Dippy Debbie McGee yet again confirms her status as the ultimate airhead in boasting about her connections to ‘Randy Andy’ and is met with a denial from a royal source
Right now, most people would keep quiet any connection to Prince Andrew. Aside from his antics in Pizza Express (Woking branch), the disgraced royal is “in financial hot water following the Epstein scandal” according to Tatler’s amusingly named Hope Coke and he’s been “royally dumped” by everyone from Barclays to the University of Huddersfield.
With his dimwit on-off live-in ex-wife forced to take up hawking crappy books yet again to fend off other creditors, Prince Andrew’s woes continue to mount and now ‘The Lovely Debbie McGee’ has gone and stuck her oar into the thick of it. Of course, as always with “a sandwich short of a picnic” Debbie, it wasn’t meant nastily, but, as ever with her, the intervention was anything but relevant.
In this morning’s Daily Mail, a decidedly short-of-real-stories reporter called David Wilkes shared vitally important news that the late Paul Daniels’ wife now has a podcast titled Spill The Tea with Debbie McGee. He also revealed that on it, she’d bragged that Prince Andrew had flown the magician in “one of Her Majesty’s helicopters” from Stoke-on-Trent to Windsor Castle.
“Muggins, Me, McGee” – who also fascinatingly told of how she’d “knocked over a glass of wine last week” and “burnt the edges of her salad leaves the other day” on the podcast too – reported that she did not get to go along for the ride and was instead forced to drive the couple’s car to London. She, thus, luckily avoided an encounter with the Duke of York’s non-sweating hands, but was “sad” that she didn’t get a lift in the Queen’s car – which her husband got to hitch a lift in from Windsor to The Savoy Hotel also.
In response, a “royal source” flatly denied ‘Dim Debbie’s’ claims and remarked: “If this story is true it did not involve one of Her Majesty’s helicopters.” The poor dear plainly conjured up this story from the bottom of her tea leaves, but at least it wasn’t as sordid as when she revealed she put a “disturb mask across her private parts” whilst naked and waiting for her husband to come to bed. Now there’s a sexual story that definitely should not be repeated.
Rent-a-gob stand-in for Rod Liddle at ‘The Sun’ Olivia Utley shows herself to be nothing but a big-mouthed berk in brainlessly banging on about Brexit; she should eff off!
“Chuffed to be filling in for Rod Liddle today,” 27-year-old Olivia Utley is exactly the kind of person you’d expect to big herself up and this week was no exception for this motormouthed maniac.
Utley, a somewhat tepid try-hard attempt at being Katie Hopkins yet a fan of David Cameron strangely also, on Friday, was given space to spout her views in The Sun. In a column that’d make even Karren Brady look rational titled: “It’ll do our spoiled young Remainers good to remain in Britain for the summer holidays,” this “gleefully” childlike upstart not only attacked the lovely Fiona Bruce but also suggested “it would have been easier to have come out as a paedophile than a Brexiteer.” She’d plainly been drinking vinegar as she penned this particularly puerile drivel.
Here, in ramblings rooted in ridiculousness, Tom Utley of the Daily Mail’s “rent-a-reactionary” niece mocked other millenials and stupidly suggested they believed “the Lake District was a fictional place.” She attempted to justify proclaiming there being a “darker side” to young people “knowing nothing about Britain” and that now their “ignorance could finally be shattered.”
Concluding on the subject of how she believes young people will forget Europe in favour of their country of birth, Utley patronisingly argued: “Reconnected to their roots at last, they might just begin to feel the first stirrings of patriotism running through their British veins.” We’d suggest otherwise: They’re more likely to just tell this moron to eff off!
On Thursday, Olivia Utley was given a “guest column” in ‘The Sun’ in place of Rod Liddle. She was delighted to brag about it on Twitter.What a hypocrite – In 2019, so-called journalist Olivia Utley bragged about going on holiday to France; in 2020, she mocked others for wanting a holiday abroad. Shame on her.
In suggesting obese people slim to avoid death by coronavirus Lorraine Kelly is spot on; she’s also right about Harry and MeGain
The ‘Queen of Gorbals Gobbledygook’ that is Lorraine Kelly OBE has struck again. In her column in The Sun today, this “gritty heroine of our times” spoke for the nation in announcing: “Telling obese people to slim is no insult.”
Quite correctly pointing out the obvious in stating: “This awful coronavirus is far deadlier to those who are overweight,” this “gritty heroine of our times” has yet again shown herself to be a lady of metal rather than a fluffy friend of the vain and the vacuous.
Completely the opposite of daytime dimwits like ‘Verging on Vile’ Vanessa Feltz (whom could most definitely do with losing a few pounds herself) and the ‘Daytime David Icke’ 5G conspiracy theorist Eamonn Holmes in her approach, Ms. Kelly did not seek to “fat shame,” but instead shared her own experiences and offered solutions rather than highlighting problems.
“This is not about going on a stupid faddy diet,” cautioned the Glasgow born presenter before adding: “It’s all about a lifestyle change and doing exercise you enjoy. My advice, which is hard-earned over the years, is not to have too much unhealthy food in the house, especially right now in lockdown when it’s so easy to sit watching TV while guzzling whole packets of biscuits. If you don’t buy the junk, you won’t be able to gorge on it. That’s not to say you can’t have a treat. You can. Just don’t eat a whole plus-sized bag of Maltesers or only leave a few Hobnobs in the biscuit tin.”
Concluding on this particular topic, Ms. Kelly remarked: “I wish you luck” before turning to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Of this tedious duo she stated:
“I’m confused. Harry and Meghan demand privacy and are suing a Sunday newspaper to ensure they are left alone… They want to have as normal a life as possible… And yet… They have moved to Los Angeles, the very hub of celebrity culture.”
Here, Lorraine Kelly highlights a pair not in need of “luck” since they’ve already burnt through plenty of that. Instead, ‘Hapless Harry’ and ‘Mendacious MeGain’ just need lobotomies and one-way tickets to nowhere.
At a time when her billionaire brother Sir Richard is deservedly taking a pounding for trying to rape the state, multi-millionairess Vanessa Branson could have perhaps postponed the launch of her self-indulgent autobiography
It’s not Vanessa Branson’s fault that she’s the sister of the all-round dickhead Sir Richard Branson, but it is she alone whom made the choice to gauchely publicise a book about her anything but modest life during the worst pandemic since Spanish Flu.
Serialised, as only it could be in the top paying publication for such guff, the Daily Mail, Vanessa Branson’s One Hundred Summers: A Family Story has a stench of what the Scottish would call “guff” about it. Aside from bemoaning “sulking about” buying a tidal island complete with 9 houses in the Inner Hebrides – which she terms “Neverland Found” – this privileged woman boldly touts her book as: “Taking the reader on a journey from the dying embers of Edwardian England, through the trauma of two world wars, the hedonism of London in the 1980s and ‘Cool Britannia’ in the 1990s right up to the present day.” How utterly endearing.
Just like her self-publicising brother, this constantly crying 61-year old former art gallery owner plainly cannot get enough of herself. Here is a ramble through holidays in palazzos in Venice and trips to LA; there’s an arts festival in Morocco and there’s a second home in Sussex. Life ain’t that shabby for this woman, but all she does is moan. Her husband comes and goes (and comes and goes again and again), but with such she name-drops how Grayson Perry gave her a pot charmingly featuring the words “Marriage Wrecker” next to “images of fat middle-aged men with drooping breasts and sagging scrotums” and Tracey Emin wrote her a poem for her to use on her headboard. Its read: “Oh God you made me feel so beautiful/ And then I wanted to feel it again and again. With myself, by myself/ Never forgetting.” That’s surely enough to make anyone join in blubbering with this very, very rich multi-millionairess.
With her brattish brother condemned even by that pillar of capitalism that is The Telegraph as “Now Virgin Atlantic’s biggest liability,” Vanessa Branson could not have chosen a worse time to launch her tome. Though lauded as: “A vivid and charming tapestry of English eccentricity, fortune, fate and passion,” One Hundred Summers is more likely to ultimately be remembered just as a tale of the pathetic appendage of the deservedly most loathed man of the 2020 coronavirus pandemic. Here is one book we most definitely will not be recommending as essential lockdown literature.
Self-absorbed Alexa Chung isn’t worrying about people dying from coronavirus; she’s too busy moaning about people not focusing on the real her
“The human” Alexa Chung can be relied upon to make utterly everything about herself.
Earlier this month, the “fashion genius” and “belle of the ball” revealed that she begged David and Victoria Beckham to talk to her at a party. Of the encounter, this strange woman bizarrely told the Mail on Sunday’s ‘Talk of the Town’ column: “I said: ‘I know you have a lot of money, but I’ll pay you anything to talk to me right now.’ And they were really nice.” The trick plainly worked – as Miss Chung got the column inches she plainly so desperately so craves.
Now with no one in their right mind wanting to talk to the very wealthy Beckhams – who’ve quite deservedly joined the ranks of the pariahs of the coronavirus pandemic due to their shameless attempts to get the state to bailout their failing businesses – Chung yesterday moved on to share her latest woe in order to garner a few more words in print.
“The only thing people want to know about her is what it’s like having the same name as Amazon’s [Alexa]” stated ‘Talk of the Town,’ before concluding: “Unsurprisingly, she’s getting a bit fed up.” Chung – whom (as you do) loves “people-watching” in airports and “Googling pictures of Jane Birkin” at breakfast – herself added: “This is the most frequently asked question in my life.” Ah, diddums!
As Prince Andrew faces the possibility of being sued by victims of Jeffrey Epstein, we again join those asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” Suggestions that she’s on a submarine do seem a bit far-fetched, but you never know…
Whilst Fergie’s been busy making a prized prat of herself mopping floors in an attempt to ‘resonate’ with a populous in panic over a pandemic and her ‘selfless’ daughter has had to yet again postpone her wedding and deal with the ensuing “heartbreak,” things aren’t looking that rosy for the ‘House of Dork’ right now.
Throw in news that Prince Andrew could potentially face legal suits from victims of Jeffrey Epstein – even after they receive payout deals from the late paedophile’s estate – and frankly 2019’s annus horribilis seems like an Austin Powers-esque party. The fact that ‘MeGain’ and a near global lockdown are keeping this wing of the royal family off the front pages (for now) is the biggest lottery win this tawdry collection could ever have hoped for.
The Non-Sweating Prince and the Charwoman – Prince Andrew NOT sweating at Pizza Express (Woking branch) and Sarah, Duchess of York pretending she knows how to use a mop in a kitchen that most definitely hasn’t been visited by the former Meghan Markle’s very, very expensive (publicly funded) interior designers.Lovers of fancy dress and lovers of deviancy (from left to right) – Now jailed sex offender Harvey Weinstein, now deceased paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, currently missing alleged paedophile procurer Ghislaine Maxwell (at a party thrown by Prince Andrew) and now deceased pension plunderer Robert Maxwell (at another party); what an utterly charming and delightful bunch.
Meanwhile, just as Epstein’s most outspoken victim, Virginia Giuffre (née Roberts), quite rightly carries on calling out her abusers on Twitter, theories about the whereabouts of the ‘missing mucky madam’ and ‘procuring queen’ of this sordid saga, Ghislaine Maxwell, continue to do the rounds.
Quite ludicrously in February, the Mirror claimed ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ bombastic “bitch” of a daughter could be “hiding in a submarine.” Nobody mentioned whether she was playing Yellow Submarine down there or if she had Amelia Earhart and Glenn Miller singing along with her, however. After it was more recently claimed that Miss Maxwell has been sheltering at her late mother’s former home, Chateau de la Malartrie, La Roque-Gageac, 24220 Vézac, France, the journalist Laura Goldman came out claiming to the contrary. Yesterday, this supposed “friend” ‘authoritatively’ tweeted: “#GhislaineMaxwell isn’t at her family’s chateau in France.”
Elsewhere, in an open letter published in the somewhat way-out-beyond-wacky title Politicalite on 2nd April, Goldman was described by a group of Epstein’s victims as “a dubious source with a colourful history.” They termed her a woman whom they believed The Sun “[should not] consider a reliable source” and added: “Anything said by Ms. Goldman… presented herewith is not trustworthy.”
With no sightings in the UK or America in months, it has been speculated that this pension’s plunderer’s daughter could have taken refuge in Israel. This theory seems more likely than most and whilst another supposed “chum,” Lady Victoria Hervey, described Maxwell as “like a James Bond character,” nobody with half-a-brain would go as far as to argue she’s even close to being on a level with Ernst Blofeld or Max Zorin.
“Not renowned for having much upstairs” Lady Hervey subsequently stated: “I just don’t believe anyone is going to find her,” but, whatever is the case, there are a lot of outstanding questions awaiting Ghislaine Maxwell. It is now jolly well time this wicked wench turned herself in and it’s jolly well time she faced the music – be it accompanied by a Beatles tune or otherwise.
Pictured top: Disgraced media mogul’s spawn Ghislaine Maxwell with currently-still-a-media mogul Rupert Murdoch.
Virginia Giuffre, a victim of sexual abuse and grooming by Jeffrey Epstein, is not giving up. In a recent tweet she announced: “#TimesUp #PrinceAndrew #GhislaineMaxwell Co-Conspirators – lie through your teeth – the truth is coming out!”A tweet from Laura Goldman claims Ghislaine Maxwell is not at a French chateau belonging to her late mother, Dr Betty Maxwell, but many are now asking: “How does this supposed friend actually know?”
Empty Gothic church in Kelso, Scotland for sale for just £130,000; it was home until 2006 to the conspiracy theorist Dean Warwick – who collapsed and died on stage at a UFO conference in Blackpool mid speech
“Alternative energy pioneer” Dean Warwick (1944 – 2006) believed 9/11 was a “farce.” This controversial crackpot claimed he had been trained in the military to bring down the Twin Towers using satellite waves in the mid-1960s and that he also categorically knew exactly who JFK’s murderer was.
Whilst “going on and on and on” at Probe International’s paranormal conference in Blackpool, Lancashire on 7th October 2006 about these matters and “children having their skin eaten whilst they were still alive in the New Forest” and about how he knew who the “real” killers of Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman were also, Warwick supposedly announced: “Bear with me for a moment.” He then “leaned with his left elbow on a nearby table with his right arm across his body, and then fell flat on his face. Shortly afterwards he was pronounced dead.” Fellow conspiracy cranks (including David Icke) later claimed: “This was an Intelligence agency ‘hit’ using an ELF (Extremely Low Frequency) weapon,” but this was never ultimately proven true.
Warwick had, for about twenty years, lived in the heart of the national hunt racecourse town of Kelso in the Scottish Borders. Here, along with his actress wife Jean, he occupied in a Gothic church and now that building, North Trinity Church is once again for sale.
After Dean Warwick collapsed on stage in Blackpool, Lancashire on 7th October 2006, one fellow conspiracy theorist present observed: “When Dean collapsed on the floor a woman witnessed a man with dark hair slip out of the hall. She followed this man who then proceeded to walk down the stairs whistling merrily to himself, get into a car and make a phone call. He was then seen laughing down the phone to whoever he was speaking to. Who walks out of a hall whistling happily to themselves and then starts laughing down the phone after a man has just collapsed and stopped breathing on stage?”Bulgarian businessman Kirk Kirchev paid £80,000 for North Trinity Church, Kelso in November 2018 and intended to use £35,000 of his mother’s savings to restore the building.
Recorded as having changed hands in August 2014 for the sum of £45,000, the 6,877 square foot building was again sold in November 2018 for about £80,000 to a Bulgarian businessman named Kirk Kirchev. Of his purchase, in December 2019 talking to Borders TV, the camping tent manufacturer turned face mask retailer remarked:
“I saw the church online and thought this is amazing… It was very cheap, nobody wanted to touch it, the windows were boarded up… When I got in, it was dark, scary with pigeons circling in the main hall, but I could see that it had the soul, the spirit, the sort of magic, that, that bought me.”
“I’ve done 90% of the work I needed, I’ve made it usable. It’s still retaining its derelict and magical look… People think I’m crazy: It’s a given, but I think this place needs someone crazy to take it on because otherwise it will simply fall apart.”
“[When it’s finished” I hope it’ll be a great venue and the focal point of the town. It has a lot of potential as a gathering place for people. I am kind of surprised why people don’t see this because it’s right in the middle of town, it’s got car parks all around, it’s great for a venue and all it needs is a little bit. I think people like the character and all it needs is to be made safe and legal and certified and all that.”
Standing on a site extending to 0.4 acres, Mr Kirchev plainly has decided not to proceed further with his project to find another use for this former religious building. North Trinity Church is now on the market for £130,000 through agents Ballantynes and could be used for residential or commercial purposes. No doubt, however, local residents very much hope another Dean Warwick type doesn’t turn up with yet another conspiracy theory; that, indeed, would be even worse than the shameful local councillors who proposed pulling down this beautiful Category B listed building last November.
The Names & Numbers – North Trinity Church, East Bowmont Street, Kelso, Roxboroughshire, Scotland, TD5 7JH, United Kingdom
April 2020 – For sale for £130,000 ($163,000, €150,000 or درهم597,000) through agents Ballantynes.
November 2018 – Sold to Bulgarian born Kirk Kirchev for £80,000 ($100,000, €92,000 or درهم367,000).
December 2017 – Offered for sale as a “development opportunity” for £75,000 ($94,000, €86,000 or درهم344,000) by Edwin Thompson.
August 2014 – Sold for £45,000 ($56,000, €52,000 or درهم207,000).
2011 – A community organisation, The Future Kelso Group, attempted to convert the church into a community hub. These plans did not come to fruition.
2006 onwards – The building “fell into disrepair” after the death of the New Zealand-born conspiracy theorist Dean Warwick during a UFO conference in Blackpool on 7th October 2006 aged 62. The building had been home to him and his actress wife, Jean, for “over 20 years.”
1885 – 1886 – Built to the designs of architect John Starforth for use as the Kelso United Presbyterian Church on the site of a previous church that was built in 1788. Prominent features are said to “include a four-stage angle buttressed tower over the gable porch to the southern end of the building; lanceted belfry; gabled transepts: and decorative detailing to ridge tiles to main roof. The tower is flanked by two-storey circular stair towers with slated conical roofs, each with side entrances.”
ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ £1 million cheat Major Charles Ingram in 2003, but what the programme did not reveal is actually more fascinating
“After all that, can we be sure the Ingrams were guilty?” asked The Telegraph’s Chris Bennion in his review of the final episode of the three-part hit, Quiz, and indeed the ending has achieved the inevitable and will likely reignite interest in a story that dates back to 2001.
For the few that may not remember what occurred, a Major Charles Ingram won the maximum prize of £1 million on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? on the 10th September 2001, the day before the 9/11 attacks on America. Ingram’s wife and her brother, Adrian Pollock, had previously each won £32,000.
Immediately after the jackpot was scooped, the programme’s production company, Celador, suspecting Ingram had cheated suspended payment of the winnings. The police were called in and ultimately, after a four week trial in March and April 2003 at Southwark Crown Court, the Ingrams and another contestant, a lecturer and their alleged accomplice, Tecwen Whittock, were convicted of “procuring the execution of a valuable security by deception.” All three were given prison sentences suspended for two years, fined £15,000 each and ordered to pay £10,000 towards prosecution costs. These sums were later reduced on appeal.
Whilst many will know that Ingram was then forced to resign his commission as a major after 17 years and that he and his wife appeared on countless television shows including The Weakest Link, sadly Quiz did not delve into other bizarre twists in this “eccentric” pair’s life in the time since their “fifteen minutes of coughing fame/shame.”
Aside from being bankrupted four times in the intervening years (most recently in 2019), the former army officer chopped three of his toes off in a freak lawnmower accident in September 2010. Ironically, the “cheat” and then resident of Easterton, Wiltshire did the injury when he “slipped on a rotten apple.” Of the incident, Ingram recalled “lying on the grass” and thinking: “Oh dear… I certainly won’t be mowing any lawns again soon.”
Earlier, yet not long after his Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? conviction in November 2003, Ingram was convicted of an entirely unrelated insurance fraud. Found guilty of obtaining pecuniary advantage by deception and of deception by trying to claim on that policy after an alleged burglary, the already disgraced son of a retired RAF wing commander added a two-year conditional discharge to his burgeoning rap sheet.
The Ingrams, now, but not revealed in the show either, are based in Maiden Bradley, Warminster and run a non-registered for UK VAT company that trades as ‘Diana Ingram.’ It sells Murano glass jewellery for prices ranging from £15 to £75 and of her wares, Mrs Ingram states: “Most products listed can be altered for shape, colour, length, etc., though prices may vary. I ship worldwide and nothing is too much trouble – I regularly offer personalised wrapping and buy and write birthday cards too!” No mention is made as to whether any kind of cheat sheets can be enclosed if requested sadly.
Charles Ingram, meanwhile, has kept himself busy on Twitter since September 2013 using the handle @gallantfive. He describes himself as: “English, Irish, European, Family, Labour, LUFC and proud remainer wanting a fairer world” and has over 7,100 followers. Whilst describing Quiz as “simply brilliant” and “terrifyingly accurate,” his family have plainly had a few visits from the media as a result of the show. Now represented by one Skye Redman at 89up, a firm that somewhat immodestly has self-appointed itself as “Europe’s biggest communications agency for great causes,” the ex-major this week tweeted:
“Media: Please #StayHomeSaveLives. In any event I assure you that doorstepping is wasting your time. My solicitor, Rhona Friedman, is available for comment via phone or video conferencing. For interviews please contact Skye Redman at 89up.”
After the conclusion of Quiz, Friedman told the Guardian: “I just know that they did not do it… I just feel very sorry for them.” She intends to file paperwork associated with the case in the summer “with hopes for a hearing at the end of the year,” and given the reaction of the public after the ending of this week’s dramatisation, one thing’s for sure: We’ve not seen the last of ‘The Coughing Major’ and his ever-so-earnest wife just yet.
Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ – including a return of the best interviewee of the 2019 General election, Pat “I object to everything” Mountain
Back to Basics
“In two months, all the Instamodels will be prostitutes and all the Instapreneurs will be criminals. Just like the old days” – A fair analysis posted on Instagram by @OverheardLondon.
How Suitably Existential
In the Evening Standard: “Alexa Chung said: ‘Since all we can do is pretend, I thought I’d dress as a mime.’” Is there nothing this petulant pest won’t do to get attention?
Carrier Bag Distancing
From the ‘Overheard in Waitrose (The Original Group)’ on Facebook: “When shopping in Waitrose, ensure others shoppers stay the recommended two metres away by taking a Lidl carrier bag with you.”
Jared’s A Doll
American comedian Kathy Griffin on Donald Trump’s nefarious son-in-law Jared Kushner on Twitter: “Looks like a blowup doll nobody wants to f**k.”
Cheery Mountains
A Twitter user going by the name of @_teletext to Adam Boulton of Sky News: “Hi Adam. Can you get Pat Mountain back on Sky News for a chat? I think we all could do with cheering up. Cheers, pal.” As the old bat’s likely quarantined for everyone else’s safety for “coronavirus and beyond,” we again share ‘Nan From Catherine Tate’s-lookalike’s’ interview below. Please, please don’t die crying (with laughter).
Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.
Pictured top: The “I object to everything” expert on Brexit, feminism, immigrants, “people jumping out of the shadows at night,” racism and “other racist parties,” religion, the “predicament” of Tommy Robinson and just about all else that isn’t milk bottle white, the great “left-behind realist” who “won’t be entering number 10 Downing Street anytime soon” Pat Mountain.
Mime or Wine? (We know which we’d rather) – Whilst Alexa Chung’s attempt at humour was, as can always be expected of such a tedious wench, a failure (left), this old lady made many laugh in the Facebook chattering spot ‘Overheard in Waitrose (The Original Group).’Kushner Gets Sexual – Comedian Kathy Griffin doesn’t exactly hold back when expressing her thoughts about the appearance of Jared Kushner.
Creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard demands his music should be given “priority” play ahead of younger artists; he must be the centre of attention, as always, even during the coronavirus lockdown
He’s previously claimed his calendar sales “leave David Beckham standing” and make Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre,” but Sir Cliff Richard is back to his moaning ways and is bleating about what he considers “the fact” that radio stations are being “unfair” and “snubbing” his music.
According to the Mirror, Sir Cliff went on the ‘Greatest Music of All Time’ podcast and “blasted” the BBC for their “model of broadcasting music to niche audiences.” He also, in sage-like fashion, pointed out: “We’re all dying. Long-term fans may not be with us anymore.”
“Why will people download a record of mine if they don’t know it’s out?” complained the crackpot crooner before adding: “Those among us who have proved ourselves over and over and over again should be given a priority chance. That should happen even if it’s to say: ‘We’re going to play this record once a day for two weeks.’”
Speaking to The Steeple Times, a millennial remarked: “I can’t see why this pensioner’s beats should be played at all. He’s definitely held together with Botox and actually, I’m surprised he isn’t like his music – dead already.”
Rise Up, the 79-year-old’s 2019 car-wreck album, had “little or no airplay on most radio stations,” the Mirror concluded. Given how God-awful it is, that’s probably the real reason; now, Sir Cliff, please, get back to crying on your kitchen floor.
Pictured top: Sir Cliff Richard OBE with his ‘friend,’ the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris.
