Clangers overheard by readers in the last week
Billing the piggies
“We’re just lawyers, commercial lawyers, not academic lawyers”, remarked a man – who was plainly a lawyer – in Bar Boulud in Knightsbridge to a waiter. He continued: “We’ll have three piggie burgers… Three piggie burgers with fried eggs”. Ka-ching: He no doubt billed triple for that.
The same table, on receiving their burgers, got on to the subject of horseracing. One remarked: “When my horse goes out, I expect it to go out with a jockey. I don’t want it sent out with an ‘effing stable boy”. Another chipped in and added: “Most of the time, I find my trainer gets me Nigel Farage quality. He knows I want Margaret Thatcher standards and he give me s**t like Farage. I feel as if I been totally f***ed”.
At the bar at Harvey Nichols in Knightsbridge a reader overheard a dissatisfied blonde woman from Essex complaining. She told her friend: “S**t Pinot Grigio darling, s**t. Who the f**k do these people think we are? Common? Do they think we’re from f**king Chelsea?”
Outing the gluten
A woman in a café in Mayfair admonished a waiter: “I only eat gluten free toast. It’s all I want. Why don’t you have it?” She continued: “This is Mayfair not Mongolia. Don’t you get it?” The waiter shrugged in bemusement and so the woman turned on her heel and departed for gluten free pastures new.
Submit comments you hear to email@example.com. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive each week and change some names and locations to protect the identities of the foolish.
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