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Tuesday, September 22, 2020
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A Grand Greek Revival

Grand Greek Revival mini-mansion in Illinois goes on sale for just £35 per square foot in spite of having been mostly renovated; it is situated within an area colonised by utopian Swedish Janssonists.

Titles for the Boys and Girls – Elevation of Sir Philip May

Giving a knighthood to Philip May for “political services” is absolutely preposterous given his firm’s dubious connections; instead Count Binface would have been a better recipient.

Monster of the Moment – Dr Walter Palmer

Reprehensible “driller killer” dentist Dr Walter Palmer will forever be remembered for slaying ‘Cecil The Lion’; the sexual harasser of his own employees has now gone and done it again – this time the monster massacred an endangered ram.

Hero of the Hour – Lenin Gutierrez

After standing up to a woman named Amber Lynn Gilles who berated him whilst doing his job, Starbucks barista Lenin Gutierrez is going to use the unexpected donation ‘tips’ he received to help others.

No Gaynes

Cambridgeshire mansion used by Special Operations Executives in the Second World War and as a borstal subsequently for sale; Gaynes Hall is next to the prison that housed Max Clifford and was briefly a cannabis farm in 2019.

Moron of the Moment – Lady Victoria Hervey

Just as ultimate dumbo Lady Victoria Hervey shows herself up in stating: “Fuck Black Lives Matter,” fellow aristocrat Dr. Bendor Grosvenor calls for the return of objects “looted during the British Empire.”

The Murky McCann Milieu

Former lead investigator in Madeleine McCann case predicted latest development involving German paedophile in April 2019; Goncalo Amaral suggested the man would be made a “scapegoat” by Scotland Yard.

Justice for James Scurlock

Power of social media proven after senseless killing of James Scurlock in Omaha, Nebraska allegedly by a controversial bar owner named Jake Gardner who has been photographed with Donald Trump.

Could Mark Alexander be Innocent?

With humanitarian Terry Waite questioning the safety of the conviction of Mark Alexander for murdering his conman father Samuel, is it time that this curious case was reviewed?

A Magnum Muckup

Unilever ludicrously forced to “urgently” recall Magnum ice cream because it contains MILK. Health and safety busybodies at their finest.
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Ban the InstaKiller

Wolf slaying ‘InstaKiller’ Larysa Switlyk disgracefully remains on Instagram in spite of campaign to remove her going viral on Change.org

The Collapse of The Clown

Despite all of Dominic Cummings’ efforts Boris Johnson is morphing into the most miserable Prime Minister of modern times; how much longer will the blubbering buffoon ‘Bosie The Clown’ last?

Escaping the Dick

That an escaped prisoner couldn’t get himself rearrested in spite of willingly handing himself into the Met Police seven times is ludicrous; Cressida Dick should take responsibility and resign

Coming up for Ayr

‘The Steeple Times’ analyses the top picks for today’s Ayr Gold Cup Handicap and opts for a tidy priced 28/1 option.