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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Ask Mrs MILF: The agony aunt who’s naughty but nice

Mrs MILF redThis week, Mrs MILF deals with a wife with expensive tastes in jewellery, a sister with suspicions, social networks and answers a reader’s question about her own tastes in men and women.

 

Mrs MILF: Do you like men or women? I get the feeling you are ambivalent.

Lizzie C., Honiton, Devon

Although a few of my exes were intrigued by the thought of me with other women, those exes who had more maturity and experience of life realised that they should be careful what they wished for. As for men and women, I love most men, like some but respect only a few. Women: I love a few, like some and respect most.

 

My wife came home from a party and told me she’d fallen in love with a piece of jewellery. I said I’d buy it for her and then I saw the price: £49,000. She knows I’d never be able to afford such an item especially given I was made redundant from my banking job last year. Is she trying to tell me something or should I prepare for her departure?

Johan B., London, SW3

She is trying to tell you something. You should prepare for her departure.

 

I think my lover has another lover who keeps liking his photo on Facebook. What should I do?

Kyle H., New York, USA

Remove yourself from Facebook. It’s not a lifeline. It’s a rope. Don’t get hung on it.

 

My sister and her husband adopted a child ten years ago. I have my suspicions that the little girl is his lovechild as she looks like my sister’s best friend. Should I dare to breach the topic or is it best to let sleeping dogs lie? P.S. The husband hates me and I loathe him. P.P.S. My sister is definitely unhappy in the marriage as she’s told me as much.

Camilla C., London, W8

The messenger is always shot. There is never an exception. Don’t mention anything unless you have proof (i.e. a DNA test). Even then, you’ll still be shot. After all, your sister may already know who the baby belongs to. As for being unhappy in her marriage, if she really is she’ll file for divorce or ask her husband to buy her a £49,000 piece of jewellery.

 

My lover hasn’t followed me on Twitter. Does that mean he’s no longer interested?

Emma R., London, SE15

The answer in a word: “Yes”.

 

Mrs MILF is lady with a cupcake and a whip who will solve all your problems be they in the bedroom department or elsewhere.

 

Mrs MILF welcomes your questions for her weekly column. Please submit them to her via editorial@thesteepletimes.com. She does not enter into individual correspondence and she won’t visit your home for personal consultations. Some names have been changed to protect the modesty of the individuals and their problems.

 

 

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Ruben Schmill invented a game called “Jewish Roulette” The rules of the game was as follows: He paid for a prostitute, he takes her into a public telephone booth, calls the Police, and sees who comes first.
    He was a disgrace to the Jewish community of Brooklyn. His own father disowned him.
    Can Mrs Milf shed some light on this.

  2. Dear Mrs MILF

    I am a shy Old Etonian looking to make his way in the world using a leg up. Do you think I should do this by riding ginger horses, lying about Boxing Day lunches, or invading Syria in order to free a Mr Muslin Brather-Hoode?

    Also how do I lose some weight?

    Confused
    London SW1

  3. Tessa Jowell debated on Newsnight that the lack of women on the board of directors in the banking sector led to the dire banking crisis and collapse. She stated; “that had it been Lever Sisters instead of Lever Brothers, we would be in a state of prosperity” Tessa should know she was married to David Mills.
    Mrs Milf on the board of directors of a financial institution will make a lot of business sense, her risk assessment abilities and her knowledge of the golden rule “What goes up, must come down” The Banks will never be in any kind of deficits, ever again.
    Mrs Milf do it, for Queen and Country.

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