Classic clangers from the last week
“Ashley’s been out of jail three months and he’s already got a bird pregnant”, lackadaisically stated a tattooed skinhead in a public house in Wolverhapton reports reader Sarah Price. “Says it all”, responded his perma-tanned companion. “His mum’s worse. She never gets out of her bed”, the man continued: “Always on her back if you know what I mean”. Just the kind of family one would want to go to dinner with.
Camouflaging a selfie
Parked outside Harrods was a Ferrari 430. Unusually it was decorated with a camouflage type of covering. A crowd gathered round and one young lady was overheard to say: “Dad’ll love it if you got a selfie of me with this beauty. Get snapping”. She proceeded to lean on the bonnet but in the process got in the way of a rich Russian lady whose entourage were carrying half of Harrods in carrier bags. A bodyguard stepped in and without hesitation pushed the selfie loving sort aside. If he’d witnessed it, President Putin would no doubt have been proud.
A man and a woman in Café Rouge in Knightsbridge were overheard chatting about their children by reader Eve Jackson. The man commented: “It all went tits up with my daughter. She’s 22 now but there’s no resolution”. “How so?” asked the woman. The man replied: “Americans have ‘closure’. All we have now is Facebook. It’s the only way I can see what Danielle’s upto. I haven’t had a response to even a birthday card in 10 years”. A sad indictment of how social media now even controls the direction family disputes take.
Babies and degrees
“Half the women in the world are having babies at 12” stated the same man. “And the other half are getting university degrees”, responded the somewhat annoyed woman. The man answered: “Get back to the washing up, that’s what you all need to do”. The woman poured her cup of coffee over him and walked out. The man was lucky not to have third degree burns.
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