Clangers overheard by readers in the last week
Billing the piggies
“We’re just lawyers, commercial lawyers, not academic lawyers”, remarked a man – who was plainly a lawyer – in Bar Boulud in Knightsbridge to a waiter. He continued: “We’ll have three piggie burgers… Three piggie burgers with fried eggs”. Ka-ching: He no doubt billed triple for that.
The same table, on receiving their burgers, got on to the subject of horseracing. One remarked: “When my horse goes out, I expect it to go out with a jockey. I don’t want it sent out with an ‘effing stable boy”. Another chipped in and added: “Most of the time, I find my trainer gets me Nigel Farage quality. He knows I want Margaret Thatcher standards and he give me s**t like Farage. I feel as if I been totally f***ed”.
At the bar at Harvey Nichols in Knightsbridge a reader overheard a dissatisfied blonde woman from Essex complaining. She told her friend: “S**t Pinot Grigio darling, s**t. Who the f**k do these people think we are? Common? Do they think we’re from f**king Chelsea?”
Outing the gluten
A woman in a café in Mayfair admonished a waiter: “I only eat gluten free toast. It’s all I want. Why don’t you have it?” She continued: “This is Mayfair not Mongolia. Don’t you get it?” The waiter shrugged in bemusement and so the woman turned on her heel and departed for gluten free pastures new.
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