Tuesday, January 19, 2021
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Heroes & Villains – The Best & The Worst People of 2020

‘The Steeple Times’ chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t.

Oysters Ahoy!

Native oysters bizarrely reappear in Belfast Lough after 100 years of absence without any human intervention.

Jobsworth Jenrick Props Up Property

Jobsworth Robert Jenrick announces estate agents CAN take potential virus spreaders into peoples’ homes even in Tier 4 lockdown areas; a QUARTER of donations to the Tory party come from the property sector.

Distraction Dawn

Deranged dope Dawn Ward uses the ‘distraction technique’ by quitting ‘Real Housewives of Cheshire’ as she faces a trial for racism and cocaine possession.

Moron of the Moment – Gordon Ramsay

That Gordon Ramsay thinks it acceptable to start selling burgers at £80 a pop at a time of economic meltdown confirms him as a cretin.

A Pintless Policy

Matthew Steeples slams ‘Bosie The Clown’s’ pub destroying lockdown; 7 out of 10 pubs are likely to close as a result and the nation will be left pintless.

The Wonders of Walking

Axminster gym owner Aneesa California is wrong to announce she and upto 200 others will defy the lockdown rules; the nation should instead get its walking shoes on during Lockdown 2.

Starve a Kid to Save a Quid

‘Starve a Kid to Save a Quid’ goes viral in the wake of the government’s disastrous attempt to starve poor school kids whilst Tory MPs deservedly get banned from shops and restaurants.

No. 7 - Junk the Junk Mail

Instead of banning people from enjoying themselves, the government should should do something useful and ban a genuine disease spreader: Junk mail.

No. 6 - Sir Shifty Slammed by Sister

Vile piece of toerag ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green is unsurprisingly panned by his very own sister in her memoir ‘Not in The Script’

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