Classic clangers from the last week
Firing the lock
A student in Olympia was overheard making a late night call to the fire service. He bellowed: “My girlfriend’s snapped her key in the lock. The oven’s on. Come quickly. You don’t want the place burning down”. He put the phone down and remarked: “That’ll speed them up and then we can be out of here’.
Time for a beer
Within minutes a fire engine was heard to approach. The student looked sheepish and said: “God, that was quick. We better vamoosh. They’ll be furious when they discover there is no oven on”. His friend hailed a cab and said: “Bloody good job. It’s time we were at The Churchill Arms for last orders”. They headed on their merry way leaving an embarrassed young lady to deal with the hosers.
A pair of elderly men on the number 9 bus in Kensington were overheard reminicising. The first, a grandfather, from Cheltenham asked the second, a single, gay antiques collector from Bath about his latest purchases. The collector stated: “I was told walnut is out at the moment so I’m buying it whilst it’s cheap”. “Oh, that’s good”, responded his chum. “The other day I went to a dinner in one of these members’ clubs – stuffy places, I’ll have you know. There was an elderly chap sat next to me. He said: ‘Come back to see my walnut’. He had a flat in Collingham Gardens. Beautiful walnut. Beautiful. He then tried you know what. I said I had to be home to my aunt and I went on my way”. His astonished friend exclaimed: “The perils of walnut”.
The benefits of flats
The first of bus duo continued: “I don’t like terraced houses. Do you?” His friend answered: “I prefer flats. High ceilings and best of all, lots of opportunities to listen into the nocturnal activities of the neighbours as most have paper thin walls. Saucy.
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