Wednesday, February 21, 2024

A MERRY Christmas Missive From Matthew Steeples 2022

Matthew Steeples wishes readers a very MERRY Christmas and also reminds that Jeffrey Epstein is a bit like that bauble on the tree that didn’t hang itself and suggests that the proverbial turkey Jeremy Clarkson should perhaps get a pass (though not a pardon)

Those wishing you a “very happy Christmas” as opposed to those conferring on you a “very merry Christmas” today should be placed in their correct contexts. Quite innocently, you may not have ever considered such, but it must be made clear that these both kindly sets of well-wishers belong to two very distinct tribes.


The happy first are most probably a little more ‘woke’ and perhaps a little more ‘politically correct’ in their views on life. They’ll also most likely be found sipping a tomato juice than hitting the rum Hunter S. Thompson-style today. The merrier lot will likely be straight on the vodka without any form of nuisance known as a chaser.


Popularised after the publication of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol in 1843, merry is considered by some a word “more befitting in the spirit of Christmas than the word happy.” Others, including even the Oxford English Dictionary, have suggested happy is still as relevant in expressing “inner emotional state” and suggest that merry is too “active and possibly even raucous.” Clearly, whoever wrote that can be noted as probably being more like The Grinch in any room in Britain and beyond today.


Elsewhere this afternoon, as the likely somewhat merry royal family – including the rotten ratbag who paid £12 million to a woman he’d never met, Prince Andrew, and even his feckless live-in ex-wife Fergie also, live-it-up at Sandringham with the new King – it must be remembered that there will be a less than merry, but very much grasping pair whose absence will be very much noted.


Like Jeffrey Epstein, who in proverbial bauble-like fashion didn’t happily hang himself on the Christmas tree, the non-presence of the always-unhappy Duke and Duchess of Sussex will very much be the elephant in the room for the House of Windsor today. That this condescending couple decided to turn Christmas 2022 into a continuation of the war-of-words caused by Jeremy Clarkson’s contentious column is one thing, but that they decided to stamp both their own families good names in the mud once again is most definitely quite beyond unacceptable.


And now, with that, I’m off for a merry whisky Macdonald. A very merry Christmas to you and yours and a very merry Christmas to the House of Windsor, the Markle family and Jeremy Clarkson also. May the turkeys of times passed now please be merrily pardoned.


Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.


Pictured Top – A mockup of a bauble depicting the truth of the Jeffrey Epstein ‘suiciding’; Jeremy Clarkson as Santa with the turkey that clearly will be occupying his room as many continue to call for his sacking.


King Charles Anne Frank stepsister
King Charles III danced with Anne Frank’s step-sister, Eva Schloss, 93, in London last week during a celebration of Hanukkah, the Jewish wintertime festival. In doing such his positivity shone through and it marked a charming move as his reign well and truly will begin in 2023.
Prince Harry bitter
A bitter was meanwhile recently named after the new King’s eternally miserable son recently. Featuring an image of Prince Harry’s face and launched after his noxious Netflix nonsense aired, the 3.9% “weak” beer was mocked as being just like its nauseous namesake.
Ghislaine Maxwell Queen
Yesterday, prior to her 61st birthday today, Ghislaine Maxwell’s unnamed spokesperson supposedly told the ‘’: “Her spirits are holding up well, as you might expect of an innocent woman.” As she rots in a Florida jail today, she might now consider the need to begin to name names if she wants any prospect of her sentence being reduced coming to fruition. Pictured here with her pension pot plundering papa and the late Queen, here is a woman whose birthday today will be neither ‘happy’ nor ‘merry.’
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. “Merry Christmas” Matthew.. I have come to have the up most respect for you.. Don’t let anyone get you down, least of all the UNRoyal 2 in California. The vast majority of us don’t look or think of them as anywhere near royalty.
    Lottie, your American dinosaur fan.

  2. Merry Christmas to my favourite editor! Where would we be without you? So grateful for all your observations! Here’s to 2023


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