Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’
Get me a Krug!
At The Botanist on Sloane Square in London, a visiting Yorkshire lass told her assembled crew: “They do sell a prosecco but I told the bartender: ‘I don’t want any of that s**t. Get me a Krug!’” This Dawn Ward in the making was left disappointed: Their best champagne was Dom Perignon.
Braying in the basement
At La Brasserie in Chelsea, a pseudo-Sloane estate agent – clad in the kind of suit that make such men stand out from space – brayed about how much he’d made in 2016. To make sure those around him knew his place in society, he announced: “A friend of mine spent £400,000 on a sub-basement. It’s got a gym and pool and he reckons it’ll pay him back in four years. That’s what he spends in KX currently, so he’s got himself a bloody bargain”.
A heroin bartender
Two ladies chatted at a bar in SW3. One remarked: “I love the bartender. He’s like heroin”. She casually added: “I would inject him if I could”. Amy Winehouse could have found a lyric about that.
Going nuclear
At Langan’s Brasserie in Mayfair, an office gathered for their Christmas party. One of the group asked: “If nuclear bombs were to hit London, how many would it take?” A blonde with an Essex accent answered: “If one hit the city, Mayfair would be OK. That’s what I heard”. Reassuring.
Less is more
In a restaurant in Manhattan, a lady told her male dining companion her plans for 2017. She announced: “This year I’m going to be really intentional about doing less. I was just so involved last year”. Less, for her, truly is more.
Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.
Well the Yorkshire lass may not have any class, but she certainly has taste.
Anyone who copies anything Dawn Ward says is sick in the head.
“ON” Sloane Square??? Please, let’s stick to English:
IN Sloane Square!