Classic clangers from the last week
Bridging Knightsbridge
A tourist stopped a shopper outside Harrods and asked: “Where’s the bridge in Knightsbridge?” “There isn’t one” came the reply. “What? Surely that’s a misdescription? Call Trading Standards”.
This event is no longer booking and now forms part of The Steeple Times archive.
This event is no longer booking and now forms part of The Steeple Times archive.
Dunging the Mail
A pair of drunken tramps lingering outside the Daily Mail’s Derry Street offices in Kensington were seen banging on the doors. One slurred: “Come on Tommy, we’re going in…” The other grunted: “What for?” A well-heeled passerby joined in and added: “Be sure to take a bucket of shit in for Paul Dacre”.
Outpigged
In the lobby of the May Fair hotel, a guest spotted a rather large lady who’d plainly had a lot of surgery. “Mummy, mummy, mummy”, cried her daughter: “Look, look, look”. The mother did a volte-face and exclaimed: “Good God… It’s a plastic pig. Chuck it a sausage”. The larger than life lady went red and shouted: “Yeah… And I’ll eat it”. Miss Piggy would be proud.
Marrying sex
Two men in their mid-twenties in a bar in Houston, Texas were chatting about life. One loudly said: “Man, you look tired. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do”. An older man sitting a couple of stools down overheard, looked over and told them: “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that shit”.
Stirring the porridge
Submitted by reader Sandra McLevy: In an Ann Summers store in Edinburgh, an elderly lady picked up an item, turned to her daughter and tersely asked: “What’s this?” The somewhat embarrassed daughter responded: “It’s called a dildo, mother”. “A what? What’s it for? Can I use it for stirring my porridge?” the octogenarian casually answered. The daughter ushered her out of the shop.
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