Overheard: 15th September

Classic clangers from the last week

 

Drinking like Churchill

At The Duke of Clarence pub in Old Brompton Road, South Kensington an elderly drinker was overheard berating a barman. He commented: “Sir, can you make this drink stronger?” The barman looked puzzled and answered: “That’s the standard strength. We serve drinks, we don’t make them”. The customer slammed down his glass and stormed out. As he left, he exclaimed: “That water wasn’t fit to drink. To make it palatable, you should have added more whisky. Not good enough”. Plainly a fan of the Winston Churchill school of drinking.

 

Predicting the litter

In a Starbucks in Deansgate, Manchester, two women sat chatting about their families. One, named Trisha, was overheard to tell the other: “Did you hear? Janice is pregnant again. What do you think she’s going to have?”. The other, named Leanne, responded: “It’s simple, you know. What’s in the bitch, comes out in the pup”. With relatives like these…

 

Dame Vivienne Westwood is not Scottish and has made her fortune in London but is supporting the 'Yes' campaign this week
Dame Vivienne Westwood is not Scottish and has made her fortune in London but is supporting the ‘Yes’ campaign this week

 

Fashioning independence

At a London Fashion Week party on Sunday night, an American front row guest chatted with her neighbour. She said: “What’s all this fuss about people voting ‘yes’ and ‘no’ in this country?” Her neighbour, also American, responded: “I haven’t a clue. They’re a curious lot these Brits”. The first concluded: “All I know is that Vivienne Westwood is a ‘yes’; that’s good enough for me”.

 

Speaking on a Sunday

At the after-party for the same event, a guest tried to speak to a famous designer. The female guest – a wannabe fashionista – tapped the designer on the shoulder. He turned and smiled a very weird smile and then turned away. The blushing fashionista went red and whispered to a minder: “Why won’t doesn’t he speak?” The answer: “It’s Sunday… He never speaks on a Sunday”. Plainly a God fearing sort.

 

Bald sex

A reader was sat in The Blue Bar in Knightsbridge’s Berkeley Hotel. To her right, a bald man was chatting to a pretty girl. He stated: “My bald head is like a solar panel. It heats up and I’m like a sex machine”. The girl cringed.

 

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