public about the con that is alcohol free spirits.
Lauding the Emperor’s New Clothes of the drinks sector – given that their manufacturers charge the same price for them as for their heavily taxed alcoholic counterparts (and thus make vastly more in profit) – Johnson claimed “entrepreneurs will quench that thirst” and should “embrace” appalling tasting products such as Seedlip.
Frankly, another columnist for The Times named Luke made more sense the following day. In a one page feature, Luke Jones spoke of being “tired of hearing friends boasting of their abstinence” and shared his experiences of drinking martinis every day during January. We say an almighty cheers to that.
‘The Times’ allows a most curious notice to appear on its ‘Register’ page; Could it have been cryptically penned by Ghislaine Maxwell to Prince Andrew?
The ‘Register’ page of The Times is a place where families announce forthcoming marriages and share news of deaths, funerals and memorials as well. Royal court circulars also get a look-in, as do law reports and alongside details on the engagement of The Hon. F. J. St Aubyn (‘Felix’ to his chums) and plain old Miss Alice C. Tyser yesterday was information about the passing of one Dr Colin Fleetcroft. This no doubt dear old gentleman is as listed as “much loved and will be greatly missed.”
On the same page, however, someone bizarrely took a much larger space to send a cryptic message to someone named ‘Andrew.’ In it – without mentioning said chap’s surname or their own name even – they penned their sorrows about “the love of their life” in a fashion that was rather akin to Philip Larkin’s This Be The Verse. They ended with some depressing words of discouragement that read: “Choosing between life and death, I’d much prefer to die; Take my advice, don’t fall in love, you’ll get hurt before it’s through; You see, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.”
Frankly, though it is most surprising that somebody would feel the need to write such pugnacious drivel, it is even more surprising that The Times would deign to publish it.
Pictured top: Disgraced royal Prince Andrew with alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell. Could this be a missive from the missing for months daughter of ‘Bouncing Bob’ to ‘Randy Andy’? Unlikely, but stranger things have happened given these two and their “secret visits.”
The cryptic message ‘TO ANDREW THE LOVE OF MY LIFE’ that appeared in ‘The Times’ on Thursday 30th January 2020. Could the part about: “When you are left weighed down by fright” be a coded message from in-hiding since August Miss Maxwell asking the Duke of York for help on a page he no doubt reads over breakfast?
The full text of ‘To Andrew’ follows:
In Memoriam – Private
TO ANDREW THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
Did you ever love someone deeply, and out they didn’t love you?
Did you ever feel they weren’t kind to you, and wonder what you should do?
Did you ever blindly trust in love, but your love didn’t want to stay?
Love only causes problems, it happens every day
You wonder how they can sleep at night
You wonder how they can feel delight
You wonder how love could ever feel light
When you are left weighed down by fright
Love hurts so much, the price you pay is high
Choosing between love and death, I’d much prefer to die
Take my advice, don’t fall in love, you’ll get hurt before it’s through
You see, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.
Giles Coren is to be saluted for refusing to put up with harassment from the supporters of the left-wing scumbag Owen Jones
Giles Coren predicted that the insufferable idiot Owen Jones might get a peerage in Corbyn’s resignation honours on the 31st December. He suggested that this self-serving obnoxious bore might become a “fat old lord getting smashed on madeira in the morning and chasing young resarchers with tight bottoms up and down the corridors all afternoon.” He was met with outrage.
Jones, who thankfully blocked The Steeple Times on Twitter many moons ago after we dared to call him out over God knows what (given he upsets people on a whim), himself reacted by describing the missive as “not exactly subtle homophobia” and then his unfriendly followers turned up at Coren’s house to “harangue” his wife and children.
Describing The Times author as a “racist, sexist, homophobic, incestuous paedophile” was bad enough, but that these scumbags decided to harass a lady and her children is another. Shame on Owen Jones for yet again inciting hatred and our salutations instead to Giles Coren – who reacted by quitting Twitter – for not caving into this left wing twerp and his vile entourage. “It’s no biggie,” he sensibly concluded.
Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is time she accepted that with being a public figure, criticism will follow
Any criticism of “She Who Must Be Obeyed” – AKA the former Meghan Markle – is immediately condemned as “trolling” and “racism.”
That this meddling upstart has drafted out George Clooney to claim “she is being pursued and vilified like Diana” and implored five unnamed friends to claim she is being “victimised” proves just how pathetic she truly is.
The Duchess of Sussex, in marrying into the royal family, chose public life. Nobody forced her down the path she’s taken and just like when she became an actress, she has to accept that with such a position comes criticism. Aside from collecting herself a ludicrous Marie Antoinette style wardrobe worth the staggering sum of over £1 million in the last year alone, ‘Murky Mucky’ has annoyed the nation by treating her own father so appallingly.
Thomas Markle may have made mistakes, but he, unlike his daughter, is entirely lacking in a PR machine to manage his profile. That this generation’s Mrs Simpson pushed him and her disabled half-sister under the bus is an utter disgrace and that she continues to blame everyone but herself for her situation sums up how outrageous this woman has so fast become.
Matthew Steeples celebrates the nicknames of Chelsea’s characters but regrets that the area itself is rapidly being stripped of the very character that made it so appealing
In Chelsea well-known barflies and lavish lunchers have long been given wacky nicknames. Amongst my friends and acquaintances are ‘Steve the Lunch’ (known for planning where to lunch next wherever he’s currently lunching), ‘Charles the Horse’ (known for his prowess on the horse racing betting circuit) and ‘Tony the Suit’ (he was once in tailoring).
Such monikers reveal not only the personalities of the individuals but also illustrate something about the places these bon viveurs frequent. Yesterday, in The Times’ obituary of the legendary restaurateur Michael Proudlock, mention was made of how his customers “had schoolboy nicknames such as ‘Mental,’ ‘Dwarf’ and ‘Mother’ and this reminded me of what this once great area of London has now lost: Character.
Proudlock, Richard Kay of the Daily Mail recalled in this excellently written tribute, “dined out every day, twice a day, seven days a week,” but now, sadly for the most part, such a lifestyle has gone to pot. Disappeared are the likes of Nigel Dempster, Keith Floyd, Sir David Frost and Alan Whicker and gone also are the enclaves that brought so much pleasure. In March 2017, with the closure of La Brasserie – due to the greed of the building’s selfish landlord – an era ended. The customers of “Chelsea’s answer to Cheers” dispersed and what was once a “community of fun loving reprobates” became displaced.
With Poissonnerie de l’Avenue and Como Lario also biting the dust, what is now left? A Kings Road that could be a high street in any town and things like a vegan restaurant on Pavilion Road ridiculously called Wulf & Lamb. How very sad: A place that used to be the haunt of the “cultural cognoscenti” has now been reduced to this.
Is the fuss over Kirstie Allsopp smashing up her children’s iPads justified? Or was it actually a very clever publicity stunt on her part?
On Channel 5’s Jeremy Vine show on Monday, one of the panel, The Hon. Kirstie Allsopp, shared that she’d smashed up her children’s iPads because they weren’t using them responsibly. Outrage invariably ensued.
During the programe, the “strong-minded” daughter of ex-Sotheby’s chairman Lord Hindlip and Location, Location, Location presenter stated:
“This is the first time I’ve said this publicly. In June I smashed my kids’ iPads, not in a violent way. I actually banged them on the table leg.”
“There is a game called Fortnite and another PUBG and I decided… We had made all sorts of rules and all sorts of times when we said you can’t play them and all those rules got broken and in the end I said: ‘Right that is it, I have to physically (break them).’”
In the ensuing hours, Allsopp was both lauded as a sensible parent and slated as reckless and ridiculous on social media and in reply, Tweeted:
“If you found your kids with a packet of cigarettes would you say: ‘I wouldn’t destroy these because they are worth a tenner but please don’t smoke?’ No of course you wouldn’t.”
Before subsequently deciding to delete her Twitter account due to the level of abuse she had been subjected to, she added:
“The second hand value of the iPads is about £70 each, if I feel a lesson was learned about following through then it was worth far, far, far more our family than £140. This is about the value of trust, and the value of people over things.”
Of the debacle, on ITV1’s Good Morning Britain on Wednesday, author Anna May Mangan leapt to Allsopp’s defence:
“I’ve heard her being called ‘Kirstie Allstropp’ on Twitter today. I’d have probably unplugged the router but she certainly didn’t deserve this public hanging. Is there such a thing as a perfect parent?”
Joining the thousands who’ve condemned Allsopp, another guest replied:
“It’s just a waste and sets a really bad example of how to look after possessions. Wilful smashing up an iPad is wasteful.”
“Gameboys that [sic] spoilt a family holiday for us once. Wish I’d thought of doing this. I’d have chucked them in the pool.”
Just like the reaction when the foul mouthed yet highly amusing aristocrat Francis ‘F***ing’ Fulford’s wife threw her television in a lake because her children wouldn’t “turn the f***ing thing” off” back in 2004 on the reality show The F***ing Fulfords, ‘Allstropp-gate’ is nothing but a storm in a teacup. It is one, however, that has done one thing: It has generated Ms Allsopp more column inches and thus yet more money making opportunities. To her, that’s most certainly worth smashing a couple of no doubt worn out old iPads for.
Tour de France winner Geraint Thomas is right to demand all cyclists be forced to wear helmets
Yesterday, in an interview in the Sunday Times Magazine, this year’s winner of the Tour de France spoke great sense and suggested cyclists be forced to wear helmets.
In comments, Geraint Thomas remarked:
“I would certainly make helmets compulsory… I always wear a helmet. I’ve put on a helmet more times than I’ve buckled a seatbelt.”
“Helmets have come on a lot – well ventilated, not too hot, you don’t look stupid – no reason not to.”
Though speaking in direct contradiction to Cycling UK – whom believe “there is no justification for making helmet wearing compulsory” – Mr Thomas is entirely right. If cyclists, including those using such things as Santander Cycles, were forced to put one on, there most certainly would be less accidents and deaths on our roads.
#PutAHelmetOn #SaferCycling #RoadSafety
Pictured top: Boris Johnson and Geraint Thomas on bicycles; we’d suggest the latter knows best about whether to where a helmet or not
‘Red socked fop’ Sir Christopher Meyer’s “mugging” was supposedly just “a fall”
Sir Christopher Meyer was allegedly “attacked” at Victoria Station on 11th July and a great fuss ensued. The media – encouraged by this opinionated former ambassador’s “Chanel clad” wife (and BFF of Theresa May) – printed stories of how he was “beaten” by two teenagers because he’d said “nice” (a frankly meaningless word) things about Donald Trump. Something did not quite make sense.
It has now been revealed by “Celebrity Jack” (Jack Malvern of The Times) that the “red socked fop” (as John Prescott so accurately christened him) supposedly just “fell” over.
After leaving his diplomatic post, Meyer became head of the now rightfully defunct “toothless poodle” that was the Press Complaints Commission in 2007. In the wake of The Times’ revelations, he has now become nothing but an originator of #FakeNews.
Matthew Steeples, a longtime adversary of the Meyers, comments: “It is an honour to return to our roots with our first story in some time. I started The Steeple Times in 2012 after exposing dodgy charities and I now return to expose the very same people we first started with.”
