Saturday, April 9, 2022

Overheard: 21st April

Classic clangers from the last week

 

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Banker bashing

A banker awaiting trial was overheard in the bar at The Connaught chatting to a financial advisor. He stated: “I invested in a bookies, a hotel in Switzerland. I did my brains. I put money in a gin company. I did loads of little ones. They were straight investments. It wasn’t that sophisticated”. The advisor responded: What angle you should use is that you were conned. You should say: ‘I know how to wire a socket. I know how to change a light’ and then you should say: ‘It don’t make me an electrician’. Continue: ‘I know what an ISA is. It don’t make me a tax expert’. If you do that, you’ll get away with it. It’s just a bit of banker bashing”. Delusional perhaps?

 

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Losing the geography

Two rather large American ladies sat at the bar in La Brasserie in South Kensington talked about working on Rhianna’s tour. The first commented: “She was in her dressing room and she wanted Mongolian food. We ordered Moroccan. Why the f**k did she complain?” The second responded: “I haven’t got an effing clue”. Here’s a duo that deserve to be given maps for Christmas.

 

Beat that Patrick Bateman
Beat that Patrick Bateman

 

Outcarded

An American in the bar at the Bulgari told his Italian friend: “My card is embossed and it is definitely as good as Patrick Bateman’s but a guy gave me his and I was outdone. It was A4 in size and embossed. I had to hole punch it to file it. Turns out he was a f**king dictator. He lives somewhere in Africa in a little hut but the little b*****d managed to out business card me”. The shame.

 

Mugging the money

An Essex businessman lunching with a lady “friend” in Langan’s in Mayfair chatted about his last holiday: “We went to Zermatt. It’s expensive there. That’s why my mistress liked it. We hired a chalet. It cost me £15,000 a night. All in, what I reckon, ten days in Zermatt was £40,000 per head. I was a mug. I didn’t even get sex once”. His lunching partner plainly, equally, was there for this character’s delightful company.

 

Bigging it up

A pair of club promoters chatted about their next event in La Bottega in Pont Street. The first commented: “The tables are around this area. We’ll cram in as many as we can. Put them all together. Let’s rape them. Money, bookings, I don’t give a shit. A minimum table spend is £1,000. We don’t want losers who spend £500. They are a waste of space. Either way, I want £1,000 people . Shame on those losers that spend just £500. They don’t understand that you’ve got to spend big”.

 

Targeted

The second promoter continued: “It is wrong just to invite everyone to an event. Target Facebook. Target names. Target everybody. If you don’t target, you fail. We only want the £1,000 crowd”. We’re certain the world and his wife will clamber to attend.

 

 

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    1 COMMENT

    1. Is nowhere safe from vulgarians these days? The Connaught must have slipped as it was one of the more discerning establishments where, effectively, one had to be introduced..

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