Monday, February 26, 2024

Are you snorkeling in my think tank?

Section:

George Appleton shares his views on corporate management speak

 

Heads up everyone. When did our corporate world become over run with blue sky thinking? Are you fed up receiving cascading emails from your line manager who is just touching base about going forward? Or are you unsure about an upcoming meeting regarding the pre-plan for next year’s objectives plan? In the Urban Dictionary, the definition of psychobabble bullsh#t is as follows: ‘anytime someone says something totally ridiculous and you just wish they would shut up’. Hear, hear.

 

Are you snorkeling in my think tank
George Appleton shares his views on the idiocy on corporate management speak and asks: Are you snorkelling in my think tank?

 

In a previous incarnation, I worked for an organisation that communicated in just such terms. It was nauseating receiving emails describing the positive energy in the room during the last meeting. Likewise, sitting through meetings deciding what their mission statement should be. There were meetings to decide what should be discussed at the forthcoming meeting, and meetings to discuss what came out of the last meeting. In the meantime, nobody was able to get on with any actual work because they were all stuck in… meetings.

 

A friend who works for another similar organisation (which unfortunately shall also remain nameless) speaks of the same culture there. Apparently, they’re big on bonding days where the theme is Future, Engage, Deliver, because apparently: leadership starts in the future – work that one out if you can. At one such meeting, employees were asked to give their opinions about how the company was performing. But, as their boss was sitting in the room with them at the time, they were asked to do it in a metaphorical theme of the sea, with the company being a ship. Apparently, one person likened the business to a ramshackle raft on a choppy sea, with the occupants bailing out frantically but sinking fast. His boss wasn’t amused.

 

An acquaintance, who occupied a senior position in the legal profession, talks of a similar mind-set: “There is some mysterious activity engaged in by civil servants called scoping. I never did get that one. Another is to describe people as stakeholders, which apparently is anyone who may be affected by what it is you might be scoping”. He concludes: “Civil servants talk of ‘addressing issues’, which is evidently easier that having to sort the bloody mess out”.

 

Recently, workers at another (nameless) company received an email asking them to refrain from using the term brainstorming from thence onwards as it could be potentially offensive. It was recommended that they replace it with the phrase idea showers. When I was at school we were simply asked to come up with ideas, nowadays whole lessons are given over to mind mapping exercises. You couldn’t make it up if you tried.

 

So, I propose we take a stand against these middle managing ditherers, spouting their mindless rhetoric. Are you with me dear readers? Or, indeed, are you snorkelling in my think tank?

 

George Appleton is a UCL graduate and freelance writer who is based in North Lancashire.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here:

     

    The Steeple Times
    The Steeple Times
    We research and background check our articles. If you believe we have made and error in some detail please get in touch, we seek always to write the truth and stand against a press owned by a self selected few. Please help us, we will accept all your likes, subscriptions and anonymous suport. The Editor and his team at the Steeple Times.

    1 COMMENT

    1. It is brain storming, strengths and weakness, who is the competition? Shit about bench marking, staff appraisals and development, not to mention mandatory training in health and safety and company political correctness. Risk assessment regarding even trivial matters. they even document what is common sense. The scientific approach to management they call it. I call it a storm in a tea cup. Just keep an eye on the till and stock and pay your employees a decent liveable wage.

    LEAVE A REPLY

    Please enter your comment!
    Please enter your name here

    £1 per week Supports The Steeple Times

    Help journalism to remain honest & independent. You can make a difference to the world today.

    3,573FansLike
    2,068FollowersFollow
    16,731FollowersFollow
    4,962SubscribersSubscribe

    Subscribe For DAILY NEWS

    Please subscribe, like and share this unique site, it helps us tremendously. The Steeple Times in return will send you an email at noon each and everyday, that we sincerely hope you will enjoy & look forward to seeing in your inbox.

    AD
    Advertisement

    Trending Now

    A Question Of Tyres And Tires

    Matthew Steeples assesses the debate between “tyres” and “tires” and finds “attire” to form the key to the answer to a topic that has bizarrely incensed ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’ types for decades.

    Most Popular Articles

    The Phil & Matt Show

    Phillip Schofield filmed smoking shisha with his alleged ex-lover Matt McGreevy (and pictured in bed thereafter); another image shows the pair together in photograph...

    Was Mucky Minx Meghan Markle A ‘Yacht Girl’ For ‘Randy Andy’?

    As author Kirby Sommers suggests that the then Meghan Markle likely spent time with Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein before she met Prince Harry, we again highlight the mucky, murkiness and mendacious manner of this alleged “yacht girl.”

    SchofieldLite

    ‘Politicalite’ suggest Phillip Schofield orchestrated his ‘mass coming out’ after a former ‘This Morning’ runner had gone to the press about a supposed relationship...

    Meddling Meghan Markle Expose – Attwood, Hopkins & Steeples

    Expose interview with Matthew Steeples by Shaun Attwood and Jennifer Hopkins about the former Meghan Markle watched over 73,000 times in 16 hours since it aired; Steeples condemns hapless Prince Harry and his meddling menace wife.

    Ampika Pickston

    Oldham born divorcee and former glamour model Ampika Pickston describes herself as “feisty, fun loving and warm hearted”. Now based in Hale Barns, Cheshire...

    Justice for James Scurlock

    Power of social media proven after senseless killing of James Scurlock in Omaha, Nebraska allegedly by a controversial bar owner named Jake Gardner who has been photographed with Donald Trump.
    [td_block_6 custom_title="Most Liked..." sort="popular7"]