Flake botherer Anthea Turner swings into action to resolve a row with her magic mushroom loving fiancé at Heathrow Airport
Life isn’t always a bed of roses for ‘Princess Tippy Toes’ (AKA ‘F**k I Used To Be Famous’ Anthea Turner) and this morning’s Mirror revealed yet another botch up by this hectoring harpy.
After realising the error, “the angry couple” Turner and Armstrong’s luggage was removed from the belt at check-in and they were described as “looking stressed.” Subsequently, Armstrong “gesticulated wildly” (though it seems unlikely on this occasion that any magic mushrooms had been consumed) whilst Turner “stormed off” and “angrily pointed at her phone.”
In due course Anth’ was able to swing into action to resolve the situation, but no mention was made in the article as to whether she calmed her third hubby-to-be down with a Cadbury’s Flake.
Lunatic from London caught shouting “stop reproducing!” through a megaphone in Oxford; Danny Shine previously got prosecuted for shouting about masturbation
Self-declared “very naughty boy” (though he’s well north of fifty in terms of his years) Danny Shine claims he was prosecuted for saying “masturbate” in public in 2018. He now goes around shouting through a megaphone about stopping reproduction.
This fruitcake “vegan activist” – an individual with 42,000 subscribers on YouTube, 5,900 on Facebook and 1,300 followers on Twitter – featured in the Oxford Mail on Monday after turning up in Oxford to tell residents and visitors to “stop reproducing for the sake of the planet.”
Shine, who was convicted (but later successfully appealed) for a public order offence after shouting “jerk off’ outside a McDonald’s in May 2018, this time was shouting at shoppers to tell them “that they should all ask their parents for compensation, because they had no choice in being born.”
He added: “If there was the end of the human race, what’s the problem with that?” and then, when asked about his own children (he has three), responded: “Obviously I should never have had children. Nobody would like to have a dad like me.” We’re sure most would agree with this lunatic in that regard.
Actor Laurence Fox has most unjustifiably been condemned for calling out the ‘MegExit’ saga as “boring” and nothing to do with racism
Laurence Fox rightly dared to suggest that the whole ‘MegExit’ saga has nothing to do with “racism” and also suggested Labour should not choose its leader on the basis of what sex they are on the BBC’s Question Time last Thursday. He probably should have anticipated it, but the reaction that followed has been utterly preposterous.
Condemned by that nasty little harpy Lily Allen – a wastrel of a woman whom instead ought to live by the title of her 2014 song Wind Your Neck In – for “forcing his opinions” on “normal people” and “ranting about things you don’t know anything about,” Fox’s alleged “crime” went viral after a studio guest, a “researcher on race and ethnicity” named Rachel Boyle, labelled him a “white privileged male.”
In the days that have followed, Equity allowed its Twitter account to be used to describe Fox as a “disgrace to our industry” and one social media user announced: “You know what would be hilarious. If someone walked up to Laurence Fox and unloaded a couple [of] shotgun shells into his face. Ending his racist, miserable existence. I’d just laugh and laugh…”
Quite frankly, we join those saluting Laurence Fox. He responded reasonably to an overtly overly politically correct woman and called out the whole ‘MeGain’ saga for what it truly is: Self-absorbed nonsense. As the actor himself concluded: “It’s really starting to get boring now.”
Matthew Steeples takes a look at the life of a vicar who gave services with his nine cats in tow, the Reverend Robert Hawker
Witchcraft, religion and women with cats have long been associated. Be it the cat accompanied Pendle Witches – a collection of unfortunates tried in 1612 mostly at Lancaster and in the main found guilty and executed by hanging – or Tabatha Bundesen, the owner of the multi-million making late ‘Grumpy Cat,’ long has there been mockery of women with cats.
In a letter, published last week in The Times, the author of the brilliantly titled Eccentric Britain, Benedict le Vay, referenced the story of a 19th century vicar and father of eight, the Reverend Robert Hawker (1803 – 1875), whom always took his nine cats to church with him when he gave services. Here is a contrasting example of men, religion and cats.
A plaque in memory of the truly eccentric Reverend Robert Stephen Hawker
Aside from also inventing the harvest festival service in 1843 and helping the victims of shipwrecks, this “eccentric man” also “rode a mule bareback around [his] parish, followed by a pet black pig called Gyp.” Other animals in this “romantic poet… with a penchant for opium’s” menagerie numbered a domesticated stag named Robin and in later life aside from talking to birds developed a fascination with “witches, the evil eye and the Devil’s emissaries.” He converted to Roman Catholicism in April 1875 and died in April that year. At his funeral, this “lover of bright colours” and “flamboyant fezs” requested mourners wore purple rather than black.
You just simply couldn’t make such a character up. Perhaps Reverend Hawker’s contemporaries should follow suit. Then, they might just attract a few more people to our ever emptying churches.
Faith in cats, Letters to the Editor, The Times, 7th January 2020 – Sir, If liking cats makes you less religious (“Atheists put their faith in ‘godlike’ cats,” January 6th), no one told the Rev Robert Hawker, vicar of Morwenstow, Cornwall, in the 19th century. When entering church to take services he was always accompanied by his nine cats. He also rode a mule bareback around the parish, followed by a pet black pig called Gyp. Cats were essential companions for this eccentric man who, in the course of his long and wonderful life, also invented the harvest festival service. Benedict le Vay, author of ‘Eccentric Britain.’
‘The Steeple Times’ remembers the late, great Woolf Gander
A businessman who travelled widely across across the globe, Woolf Gander was born in 1937 in London Hospital and sadly died just before Christmas.
A father of three – Beverley, Andrew and Adam – and a grandfather of three – Olivia, George and Victoria – Woolf was known for his wit and could often be found at the bar at the much missed La Brasserie in South Kensington. He regularly remarked on articles in The Steeple Times and was a fine example of a bon vivant.
Woolf’s favourite saying was “let’s get the show on the road“ and today at his funeral in Epping, he’s just about to play the final act. He will be greatly missed by many.
Giles Coren is to be saluted for refusing to put up with harassment from the supporters of the left-wing scumbag Owen Jones
Giles Coren predicted that the insufferable idiot Owen Jones might get a peerage in Corbyn’s resignation honours on the 31st December. He suggested that this self-serving obnoxious bore might become a “fat old lord getting smashed on madeira in the morning and chasing young resarchers with tight bottoms up and down the corridors all afternoon.” He was met with outrage.
Jones, who thankfully blocked The Steeple Times on Twitter many moons ago after we dared to call him out over God knows what (given he upsets people on a whim), himself reacted by describing the missive as “not exactly subtle homophobia” and then his unfriendly followers turned up at Coren’s house to “harangue” his wife and children.
Describing The Times author as a “racist, sexist, homophobic, incestuous paedophile” was bad enough, but that these scumbags decided to harass a lady and her children is another. Shame on Owen Jones for yet again inciting hatred and our salutations instead to Giles Coren – who reacted by quitting Twitter – for not caving into this left wing twerp and his vile entourage. “It’s no biggie,” he sensibly concluded.
‘The Steeple Times’ chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t
Happy New Year to all our readers. Our ‘Heroes & Villains’ list went down a storm in 2018, so as we move into 2020 today we’ve expanded it further with an additional category for 2019 – “those who won’t be missed.”
Given the dramatic political developments in Britain and America obvious names such as Donald Trump and Boris Johnson are worthy but too obvious to feature and we’ve also chosen to leave out those who appeared in 2018 – some of whom, like for example Sir David Attenborough, Carole Cadwalladr and Lord Heseltine did especially great things again in 2019 and some who didn’t, amongst them Sir Cliff Richard, Gloria Hunniford and Sir Philip Green.
Our Selection Committee: Concierge company founder Navjot Dhanoa, award winning investigative journalist and British Press Awards 2012 ‘Political Journalist of the Year’ David Hencke, restaurant critic David G. Lennox, consultant ophthalmic eye surgeon Laura Steeples, former BBC executive Claire Rubinstein and editor-in-chief of The Steeple TimesMatthew Steeples. We thank you all for your suggestions and input.
Clive Swift, best known for playing Hyacinth Bucket’s better-half, Richard, in the brilliant BBC comedy series ‘Keeping Up Appearances’ wins our award for the person who’ll be most missed in 2019.
THE BEST PEOPLE OF 2019
Iris Apfel
Spritely onagenarian Iris Apfel lived by her mantra of “more is more and less is a bore” again in 2019. In spite of being 98 years old, she became an ambassador for the Magnum ice cream brand.
Dina Asher-Smith
In 2019, Orpington born Dina Asher-Smith morphed from a park runner to a world-beating superstar. This 24-year old firecracker became the first British woman to win a world sprint title.
In April 2019, Massachusetts Institute of Technology and University of Michigan educated computer scientist Katie Bouman became the first person to take the first picture of a black hole. She was modest about her achievement, but sadly was trolled in the most vitriolic fashion.
Kay Burley
Formerly the nasty woman who made Peter Andre cry, Kay Burley became quite something else in 2019. In November, she performed the brilliant action of empty chairing the nasty piece of work Conservative Party chairman James Cleverly the “empty chair” treatment when he missed a planned appearance on her Sky News breakfast show.
The Duchess of Cambridge
Unlike her brother-in-law and his mendacious wife ‘MeGain,’ the former Kate Middleton didn’t put a foot wrong this year. She has morphed into one of the most dignified members of the royal family.
Mark McGowan
‘The Artist Taxi Driver’ (alternatively known as ‘Chunky Mark’) was a most definite star of the 2019 General Election campaign. His description of ‘Bosie The Clown’ as a “deceiver” sums up our lying, love cheat Prime Minister perfectly.
Richard E. Grant
Swazi-English actor and perfumer Richard E. Grant deservedly won his first Academy Award for his role in Can You Ever Forgive Me? in 2019. He was decidedly modest about it and simply said: “It was beyond anything I could have ever hoped or dreamt or imagined.” A true gentleman.
Baroness Hale
The President of the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom was decidedly clear when Gina Miller’s case came before her. It was for a spider brooch she sported that Brenda Marjorie Hale became most famous, but her guest editorship of Radio 4’s Today programme in December resulted in what was certainly their finest episode of the year.
John and Irene Hays
Hays Travel owners John and Irene Hays bought Thomas Cook in October and saved thousands of jobs. They amusingly declared: “We’re no country bumpkins.”
Dewayne Johnson
“The man who beat Monsanto” was the first cancer patient to successfully take that poisonous company to trial in 2018. In 2019, this Bay Area groundskeeper fought on and refused to cave in when they challenged the damages most rightly awarded to him.
2019 WINNER – BEST PERSON – Lorraine Kelly
In November, The Steeple Times declared the ‘Queen of Daytime TV’ Lorraine Kelly our ‘Hero of the Hour’ after she had a pop at Boris Johnson’s alleged mistress during a live segment. She of the ‘Gorbals gobbledygook’ finally morphed into a “gritty heroine of our times.” We salute you, Lorraine.
Gina Martin
After a man took photos up her skirt in broad daylight whilst waiting to watch The Killers perform, Gina Martin ran the campaign that made ‘upskirting’ illegal in April 2019. Here is a young lady who actually used social media for the good of all.
Businesswoman and philanthropist Gina Miller didn’t try to stop Brexit. She simply proved a point of law yet again in September 2019 and the Supreme Court backed her up. Miller’s detractors need to pipe down in 2020 as we can promise there’s much to come from this heroine to anyone who considers themselves a centrist.
Gavin Newsom
‘The Gavinator’ became the 40th governor of California in January. He then repeatedly told Donald Trump where to go. In December, he announced: “There is no Trump economy without California’s success.”
Nancy Pelosi
In December, the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives impeached the most ridiculous president in history. Nothing more needs to be said.
Coleen Rooney
In October, Coleen Ronney morphed from a dumb footballer’s wife into ‘Wagatha Christie’ when she turned fire on fellow WAG Rebekah Vardy for leaking stories about her to the tabloids. She’ll make a detective yet.
Nasrin Sotoudeh
Courageous Iranian human rights lawyer Nasrin Sotoudeh was jailed yet again in March simply for speaking out about abuses in her country. In 2020, we should all support the campaign to free her.
Rory Stewart
During the 2019 Conservative Party leadership election campaign, Rory Stewart became a social media sensation. This fascinating former Labour Party member, ex-Conservative MP and ex-diplomat will now stand as an independent candidate in the 2020 London mayoral elections.
Ben Stokes
Turning his life around after being charged with bringing the game into disrepute in 2018, Ben Stokes led England to victory in the 2019 Cricket World Cup. Brilliant work, sir.
Steve and Lenka Thomson
Despite winning £105 million on the lottery in November, humble builder Steve Thomson went back to work a few days later. He didn’t want to let down his clients (and then didn’t even charge them). What a decent chap.
Mrs Piece of Toerag
Nobody in the media knows her name as far as we are aware, but this Uxbridge resident made very clear her thoughts about the now Prime Minister in October. She answered a question from Sky News by stating: “Don’t speak to me about that filthy piece of toerag.”
This actor and comedian bizzarely became the 6th President of Ukraine in May. Where’s the joke in that?
THE WORST PEOPLE OF 2019
Prince Andrew
The Duke of York’s 2019 was described as a “raging petrol bonfire” by Caitlin Moran in The Times in December, but it is for allegedly not being able to sweat and visiting Pizza Express in Woking that he’ll be remembered. Jeffrey Epstein’s mate should do the decent thing and disappear to a golf club in Sotogrande. Pronto!
Amer Abdulaziz Salman
Through his Phoenix Thoroughbreds “Ponzi scheme-like” operation, Amer Abdulaziz Salman brought shame on racing in 2019. He also found himself linked to a £4 billion cryptocurrency fraud. Bernie Madoff eat your heart out.
This deviant worked against the national interest and secured his boss ‘Bosie The Clown’ victory. We don’t doubt he’s clever, but someone needs to send him to a decent tailor.
Sir James Dyson
After telling everyone how good Brexit would be for Britain, James Dyson bogged off to live in Singapore and New York. “F**k the rest of you” is plainly this hoover-upper’s mantra.
Janet Evans
Known for running the grubbiest bar in South Kensington, deranged Conservative councillor Janet Evans became the local area’s most ridiculous tweeter in 2019. She was described as a “complete arsehole” on TripAdvisor awful and likes putting her hands in dustbins also. Weird.
Vanessa Feltz
In December, the 57-year-old harpy Vanessa Feltz announced she likes “spectacular, athletic sex.” Please, pass the sick bucket.
Darren Grimes
In 2019, spotty ex-BeLeave founder Darren Grimes announced on Twitter: “Boris Johnson could urinate through my mam’s letterbox and I’d still vote for him.” What a charming specimen.
Matt Hancock MP
Tory Health Secretary came out with the most stupid statement in the 2019 General Election campaign. He announced: “Even if we didn’t have any new nurses, just by reducing the number who leave, you would end up with more nurses in the NHS.”
Tim Martin
The ultimate Brexit bore made a staggering £44 million after ‘Bosie The Clown’ won the election. We can reliably anticipate that this self-serving prick will never shut up about that now.
Ghislaine Maxwell
A close second for the Worst Person of the Year, Miss Maxwell disappeared in 2019 after her former lover, the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, allegedly topped himself. Will this cretinous daughter of the late not-so-great ‘Bouncing Bob’ resurface in 2020 or is she hiding out in WITSEC or in Israel even?
Heather Mills
The former Lady McCartney and former hooker resurfaced in 2019 much to the chagrin of the nation. The vegan factory boss bragged that she’d won the “highest media libel settlement ever” in July (but failed to provide evidence to prove such) and then told the nation that pond slime was the “food of the future.” Off her rocker, but, hey, what’s new?
Pat Mountain
UKIP’s interim leader during the 2019 General Election was crucified by Sky News’ Adam Boulton in December. ‘Nan from Catherine Tait’s-lookalike’ has no clue what a constituency is, had no idea of the race of a “maybe” Indian candidate for her party yet claimed: “I stand ready to sail the good ship UKIP into clear waters.” ‘Prized Pillock Pat’ and her tribe won zero seats. Surprising that.
Isabel Oakeshott
Corrupter of democracy Isabel Oakeshott pretends to be a journalist. She is, in fact, a lobbyist and worse still, she’s the girlfriend of the wife deserter Richard Tice, chairman of the Brexit Party Ltd. Do not trust this manipulative wench with a bus ticket even.
Harvey Proctor
Crybaby and “complete tosser” Harvey Proctor childishly stormed out of an interview with BBC Breakfast’s Naga Munchetty in October. Convicted of caning young men back in the 1980s, this “kinky [ex] MP” then got himself £900,000 in compensation from the Metropolitan Police over their investigation into the Carl Beech allegations. It’s enough to make anyone rightminded want to hurl.
Jim Ratcliffe
This Brexit supporting billionaire told the public how good leaving the EU would be. And then he bogged off to Monaco. Hypocrite.
Jochen Schaefer-Suren
In January, the ultimate “neighbour from hell” unsuccessfully ran a campaign to try and close down Giovanni restaurant in Knightsbridge. He lost and now he’s thankfully moved on to sadly plague the residents of another area of London. A genuine nuisance and an utterly nasty piece of work.
David Starkey
Our ‘Wally of the Week’ in November, a man with the plumiest accent on the planet in spite of being the son of a cleaner, David Starkey disgraced himself when he said that soldiers “really enjoy killing.” He went further and announced that he considered wearing poppies to be a “crazy religious ritual.” Off to the loony bin with this angry, old fruitcake.
Jo Swinson
With her ludicrous policies of “revoke” and “all-women cabinets,” Jo Swinson was never going to go far. She ruined the Liberal Democrats’ chance of securing another coalition government and she let down all who supported remain. A great pity.
2019 WINNER – WORST PERSON – Larysa Switlyk
She who enjoys shoving sex toys up the bums of sheep that she has shot, Larysa Switlyk, has continued to kill endangered animals in 2019. It brings disgrace on the Trump family that they continue to associate with an evil blood hungry bitch who does nothing for conservation and embarrasses responsible hunters throughout the world.
Greta Thunberg
Described by Jeremy Clarkson as a “weird Swede with a bad temper,” Greta Thunberg does make some valid points. It’s just a pity she has been so manipulated by her devious money grabbing parents. Shame on them for robbing ‘Grating Greta’ of her childhood.
Richard Tice
Aside from leaving his wife to go off shagging the manipulative lobbyist Isabel Oakeshott, Brexit Party Limited chairman Richard Tice was discovered stocking up on yellow stickered goods in ‘Celebrity Waitrose’ in Belgravia in August. In December, the prat excelled himself and came only third out of five in Hartlepool in the General Election. Diddums.
Ian Towning
A very close third prize goes to the associate of the thankfully dead paedophile Max Clifford, Ian ‘Tosspot’ Towning. In November, this drag queen-esque horror – who runs a junk shop peddling crap just off the Kings Road in Chelsea, SW3 – flogged a piece of fake news to the Mail on Sunday in which he was lauded as an “expert on Monet.” This permatanned freak wouldn’t know the worth of a chocolate teapot.
Sarah, Duchess of York
Perhaps she can’t help herself given how thick she truly is, but in December ‘The Duchess of Dork’ surpassed herself. She told Vogue Arabia that the Jeffrey Epstein scandal was “nonsense.” Off to the funny farm with this national embarrassment.
Ambar Zohra
The worst kind of “pavement pest,” Ambar Zohra was visited by the police after she rammed into an elderly lady on a pavement scooter in July. This foul-mouthed piece of scum was then asked by Jane Morris, managing director of the loveliest shop in London, Percy Bass: “Where do you think you are from? The five floors of whores?” Vile.
THE ONE’S WHO’LL BE MISSED
‘Ginger’ Baker
Drummer and co-founder of Cream. This red-headed musician died in October aged 80 in Canterbury.
Gordon Banks
Footballer who formed part of the winning English team in the 1966 World Cup. He lost his sight in his right eye in 1972 and died in February aged 81.
Lord Bell
Tim Bell ran three successful general election campaigns for Margaret Thatcher. He headed Bell Pottinger for thirty years and sadly died in August after the firm collapsed in 2017.
Boone Pickens
Said to be worth around £377 million at the time of his death in September, American financier T. Boone Pickens left a final message on his website. It states: “If you are reading this, I have passed on from this world – not as big a deal for you as it was for me.”
Carol Channing
Seattle born Broadway legend Carol Channing was best known for starring in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She died aged 97 in January.
Windsor Davies
Canning Town born actor Windsor Davies’ catchphrase was “Shut-up!” He was best known for playing Battery Sergeant Major Williams in the sitcom It Ain’t Half Hot Mum and died in January aged 88.
Doris Day
Screen legend Doris Day married four times. She was was a lifelong Republican, animal rights activist and also had an interest in Christian Science. She died in May.
Robert Evans
Known for his work on The Godfather, film producer Robert Evans passed away aged 89 in October. The Times’ obituary stated that he was “not known for his modesty in wives (seven of them) or unlicensed chemicals.”
Albert Finney
“New-style working-class hero and shooting star of the 1960s” Albert Finney once remarked: “To be a character who feels a deep emotion, one must go into the memory’s vault and mix in a sad memory from one’s own life.” He was “hailed as the new Olivier” and died aged 82 in February.
Peter Fonda
“Part of the counterculture of the 1960s,” actor, director and screenwriter Peter Fonda was the younger broth of Jane Fonda and the father of Bridget Fonda. He died aged 79 in Los Angeles in August.
John Haynes
Car workshop manual publisher John Haynes kept petrolheads busy for years. His DIY books made him a fortune and in due course he opened his own motor museum. The 81-year-old died in February.
John Jesse
“Stylish art dealer” John Jesse was credited with “popularising the term Art Deco.” In their obituary of this 83-year-old, who died in September, The Times concluded: “An epicurean to the end, shortly before his heart unexpectedly failed, he enjoyed a gourmet lunch.”
Karl Lagerfeld
The fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld was the creative director of Chanel from 1983 until his death in February. He was known for his “signature white hair and black sunglasses.”
Niki Lauda
Austrian Formula One driver Niki Lauda was almost killed in a crash in 1976. He survived and died aged 70 in May.
John McCririck
Old Harrovian eccentric John McCririck was nothing but flamboyant. He nicknamed his wife “the Booby” and refused to ever drive. He lost an industrial tribunal against Channel 4 in 2013 and died aged 79 in July.
Sir Jonathan Miller
Writer and director Sir Jonathan Miller was considered “one of the great British writers, satirists and stage directors.” He died aged 85 in November.
Toni Morrison
“Towering novelist of the black experience” Toni Morrison died aged 88 in August. She won the Pulitzer Prize for Beloved in 1987.
Terry O’Neill
The man who “captured the spirit of the pop and film world of the 1960s and 70s” with his camera, Terry O’Neill died aged 81 after a battle with cancer in November. He claimed he won the cooperation of “the beautiful people” by: “Compliments. More compliments, that’s it,… And, well … you could add a few more compliments.”
Alfred K. Newman
Renowned Navajo code talker Alfred K. Newman died in January aged 94. With his passing there are now only around ten code talkers left.
Barrington Pheloung
Inspector Morse theme tune composer Barrington Pheloung also hid clues and red herrings in the score for the TV series. He was born in New South Wales and died aged 65 in August.
Gary Rhodes
“Chef’s chef” Gary Rhodes “put black pudding back on the culinary map.” He was just 59 when he died in Dubai in November.
Peter Sissons
Liverpool born newsreader Peter Sissons died aged 77 after a battle with leukemia in October. He was educated alongside Paul McCartney.
WINNER – MOST MISSED 2019 – Clive Swift
“Why don’t you leave the old cow?” asked a lorry driver to actor Clive Swift a quarter of a century after the last episode of Keeping Up Appearances. Of other fans pestering him, he remarked: “Sometimes I tell them to f**k off.” This Liverpudlian legend, best known for playing the downtrodden husband of Hyacinth Bucket, passed away aged 82 in February after a short illness.
Film and opera director Franco Zeffirelli found fame directing Elizabeth Taylor in The Taming of the Shrew in 1967. He also became a senator for the Christian Democracy and Forza Italia parties in Italy and died aged 96 in June.
Committed suicide after killing two fellow students at the Saugus High School in Santa Clarita, California in November.
Gary Ray Bowles
Serial killer known as the ‘I-95 Killer.’ He was executed by lethal injection in August after murdering six men in 1994.
Frank Cali
Assassinated in March. A member of the Gambino crime family and known as ‘Franky Boy.’
Peter Ellis
New Zealand based childcare worker turned paedophile. This monster died in September.
WINNER – WON’T BE MISSED – Jeffrey Epstein
“Is Jeffrey Epstein really dead?” is a question that will no doubt be asked for many years yet. Though authorities suggest this billionaire paedophile was left alone unguarded and just hanged himself, others suggest he may either have been murdered or spirited away due to the secrets he held on the powerful. This evil creature deserves to burn in hell in any case.
Héctor Huerta Rios
‘La Burra’ or ‘The Donkey,’ as this Mexican drug lord was nicknamed, was “reported killed” in July.
John Humble
You’ve got to be sick to pretend to be the Yorkshire Ripper, but that’s exactly what a labourer named John Humble (AKA ‘Wearside Jack’ and later given a new name, John Samuel Anderson) did between 1978 and 1979. He died of heart failure caused by alcoholism aged 63 in July. Maybe he saw Peter Sutcliffe at the bottom of the bottle.
John ‘Don’ Imus Jr.
Shock jock Don Imus was described in The Washington Post as “the man who was always willing to go too far.” He died in December and will forever be remembered for referring to Jewish people as “bastards” and “sluts” and Arabs as “ragheads.” A total mental case.
Usman Khan
Responsible for the London Bridge attack in November and also convicted for plotting a terrorist attack in 2012, Usman Khan was shot dead by the City of London Police after killing two innocent people. He was anything but the “success story” that Cambridge University had once termed him.
John ‘Bill’ King
This white supremacist was one of three psychopaths who killed a Texan named James Byrd Jr. by dragging him three miles behind a pickup truck on an asphalt road. The victim remained alive for most of his ordeal and King was executed by lethal injection aged 44 in April.
Keith Kinnunen
Homeless “religious fanatic” Keith Kinnunen gunned down two people in a church in White Settlement, Texas in December whilst wearing a fake beard. He was then shot dead himself by the church’s head of security.
Joseph Lombardo
“Joey the Clown” was an American mobster. He was also known as ‘Lumbo” and “Lumpy” and died in prison in October aged 90.
Bobby Joe Long
“The Classified Ad Rapist” Bobby Joe Long was a serial killer and rapist. He murdered at least ten women in the Tampa Bay Area of Florida in 1984 and was executed by lethal injection in May. His final meal was roast beef, bacon, French fries and soda.
Frank Lucas
Drug trafficker Frank Lucas allegedly smuggled his wares in coffins alongside dead American servicemen. His life was dramatised in the 2007 film American Gangster, in which Denzel Washington played him, and he died aged 88 in May.
Ivan Milat
“Backpacker murderer” killed seven in New South Wales, Australia between 1989 and 1993. In 2009, whilst in prison, Ivan Milat cut off his finger with the intention of mailing it to the High Court of Australia to try to force an appeal against his 1996 conviction. He later went on hunger strike when he wasn’t allowed a PlayStation. Milat died in prison in October.
Robert Mugabe
Prime Minister of Zimbabwe from 1980 to 1987 and then President from 1987 to 2017, Robert Mugabe was a truly evil dictator. Peter Tatchell attempted to perform a citizen’s arrest on him in London in 1999.
Abul-Hasan al-Muhajir
The official spokesman of ISIL from 2016 until his death, Saudi national Abul-Hasan al-Muhajir was killed in a US airstrike in Syria in October.
Carmine Persico Jr.
Known as “The Snake” and “Immortal,” the boss of the Colombo crime family Carmine Persico Jr. died in North Carolina in March. He had been sentenced to 139 years in federal prison in 1986 for racketeering.
Rod Richards
Rod Richards was a very, very angry man. Elected a Conservative MP in 1992, he was forced to resign in 1996 after news of an extra-marital affair surfaced. In 1999, this Welshman became the Conservative Party leader on the Welsh Assembly, but was forced to stand down after allegations that he’d attacked a young woman. In 2008, he was arrested for attacking a Conservative Party worker. He simply described that incident as a “clip around the ear for being cheeky” and blamed his struggle to sleep. Richards died in July aged 72 and can now finally get some kip.
Michael Samra
Executed by lethal injection in May, Michael Samra callously killed a family of four in Shely County, Alabama in 1997. His last words were; “I would like to thank Jesus for everything he’s done for me. I want to thank Jesus for shedding his blood for my sins. Thank you for your grace Jesus, Amen.”
Thomas Silverstein
Former leader of the Aryan Brotherhood prison gang Thomas Silverstein (AKA ‘Terrible Tom’) was sent to prison for armed robbery in 1971 and again in 1977. During his second incarceration he killed four people and subsequently became the longest-held prisoner in solitary confinement having spent 36 years in such. Silverstein died in May.
Asim Umar
Militant Asim Umar was the leader of al-Qaeda in the Indian sub-continent. He was killed in a joint US-Afghan raid in September.
Marion Wilson Jr.
The 1,500th person to be executed in the United States since capital punishment was resumed in 1976, Marion Wilson Jr. died by lethal injection in June. He had fatally shot an off-duty prison guard in 1996.
Zhao Zhihong
“The Smiling Killer” or “Demon” raped and killed at least six women in Inner Mongolia between 1996 and 2005. He was placed before a firing squad in July after an innocent man had previously been executed for his crimes.
Whether he’s on ITV1’s This Morning describing how he’s looking for a “castle trained breeder” (to provide him with an heir) or filming videos of his Labradors driving his Bentley, this aristocrat is always on the ball and delightful company.
Our Christmas card of the year just simply had to be Sir Benjamin’s. It features a picture of the great man on the ‘Great Bed’ at his home, Maunsel House – a residence that has a bar full of amongst other things machine guns – and it is captioned: “Engaged at last?”
Sat upright alongside Sir Ben – in his pyjamas holding a copy of Tatler and accompanied by some weaponry, a chicken and a Jack Russell – is a mannequin. Inside alongside season’s greetings, the lady is announced. Her name? “Baroness Manuela Melita Makowsky Von Lagershausen zu Nehaus.” Shortened, in brackets, she’s simply “Ivana.”
Brilliant. We salute you Sir Ben.
Happy Christmas to all our readers. May you have a wonderful day.
In claiming that he’s turned down Bear Grylls’ The Island and BBC’s Pilgrimage as being “too dangerous” and moaning about taking a “tumble” whilst on Dancing On Ice, this “absolutely devastated” tedious twerp again showed that he is nothing but delusional.
Michael Barrymore should now finally do the right thing: He should tell the truth about what happened on the 31st March 2001 and he should man up and face Stuart Lubbock’s father, Terry, in person. We know, of course, he won’t.
Pictured top: Disgraced “entertainer” Michael Barrymore rolling around on the floor with the disgraced drunk and convicted racist bigot Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben.
The use of the ghastly phrase “it is what it is” has rightly been condemned
On Tuesday, The Guardian published a fascinating three page analysis of the last decade by Andy Beckett.
Aside from analysing such things as the financial turmoil and fashion of the period, two paragraphs best summed up where we’ve truly gone wrong. They read:
“One way to cope with chaos is to accept it. Over the last couple of years, a short, bland sentence has become ubiquitous in British conversations, from interviews with Premier League footballers to soliloquies from Love Island contestants: “It is what it is.”
“Usually, it means: ‘I’m learning to live with something negative’ – a personal setback, a wider injustice, difficult circumstances. It’s a mantra for an age of diminishing expectations, when many people no longer assume – unlike their postwar predecessors – that they will become richer than their parents, and live in an ever more sophisticated or just society, on an ever more hospitable planet. When people say ‘It is what it is’, they are rarely challenged. Instead, they are usually heard in respectful silence. In a difficult world, fatalism and stoicism are useful qualities.”
Elsewhere, the Urban Dictionary defines the ghastly “it is what it is” as simply meaning “fuck it” and suggests that it “seems to simply state the obvious but actually implies helplessness.” May this abominable phrase be sent where it belongs in the next decade and never be heard ever again.
