Classic clangers from the last week
In The Orange public house in Pimlico Road, a table of bankers sat chatting about their love lives. One stated: “With all these late nights, I’m not getting much action”. Another added: “ I even started fantasizing about what I could do with the cleaner”. A third chipped in: “I’ve even got as far as having desires on my sister”. Plainly banking has become a little incestuous.
At the Masterpiece art and antiques fair, a divorced American business tycoon was overheard chatting at the Scott’s bar with an Italian art dealer. He commented: “There are so many stunning ladies here. It’s a shame they’re all on their second and third divorces. The sad thing is, despite all they rake in, they want more”. Look at that one”, the dealer responded whilst pointing at a lady carrying a Chanel clutch: “I bet she’s off home to watch Desperate Housewives”.
At The Wellesley hotel opposite Hyde Park a female American banker sat on the terrace loudly talking into her smartphone. Plainly a little put out, she stated: “We put up an evaluation for your company and all we get is nothing. I want answers and I want them now. I’m running up out of pocket expenses and I’ll tell you now: This is like a marathon. It’s all about pace and you’ve got the stamina of George W. I want to see you more as a man with the stamina of Bill Clinton. Got it?” A Monica Lewinsky wannabe?
At a party in Notting Hill, a 30-year old trustafarian complained to her friends: “I can’t believe it. I asked daddy for £6,000 this morning for a new bag. He said no. Can you believe it? What’s he on?” Another chipped in and said: “I did the same with my mum for a Prada tote bag. She got it. She said: ‘Bring it on. Let’s get two each’. You need a strategy and the only way you’ll get it is if you catch your dad on the phone to his mistress. He has one, right? That’s the way you’ll get the bag”. An Andy Coulson in the making?
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