Category: MOVERS & SHAKERS

The snakes and ladders of society.

A chronicle of drama, scandal and success in London, Paris, New York and elsewhere

  • Down With Dumb Diane

    Down With Dumb Diane

    After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too

    Life is not so rosy for Diane Abbott right now. She had to “resign” from her Shadow Cabinet post (well, she’d never have accepted being inevitably “pushed” if she hadn’t gone willingly) and on Wednesday, she’ll see her degenerate son, James Abbott-Thompson, sentenced for biting a policeman and spitting at another.

     

    Remembered in Tuesday’s Telegraph as having an “infelicity with words and numbers that made John Prescott look like JFK,” Abbott pathetically told Sky News in February: “I was a backbencher for a few years and there is an awful lot to do on the backbenches” (take that to mean: “I’ll keep causing trouble and making a berk of myself and dipping my grubby mitts in the till via gigs at the BBC and elsewhere”).

     

    Calculator-less, “most abused of any Labour MP ever” Abbott – whom also claims she’s going to be singlehandedly able to stop Labour going into a “dead end” with a “swerve to the right on migration policy” – however, did find time to once again block The Steeple Times on Twitter. She also get one positive call out in the little-read Independent where the self-declared “fangirl of Naomi Campbell” and “she/her/I” Lola Oriowo accused anyone having a go at Jeremy Corbyn’s ex-sexual partner of being “institutional racists.”

     

    A selection of the opinions of Twitter users about Miss Abbott’s departure follows below. This double left footer will certainly not be missed by many.

     

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    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Diane Abbott has busied herself by once again blocking ‘The Steeple Times’ since being demoted. Plainly she hasn’t got much else to do.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
    Down With Dumb Diane – Good riddance to Diane Abbott MP – After retreating to the backbenches, can life get better for the thickest politician in history, Diane Abbott? She’s got the sentencing of her criminal son to look forward to for starters… And a few paid gigs at the Beeb no doubt too.
  • Sheen Shines

    Sheen Shines

    The ‘Guardian’s’ Rebecca Nicholson’s fascinating interview with the actor Michael Sheen is exactly the kind of reading needed during coronavirus lockdown; he reveals previously unknown details about bizarre encounters with Tony Blair, Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng Murdoch

    It’s hard to find stories to read right now in newspapers that don’t relate to coronavirus and it’s even harder to find compelling interviews that don’t feature bleeding hearts banging on about what good they’re doing (when they’re just actually craving a return to their glory days gaining acres of Alexa Chung-type press acreage).

     

    Gone are the days of the great, the good and the not-so-good actually revealing something we didn’t already know and instead, it seems, COVID-19 has reduced The Telegraph, for example, to unimaginatively asking the chef Jason Atherton: “Powder or piste?” (His 50/50 chance answer: The latter – for those of you actually interested in this kind of inane drivel).

     

    Today, however, the Guardian’s Rebecca Nicholson pulled a blinder with what one reader described as a “marvellous portrait” of the actor best known for repeatedly playing Tony Blair, Michael Sheen. Though ‘Two Tony’s’ – according to an individual who left a comment online afterwards – “sounds thoroughly uncomfortable,” Nicholson coaxed her subject into revealing amongst other things that Wendi Deng Murdoch once asked him to “dress like [Blair]” and “make [his] hair look like him” so she could “bring [him] out and surprise [Blair].” Please don’t throw up whilst considering that rather scary image. Thankfully there’s no mention as to whether Sheen enquired about the alleged extra-marital relations that went on between the ‘real’ Tony and the now ex-Mrs Murdoch, as there would be a detail that’d certainly be nearly as off-putting as what allegedly went on between the wife of one of the most loathed premier’s in history and Carole Caplin (what on earth became of her?) in a shower in Downing Street.

     

    Sheen, a man “fascinated by Blair’s legacy,” but someone who didn’t meet the “wary of [him]” ex-PM until after he’d already played him twice, also shares snippets of an encounter with Rupert Murdoch. Of it, the ex of Kate Beckinsale recalls: “There was a very peculiar moment with Murdoch. I remember standing looking out at the view, and then I realised that Murdoch was standing next to me. It was quite a hot day. I just remember seeing a little bead of black dye, running down his face. I thought, oh, Ozymandias [two sonnets by Percy Shelley about the decline of rulers with their pretensions to greatness].”

     

    Moving on to how he is “astonished” by our current Prime Minister, Sheen observes: “It’s very hard to trust someone who can go so easily in different ways.” Nicholson then concludes the interview with a suggestion: “Part of me hopes [Michael Sheen] might one day take the idea of Michael Sheen MP seriously, after all.” Superb.

     

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  • Put A Stamp In It

    Put A Stamp In It

    Bath pensioner gets very, very, very worked up about the quality of stamps available in a Post Office in a WHSmith store

    Right now, whilst most people are either worrying about the health of their friends and relatives or their next pay cheque during the coronavirus lockdown, a man named Dave French from Bath, Somerset has other priorities.

     

    Last month, Mr French contacted SomersetLive to moan about the quality of service and stamps in his local WHSmith. Speaking to the local newspaper’s senior reporter Richard Mills, the 68-year-old remarked:

     

    “I buy hundreds of pounds of postage stamps for correspondence and parcels. I prefer to buy sheets of commemorative stamps the first day they are issued. When legibly franked and postmarked they take on a second life… So, I was disappointed soon after the new Post Office in WHSmiths opened to be told that they had not received the new stamp issue.”

     

    After returning on another occasion, after getting what he ‘thought’ he wanted, this moaning Minnie added:

     

    “I returned a few days later to the Smiths Post Office and bought what was left of the newly issued stamps. Very attractive but when I got home I found they had been ripped across and parts of them missing. Somebody hadn’t noticed you are meant to use the perforations. What kind of staff were they employing?”

     

    Mr French supposedly then visited again. This time, he found: “On my third and final attempt to get decent service in Smiths, there was the usual long queue, nowhere to sit and the priority was the staff fixing the self-service stamp machines.”

     

    Summing up, the pensioner concluded by sharing his fury: “Speechless, I left and will not be returning… Ralph Allen [an 18th century British postal service reformer] will be turning in his mausoleum in Claverton churchyard… I won’t go back there.”

     

    One thing is for sure about customer from hell Dave French’s decision: The workers of WHSmith and the Post Office of Bath will be eternally grateful.

     

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  • Moron of the Moment – Lindsay Lohan

    Moron of the Moment – Lindsay Lohan

    Lindsay Lohan sinks to a new low during the coronavirus crisis and attempts to relaunch her tawdry self on April Fool’s Day; the washed-up wench claims to be “evolving”

    Loathsome leech Lindsay Lohan once curiously claimed she was a “normal, nice person, a good person” and that she “[didn’t] have any bad intentions.” She then proceeded to prove herself totally wrong in leaping to the defence of the now convicted sex abuser Harvey Weinstein in 2017.

     

    Jailed for 90 days in 2001 and put in rehab in 2008 (and on many other occasions since), this often violent, deranged, on-off druggie has now decided to revive her music ‘career’ at quite possibly the most inappropriate time – that being on April Fool’s Day during the coronavirus crisis. You simply couldn’t make it up, but, as we all know, ‘Loopy Lindsay’ can’t actually get a PR advisor for toffee.

     

    Some might argue that this move is reflective of this trashbag’s position in society, but that Lohan – whom the term “celebutard” was created in her very honour by Michael Musto some years back – issued a cryptic video on Instagram that ends with the wastrel weirdly stating: “I’m back!” about says it all. Frankly, the public will be the judge of that love and given past performance tends to be a guide to the future, we all already know where this almighty mess is going to end up next.

     

    Here we go again, Lindsay: Another car crash that’s headed to be washed away down the gutter. Next!

     

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    Moron of the Moment – Lindsay Lohan Washed-up wench Lindsay Lohan sinks to a new low during coronavirus crisis and attempts to relaunch her tawdry self on April Fool’s Day.
    A Twitter user aptly summed up Lindsay Lohan’s April Fool’s Day 2020 actions.
    Moron of the Moment – Lindsay Lohan Washed-up wench Lindsay Lohan sinks to a new low during coronavirus crisis and attempts to relaunch her tawdry self on April Fool’s Day.
    In her video message on Instagram, the self-absorbed mess showed a message that stated: “Evolution of Lindsay Lohan.”
  • Guardian Gets Giddy

    Guardian Gets Giddy

    Coronavirus has plainly sent the ‘Guardian’s’ editorial team giddy; they’re now urging their readers to call sex chatlines

    One has traditionally associated the Guardian with Michael Foot, open-toed sandal wearers and quinoa quiche munchers. More recently YouGov pollsters updated the analysis and curiously after sampling 9,373 of them profiled Guardian readers as cricket loving cat owners. They suggested their “top three favourites dishes” are “antipasti, aubergine parmigiana and braised endive” and pointed out they mostly shop at Waitrose and are into hiking and women’s issues also.

     

    Plainly, though, now, the coronavirus outbreak has gone to the heads of those normally infallibly left-wing, likely vegetarian (quite possibly vegan) sorts that edit the daily read of the fans of Diane Abbott and her one-time sex partner Jeremy Corbyn. Today, the paper published a column by Pamela Stephenson Connolly – a “US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders” – in which she answered the question: “Is there a safe way for me to enjoy casual sex during the coronavirus crisis?”

     

    Pam most certainly didn’t mince her words with her answers to the anonymous “casual sex” loving reader who asked: “Can I now have sex with strangers and avoid the risk of contracting coronavirus?” She responded  by pointing out “there really is no way to safely get close enough to strangers for sex without a hazmat suit, and the erotic cachet of that scene would be extremely limited.”

     

    Instead, for what the paper termed “sexual healing,” Pam advised: “Erotic phone or online conversations would be safest, during which it is possible to recreate any kind of fantasy scenario you can imagine. Think of these trying times as opportunities to expand your erotic creativity using different media platforms” before concluding: “Stay safe!”

     

    Another poll suggested that Guardian readers are “77% more likely to say the point of drinking is to get drunk.” We’d suggest that instead of wasting money calling dirty sex chatlines, they stick to the hooch. It’s time, instead, for the former ‘Champagne Socialists’ in our lives to get down to their local ‘offie’ to get themselves a bottle of the former Meghan Markle’s “flash” favourite – it’s time to hit the Tignanello.

     

    Correction: An earlier edition referenced “Diane Abbott and his one-time sex partner Diane Abbott.” We apologise for this error and to all those affected by the thought of ‘she of two left shoes’ being anything but a ‘real woman.’

     

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  • Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York

    Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York

    Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus, but makes no mention of the benefit the outbreak has given her husband in relation to the Jeffrey Epstein ‘problem’

    On Monday, the child-like ex-wife of the Duke of York – a cowardly creature whom the FBI would like to speak to about his links to the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – took to Instagram. This pyramid of virtuosity announced:

     

    “Mother Nature has sent us to our rooms.. like the spoilt children we are. She gave us time and she gave us warnings. She was so patient with us. She gave us fire and floods, she tried to warn us but in the end she took back control. She has sent us to our rooms and when she is finished clearing up our mess. She will let us out to play again. How will we use this time? Xxxx”

     

    Whilst Sarah, Duchess of York plainly means well with her piffle, she should realise that the nation’s patience with her and her grasping family has worn thin. When her husband was not hanging out in Pizza Express (Woking branch) or not-sweating with potential sexual conquests at Buckingham Palace, he was spending time in New York and elsewhere with the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell and a now presumed dead sex offender. Now, when American authorities want to question the royal about such, coronavirus has most helpfully limited the potential for Prince Andrew to travel and ever so conveniently sidelined this ‘problem’ (for now).

     

    Before she next takes to social media, the ‘Duchess of Dork’ – whose own dodgy looking business dealings via Grade Ventures rightly remain under scrutiny – should take some advice. And what should that advice be? Well, put simply: “Shut up.”

     

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    Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus – Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus, but makes no mention of the benefit the outbreak has given her husband Prince Andrew in relation to the Jeffrey Epstein ‘problem’
  • Inapproriate Anth’

    Inapproriate Anth’

    Anthea Turner makes an inappropriate joke about coronavirus in referencing her knicker flashing chum Lizzie Cundy as ‘Cundyvirus’

    Anthea Turner can be relied upon to swing into action and make stupid statements, but, as the country locks due to coronavirus, down she’s yet again made a total berk of herself.

     

    In a tweet yesterday, Cadbury’s Flake loving ‘Princess Tippytoes’ (AKA ‘The Woman Who Put The Ug! In Smug’) cringeworthily announced:

     

    “Sadly have to inform you that ‘Cundyvirus’ @lizziecundy has hit the UK Its the deadly fear of ‘Staying In’ Help lines are being set, in the meantime if you see Lizzie wandering the streets looking in carpet shops wearing not many clothes & clutching a bottle of Fizz contact me.”

     

    Whilst Lizzie Cundy’s habit of flashing her knickers and showing her cleavage is well-known, one is left asking if “incredibly annoying” Miss Turner’s words are appropriate at a time when over 100 people have died of a virus that is causing panic throughout the land.

     

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    Inapproriate Anth’ – Anthea Turner mocks coronavirus – Anthea Turner makes an inappropriate joke about coronavirus in referencing her knicker flashing chum Lizzie Cundy as ‘Cundyvirus’
  • Clothing Famous Kids

    Clothing Famous Kids

    Lucy Smith shares her thoughts about the trends in the clothing choices of the children of royalty and the rich and famous

    The attire of children of royalty and those of the rich and famous is just as often under scrutiny in the media today as those of their parents. The world’s eyes – and especially those of those of the readers of the likes of the Mail Online and Hello! – are on these youngsters and Instagrammers watch them like hawks.

     

    For the sons and daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, for example, labels such as Pepa & Company and Wild & Gorgeous are staples, but surprisingly they’ve also worn items from more mainstream stores such as Cath Kidson and John Lewis. Isla Phillips, the granddaughter of Princess Anne, has been spotted in Gap even on occasion.

     

    Making a fashion statement with your child is one thing, but now with the likes of the Spice Girl Emma Bunton having launched a skincare and clothing line for children, Kit & Kin, so-called “celebrities” are also profiting from how they clothe their offspring.

     

    Denim clothing

    One area where the offspring of famous people follow ordinary people is denim and they so because it is all about comfort, versatility, and style. This style is something that fits all ages, all genders and can go to any occasion. One thing about denim and celebrities’ kids is that they not only portray a sense of style that such kids are used to but allow kids to be kids.

     

    Apart from being among the comfiest wear in the market, denim is soft and stretchy enough to allow easy movement among playful kids. While there is no denying that kids of celebrities are also the most-watched kids in the world, they need to grow up as ordinary kids. This is only possible if they get pieces of clothes that allow them to play, explore, and learn. Denim does that perfectly.

     

    Famous peoples’ kids wear denim in different ways. This clothing comes in a versatile material that goes with anything from jeans, pants, dresses, to jackets. The latest trend is seen in these kids wearing double denim which is popular as head to toe denim trend. This is a memorable outfit, and not only the parents rock on them but their kids as well. It has become a remarkable outfit, and the communication out there is that denim is no longer about the pants only. The juniors denim jacket is also making a statement as far as kids’ fashion is concerned. There are also denim dresses and miniskirts that the girls look so fancy and comfortable wearing. Because this outfit goes well for both adults and children, it’s fantastic to see the entire family of the celebrity rocking with matching denim outfit.

     

    Trends going forward

    Returning to a more general analysis, I’d say that though personalities have set standards in fashion for decades, their children are now just as influential when it comes to selling clothing.

     

    Gender neutral fashion forms part of this and unisex clothing is now most definitely here to stay. The rules of blue colours and trousers for boys and skirts and pink for girls are gone, for example, and ‘self-expression’ and ‘freestyle’ are the new buzz words.

     

    In summary, whilst famous children’s clothing is used to ‘communicate’ them and their parents’ messages about style via the mainstream and social media, it doesn’t impede these youngsters’ ability to grow up normally – and long may that remain.

     

    Lucy Smith is a writer with a specialist knowledge of children’s clothing sector.

     

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  • Overheard – 15th March 2020

    Overheard – 15th March 2020

    Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’

    Laughable Drinks

    “I’ll have a Seedlip [a disgusting tasting, overpriced non-alcoholic spirit that tastes of tree bark] and tonic” announced a millennial at a bar in Chelsea. Their friend then curiously added: “I’ll have a non-sparking water, please.” A well-known local barfly chipped in: “You two sound like a barrel of laughs.”

     

    Diseased Beer

    At the same bar on another occasion, a young man asked for a Peroni. On being told they didn’t stock it, said individual responded: “What f**king kind of bar is this?” The Portuguese barman answered: “We are in Brexit Britain, sir, and Italy’s riddled with coronavirus.”

     

    Farming Out Coronavirus

    In a letter to The Times yesterday, one Helen Nakielny of Talley, Carmarthenshire observed: “Sir, I note that a cabinet minister is self-isolating. In Wales we call this practice ‘farming.’” Send for the sheep.

     

    No Discount Mayfair

    A reader spotted Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie in a Mayfair restaurant, Isabel. They emailed and stated: “Daddy will be disappointed given there are most certainly no Pizza Express (Woking branch) discounts there.” Ouch.

     

    Windermere’s Drawing

    “I was in my drawing room, my drawing room, did you get that? My drawing room” stated a genteel South Kensington matriarch to her younger companion at lunch. “It is a shame that people do not get the important bit. It’s a drawing room and most certainly not a sitting room.” Lady Windermere would have been extremely proud.

     

    Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

     

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  • Roasting Randy Andy

    Roasting Randy Andy

    Caitlin Moran sums up the Duke of York perfectly in mocking the deviant royal’s creepiness

    There’s awkward and then there’s Prince Andrew and then there’s awful and there’s Prince Andrew.

     

    On Friday, witty journalist Caitlin Moran continued the barrage of mockery of this ghastly buffoon in The Times. She referenced how there no longer any “non-creepy” stories about this repugnant royal and cited stories about how the alleged non-sweating, Pizza Express (Woking branch) fanatic took alleged potential sexual conquests to Buckingham Palace. He supposedly told them to sit “on the Queen’s throne and pretend to be her and onto the famous balcony to wave to “imaginary crowds.”

     

    Continuing about these “what-abouts,” Moran concluded: “I know now the thing I would least like to see: Prince Andrew licking a stamp.” Spot on.

     

    Pictured top: Prince Andrew and his equally ghastly ex-wife, Sarah, Duchess of York.

     

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