Scrooge-like Anthea Turner patronises the public yet again and announces she’ll be serving chicken rather than turkey this Christmas
“Hardly on the breadline” Anthea Turner likes excess. This anything but frugal self-publicist’s marital homes included a £10 million, 57-acre estate in Surrey and a £5 million, 6 bedroom ski chalet in Megève, France. They may well now be gone, but ‘Princess Tippytoes’ (AKA ‘F**k I used to be famous’) still enjoys dining at swanky restaurants, dated the multi-millionaire photographer David Yarrow and “treats [herself] to pedicures and manicures.”
When not swinging into action in leather pants for “wild nights out” with her “bestie” Lizzie Cundy (who’s obviously herself reluctantly downgraded after being “ghosted” by the Duchess of Sussex and no longer having “noisy secret sex” with Danny Cipriani), “Perfect Housewife” Turner sits in her luxury home whilst waiting for her new multi-millionaire fiancé, Mark Armstrong, to return from doing community work. He was sentenced to this for the crime of biting a police officer whilst high on drugs.
This morning, however, The Mirror reported that “the woman who put the ug! in smug” Miss Turner – a classy creature who believes “you can’t use other people as sticky tape” and “women in their 50s still love a shag” – will be making a concession this Christmas. She will be serving chicken rather than turkey as part of her desire for a movement against “gluttony.”
In the interview, the former Blue Peter presenter also warned the public that “gifting needs to be a little more circumspect” and patronisingly added: “It’s all getting a bit silly.” She went further and urged for “reining back,” but then charitably conceded “there will be a bone from my butcher” for her fiancé’s bulldog “to chew on.” One is only left wondering: “Will there be a Cadbury’s Flake to go with that?”
Pictured top: Anthea Turner swings into an embrace with Lizzie Cundy.