Friday, January 15, 2021

A Christmas Nightmare

“Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale in time for Christmas for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty

The most expensive property The Steeple Times featured in terms of price per square foot in 2020 was a 713 square foot one-bedroom pad in a development on the former Chelsea Barracks site in London, SW1.

 

Whilst that tiny and completely “lacking in room to swing a cat” space was ludicrously marketed at a sum of £3.5 million or £4,909 per square foot, for just £221,000 or £61 per square foot a buyer with the ability to see round a decorating disaster could bag themselves what agents Howard Hanna term a “mini castle” and “Victorian colonial” in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania.

 

Presented “Christmas ready” in spite of the fact it will likely languish on the market for months given how nightmare nasty it is inside, 26 Cloverdale Avenue (AKA ‘The Castle on Cloverdale Avenue’) was built in 1902. The 3,678 square foot house stands on a plot of 0.35 acres and includes 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, but what gets Howard Hanna going is the Venetian portico and balcony that they boldly claim is “envied by Juliet herself” even.

 

We’ll let the pictures of 26 Cloverdale Avenue speak for themselves, but of its location there’s not much to note. David Bowie recorded his first live album in Upper Darby in July 1974, but beyond that there’s nothing to attract anyone to a horror of a house that’s being promoted for 512% more than it sold for in 2000.

                                 

A Christmas Nightmare – The Numbers – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America

 

December 2020 – Listed for sale in time for Christmas for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services.

 

April 2000 – Sold for £36,000 ($49,000, €40,000 or درهم180,000).

 

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A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
The sitting room has been tiled in a clinical fashion and is filled with leather seating you’d expect to see in the waiting room area of a brothel. The fireplace surround is, quite frankly, dreadful.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
Whoever fitted the kitchen decided to plonk a three-tier open shelf in an odd position above the fridge. Plainly, given it is bloody hard to reach, nobody has or will ever use it.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
Described as a “bonus room” (though what’s a “bonus” about it we cannot fathom), this space is set up as a home cinema. The owner’s decision to stencil “Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much” on the wall is equally curious.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
The staging of the dining table with a Christmas cloth and tree won’t be of much help when the house is still on sale in July 2021.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
That the agents decided that a metal device probably used for torture in a utility room was worth photographing speaks volumes.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
The owners went to lengths to tuck in the sheets for this room’s photo session. The tiled flooring is especially welcoming, but any buyer will no doubt want to put in a bid for the tasteful bedroom set.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
Another bedroom – with its nasty nets – looks like it could be in use by a hooker. The floors, after all, are easy to scrub.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
Perhaps the internal front door with locks and a knocker is in place to ensure “clients” bang before entering.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
Bizarrely in this room dedicated to Wonder Woman, somebody’s gone to town colouring in a few of the white tiles.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
The rear decked area may appeal to rats and termites this Christmas, but it’s hardly an architectural triumph.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
The agent belives this balcony is something “even Juliet would have envied,” but that’s about one of the only things about this train wreck of a house that she’d have got excited about in its current state.
A Christmas Nightmare – 26 Cloverdale Avenue, Upper Darby, Delaware County, Pennsylvania, PA 19082, United States of America – Listed for sale for £221,000 ($300,000, €246,000 or درهم1.1 million), a sum 512% higher than the sale price twenty years prior, through Howard Hanna Real Estate Services in December 2020 – “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
There’s more chance of Chris Rea making it home for Christmas than someone buying this crib in the near future.
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.
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3 COMMENTS

  1. I’ve been in total bah humbug mood these last few days — stir crazy in New York…. and this has quite cheered me up. The basic structure looks as though it has potential, if you’d want to live in the middle of nowhere, but the interiors? Deliciously naff. Thanks for sharing.

  2. What made them tile every floor? I bet the floorboards were beautiful.

    As for the kitchen, that cabinet!

    And the leather chairs.

    Wrecking ball Rod definitely needed.

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