Category: MOVERS & SHAKERS

That the Duchess of York claims the Jeffrey Epstein scandal to be “nonsense” sums up how much of an out of touch fruitcake she truly is

As it is suggested that the alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell may actually be hiding out in witness protection, that the Duchess of York has claimed in an interview that people have been “mean” to her and her family over their involvement with the dead paedophile Jeffrey Epstein is simply pathetic.

In conversation with Alexandria Gouveia of Vogue Arabia, this dimwitted woman moaned: “It’s incredibly difficult… When I talk about Prince Andrew, I talk about family because the last six months have been hard on the girls and me… It’s all nonsense.”

Going further (whilst also shamelessly trying to hawk a range of teas she’s gone and got herself involved in flogging), ‘Fergie’ ridiculously moaned about “bullying” and even suggested that her daughter, Princess Beatrice, believes her mother is a “most misunderstood person.” Attempting to make herself seem normal, she shared that she recites Rudyard Kipling’s If every morning as “a mantra to help [her] get through the day.”

In response, we say: The delusional Duchess of York happily took Jeffrey Epstein’s money when he was alive and now she should jolly well put up with the consequences. Shame on her. She’d be better off reading William Blake’s The Marriage of Heaven and Hell.

If you can keep your head when all about you / Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, / If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, / But make allowance for their doubting too; / If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, / Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, / Or being hated, don’t give way to hating…

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Healthcare worker who wants “the Katie price look” Nathan Thursfield is proven to be nothing but an utter nutter

A regular on the especially tawdry chat show Loose Women, 25-year-old Nathan Thursfield has got himself £100,000 into debt in a quest to look like a cross between Katie Price and Kylie Jenner.

With just 108 subscribers to his YouTube channel, this odd brat from Stoke-on-Trent has admitted he’s “nuts” to have had four nose jobs and has also “had liposuction on his back, arms and legs, filler in his face and has also had his teeth done in Turkey” according to The Sun.

Wasting public resources calling ambulances because his “nose keeps bleeding” also, Thursfield is plainly someone who is completely irresponsible. He also admits to being a Brexit supporter on Twitter and demands #GetBrexitDone. Many would rather he’d just stop getting himself done instead.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

The release of a photograph of a cheque from Prince Andrew to Monique Giannelloni provides further evidence of his sordid ways

Prince Andrew should have realised that “cash don’t talk,” but providing further evidence of his arrogance, the release of a photograph of a Coutts & Co. cheque he gave to a “female masseuse” who claims she met him near naked in his bedroom just shows what an utter berk this royal truly is.

Prepared on 20^th July 2000, the £75 ($97, €88 or درهم356) paid to Monique Giannelloni “for and on behalf of His Royal Highness The Duke of York” an image of the cheque was published in the MailOnline on Thursday.

Of her encounter with royalty and with Ghislaine Maxwell also, Giannelloni remarked: “[They] did not sound like the sort of thing I wanted to be involved with. I thought [Maxwell] was very distasteful and pretentious, the way she spoke. I didn’t like her attitude or her at all… In my opinion Epstein was not a good choice of friend for Andrew.”

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Prince Andrew must be toast; when knicker flasher Lizzie Cundy leaps to your defence, you know your days must be numbered

A publicity obsessive turned “jilted friend” of the former Meghan Markle has struck again. In comments to The Sun, the fan of ‘noisy secret sex” with Danny Cipriani that is Lizzie Cundy has spoken out in defence of Prince Andrew and her very own “pal,” the spendaholic that is Sarah, Duchess of York.

Speaking to the paper’s executive editor Dan Wootton, figure of fun Cundy – the ‘bestie’ of she who likes to swing into action, the Cadbury’s Flake devourer Anthea Turner – remarked:

“Sarah is a very sweet-hearted lady and she’s in love with Andrew. She’s just being supportive like any other former wife. They are still very close, they live together and she’s just showing her support… It’s the stiff upper lip… She is going to stand by Andrew, she has two daughters with him. She wants to protect. Sarah has been naïve at times but she wants to be there for him… She wants to support her partner.”

With a bigmouth like Lizzie Cundy electing to become your spokesperson and “friend,” who needs enemies?

Pictured top: Lizzie Cundy in the arms of a man dressed as Santa Claus at the opening party for Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park last week. Thankfully, for once, she wore something that didn’t allow her to “flash her knickers as she poured champagne over a naked waiter.” The public were appreciative.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Matthew Steeples lauds “mad as hell” Lorraine Kelly in spite of her speaking in “Gorbals gobbledygook”; here is a woman who has morphed into a tigress and a “gritty heroine of our times”

With her “Gorbals gobbledygook” accent, many would describe Lorraine Kelly OBE as “impossible to understand.” Last year, at a film premiere with Ms. Kelly as the introductory act, I found myself sat next to an American producer. He asked me: “What language is that woman speaking?”

On Thursday, however, Kelly – previously seen as a woman who “has been presenting what is basically the same episode of television over and over again, five times a week, for a quarter of a century” – received an accolade no one would have expected when The Guardian’s Stuart Heritage referred to her as a “gritty heroine of our times.”

Whilst some might suggest that Mr. Heritage might be getting a little carried away, I beg to differ. After not only slating her former colleague turned Conservative Party ‘nasty,’ Esther McVey MP, in June, this week Kelly had a pop at Boris Johnson’s alleged mistress, Jennifer Arcuri, this week after the American failed to answer a single question on ITV1’s Good Morning Britain.

Elsewhere last week, on Radio 4’s Saturday Live, ‘Queen of Daytime TV’ Kelly was equally to the point and in doing so she showed her true genius. Here is not a fluffy friend of the vacuous sorts that seek out chatshow sofas; here instead is a woman now on a mission to call out the pathetic and the pointless. All hail “the nation’s newest hero” Lorraine Kelly.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes and @M_Steeples

In the downfall of The Duke of York, the nation seems to have forgotten Princess Beatrice’s impending state-funded marriage

When Princess Eugenie got married, ‘The Club’ turned out enthusiastically. There was Elton ‘Olive Oil’ John and there was James ‘Goodbye My Brexit Lover’ Blunt. Will they now dare turn up for the sequel?

With Pizza Express (Woking branch only given how “grand” he truly is) now sadly off the cards as venue for ‘Randy Andy’ to sell of his other daughter, the second of the ‘Ugly Sisters’ Princess Beatrice, is now destined to have her wedding wrecked by his dalliances with Jeffrey ‘He Was Never A Close Friend Though I Sweated With Him Often’ Epstein.

The questions are thus: “Who on earth would want to turn up for the shit show that will be the wedding of the daughter of an alleged paedo?” and “Will the Queen agree for the public purse to be allowed to be sullied to pay for it?” Answers via Ghislaine Maxwell please.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

‘The Steeple Times’ reveals news about the alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell that is yet to reach the British press; this mucky woman wants “fairness”

Whilst “grand” old Prince Andrew’s been busy reporting on how he slummed it and dined in Pizza Express in Woking, another key player in the Epstein scandal is still missing.

With many papers including the Express and Guardian asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” – just as poor old ‘Brenda’ The Queen “puts on a brave face” and sends her horse Approximate out at 66/1 at Kempton Park today – that the Duke of York met with ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ alleged pimp daughter as late as spring 2019 is absolutely shocking.

Miss Maxwell settled a lawsuit against one of Epstein’s underage victims, Virginia Giuffre, in 2015 “for millions” and today it can be revealed that this deviant woman yesterday asked a federal judge in Manhattan to grant a one month extension “to argue against exposing hundreds of names in Epstein [documents].” Though mentioned by the Law & Crime blog, this development has strangely not yet been featured in the British media.

With Ty Gee, an attorney for Maxwell, arrogantly demanding “expeditiousness… give way to fairness” in the current case brought by Giuffre, the arrogance of this murky supposed trollop recruiter has yet again been shown. It is now time for Ghislaine Maxwell to come out of the shadows and it is time Prince Andrew stopped hanging around with her.

Pictured top: Ghislaine Maxwell with Piers Morgan. Mr Morgan later claimed to have only ever met the daughter of the pension plunderer Robert Maxwell for five minutes.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Anthea Turner’s “berserk” convicted offender fiancé spotted “trawling roads” doing community service after biting a policeman

This morning, The Sun shared photographs of ‘Princess Tippy Toes’ Anthea Turner’s fiancé, “socialite” Mark Armstrong, “dawdling” and picking up litter from gutters whilst wearing a fluorescent orange jacket emblazoned with the words ‘Community Payback.’

Sentenced to 240 hours community service an given a suspended sentence after biting a cop on New Year’s Eve whilst high as a kite on illegal magic mushrooms, Armstrong supposedly now has to ‘work’ 7.5 hours per week collecting rubbish.

According to the paper, Armstrong has “brought shame” on himself and Turner through his “appalling crime,” but one has to ask: Did ‘Anth’ swing into action and put a Cadbury’s flake in his lunchbox to lift his spirits?

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Tyre tractor like Vanessa Feltz yet again proves herself to be one of the most irritating people in Britain

Voted one of the worst people in Britain in 2003 by Channel 4, Vanessa Feltz was also tricked by the spoof television show Brass Eye in 1997.

In 1998, this tedious tractor tyre sized woman with overly bleached hair was given a £2.7 million deal by the BBC to host The Vanessa Show. It was plainly so unpopular that, in order to fill the audience, actors were brought in and in the ensuing uproar the show was axed in 1999. It was replaced by the equally ghastly Trisha show – another chatshow that thankfully subsequently faded into obscurity.

This week, gastric band loving Feltz – a serial publicity junkie nearly (but not quite) in the league of Lizzie Cundy – appeared in a strapless swimsuit in Hello! magazine after she “displayed [her] dramatic three stone weight loss” on Instagram.

Supposedly, according to the magazine generally only found in hairdressing salon waiting areas, Feltz is “reaping in the rewards” and “feeling more confident than ever.” God help us all.

Previously, earlier this year, Feltz completely inappropriately told Woman magazine:

“I love a négligée – I’ve got some fabulous satin ones which I think are absolutely irresistible to Ben [her permanent partner]. I don’t think he’d have cared if I hadn’t lost an ounce, but he likes the confidence.”

A female reader, who sent this quote in to The Steeple Times suggested Feltz as our Moron of the Moment. Of the fading TV ‘star,’ this lady remarked: “We don’t want to see it after fifty dear. Please, Vanessa, cover yourself up and please, dear, just get yourself off our screens.”

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

American lookalike of Boris Johnson emerges; it turns out he’s very rich and the beau of the socialite Denise Rich

As Boris Johnson faces further allegations that “he knew about Vote Leave’s illegal overspend” and news that the Metropolitan Police have passed a file of evidence that could lead to charges against that operation to the Crown Prosecution Service, a reader of The Steeple Times has sent in a photo of a lookalike of the current Prime Minister.

In the image, taken at the annual Angel Ball at Cipriani Club 55 in New York late last month, the event’s founder, socialite and songwriter ‘Lady Gatsby’ Denise Rich (the ex of the late Marc Rich, a commodities trader controversially pardoned by Bill Clinton on his last day in office), appears next to her current beau, Peter Cervinka, a real estate investor.

Never have we seen someone with a closer resemblance to ‘Bosie The Clown,’ but perhaps it might be better if this successful Austrian stood in for his body double. We might, then, actually get Britain back to business.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes