Classic clangers from the last week
At Patisserie Valerie in Knightsbridge an elderly local was overheard to remark: “They’ve overdone the meringue. It ain’t Mary Berry”. The lady serving her looked bemused and responded: “We ain’t the BBC and we ain’t putting it in the bin”. The local promptly left.
What’s a day between friends?
“Monday is such a crap day; there is no point to Monday” commented a businessman in The Rib Room at the Jumeriah Carlton Towerlast Friday evening. His slightly dim blonde female friend replied: “Isn’t it Monday today?” The man sighed and answered: “Exactly. Pointless my even trying”.
Sex and supermarkets
Two Chelsea mothers sat in Aubaine in South Kensington. One told the other: “Since I gave birth, I’m not getting any sex”. The other stole a Shirley Valentine quote and answered: “Sex is like supermarkets, you know, overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out with very little at the end”. The waiter serving them dropped a pot of tea in embarrassment.
“I wonder if she’s picked up a germ” commented Lady Mary in last night’s Downton Abbey remarking on the health of the family dog, Isis. “Maybe she’s eaten a squirrel or something equally feral. She’s quite fat. Perhaps she’s pregnant”, she continued. Or maybe, just maybe the government has been urging Julian Fellowes to send a message to a certain terrorist faction.
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