The Steeple Times

Tag: tipple

  • Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

    As the new Diana, Princess of Wales statue is mocked as looking like him, ‘Dorian Gray of Daytime Telly’ Richard Madeley pathetically claims he got PTSD due to worrying about his son’s wedding

    Normally it’s his boozed-up, ‘mummy figure’ and all-round washed-up wastrel wife Judy Finnigan who makes the headlines for such things as tittie flashing, but, today, motormouthed madman Richard Madeley made headlines in The Sun after ludicrously claiming he “suffered from PTSD after his son’s wedding.”

     

    Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is something defined by the NHS as “anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events” and its causes are listed on their website as such things as:

     

    • Serious road accidents.
    • Violent personal assaults, such as sexual assault, mugging or robbery.
    • Serious health problems.
    • Childbirth experiences.

     

    Though messed-up maniac Madeley soppily suggested worrying about his son’s nuptials had been “so choppy,” his comparison of his situation to such yet again proves this utter nutter to be nothing but a blithering berk. “How very dare he insult those who’ve fought in war zones and survived rape and torture,” commented one especially irate reader in an email to The Steeple Times.

     

    ‘Deranged Dicky’ – Please keep taking your happy pills; you plainly need ‘em, old chap.

     

    Richard Madeley’s ‘finest’ moments

    On his son’s wedding

    “There’s been so much angst about it… It’s been so choppy, but, yes, he got married and now we’ve got a daughter-in-law.”

     

    In conversation with President Clinton

    “I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent.”

     

    Of women

    “I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I’ve never met her.”

     

    On elephants

    “So, are you telling me elephants are not born evil?”

     

    To a man crying after paramedics saved his life

    “Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway, after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!”

     

    In Nostradamus-like fashion on coronavirus

    “We are being duped… [They are trying to] put the fear of God into the public. A great reckoning is coming.”

     

    On lockdowns

    “There’s no point in running away and hiding from the virus.”

     

    Of old women skipping

    “There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”

     

    Of wanting to be black

    “I hope when I’m reincarnated I come back black because you age better.”

     

    To Keira Knightley

    “Can we get some make up please, get Keira looking like a crack whore, she’d make a good crack whore.”

     

    Of an autistic teenager

    “The thing with Daniel [Wakeford, a ‘star’ on Channel 4’s Undateables] is, he has autism but is very intelligent and as we can see extremely talented. Has Daniel always been autistic?”

     

    To a caller

    “I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is it a boy or a girl?”

     

    Richard Madeley Ali G
    When Richard Madeley dressed up as Ali G to present ‘This Morning,’ it was later voted “one of the worst moments in television history,” ‘Digital Spy’ reported.
    Richard Madeley dressed as Judy Finnigan
    On another occasion, attention seeking Madeley dressed up as his very own wife. Clearly, this crackpot’s ‘mummy’ issues are genuinely really an issue.
    Richard Madeley Diana Princess of Wales 1
    In recent days, Twitter users – aside from suggesting it as resembling a cross between Theresa May and Sean Bean – have argued that the new Diana, Princess of Wales actually could be of Richard Madeley. No doubt, television’s ultimate twerp will actually be annoyed that it’s not his name on the statue instead; one could imagine a monument to his ‘genius’ in Trafalgar Square potentially also.
    The telly-box twerp is regularly compared to Alan Partridge and can be relied upon to play the fool at the drop of a hat.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcx3FUarNiI&t=1s
    Alleged shoplifter Madeley’s ‘mummy’ wife, Judy Finnigan, is best known for quaffing, flashing her boobs and falling off sofas. In October 2014, she inexcusably defended a footballer later convicted of rape by saying: “The rape wasn’t violent… He didn’t cause any bodily harm to the person… She had far too much to drink.”
  • Tatler Tells Fake Tales

    Tatler Tells Fake Tales

    ‘Tatler’ magazine called out for suggesting a Chelsea restaurant that closed down in August 2016 as a “hot spot” post ‘Lockdown 3.0’ ending in May 2021

    A “tattler” is an “observer or spectator… a gossip who tells tales,” whilst ‘THE’ Tatler is defined by the Oxford Learners’ Dictionary as “a British magazine, published once a month and containing articles about upper-class and upper-middle-class social events, fashion and the arts.”

     

    Given the Condé Nast lifestyle publication’s staff – amongst them previously the current editor of the Daily Mail, Geordie Greig, and the ex-editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker, Tina Brown CBE – have variously included many Oxbridge alumni, one would assume they’d be a little better at fact checking than the notoriously sloppy seconds employed by the MailOnline (which is rated 1 out of 5 by the Microsoft Edge browser given its propensity to share fake news), but instead a recent edition of the monthly society bible featured a complete balls-up.

     

    In an article titled: “13 Chelsea restaurant stalwarts to head to when we can eat indoors too,” an unnamed contributor banged on about where its ritzy readers could head to post the end of ‘Lockdown 3.0’ and lauded one particular Sydney Street, SW3 restaurant as:

     

    “[Brasserie Gustave at 4 Sydney Street, London, SW3 6PP is] located at the exact point where South Ken meets Chelsea (and on a site that has seen more restaurants than Ramires has had yellow cards), this French bistro is a keeper. If the art-deco posters look a bit hackneyed, not to say banal, the food is anything but. It’s fresh and lively, classic French dishes prepared with punctilious attention to detail. Confit de canard is superb and you won’t find a better plate of kidneys in London. Great wines too, managed with gusto by experienced sommelier Richard Weiss.”

     

    Whilst of their thirteen selections, the loathed by Dan Wootton magazine prattled: “We’ve eaten our way around Chelsea’s top restaurants… We’ve got you covered,” a comment on OpenTable from as long ago 22nd August 2016 reads: “I made a reservation and got there and the restaurant was closed.” Plainly, anyone with half a brain would have realised five years ago that Brasserie Gustave turned out actually to be anything but “a keeper.”

     

    In the time since, Tatler’s editorial team also missed their very own one-time contributor Giles Coren’s visit to 4 Sydney Street on 15th July 2017. At that time, he lauded “pan-Asian” Zheng Chelsea as “the sort of places foodies go in quest of the new and wonderful.”

     

    Whatever next for the society go-to bible? An-inhouse position for our least favourite fake news PR peddler Ivy Holt? Next!

     

    Pictured top: 4 Sydney Street has been various restaurants over the years including Carpaccio, Sette, Marco Pierre White’s Sydney Street Grill, Brasserie Gustave and most recently Zheng Chelsea.

     

    Tatler Tells Fake Tales 2021 – Tatler lauds Chelsea restaurant Brasserie Gustave, 4 Sydney Street, SW3 which closed in August 2016 in May 2021 – ‘Tatler’ magazine called out for suggesting a Chelsea restaurant that closed down in 2016 as a “hot spot” post ‘Lockdown 3.0’ ending in 2021.
    The magazine’s May 2020 feature on Brasserie Gustave – a restaurant that closed in August 2016.
    Tatler Tells Fake Tales 2021 – Tatler lauds Chelsea restaurant Brasserie Gustave, 4 Sydney Street, SW3 which closed in August 2016 in May 2021 – ‘Tatler’ magazine called out for suggesting a Chelsea restaurant that closed down in 2016 as a “hot spot” post ‘Lockdown 3.0’ ending in 2021.
    In August 2016, an OpenTable user commented: “I made a reservation for [Brasserie Gustave] on Open Table and got there and the restaurant was closed.”
    Tatler Tells Fake Tales 2021 – Tatler lauds Chelsea restaurant Brasserie Gustave, 4 Sydney Street, SW3 which closed in August 2016 in May 2021 – ‘Tatler’ magazine called out for suggesting a Chelsea restaurant that closed down in 2016 as a “hot spot” post ‘Lockdown 3.0’ ending in 2021.
    The front elevation of Zheng Chelsea, 4 Sydney Street, Chelsea, London, SW3 6PP.
    Tatler Tells Fake Tales 2021 – Tatler lauds Chelsea restaurant Brasserie Gustave, 4 Sydney Street, SW3 which closed in August 2016 in May 2021 – ‘Tatler’ magazine called out for suggesting a Chelsea restaurant that closed down in 2016 as a “hot spot” post ‘Lockdown 3.0’ ending in 2021.
    The interior of the restaurant as it used to be during the era that Brasserie Gustave (left) occupied the site and as it has been since circa 2016 as “pan-Asian” Zheng Chelsea (right). Of food there, in July 2017, Giles Coren remarked: “Food this good and this unusual would normally never be found in Chelsea… Chelsea is not absolutely the last place in the entire world that I would go looking for brilliant authentic Malaysian cooking, but it comes close. What with the well-upholstered complacency of the locals, the lack of any significant oriental population, the high throughput of tourists and idle shoppers in need of plasticky chain food, the sky-high rents and concomitant historical lack of any decent restaurants here at all, Chelsea is perhaps the second last place in the known universe that I would go in expectation of fiery, original, challenging but entirely successful Straits Chinese cuisine.”
    Tatler Tells Fake Tales 2021 – Tatler lauds Chelsea restaurant Brasserie Gustave, 4 Sydney Street, SW3 which closed in August 2016 in May 2021 – ‘Tatler’ magazine called out for suggesting a Chelsea restaurant that closed down in 2016 as a “hot spot” post ‘Lockdown 3.0’ ending in 2021.
    The society go-to title was previously accused of a “swathe of inaccuracies and false misrepresentations” in May 2020 by Kensington Palace after it published an article about one-time friend of its current editor, Richard Dennen (pictured together right), the Duchess of Cambridge titled “Catherine the Great.”

  • A Wetherspoons Washout 2021

    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021

    On ‘Unlockdown Day 2021’ the Truro branch of Wetherspoons was empty; given its owner Tim Martin’s joy in banning just about everything, could anybody be surprised?

    Wetherspoons pub chain owner Tim Martin is a bore, a braggart and an on-off Boris Johnson groupie. This deservedly disliked dimwit is known for ranting in support of Brexit and not allowing European alcohol brands to be served in his venues and in January 2020, the draconian drip even “limited customers with children to just two alcoholic drinks each.” This laughable lunatic even once went as far as to put a stop to champagne on the basis of where it has to be made.

     

    Prior to these decidedly deranged decisions, 66-year-old Martin banned dogs both inside and outside his pubs (on the basis that his workers “are sick of picking up poop”) and then added social media usage to his list of things prohibited across all premises. Here is a man whom claimed to dislike the rules of the EU, but here also is one obsessed with creating ridiculous rules of his own.

     

    Yesterday, when British pubs were finally allowed to reopen after the easing of the third lockdown and patrons flocked to bars to get pissed, the public took rightful revenge on Tim Martin.

     

    Featured in an article by a trainee reporter for Cornwall Live named Edward Church, the Truro branch of the painfully picky chain, a dirty looking dump named Try Dowr, “wasn’t met with a stampede” on reopening and nor did it get “much of a fanfare.”

     

    “By 7.30am, no one had shown up,” commented Church, before adding: “A few passersby seemed tempted… [But] none of them stuck around in chilly, windy Lemon Square for their chance of a cheap pint, and they wandered off to Pannier Market and elsewhere on the square… Time passed, however, and no queue materialised.”

     

    Diddums to Tim Martin and perhaps a warning also: Nobody likes a killjoy and frankly nobody wanted to return to his funless dumps when freedom allowed. Perhaps it’s time for ‘Dim Tim’ to relax his ridiculous rules and turn his pubs back into places people might actually enjoy. Next!

     

    Pictured top: Tim Martin, a man once voted ‘PR Week’s’ “Flop of the Month,” with his on-off Brexiteering bestie Boris Johnson.

     

    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – No shows at Wetherspoons pubs – On ‘Unlockdown Day 2021’ the Truro branch of Wetherspoons was still empty; given its owner Tim Martin’s joy in banning just about everything, could anybody be surprised?
    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – The Try Dowr branch of Wetherspoons is not exactly Britain’s most beautiful boozer, but one would have thought it would have had at least a few loyal customers willing to return to celebrate reopening. Plainly, the impact of tiresome Tim Martin’s ridiculous rules proved to the contrary on ‘Unlockdown Day 2021.’
    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – In July 2020, just before lockdown restrictions were for the first time relaxed, the @SteepleTimes Twitter account shared this clip of “a male and a female are seen staggering up and falling down a staircase whilst, frankly, p***ed out of their skulls” and accompanied it with the caption: “Two J. D. Wetherspoons customers at 3pm tomorrow.” It went viral and was liked by nearly 500 people and shared by nearly 200 also.
    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – No shows at Wetherspoons pubs – On ‘Unlockdown Day 2021’ the Truro branch of Wetherspoons was still empty; given its owner Tim Martin’s joy in banning just about everything, could anybody be surprised?
    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – Members of the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ got somewhat worked up about the ‘Cornwall Live’ story. Some strangely actually supported Tim Martin, but the majority expressed sentiments such as: “That’s Wetherspoons for you, the locals are good judges. Actually a piece of half decent journalism from ‘Cornwall Live’ for once.”
    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – No shows at Wetherspoons pubs – On ‘Unlockdown Day 2021’ the Truro branch of Wetherspoons was still empty; given its owner Tim Martin’s joy in banning just about everything, could anybody be surprised?
    A Wetherspoons Washout 2021 – Another ‘APLIN’ member, Gerard Montgomery, concluded: “It would be nice to think this is people supporting local pubs and remembering how poorly ‘Spoons treated their staff,” whilst one Ian McGowan concluded: “I am waiting for ‘Hull Live’ to run a story of the first post lockdown punch-up in one of the local ‘Spoons. We should not have long to wait.”
  • A Cottage For A Quid

    A Cottage For A Quid

    Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1

    The Royal Town of Caernarfon sits on the eastern shore of the Menai Strait in North Wales and as a result of its proximity to Snowdonia and history dating back to Roman times is a “major tourist centre,” according to Wikipedia. It has a marina, award winning arts centre, a maritime museum and numerous popular pubs, bars and restaurants.

     

    Situated down an alleyway behind the now shuttered Morris Bros Gors Bach Bakery shop at 72 Pool Street, a stone-built derelict cottage is currently being marketed by the Doorsteps online estate agency for the seemingly remarkable price of just £1.

     

    Though clearly in need of total renovation, the space offered is just a three minute walk from the seafront and directly adjoins the town’s revamped shopping district where the annual food festival attracts around 30,000 visitors each May.

     

    Of the property offered, the Mirror last week observed: “It now needs a total makeover to become a dream seaside cottage in the heart of the holiday town” and could instead be converted to a studio space even.

     

    In their very brief marketing literature, Doorsteps, however, add: “Terms and conditions apply,” but when contacted for comment were somewhat curiously not able to elaborate further.

     

    Bidding for the cottage to the rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon is scheduled to commence online on 6th May 2021 at 12 noon and will conclude at 1pm on the same day. Interestingly, a bidding deposit of £500 is required to participate – some £499 or 49,900% more than the property’s guide price.

     

     

    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    The interior of the cottage is nothing but an empty shack currently, but there is plenty of character that could be incorporated into its potential reuse as a home.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    The space could be used as a holiday cottage, permanent residence or a studio even – subject to any necessary planning consents being granted.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    The currently derelict cottage is behind an also currently derelict bakery that had been in business for over 50 years and accessed via a somewhat unappealing alleyway.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    The annual Caernarfon Food Festival is not happening in 2021 due to COVID-19 lockdown restrictions, but it is normally a popular event and attended by around 30,000 people.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    The festival occurs throughout the town and on the sea wall even.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    Previously in February 2017, ‘The Steeple Times’ featured the sale of a far grander residence in Caernarfon, The Old Court House, at a price reduced from £650,000 to just £525,000. The building’s then owner, an English property developer named Aaron Hill, told ‘Wales Online’ he was selling after “vandals had smashed his windows 46 times, daubed graffiti across doors, attacked his car and urinated through his letterbox.” He told the paper “he had reported about 26 incidents to North Wales Police and remarked: ‘They said: ‘You need to f**k off where you belong. We don’t want you here. We’ll burn the place down.’” The building was subsequently converted into a bar, bistro, restaurant and event venue in 2018.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    In June 2014, ‘The Steeple Times’ featured another property once sold for £1, the Grade I listed Palladian gem Barlaston Hall in Staffordshire. It was saved from near collapse in 1981 by former ‘Country Life’ editor Marcus Binney and sold on for £300,000in 1992 and offered for sale again in 2014 for £2.3 million after renovations were completed. After its asking price was reduced to £2 million, it subsequently sold for £2 million through agents Fisher German in April 2019.
    A Cottage For A Quid – Cottage for sale in foodie destination Caernarfon – Crumbling stone-built seaside cottage in Welsh foodie destination and royal town of Caernarfon goes on sale for just £1 – Rear of 72 Pool Street, Caernarfon, Gwynedd, LL55 2AF, Wales, United Kingdom offered for sale by Doorsteps online estate agency.
    In the very same article in June 2014 in ‘The Steeple Times,’ we also included another £1 property, Old Whitehall House in Chirnside, Berwickshire, Scotland. Derelict since 2007, this B-listed Georgian mansion required at least £1.2 million spent on its refurbishment, but came complete with an ornate music room decorated in Italian plasterwork and 7 bedrooms.
  • Brenda’s Brew

    Brenda’s Brew

    Her Majesty The Queen launches two home brewed beers just as it is announced that drinkers have drunk stocks nigh on dry in the wake of ‘unlockdown’

    This morning, just as BBC Radio 4’s Today programme announced that pubs are literally “scraping the barrel” in desperation to find beer given customers have gone wild since lockdown restrictions were eased, The Sun revealed that “Her Majesty has moved into home brewing with two new bitters” made with crops grown at her Sandringham Estate.

     

    Said like her late mother to be “partial to a gin and Dubonnet” according to her former chef Darren McGrady, the Queen’s 5% ABV Golden IPA and 4.3% ABV Sandringham Best Bitter are being sold at a punchy price of £3.99 per bottle, but have already attracted plaudits galore.

     

    According to the paper, one unnamed fan remarked:

     

    “To drink beers that the Queen’s had a hand in is the stuff of legend.”

     

    “I can just imagine her supping the first pints and giving her royal thoughts on the taste. Unlike most of the home brews I’ve tried, these are actually really tasty.”

     

    “I’m sure Prince Philip would be very proud that the estate is producing these ales as I know he was a fan of a good real ale.”

     

    “Good on Queenie. She always knows what the country needs – and this summer, more than ever, it’s a beer.”

     

    Sadly, however, you’ll only currently be able to buy the beers – which are made “using organic Laureate spring barley and spring water from a nearby borehole” – if you head to the estate shop on the Sandringham Estate.

     

    The current monarch is surprisingly not alone in lauding the benefits of beer. In February 2015, we reported that Queen Victoria once remarked: “Give my people plenty of beer, good beer, and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them.”

     

     

    Brenda’s Brew – Her Majesty The Queen launches two beers – Her Majesty The Queen launches two home brewed bitters just as it is announced that drinkers have drunk stocks nigh on dry in the wake of ‘unlockdown’ – 4.3% Sandrigham Best Bitter and the 5% Sandringham Golden IPA pale ale been produced by Barsham Brewery, Fakenham, Norfolk for the Sandringham Estate, Norfolk, PE35 6EN – Priced at £3.99 per bottle.
    Brenda’s Brew – The Queen is known for having a liking for champagne, wine and gin and Dubonnet, but now she can join the masses and indulge in her very own beers.
  • Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky)

    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky)

    Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000; it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover

    ‘Achastaile’ is said to mean ‘field of the whisky still’ and now someone looking for somewhere truly far from the madding crowd, could purchase a truly remote house of that name at the heart of the Highlands in the true wilderness that is Sutherland in Scotland.

     

    Situated a mile up an access track described by its selling agents as “rough” and 5 miles from the small village of Rogart, the “semi-derelict” cottage offered sits on a plot of ¾ of an acre and currently includes a hall, a sitting room with cast iron fireplace, a kitchen with “basic” fittings and a stone inglenook fireplace, a “spacious” bedroom, a bathroom and an attic room.

     

    Serviced by mains electricity in spite of its isolation, ‘Achastaile’ has a private water supply, a UV water treatment system and drainage is to a septic tank.

     

    Described as an “ultimate hideaway” in the Sutherland Hills that offers “complete peace and tranquility,” the property “requires complete refurbishment and renovation.” Prior planning permission for such has now lapsed, but “the existing plans can be made available to prospective purchasers on request.”

     

    Arthur & Carmichael estate agents market ‘Achastaile’ – also known more simply as ‘188 Muie’ – at a price of offers over £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000). They advise viewers that they will not “accept any liability for damage or injury caused as a result of visiting the property” and provide detailed directions for access that read:

     

    “Take the A9 north over Dornoch Bridge and follow the road until you reach ‘The Mound’. Turn left at the sign for Rogart. Go through the village and after 2.2 miles from the last ‘30 mile’ sign at the end of the village, turn right into Blarich estate. Please close the gate.”

     

    “Follow the driveway and bear to the right and you will see a fence line where the drive continues to a large farm building. Park at the fence line (please take care to not obstruct the lane) and walk up the hill following the track to the left for approximately 1 mile. There are 2 gates on the way up the track – please make sure that these are closed behind you.”

     

    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – £95,000 cottage Achastaile, 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB, Scotland – Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000); it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover through estate agents Arthur & Carmichael.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – Whilst ‘Achastaile’ at 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB might seem a bargain at just £95,000, a 41,433 square foot castle in Sutherland we featured in April 2016 could be considered even more of a steal. Carbisdale Castle was offered at a price of just £900,000 or £21.70 per square foot.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – £95,000 cottage Achastaile, 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB, Scotland – Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000); it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover through estate agents Arthur & Carmichael.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – The cottage is situated at the heart of Britain’s “last true wilderness.”
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – £95,000 cottage Achastaile, 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB, Scotland – Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000); it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover through estate agents Arthur & Carmichael.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – A stone-building outbuilding without a roof currently within the grounds is described as “offering further potential.”
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – £95,000 cottage Achastaile, 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB, Scotland – Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000); it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover through estate agents Arthur & Carmichael.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – The cottage is situated at the heart of Britain’s “last true wilderness.”
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – £95,000 cottage Achastaile, 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB, Scotland – Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000); it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover through estate agents Arthur & Carmichael.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – The existing accommodation could be easily expanded.
    Far From The Madding Crowd (But Well-Near The Whisky) – £95,000 cottage Achastaile, 188 Muie, Rogart, Sutherland, Highland, IV28 3UB, Scotland – Detached cottage in nearly an acre of land, far from the madding crowd and 5 miles from the nearest village in Sutherland, Scotland for sale for just £95,000 ($131,000, €110,000 or درهم483,000); it’s perfect for an isolationist whisky lover through estate agents Arthur & Carmichael.
    The Clynelish Distillery is situated in Brora, a small industrial village on Sutherland’s east coast.

    Distilleries in Sutherland

    Whilst ‘Achastaile’ itself is terribly isolated, its eventual purchaser will find not only nature as solace. In nearby Ross-Shire, there are well known distilleries such as Balbair, Glenmorangie and Glen Ord and in Sutherland itself, the “water of life” flows at amongst others:

     

    Clynelish, Brora

    Originally built in 1819, the Clynelish Distillery is now owned by Diageo. Around 95% of the spirit made there is used in Johnnie Walker blends, primarily for the Gold Label Reserve.

     

    Thompson Bros. at Dornoch Distillery, Dornoch

    Founded in 2016 by Phil and Simon Thompson, this micro-distillery located in a ‘Fire House’ in the grounds of the Dornoch Castle Hotel produces “whisky styles of the 1960s” and gin also.

     

  • A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021

    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021

    Matthew Steeples shares his “yellow stickered” spending splurge just as it is revealed the average British family spent an extra £50 on groceries in January 2021

    This morning, just as the Guardian shared news that the “average British family spent [an] extra £50 on groceries in January “[underpinning a] £1 billion surge in supermarket spending,” I found myself with a £95 bill for a quick shop at a small Waitrose store in Brompton Road, London.

     

    Despite living alone during this latest lockdown, I – like the rest of the population it plainly seems – find myself making “spontaneous Waitrose trips” now due to being unable to go to restaurants. I saunter in intending to buy just a pint of milk and a bottle of wine perhaps, but end up leaving with goodness knows what.

     

    The perils or, to my plainly muddled mind, delights of finding yellow stickered items is part of the ‘problem.’ Discovering a bargain brings joy to my somewhat dull days and aside from buying the odd chocolate bar for the poor homeless residents of ‘Tent City Knightsbridge,’ I truly cannot justify such sporadic spending on things I truly don’t actually need.

     

    Unsurprisingly, the Guardian also reported that the majority of the increase in supermarket spending in January came from booze. They reported that whilst hideous no-alcohol beer rose “by 12% in the month” but that “alcohol sales surged by an even stronger 29%, or £234m, as the closure of pubs and clubs led to increased drinking at home.” Cheers to that!

     

    Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

     

    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – Supermarket spends up – Matthew Steeples shares his “yellow stickered” spending splurge just as it is revealed the average British family spent an extra £50 on groceries in January 2021.
    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – “You know lockdown is taking a toll when the spontaneous Waitrose trips begin” remarked one Instagram user last week… When yellow stickered bargains at 10p a pop are involved, one can see why.
    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – Supermarket spends up – Matthew Steeples shares his “yellow stickered” spending splurge just as it is revealed the average British family spent an extra £50 on groceries in January 2021.
    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – ‘Celebrity Waitrose’ in Belgravia is well-known for its yellow stickered bargain hunters. Amongst them are the renowned convicted racist and bargain grubber Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben, the potty chairman of Reform UK Richard Tice and a wacky woman nicknamed ‘The Aisle Eater.’
    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – Supermarket spends up – Matthew Steeples shares his “yellow stickered” spending splurge just as it is revealed the average British family spent an extra £50 on groceries in January 2021.
    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – Bargain loving sorts can now also indulge in Tesco reduced yellow sticker “grab a bargain” facemasks and throw blankets via RedBubble.
    A Yellow Stickered Spending Splurge 2021 – Since lockdown’s began in March 2020, yellow stickered bargain hunters have embraced their searches finds with gusto. Here, in July 2020, a YouTube user posted a 1-minute video of his ‘loot.’
  • Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani

    Anita Rani arrives as a BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ morning show presenter and announces: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission”

    An opponent of Scottish independence and a former co-presenter of Rogue Restaurants for BBC One, Bradford born Anita Rani’s appointment this week as a presenter of the Friday and Saturday editions of BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour is a breath of fresh air.  

     

    Known for being a place of forthright views – with the programme’s stalwart Dame Jenni Murray having pointedly declared of the Archers potentially quitting The Archers in November 2014: “I will kill the editor if he lets David and Ruth and Jill go to Northumberland. Brookfield simply cannot go. It’s just not possible; there will be a national scandal if that happens,” for example – Rani marked her arrival by telling home-schooling parents: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission” whilst tuning in to her morning show.

     

    Plainly a woman after our own hearts with a “if you can’t have one at eleven, have eleven at one” attitude, Anita Rani has previously stated: “I’ve hated being putted into boxes my whole life.” Now, in declaring her love of gin, she’s most definitely boxing clever and is well on her way to getting the approval of the famously gin-soaked Lillian Bellamy of The Archers, but also the entire nation.

     

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani – Gin loving radio presenter – Anita Rani arrives as a BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ morning show presenter and announces: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission.”
    Previously in her BBC One show ‘War on Plastic: The Fight Goes On’ last August with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Anita Rani sensibly declared: “It’s been a tough time for everyone, but now that we are getting into the rhythm of the new world we can remember the importance of sustainability. If once again we come together, we can make change happen. We need big businesses and government to make bold and important decisions to get single use plastic out of the system.”
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani – Gin loving radio presenter – Anita Rani arrives as a BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ morning show presenter and announces: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission.”
    Lillian Bellamy – played by the delightful Sunny Ormonde in ‘The Archers’ and a lady with her own Facebook fan club – is possibly Radio 4’s best known gin swiller and now Anita Rani has quite rightly got in on the act in urging her listeners to take up the view: “Time is only for the middle classes” when it comes to gin drinking.
  • Dry January 2021 CANCELLED

    Dry January 2021 CANCELLED

    At a time of lockup lunacy in early 2021, the last thing we need is the marketing nonsense that is ‘Dry January’ forced upon us; instead, celebrate #DryGinuary

    “Dry January will be Wetter Than Ever!” screamed a WSJ Magazine headline on 30th December and today we join those echoing Iris Apfel and Robert Venturi in stating: “More is More and Less is a Bore.” We suggest our readers that so choose should ignore the hype of ‘Dry January’ and at a time when many are locked up and lonely, respond by suggesting that everybody just enjoys themselves and drinks whatever they bloody well wish (in moderation).

     

    “I don’t associate guilt with pleasure,” artist and How to Survive the End of the World podcast hostess Autumn Brown told the article’s author Annie Werner and once again today we remind readers of the legendary French chef Alain Ducasse’s words this time last year:

     

    “I like swimming against the tide. I’ve noted [the Dry January] trend, but I don’t want to see or hear of it, I am opposed to it. [I want to] rid consumers of their inhibitions [with regard to wine drinking].”

     

    Going further and speaking of the dangers of signing up to a month without booze, consultant in liver medicine at the University Hospital Southampton NHS Foundation Trust Dr Mark Wright told Metro:

     

    “Giving up alcohol for dry January as some sort of detox is like maxing out your credit cards all year and thinking you can solve your financial problems by living like a hermit for a month… It just isn’t going to make things better if you then go back to your usual habits in February. It’s not a fix-all solution.”

     

    Faced with Boris Johnson’s lunacy lockdown in 2021 – where you can buy a leather collar for a dog in pet store (“essential” and open) but not a leather belt for a human in a clothes store (“non-essential” and closed) – we say that Brits that wish should follow the French and say ‘NON!’ to the patronising and pointless campaign that is ‘Dry January’ for once and for all.

     

    Instead, today, we join all those celebrating #DryGinuary this month and raise a glass and an almighty cheers to y’all.

     

    Three gins we recommend this #DryGinuary:

    No. 3 London Dry Gin

    Dry January 2021 CANCELLED – Ignore #DryJanuary, do #DryGinuary – At a time of lockup lunacy in early 2021, the last thing we need is the marketing nonsense that is ‘Dry January’ forced upon us; instead celebrate #DryGinuary with No. 3 Dry London Gin, Fishers Gin and Gilpin’s Westmorland Extra Dry Gin.

    The only gin in the world crafted by someone with a PhD in gin and owned by the world’s finest wine merchants, Berry Bros & Rudd.

     

    Fishers Gin

    Dry January 2021 CANCELLED – Ignore #DryJanuary, do #DryGinuary – At a time of lockup lunacy in early 2021, the last thing we need is the marketing nonsense that is ‘Dry January’ forced upon us; instead celebrate #DryGinuary with No. 3 Dry London Gin, Fishers Gin and Gilpin’s Westmorland Extra Dry Gin.

    This “authentic [44% ABV] coastal spirit” has notes of samphire and bog myrtle. Hints of salt shine through. It’s a catch and once reeled in, it’ll become a keeper.

     

    Gilpin’s Westmorland Extra Dry Gin

    Dry January 2021 CANCELLED – Ignore #DryJanuary, do #DryGinuary – At a time of lockup lunacy in early 2021, the last thing we need is the marketing nonsense that is ‘Dry January’ forced upon us; instead celebrate #DryGinuary with No. 3 Dry London Gin, Fishers Gin and Gilpin’s Westmorland Extra Dry Gin.

    47% ABV, from the Lake District and featuring a fresh aroma balanced with a dry yet bitter resinous taste. Not for the faint hearted.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IphT-rMZcCs
  • Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados

    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados

    Avocados and a “lack of British chefs in the kitchens” get the goat of out-of-touch British peers just as Norman Fowler calls for their numbers to be cut

    This morning, the Mirror revealed that “pampered peers” in the House of Lords have spent 2020 complaining about the quality of avocados just as, in a year when the country teeters on bankruptcy, the taxpayer has propped up their loss-making dining rooms and bars to the tune of nearly £2 million in subsidies.

    Of this news, at a time when Marcus Rashford has shamed the government over its meanness towards providing free meals for poor school children, Liberal Democrat Home Affairs spokesman Alistair Carmichael told the paper:

    “Boris Johnson stuffing the House of Lords with his dodgy mates is clearly having its effect.”

    “Instead of playing at Downton Abbey, these peers should be looking beyond their own dinner plate and address the real problems people across the country are facing.

    Shockingly paid £305 plus travel expenses for each and every day they attend, yet charged just £3.70 for a full English breakfast, peers also “griped” about the halting of the sale of alcohol of the Parliamentary Estate due to coronavirus restrictions. One even whinged that “there were not enough British chefs in the kitchens.”

    Elsewhere, last week, Lord Fowler, the lord speaker of the House of Lords, quite rightly argued in the Guardian that “there are too many lords” and remarked on Boris Johnson adding another 52 peers during 2020.

    He questioned the sense of the resulting total number of 830 – “despite a cross-party agreement three years ago that numbers should over time be reduced to 600” – and questioned the fact the Lords is almost 200 larger in number than the Commons “and far in excess of what needed to transact its business.”

    Going further and wading into the row over the disgraceful appointment of the “cash-for-access” tainted Tory donor Peter Cruddas by Johnson “in defiance of advice from the Lords Appointments Commission,” Fowler remarked:

    “As we have just seen, its recommendations can be overridden by No 10. The result is that a prime minister has the power on his or her own to add peers to a house of parliament that can make and, within limits, unmake laws. Is this what the public expect in the third decade of the 21st century?”

    “When making appointments it has become obvious that governments wish to avoid parliamentary scrutiny. Both of the initial announcements of new peerages in the last 12 months have been made when parliament has not been sitting. It simply adds to the impression that the choice of peers is the exclusive preserve of No 10 – and the less publicity the better. This may be fine for the government’s public relations team: whether it is fine for parliament is another matter.”

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    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados – Moaning House of Lords – Avocados and a “lack of British chefs in the kitchens” get the goat of British peers just as Norman Fowler calls for their numbers to be cut.
    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados –In March 2015, ‘The Steeple Times’ reported that “peers had complained about being left ‘scarred’ after having had their dinner bookings cancelled and were angered by the size of the menus, ‘chaotic’ table layouts and ‘inferior cappuccinos.’”
    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados – Moaning House of Lords – Avocados and a “lack of British chefs in the kitchens” get the goat of British peers just as Norman Fowler calls for their numbers to be cut.
    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados – Norman Fowler, Baron Fowler PC is quite right to call for reform of the House of Lords. A 2017 “analysis of voting, speaking and expenses records in the Lords, [showed a] ‘something for nothing culture among peers” by the Electoral Reform Society astonishingly revealed “115 Lords – one in seven of the total – failed to speak at all in the 2016/17 session, despite claiming an average of £11,091 each, while 18 peers failed to vote but still claimed £93,162” and that expenses claims had soared by 20% in just two years “at a time when public services have been under strain.”
    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados – In January 2018, the ‘National Geographic Discovery Channel’ reported on a peer complaining about a pork chop that was “uneatable, tough and dry, and clearly cooked for hours before.” Of some “gone off” smoked salmon, another member added: “It really was disgrace.”