Saturday, September 16, 2023

Ask Mrs MILF: The agony aunt who’s naughty but nice

Mrs MILF redThis week, Mrs MILF deals with a party invite with a clause, a husband who wants his wife to buy “gear”, an Old Etonian with a complex, a wealthy couple who have sex but no relationship and a wife who’s worried about Katie Hopkins.

 

I’ve been invited to a party on the basis that a wealthy couple I know come too. The hostess has stated that she’ll reply to me once she knows whether this pair will be attending. Do you think that there could be some kind of sexual shenanigans planned for that night?

Jack K., Barnstaple, Devon

Wealthy couples and sexual shenanigans… Are the two mutually exclusive? Given the name of your hostess, she could be in search of investment as opposed to entertainment.

 

My husband’s asked me to buy some “gear”. I am not sure what he means. Could you please enlighten me as to what he wants? I don’t want to disappoint but equally I don’t want to make a fool of myself.

Tatiana D., London, SW10

Reply that you would love to get some “gear” but that you want to make sure it’s the kind of “gear” he’ll be happy with. Suggest you go to buy the “gear” together. This way, he’ll pay for it, there will be no surprise for either of you and you could also make him get some “gear” for himself. Alternatively, buy loads of expensive, sexy lingerie and if it’s the wrong “gear”, at least you’ll have ended up with a whole lot of “gear” that you actually want.

 

I am a shy Old Etonian looking to make his way in the world using a leg up. Do you think I should do this by riding ginger horses, by lying about Boxing Day lunches or by invading Syria in order to free a Mr Muslin Brather-Hoode? Also, how might I lose some weight?

John W., London, SW1

You don’t need a leg up. Your natural eccentricity and humour will win people over without the need to ride a horse, ginger or otherwise. I did look to investigate if “ginger horse” is a euphemism for any sexual organ, but no, it’s not. There are plenty of others to do with horses, yes, but ginger horses, no. Ditto Boxing Day lunches (unless that is an obscure reference to activities in SW1 when you are with the mistress that day following previously spent the day before playing happy families with your children).

 

As for Syria, you are plainly thinking adventure. I like that in a man. Any woman would like that in a man. Your last sentence, though, really says it all. You are fat. This is why you are funny… Or, rather why you need to be funny. Bravo for you.

 

Is sex an essential part of a relationship? I have an incredible sex life with my wealthy boyfriend but the relationship still doesn’t seem to work? Why?

Yolanda B., Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

You mention both money and sex in your question. Sex is the glue that keeps a relationship together. It is an essential part of the “contract” of a relationship. Money papers over the cracks through distraction, but only for a time. For many, it is also an essential part of the “contract” but it won’t keep you together. People forget that you need substance to “stick” together. If either one of you lacks substance – as in character, depth and integrity – then there is nothing to stick together, there is only the glue. If neither of you have that connection – as in sex, love and compassion – there is only money. You are left with a veneer of a relationship without anything inside. Do something about it.

 

When I told my husband about Katie Hopkins and her outrageous views, he replied that he thought she looked “hot”. Should I be worried?

Helena F., Oban, Argyll

This is proof that your husband pays no attention to what women, including you, say ever.

 

Mrs MILF is lady with a cupcake and a whip who will solve all your problems be they in the bedroom department or elsewhere.

 

Mrs MILF welcomes your questions for her weekly column. Please submit them to her via [email protected]. She does not enter into individual correspondence and she won’t visit your home for personal consultations. Some names have been changed to protect the modesty of the individuals and their problems.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here:

    The Steeple Times
    The Steeple Times
    We research and background check our articles. If you believe we have made and error in some detail please get in touch, we seek always to write the truth and stand against a press owned by a self selected few. Please help us, we will accept all your likes, subscriptions and anonymous suport. The Editor and his team at the Steeple Times.

    LEAVE A REPLY

    Please enter your comment!
    Please enter your name here

    £1 per week Supports The Steeple Times

    Help journalism to remain honest & independent. You can make a difference to the world today.

    3,573FansLike
    2,068FollowersFollow
    16,682FollowersFollow
    4,962SubscribersSubscribe

    Subscribe For DAILY NEWS

    Please subscribe, like and share this unique site, it helps us tremendously. The Steeple Times in return will send you an email at noon each and everyday, that we sincerely hope you will enjoy & look forward to seeing in your inbox.

    AD
    Advertisement

    Trending Now

    ‘Comeback King’ Kevin Spacey – Actor Seeks To “Leave The Nonsense Behind”

    As Kevin Spacey’s eccentric ‘friend’ Geoffrey Mark claims the “exonerated” actor will now “leave the nonsense behind” and begin his comeback, we remind of his friendships with ‘curious sorts’ including Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell and Harvey Weinstein.

    Summer Silly Season Stories 2023 – ‘The Steeple Times’ Is Back

    Matthew Steeples highlights the stories he’s been following during the ‘silly season’ summer of 2023 – amongst them matters Ghislaine Maxwell and Rudy Giuliani and podcasts about ‘true crime’ as a genre.

    Most Popular Articles

    Was Mucky Minx Meghan Markle A ‘Yacht Girl’ For ‘Randy Andy’?

    As author Kirby Sommers suggests that the then Meghan Markle likely spent time with Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein before she met Prince Harry, we again highlight the mucky, murkiness and mendacious manner of this alleged “yacht girl.”

    Most Liked...

    Big Zuu (Birth Name – Zuhair Hassan)

    Big Zuu Zuhair Hassan
    A rapper and grime MC turned TV star of ‘Big Zuu’s Big Eats,’ Zuhair Hassan is an example of a youngster with infectious positivity and great talent. A modern-day Keith Floyd in the making.

    Nasty NestSeekers

    Nasty NestSeekers – Realtor turned alleged squatter Jonathan Davis – Entitled Hamptons brat Jonathan Davis exposed for allegedly squatting in a house in Sag Harbor owned by Paula Rosado during the coronavirus lockdown; it turns out he’s a realtor with NestSeekers.
    Entitled Hamptons brat Jonathan Davis exposed for allegedly squatting in Sag Harbor during the coronavirus lockdown; it turns out he’s a realtor with NestSeekers.

    SW3’s Smallest – Smallest Stand-Alone House In Chelsea For Sale For...

    SW3’s Smallest – Smallest Stand-Alone House In Chelsea For Sale For Staggering Sum
    Smallest stand-alone house in Chelsea for sale for 100% more than it was offered for in 2017; there’s barely room to swing a cat.

    Cut The Conspiracy Claptrap – Crazy Theories About The Deaths Of...

    Cut The Conspiracy Claptrap
    Matthew Steeples suggests that the crazy conspiracy claptrap that has followed in the wake of the death of Her Majesty The Queen and the ongoing nonsense that circulates online about Jeffrey Epstein is exactly that; crazy claptrap.

    ‘Comeback King’ Kevin Spacey – Actor Seeks To “Leave The Nonsense...

    ‘Comeback King’ Kevin Spacey – Actor Seeks To “Leave The Nonsense Behind”
    As Kevin Spacey’s eccentric ‘friend’ Geoffrey Mark claims the “exonerated” actor will now “leave the nonsense behind” and begin his comeback, we remind of his friendships with ‘curious sorts’ including Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell and Harvey Weinstein.