The Steeple Times

Tag: newspaper

  • Who REALLY is Henry Newman?

    Who REALLY is Henry Newman?

    Whilst only a few newspapers have delved into his political past, we today ask: “Who REALLY is the bestie of Carrie Symonds and alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ Henry Newman?”

    In 2019, ‘Carrie Symonds’ bestie’ and supposed clatterfart Henry Newman described Dominic Cummings as “one of only a few political advisers who understands the importance of, and is truly committed to, reforming the Whitehall machine.” In April 2020, Cummings responded by branding Newman a leaker.

     

    Now, as the media delve into the scandal of Boris Johnson’s hole riddled ship and he seeks to dissipate the disgrace of his decorating debacle, with Cummings’ intervention on Friday, elements of the media have begun to examine exactly who Henry Newman is.

     

    Whilst widely referenced for dancing to ABBA with his longstanding chum Symonds and for being the go-to mouthpiece in support of Brexit during Theresa May’s “Brexit means Brexit” era, Newman should also go down in history for banging on about a need for fortnightly bin collections in Hampstead and Kilburn and for his somewhat bizarre Facebook ramblings.

     

    On his wall on the social media site, former special adviser (SPAD) to Francis Maude and Michael Gove, Newman – a graduate of ritzy institutions including the University of Oxford, Harvard University and the London School of Economics – has shared posts about being drunk. He has remarked that he was once “discreetly charmed by the bourgeoisie” and bragged that he even listened “to the Stones as the economy [collapsed].”

     

    Tellingly also, this one-time “rising star” and “Goveite” also declared he was “drowning in honey, stingless” and, most appropriately, providing illustration of why Daylesford addict ‘Costly Carrie’ counts him as “one of her four favourite people,” once announced: “[I’m] opening an organic box.”

     

    ‘Henry The Bin Boy’ Newman’s words of wisdom on Facebook…

    “Is drunk.”

     

    “Is opening an organic box.”

     

    “Is discreetly charmed by the bourgeoisie.”

     

    “Is drowning in honey, stingless.”

     

    “Once you kill a cow you gotta make a burger.”

     

    “Wondering if he is really a top concern for US immigration.”

     

    “Waiting for Jacqui Smith to resign.”

     

    “Is dancing, dancing, dancing… Is listening to rumba in W. Hartford… Is dancing in the dark… Is missing dancing.”

     

    “Is listening to the Stones while the economy collapses.”

     

    “Is watching his tan fall off.”

     

    “Hates people who don’t know how to use a rowing machine.”

     

    “Is thinking what this country needs is a new taskforce.”

     

    Who REALLY is Henry Newman? Alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ with a liking for organic boxes – Whilst a few newspapers have delved into his political past, we ask: “Who REALLY is the bestie of Carrie Symonds and alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ Henry Newman?” Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Dominic Cummings, Francis Maude, Conservative, Tory, Vote Leave.
    Who is Henry Newman? Facebook posts by him give a clue to his personality.

    Descriptions of Henry Newman by…

    Boris Johnson:

    “One of my three musketeers.”

     

    Carrie Symonds:

    “One of my four favourite people.”

     

    Toby Young:

    “He is new role model… If you were a [politics show] booker who had to find someone… Newman was the only name on your Rolodex.”

     

    “As the oxygen went out of Theresa May’s premiership, and her withdrawal agreement began to breathe its last, the great balloon of his career became more and more inflated.”

     

    Dominic Cummings:

    “All the evidence [regarding the second lockdown leak] definitely leads to Henry Newman… I’m just trying to get the communications data to prove it.”

     

    An unnamed “senior government source”:

    “The allegations against Henry Newman are entirely false. He wouldn’t be working in Downing Street if he was suspected of leaking information.”

     

    Follow Henry Newman on his now somewhat secretive social media (if he lets you) at @henryjohnnewman on Facebook, @henryjohnnewman on Instagram and @HenryNewman on Twitter.

     

    Who REALLY is Henry Newman? Alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ with a liking for organic boxes – Whilst a few newspapers have delved into his political past, we ask: “Who REALLY is the bestie of Carrie Symonds and alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ Henry Newman?” Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Dominic Cummings, Francis Maude, Conservative, Tory, Vote Leave.
    Who is Henry Newman? A fan of wearing beanie hats that declare: “Let’s get Brexit done,” here is a young man who taught politics at the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS), after studying at the University of Oxford, Harvard University and the London School of Economics. He reportedly then “cut his teeth” working in the Cabinet Office during the coalition government years and then joined Michael Gove’s entourage in the Ministry of Justice after he was appointed as the Lord Chancellor in 2015.
    Who REALLY is Henry Newman? Alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ with a liking for organic boxes – Whilst a few newspapers have delved into his political past, we ask: “Who REALLY is the bestie of Carrie Symonds and alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ Henry Newman?” Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Dominic Cummings, Francis Maude, Conservative, Tory, Vote Leave.
    Who is Henry Newman? Aside from having travelled to Russia in his youth, Newman joined the Vote Leave campaign during the 2016 referendum campaign and, according to ‘The Telegraph’ “was among a close circle of Mr Gove’s friends who were said to have helped to convince him to ‘knife’ Mr Johnson and torpedo his bid for the Tory leadership by deciding to run himself.” Later, a director of the pro-Brexit Open Europe think-tank, Newman was then rewarded for being “loyal” to Carrie Symonds when Boris Johnson came to power.
    Who REALLY is Henry Newman? Alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ with a liking for organic boxes – Whilst a few newspapers have delved into his political past, we ask: “Who REALLY is the bestie of Carrie Symonds and alleged ‘Chatty Rat’ Henry Newman?” Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Dominic Cummings, Francis Maude, Conservative, Tory, Vote Leave.
    Who is Henry Newman? Let’s not forget that this young man’s best friend Carrie Symonds was previously dating a man, Oliver Haiste (sometimes spelt ‘Haste’), exposed by the BBC in October 2016 for a Russian fake news scandal and for his friendship with Henry Hopwood-Phillips, an individual involved in the far-right, racist Traditional Britain Group. Miss Symonds must be noted also for her having been employed by Oceana, an oceanic charity that Ghislaine Maxwell – the now incarcerated alleged mucky madam to Jeffrey Epstein – was also a tin banger for.
    https://twitter.com/JoshBerryComedy/status/1386235119002955776
  • ‘Henley’s 9/11’ – BinGate (Part II)

    ‘Henley’s 9/11’ – BinGate (Part II)

    Row about ‘heritage’ bins and solar bins in Henley rumbles on; temper tantrum prone ‘Cavalier councillor’ David Eggleton still isn’t satisfied

    In January, we reported on a colossal row between councillors over rubbish receptacles in Henley-on-Thames. It resulted in one, a gobby grandad and participant in “many popular soaps” as an actor named David Eggleton “storming away from his camera” and resigning.

     

    Now still, it seems, the ‘BinGate’ saga – widely referenced online as equivalent to “Henley’s 9/11” – isn’t over and this week the local rag, the Henley Herald, returned to report on another council meeting about this trashy topic. They even featured a link to its live stream on YouTube, but only described Eggleton’s previous temper tantrum as having occurred because “his fellow party councillors were not listening to him.”

     

    “I don’t believe in waste” curiously announced self-declared “expert about waste” Eggleton during the Zoom conference on 16th February. He then added: “On the solar bins… The have chips in them that tell you when they are full, but unfortunately [the bin collectors] haven’t got the software… It doesn’t make any sense… I would say this needs relooking at and shouldn’t go ahead… I won’t be voting for agreeing with these to go ahead.”

     

    ‘Bingate Part II,’ as the paper branded it, is plainly far from cleared up, but in other news shared by the publication, it was the slightly more important to the nation Henley Royal Regatta being moved to August that took prominence.

     

    Pictured top: One of Henley-on-Thames’ now infamous bins; councillor Dave Eggelton “dressed [up] in his Royal Cavalier finery” to take a bus tour group from Gloucestershire on a walking tour of the area’s Civil War sites – featured in the ‘Henley Herald’ in April 2016.

     

    ‘Henley’s 9/11’ – BinGate (Part II) – David Eggleton NOT happy – Row about ‘heritage’ bins and solar bins in Henley rumbles on; temper tantrum prone ‘Cavalier councillor’ David Eggleton still isn’t satisfied.
    In March 2019, the ‘Henley Standard’ reported on David Eggleton being nominated for “the local hero award” by his mum and winning. At the time, he cryptically revealed “he was organising new projects, but would not reveal any details.”
    ‘Henley’s 9/11’ – BinGate (Part II) – David Eggleton NOT happy – Row about ‘heritage’ bins and solar bins in Henley rumbles on; temper tantrum prone ‘Cavalier councillor’ David Eggleton still isn’t satisfied.
    David Eggleton does have interests in matters other than muck. In 2018, he took part in training in the use of speed cameras with fellow councillor Lorraine Hillier whilst dressed in some especially dirty clothing. Ms Hillier donned a condom-esque coat for the occasion.
  • Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

    Southend councillor gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities”

    Late last week, the Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’s aptly named senior reporter Christine Sexton “opened a can of sexual worms” when she wrote about “illegal” sheds erected by a councillor being “used for romps.”

     

    Sharing news of a not-so-neighbourly dispute that subsequently featured on the Facebook Group Angry People in Local Newspapers, Sexton began: “A councillor who built three sheds [complete with “fire hazard” “dodgy wiring”] without [planning] permission in his garden and let his son live in one has been facing complaints from neighbours over amorous trysts.”

     

    Pointing out that Brian Ayling – himself astoundingly a member of Southend’s development control committee, but someone who claimed “he did not realise he needed permission [for the structures]” – allowed his son to live in one of the sheds for a year, Sexton added:

     

    “Complaints to the council from a neighbour, said to be over the son’s amorous trysts with his girlfriend, resulted in the councillor being ordered to submit a planning application – which has now been rejected.”

     

    “A statement by Mr Ayling’s neighbour said: ‘I have to listen to them participating in sexual activities.’”

     

    Going further, a fellow councillor, Matt Dent, told the paper: “He said he didn’t realise, but it’s bizarre for someone on the development control committee.” Replying, Brian Ayling, remarked: “I [have] made an official complaint on [sic] councillor Dent.”

     

    Responding to the article, one reader amusingly offered: “If the shed’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’” whilst another amusingly added: “Perhaps his son should honour the age old Essex tradition known as ‘dogging’, adjusting it slightly for the 21st century, as many have during lockdown, and start a lucrative webcam based sex show. The councillor can adjust his sights slightly and apply for permission to start a business in the outbuildings and, Bob’s yer uncle, lemonade from lemons!”

     

    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – After seven councilors voted to refuse his retrospective application to keep his outbuildings, councillor Brian Ayling remarked: “They all ganged together against me.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Earlier this month, we reported on a more typical story featured on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ about someone getting angry about Tesco’s “shelf arrangements.” The “Southend sexual shed scandal,” however, is altogether an all-together more serious affair, yet perhaps instead if councillor Brian Ayling had turned one of his structures into a “mancave” garden bar and invited round his neighbours, it would have all worked out better.
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Readers of the ‘Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’ responded with merriment and mirth to the story.
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – One suggested that “making your son live in a shed is child cruelty” whilst others compared the situation to the BBC’s ‘The Archers’ current story about modern day slavery. Controversially, another remarked: “I used to lock my wife in the coal bunker, she’d come out black” – to which came the response: “Shocking, that you have ever had a wife.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Over at the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ discussion centred on use of the words “romps” and “noisy romping.” One Nikos Lefteris Christodoulou remarked: “Dodgy local councillor, planning permission woes and noisy romping all in one article!” Another, Ben Richardson, added: “If you go down to the illegal shed, you’re sure of a big surprise.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – ‘Top fan’ Kieran Clarke added: “Everything that it is to be ‘British,’ distilled in one headline!” whilst another, Mark Button, suggested that councillor Brian Ayling has a look of the late entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth about him.
  • Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge

    82-year-old granny Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am daily to deliver newspapers on her bicycle; she’s quite the contrast to bicycling pensioner and funeral crasher Theresa Doyle

    In September 2017, we featured a pitiful pensioner exposed for bicycling to funerals and their subsequent wakes with Tupperware boxes to raid buffet tables. At the time, Theresa Doyle’s atrocious antics were quite rightly slammed as “shameless,” but today we can share the story of an all-together better granny on a bike.

     

    Lauded as “Super Gran” in The Sun this morning, grandma of six Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am six days per week to deliver newspapers on her bicycle.

     

    Pauline Bridge, 82, took over the round, which encompasses 32 houses in Southampton, Hampshire from her grandchildren ten years ago and reckons to have covered around 5,000 miles on her 40-year-old bicycle.

     

    Cheerfully, of why she does it, this spirited lady stated she aims to carry on until she turns 90 and remarked:

     

    “I love it and I find it keeps me fit. I start at half six and it’s about a mile and a half. I deliver to 32 houses. I cycle every day, I always cycle.”

     

    Of her, one of her granddaughters, Megan, 17, added:

     

    “She gets up so early every day, Monday to Saturday without fail, in all weather conditions.”

     

    “We can’t believe what she is still achieving and she puts us youngsters to shame. She is an amazing mum and grandma – and we are all very proud of her.”

     

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge: Granny papergirl on a bike – 82-year-old granny Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am daily to deliver newspapers on her bicycle; she’s quite the contrast to bicycling pensioner and funeral crasher Theresa Doyle.
    In 2017, we featured the story of another bicycling pensioner, Theresa Doyle (AKA ‘The Grim Eater’ and ‘The Phantom Mourner’). Whilst 82-year-old pensioner Pauline Bridge cycles daily to deliver newspapers, Doyle, at the time 65, was exposed for bicycling to funerals of people she didn’t know to raid the buffets at the wakes that followed six-times-per week. Of her, Margaret Whitehead of Wargrave, Berkshire told ‘The Sun’: “She got my son Kevin to give her a lift from the church to the Irish Centre for the wake [for her deceased 42-year-old daughter, Catherine]. There were a lot of people at the funeral from Catherine’s work so I just assumed she was a colleague. When I spoke to her though she told me she used to work with Catherine as a waitress. My daughter never worked as a waitress. She was eating from the buffet like there was no tomorrow.”
    Sadly, with the news moving online and print paper sales hugely down, the number of paperboys and papergirls in Britain is fast coming towards its end. Pauline Bridge claims she intends to carry on as a ‘papergran’ for at least another eight years, but will her services actually still be required?
  • Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos

    Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos

    Grimsby resident takes with good humour someone attaching an Argos sign to his house on New Year’s Day whilst journalist reporting story of it goes all Miss Marple

    “I think if people were all a bit more like Andy, there would be no wars” remarked one Nick Kay on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ of a story about an Argos sign “taking a tour of Grimsby before ending up attached” to the house of someone named Andy.

     

    Featured in GrimsbyLive on Saturday, the aforementioned sign was taken from the closed down Argos store in Osborne Street in the coastal town – a place where a UKIP candidate dopily named Victoria Ayling asked a council meeting: “What happens when renewable energy runs out?” in 2015 – on New Year’s Day.

     

    According to the paper’s Gregory Ford, a journalist with plainly a hell of a lot of other subject matter to sift through as he moves into 2021, “[the sign] first took a stop at the town hall a few yards away” and appeared the next day “at an address in West Marsh where it appeared to have been attached to the side of a house.”

     

    Ford – a man who makes Miss Marple looks like an amateur – continued:

     

    “GrimsbyLive finally caught up with the wandering logo at around 1pm where it was found still attached to the side of a property on Haycroft Street near the junction with Lord Street.”

     

    Speaking to the “resident at the property,” a man whose surname he neglected to include named ‘Andy’ subsequently, Ford gained the following surprisingly witty comment:

     

    “I think someone has put it here as a bit of a joke, we have some banter with the neighbours, one of my friends sent me a video of someone attaching it to the house last night.”

     

    “I’ve got no idea how they got it down or if they were even the ones that took it off the wall in the first place to be honest.”

     

    “I’m keeping it up though I think, it is a bit funny isn’t it? I might just treat it as a bit of a late Christmas present, I’ll have to set up my own click and collect.”

     

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    Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos – Argos sign on Grimsby house – Grimsby resident takes with good humour someone attaching an Argos sign to his house whilst journalist reporting story of it goes all Miss Marple. Facebook group Angry People in Local Newspapers, GrimsbyLive.
    Predictably members of the Facebook ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ had fun with the story with one declaring: “Bet Visit Grimsby are pissing themselves over this free advertising.”
    Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos – Argos sign on Grimsby house – Grimsby resident takes with good humour someone attaching an Argos sign to his house whilst journalist reporting story of it goes all Miss Marple. Facebook group Angry People in Local Newspapers, GrimsbyLive.
    Another added: “They’ll put a pick-up point anywhere these days” whilst another mocked: “I saw Argos tour in the 80s, before they sold out.”
    Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos – Argos sign on Grimsby house – Grimsby resident takes with good humour someone attaching an Argos sign to his house whilst journalist reporting story of it goes all Miss Marple. Facebook group Angry People in Local Newspapers, GrimsbyLive.
    Andy from Argos’ sign is about its only highlight – Grimsby (a grim town whose residents are nicknamed ‘Grimbarians’) is the place Theresa May chose to give her final speech prior to the final vote on her ultimately rejected Brexit deal in 2019 in a hangar for housing life vests (rather appropriately); ditch loving murderess Jane Andrews (pictured with her former boss Sarah Ferguson) grew up in Grimsby and as of November was a Morrisons shelf-stacker in the town; chancellor “best known for singing in the bathtub as the economy collapsed” Norman Lamont was brought up there too and in 1974, Sir Elton even decided to sing about the accursed place. Now, in 2021, it doesn’t even have an Argos.
    Whilst Elton John waxed lyrical about Grimsby in his song – with lines including “there’s nothing to compare with my Grimsby,” “Grimsby, oh, a thousand delights” and “I miss your magic charm” – one visitor remarked of it: “The place just stinks of fish.”
    In August 2020, Argos announced it would no longer be printing paper copies of its catalogue. ITV1’s ‘This Morning’ responded by interviewing a retail studies expert named Professor Leigh Sparks who’d collected every single copy since 1973. He remarked: “It was a book of dreams in many ways. What a record of consumer tastes they were” whilst Eamonn Holmes intelligently chirped: “They can show you every stage of your life.”
    “It’s So Easy” was Argos’ strapline in advertising campaigns in the 1980s. No doubt, ‘Andy’ won’t share such sentiments when he’s bashed his head against the sign after a night out on the razzle dazzle.
  • Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

    “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman”

    At a time when 13,000 families are worrying about ending up in penury thanks to retail rotter ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s empire collapsing, there’s one very, very angry man with bigger issues to fry with the sinking high street shopping sector.

     

    Featured for “crying to the papers” first via the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers,’ an “international magician” named Mike Alan – a man mocked as the type that “shops in M&S but cuts a Lidl version of Richard O’Brien” – claims to have paid £75 for a coat that one commentator described simply as “I’ve seen nicer jackets on hot water tanks.”

     

    Aptly ‘Digusted of Tunbridge Wells’ (and yes, Mr Alan just had to be from Tunbridge Wells) moaned to KentLive’s multimedia journalist John James that he was left “seething” after an encounter with a shelf in the spa town’s Calverly Road Marks & Spencer store.

     

    Of the calamitous incident, Mr Alan – whom claims to have performed for both the Queen and the Sultan of Brunei – explained:

     

    “I went into the store like I do most days. I don’t have a problem with the shop or the staff themselves, they’re very polite. I go to look at a tin of biscuits and as I pull them off the shelf it rips my coat.”

     

    “I went to the desk and asked to speak to a manager and they said they didn’t have one on shift at the moment, I said ‘What are you? A corner shop?’”

     

    “By this point I looked like a snowman walking around with all the feathers coming out of my coat. I was told to call up head office.”

     

    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – Especially for ‘Kent Live’ readers, “as seen on TV” Mr Alan shared an image of the damage he did to a cucumber with the offending shelf. He did not declare whether he paid for said vine plant fruit.

    Continuing of his subsequent lengthy less than magical correspondence with the retailer, Mr Alan – a man plainly lacking a Debbie McGee to do his biscuit buying – then angrily added:

     

    “They’ve denied it’s sharp, so yesterday I went back in there and cut one of their cucumbers with the shelf. And they still say it’s not sharp. It’s like a razor!”

     

    “All I’m after is for them to own up to it and give me £50 for the coat, which I’d give to a homeless charity so they could buy a coat.”

     

    “I’m just really annoyed with their attitude. I’ve not been going in there since the incident. I’ve sent an invoice to them, I’m going to charge them for every email I send them.”

     

    “The shelf is sharp and it’s at the same height as a child’s face. It’s a joke.”

     

    Plainly sick of this moaning Minnie, an M&S spokesman responded: “We are giving him a gesture of goodwill to cover the cost of his coat.” Magic that, Mike.

     

    Pictured top: Mike Alan displays his “savaged” coat for the benefit of readers of ‘Kent Live’ (left); previous encounters with retailers including Sports Direct feature on his Facebook page.

     

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    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ members had a field day with Mr Alan subsequently. “It’s not just any savaging. It’s an M&S shelf savaging,” remarked one Michael Burke.
    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – “This is a proper Quentin Tarantino film in the making” added a ‘top fan’ named Marcus Marr. Another ‘top fan,’ Cath Dodge, added: “Wearing a natty hat does not make you a magician, mate,” whilst one Danny Beattie observed: “I know what has a problem, and it’s not the shelf!”
    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – “That shelf could have cut a woman in half… and that’s my job!” mocked one Jim MacNee.
  • A Depp Disaster

    A Depp Disaster

    Johnny Depp’s libel case loss is proof that you should never fight an opponent with deeper pockets and he’d now do best to quit and save himself further expense

    Johnny Depp should never have brought his libel action against News Group Newspapers Limited. In doing so, all he achieved was to wash his and Amber Heard’s dirty laundry in public and cost himself millions.

     

    As loathsome as The Sun’s Dan Wootton truly is, the fact of the matter is that Mr Justice Nicholl weighed the evidence up and saw the pointless car crash presented to him for what it truly was. Here was a case where a very rich man wanted to be seen as David and present a newspaper group as Goliath, but here also was a court case that has simply ended with the supposed underdog just showing himself as a tawdry mess.

     

    In a judgment that extended to 129 pages, Mr Justice Nicholl concluded: “I accept that the Defendants have shown that the words they published were substantially true in the meanings I have held them to bear.”

     

    Of this bombshell news, speaking to Sky News this morning, former editor of the Daily Star Dawn Neesom, commented:

     

    “The Sun have been proved right in this… It was the trial of the 21st century. It was extraordinary.”

     

    “I don’t think Johnny Depp expected to lose… It was very telling that he decided to go forward with this trial… The sordid details have been frankly shocking.”

     

    “Hollywood loves a hellraiser… But this is different… It’s domestic abuse… It puts a whole different shine on things… Will Johnny Depp ever come back from this?”

     

    “Johnny is currently filming Fantastic Beasts in London and now JK Rowling will have a lot of things to think about… She’s essentially employing a wife beater.”

     

    Clearly, Depp’s gamble didn’t pay off and now he’d do best to stop digging before the hole he’s created becomes a volcano. As he himself once said: “I think the thing to do is enjoy the ride while you’re on it.” Now, sadly for him, it’s jolly well time to get off.

     

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  • A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell

    A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell

    Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance

    According to the former British ambassador to Uzbekistan turned activist and human rights campaigner Craig Murray, when Madeleine McCann went missing on 3rd May 2007 “New Labour’s No. 10 saw, in typical Blair fashion, a highly photogenic tragedy which there might be popularity in appearing to work on.”

     

    Guided by the “Prince of Darkness at the heart of New Labour” with “his dark satanic looks” and “his Machiavellian meddling,” the political party Peter Mandelson ever so brilliantly guided (in terms of electoral success) knew the value of such and they well and truly milked it in the matter of McCann.

     

    As Andrew Marr pointed out in his History of Modern Britain – screened on BBC Four last night – in his example, highlighting the case of the senseless murder of the innocent toddler Jamie Bulger by two truly evil teenagers during John Major’s premiership – Madeleine McCann’s disappearance occurred just a month before Blair left office and Gordon Brown took over. News of it dominated the media during the transition period.

     

    Defining the Brown years – during which Peter Mandelson was a government minister from October 2008 until May 2010 – in terms of the vast acres of pages devoted to the case and garnering disproportionate attention from government thus, as Murray pointed out: “British diplomatic staff were under direct instruction to support the McCanns far beyond the usual.”

     

    Mandelson had his finger on the pulse with the McCann story then and today the proof of its usefulness is still in the pudding by way of the fact that it wiped other ‘bad news’ stories off the front pages in the last week. Equally, as has been the case with the renewal of interest in Prince Andrew’s “has he or hasn’t he” cooperated with the investigations into Jeffrey Epstein in the last 24 hours, here are matters that show that the Mandelson style of media management haven’t moved on.

     

    One rather conveniently unavailable person who links the ‘players’ in these matters is still apparently missing in action. Again, this morning, we again join those asking: “Why doesn’t Ghislaine Maxwell finally come forward?”

     

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    A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell – Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance.
    Peter Mandelson pictured trying on a belt whilst Jeffrey Epstein looks on in St Barts in 2005. They are said to have been introduced by their mutual friend Ghislaine Maxwell and there is no suggestion that Lord Mandelson knew anything of Epstein’s criminal activities.
    A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell – Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance.
    In 2009, private investigators for Gerry and Kate McCann issued an E-FIT to the media of a woman they believed could be “potentially significant” to their investigation. She has never been found, but, speculation online (entirely unproven as accurate thus far) has regularly included: “She looks remarkably like Ghislaine Maxwell.” There is no suggestion that this is one and the same woman, but it would be ever so helpful if Miss Maxwell came forward and cleared this up for once and for all.
    A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell – Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance.
    The no-longer so “grand old Duke of York” Prince Andrew poses for a picture with the “master of spin” and king of media relations Lord Mandelson.
    A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell – Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance.
    Peter Mandelson worked with PR spinner Matthew Freud, the late Sir Clement Freud’s son, on the Millennium Dome. The pair have partied together on many occasions – including at Freud’s then marital home, Burford Priory, and most famously with George Osborne, Oleg Deripaska and Nat Rothschild in Corfu.
    A Massive Media Maelstrom – McCann, Mandelson and Maxwell – Matthew Steeples highlights how the ‘Mandelson Media Method’ is very much in play in both the case of the Prince Andrew-Jeffrey Epstein connection and the renewed interest in the Madeleine McCann disappearance.
    Pictured top: Paedophile Sir Clement Freud (right) lunched with Gerry (left) and Kate McCann in Praia da Luz in Portugal in July 2007, two months after their daughter’s disappearance. Mrs McCann later praised the risotto as “the best she’d ever tasted.” Pictured below: Ghislaine Maxwell pictured at the launch of a book about Sir Clement’s brother, Lucian, titled ‘Breakfast With Lucian’ in 2013 by Geordie Greig. Also in the image are Nicholas Coleridge, Piers Morgan, an unknown child, Geordie Greig and Ariadne Calvo-Platero.
  • Jobbing Journalist Required in Rainham

    Jobbing Journalist Required in Rainham

    As coronavirus threatens to kill off print papers, a salaried opportunity for a journalist has arisen with a church in Rainham, Kent

    In April, The Guardian’s Roy Greenslade highlighted the ongoing decline of newspapers in the UK and suggested the coronavirus pandemic would only accelerate this. Going further we argued that this “epoch of change” would make us all the poorer, but, now, we can share a positive piece of news about the press.

     

    Highlighted this morning in the Guardian with the headline: “The good news: Kent church posts vacancy for journalist,” Harriet Sherwood reported that the St Margaret’s parish church in Rainham, Kent is “hiring a full-time journalist to help ‘build community life’ after a survey of parishioners found a demand for local news and communication.”

     

    In their advert for the £20,000 per year salaried post, the church announced:

     

    “For thousands of years, it is story telling which has kept communities together. Now, more than ever before we need someone like you to tell our stories so that we might stay together even when physically we are apart.”

     

    “Whether it’s telling the story of the local fish shop, how the restaurant owners are coping whilst shut or the history behind ‘The Oast’ House and what it’s doing now – we want a multi skilled, qualified journalist to join our staff team as soon as possible.”

     

    “Half of the stories you produce will focus on the local community – its people and groups, schools and new housing. The other half will focus on telling the story of the church, its people, purpose and history. You’ll also take a lead on all of our digital content including overseeing the live streaming of our services. We believe this is an exciting opportunity to make a real difference in a local community through serious journalism.”

     

    The successful candidate will be expected to “originate and produce a wide variety of news and current affairs content for relevant output across the church’s digital platforms and to oversee St Margaret’s digital presence/profile” and will report to the vicar and church wardens.

     

    Of why they had decided to make such an appointment, the bishop of Tonbridge Simon Burton Jones, told the Guardian:

     

    “The shrinkage in local journalism as advertising gravitates online is already having really important consequences at community level. As local papers disappear … their long-standing and important links with their communities can be lost. Online alternatives like clickbait, lists, gossip and the like are no substitute for real journalism.”

     

    A closing date of 22nd June has been set for applications.

     

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    Jobbing Journalist Required in Rainham – As coronavirus threatens to kill off print papers, a salaried opportunity for a journalist has arisen with a church in Rainham, Kent.
    The vicar of St Margaret’s, Rainham Reverend Nathan Ward made headlines in April 2018 when it was revealed he was a member of the Magic Circle and performs illusions as part of his church services. ‘Kent Online’ remarked: “The new vicar of Rainham has a few tricks up his sleeves which could have his congregation crying hallelujah,” whilst Ward himself added: “I have been using magic and illusions within the church for many years now. I think it’s a great way of engaging people and also telling some of the stories you can find in the bible. It also allows me to remind people that church should be fun.”
  • Moron of the Moment – Lady Brady

    Moron of the Moment – Lady Brady

    ‘The Steeple Times’ suggests that in the wake of the latest drivel she spouted in ‘The Sun on Sunday’ well-known washed-up wench and all-round “nasty piece of work” Karren Brady belongs in the funny farm

    In her weekly column in The Sun on Sunday yesterday, The Right Honourable The Baroness Brady of Knightsbridge CBE – better known simply as Karren Brady, an “overpainted Aunt Sally caked in cheap makeup” whose businesses associations have primarily involved the grubby pornographer David Sullivan and the “cross between Shylock and Al Capone” that is Sir ‘Shifty’ Philip Green – shared a bit of information that nobody need ever know.

     

    Aside from illustrating her rank on the Mensa roster in revealing something nobody else on the entire planet knew in stating: “What a month it’s been for Boris Johnson,” Lady Brady also announced: “I am as keen as the next person to regain my freedom.” She then, pass the sick bucket urgently please, added: “At present, in fact, I am mainly wearing pyjamas all day as well as in bed.” As constellation, at a time when we are all coping with the COVID-19 lockdown, one can at least be thankful that she didn’t go further and follow Baroness Mone and go on about her bra choices or dip into the territory of Ferne McCann and try and flog some soiled knickers.

     

    Disgracefully ennobled by David Cameron for utterly no good reason, “muckspreader” Lady Brady (AKA ‘Baroness Bozo’ and #LazyBrady) went on to show how out of touch she is with the ordinary populous. In a segment ever-so enthusiastically titled: “PREGNANT PAUSE FOR A NATION” (in caps for extra-special emphasis), this dimwitted oddity bizarrely offered “huge congratulations” to an American model of Dutch-Palestinian descent named Gigi Hadid and an English singer of Pakistani-Irish descent named Zayn Malik. We’re no doubt lightyears away from fathoming the reasoning as to why the ever-so-vital “pregnant pause” and the ever-so “huge congratulations” are especially required for Hadid and Malik, but, hey ho, we are dealing with Karren Brady – Lord Sugar’s token bit of sideline smut from the graveyard for self-declared “genuine celebrities” that is The Apprentice.

     

    Aside from not explaining exactly which “nation” exactly she was referencing (she probably doesn’t actually know what a nation is herself, poor love), former “dildo merchant” turned “faithful companion of Jesus” Lady Brady helpfully then declared: “They are expecting a baby… which just proves that life goes on. What a beautiful baby they will have. It’s great to have some good news amid the gloom.” Let’s all join her and praise the Lord.

     

    Of this wannabe prophet, one reader previously observed: “All business transactions associated with Lady Brady end in Richard Branson-esque failure” and now we’ll go further: “All falling for the supposed wise words of the pyjama-clad Lady Brady henceforth may find themselves joining her in the funny farm.” It is now time to lock this hapless harridan in a padded cell and throw away the key.

     

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