Overheard: 7th April

Classic clangers from the last week

 

Overpaying

Estate agent 1 in Zafferano restaurant was overheard to say: “Let’s have some fun with this… Let’s wreck them. I’m going to play with this. Let’s go in at £19 million. No, let’s go in at £20 million so they take us seriously”. Estate agent 2: “You’ve wasted enough time. Let’s go in at £25 million”. Estate agent 1: “Come on. I’ve had to spend £15 on a phone charger this morning. It’s outrageous to overpay”. Someone should lend him a tenner.

 

A £4.5 million watch collection is about all that is common in The Royal Borough now
A £4.5 million watch collection is about all that is common in The Royal Borough now

The watcher

An Arab in the bar of the Baglioni Hotel was heard loudly telling his uncle: “Yeah… I’ve only got £4.5 million of watches. I need £9 million. It’s just not enough”. An Englishman at the next table muttered under his breath: “Bragging like that’ll have you mugged”. Watch out.

 

Drugged out

At The Dorchester an American model was heard chatting into her mobile: “Weed, weed, weed. The fucked up skater boy I did the shoot with just cared about weed. He was not a proper model and all I want is a break and some coke. I want to get out of that world but I won’t. I don’t dare do drugs in Russia though. They get you. The pigs get you”. After hanging up she called another friend and continued: “Arabs move here because they want to do drugs. London is the place to do drugs but I’m trying to get into that French Jewish mafia set. I’ve done my posh side to death since you can’t fucking have a puff in this area. So many fucking cops. It’s sick”. Next stop rehab?

 

The cringeworthy model

A Russian model and her agent sat in the Belgraves hotel discussing a forthcoming shoot. The agent enthusiastically told her protégé: “I’ve got great news. I’ve secured The Ritz”. The model cringed and responded: “I don’t want to do a shoot in The Ritz. Too old school. Too bland. Get the Bulgari. It’s so cool. I want bling not cringe”. Classy.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here:[wysija_form id=”1″]

 

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Cheaper Than Fiction – A Bargain in The Boltons

Cheapest, smallest house on the best side of one of London’s most sought after streets, The Boltons, comes up for sale; the tardis like building was home to novelist-politician Jeffrey Archer and his scientist wife Mary in the 1970s.

Mackintosh Icebergs

‘Iceberg home’ formed in part from the former Glebe Place, Chelsea, SW3 studios of Charles Rennie Mackintosh and his wife for sale for sum 1,178% higher than in 2012.

Firing Up A 20th Century Limo

‘Stretched’ 1994 Toyota Century for sale for less than the price of a brand new Ford Fiesta; the rammed full of gadgets limousine comes with a food heating compartment and privacy curtains favoured by notoriously shy Japanese people even.

A Life in a Sentence

Matthew Steeples finds amusement in Twitter handles; a life in a sentence can be found on some of the best profiles.

Moving On – July 2020 – Capone, Conran & Kennedy

Moving on homes owned by the newsworthy – including a country house apartment in a castle currently owned by Jasper Conran and the childhood homes of Al Capone and Jackie Kennedy.

Berkoff on Bears & Barbarians

Acclaimed actor, writer and producer Steven Berkoff responds to an article in ‘The Times’ featuring an image of a sub-human barbarian with a polar bear he’d mercilessly slayed.

Bigging-Up a Bargain Mini Mansion

‘Stately’ ‘Cape Cod style’ ‘mini mansion’ in North Carolina with 1.14 acres of land for sale for just £44,000; it is situated in a town that was the birthplace of the biggest ever American, a very fat and very tall man named Mills Darden.

A Security Lobotomy at The Botanist

‘The Steeple Times’ reports on anything but a ‘Super Saturday’ at The Botanist on Sloane Square; we share here imagery and a video of a thieving woman whom must be caught.

What’s Dershowitz Got To Hide?

Matthew Steeples questions why Alan Dershowitz is getting so enthusiastic in his defence of the vile paedo procurer Ghislaine Maxwell.

Runners & Riders – The Coral-Eclipse 2020

‘The Steeple Times’ takes a look at the seven horse Group 1 Coral-Eclipse 2020 at Sandown and opts for a tasty outsider for an each way bet.

Will Ghislaine Maxwell Motor On?

As a poll reveals the public believe Ghislaine Maxwell will ‘suicide herself’ in a similar manner to her former master Jeffrey Epstein, the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ unbelievably announce they are going ahead with another rally in 2021.

Runners & Riders – The Oaks and The Derby 2020

‘The Steeple Times’ analyses the selections for a somewhat damp double at Epsom on ‘Super Saturday’; we suggest enjoying The Oaks and The Derby 2020 at home.

Hooping A Half Price Mansion

Vast Edwardian mansion with basketball court in the roof in Watseka, Illinois for sale at half price it listed for in 2016; it’s on for just £20 per square foot.

Wally of the Week – Disgraceful Dimwit Darren Grimes

As manipulated millennial Darren Grimes gets himself into yet another racism storm with the help of his beloved bigot Dr David Starkey, one has to ask: “Who is this cretin’s puppet master?”

Bow Wine Vaults Back

Acclaimed restaurateur Philip Lawless to reopen Square Mile institution and haunt of city financiers the Bow Wine Vaults on Monday.

Remembering Jeffrey Epstein Albuquerque Style

Statue of late billionaire sex beast Jeffrey Epstein mysteriously appears outside City Hall in Albuquerque, New Mexico (and is promptly removed by officials).

Weather Now

London
clear sky
12.1 ° C
14.4 °
10 °
71 %
3.1kmh
2 %
Sat
21 °
Sun
24 °
Mon
23 °
Tue
19 °
Wed
16 °