Category: Bosie The Clown

Poundland Pinching Pest Out – Sex Pest Chris Pincher Resigns As An MP

As the grubby groper Chris Pincher resigns as an MP, this sex pest bizarrely pens a crass column in which he laments times passed when “life was to be lived and not loathed”

A ‘Poundland sex fiend’ best known for “arse squeezing” at the tony Carlton Club in London’s ritzy St James’s has finally done the decent thing and resigned.

The Right Honourable Chris Pincher, the 53-year-old now former Member of Parliament for Tamworth, groped two men in the private members’ club on the night of 21^st June 2022.

Parliament’s Independent Expert Panel subsequently found that the associate of Boris Johnson and former minister exhibited behaviour that “was completely inappropriate, profoundly damaging to the individuals concerned, and represented an abuse of power.” They added that he had “touched [one of] his victim’s bottom before moving his hand to touch and squeeze the witness’s testicles, which lasted for a few seconds.”

Formally announcing his resignation today and triggering a by-election in the process, the disgraced Tory stated:

“I have said already that I will not stand at the next general election. However, following the Independent Expert Panel’s decision I wanted to talk to my office team and family.”

“I do not want my constituents to be put to further uncertainty, and so in consequence I have made arrangements to resign and leave the Commons.”

Concluding in typically cowardy custard fashion, Pincher concluded:

“Tamworth is a wonderful place and it has been an honour to represent its people. I shall make no further comment at this time.”

Shockingly and in spite of the scandal surrounding him, in the August-September issue of The Critic magazine, Pincher has been given space to share his views. In an article about Alvis cars, the ‘trouser department sex pest’ shared his view that “owning an Alvis has never been for tight wallets or shallow pockets” and then whined:

“They are beautiful cars, redolent of an age when motoring meant adventure, freedom and fun, long before we all began to fret about the future and flog our friends and ourselves for daring to show some spirit and enjoy the day. It was a better time when life was to be lived not loathed. Boris Johnson would suit an Alvis.”

It is unknown if Pincher remains a member of the Carlton Club or if he actually himself owns an Alvis, but what is most definitely for sure is that this grubby groper will go down in history as one of the key reasons for the fall of Boris Johnson as Prime Minister.

Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 9pm daily.

A message from our editorial team – Thank you for reading this article. We’re more reliant on your support than ever as the shift in consumer habits brought about by coronavirus and the cost-of-living crisis impacts our advertisers.

If you haven’t already, please consider supporting our trusted, fact-checked journalism by supporting our work via Patreon.

Christopher Pincher has now revised his Twitter account and states himself to be “formerly” the Member of Parliament for Tamworth. He’ll simply now go down in history as nothing but another filthy Tory scumbag.

Other Tory twerps who’ll go down in history as ‘Sex Pests’ (at the very least)…

Now ex-MP Neil Parish will forever just be remembered at for watching ‘tractor porn’ whilst sitting in the Chamber of the House of Commons. This creepy farmer turned Tory will go down in history as a grubby, skid-mark on parliamentary history. Mr Parish laughably claimed later that what he had done was “very immoral” but not illegal; he argued that he’d actually been looking at Class Dominator tractors, a brand of combine harvesters.

Another person who thought she could make the House of Commons a “sexual area” was Sally Bercow, the wife of the now former Speaker, John Bercow. She is pictured here in their home within the Palace of Westminster clad in nothing but a sheet. That she went on to have an affair with her own husband’s cousin, Alan Bercow, about says all that needs to be said.

In April 2022, the Conservative MP for Somerton and Frome, David Warburton, was accused of sexually harassing three women. He was subsequently admitted to a psychiatric hospital, pictured in a photograph with lines of what looked like cocaine and was also revealed to have taken a loan of £150,000 from a Russian businessman through a Seychelles company without declaring it. This member of Mensa was subsequently suspended from the Tories awaiting the outcome of an Independent Complaints and Grievance Scheme (ICGS) investigation into allegations of harassment and drug abuse.

Another decidedly dodgy MP still in the House of Commons is Rob Roberts. The Member for Delyn “acted inappropriately after he sought to engage in a relationship with a male member of his staff,” according to a report in May 2021. This former “financial planner” was elected as a Conservative, but still shockingly sits as an independent to this day, but has now “separated” from his wife Alexandra Roberts supposedly.

In April 2022, Tory MP Imran Ahmad Khan was jailed for groping a 15-year-old boy in 2008. He was expelled from the Conservative Party and resigned as an MP. He subsequently appealed, but failed to convince anyone that he was anything but a nonce in December 2022.

The ultimate examples in Tory sex pest scum are Charlie Elphicke – a now convicted, ex-MP and sex offender – and his wicked, immigrant hating scumbag wife, Natalie Elphicke. That the Conservatives gave this woman her criminal husband’s seat to make her own speaks volumes as to how the once great political party of Margaret Thatcher feels about making monsters pay for sex crimes.

September 7, 2023
Poundland Pinching Pincher – “Arse Squeezing” Tory Terror Chris Pincher MP Must Be Punched Out

Grubby groper Chris Pincher MP must now be thrown out of Parliament unceremoniously; this filthy disgrace should be chucked off the terrace and into the Thames along with the rest of the raging sex pests amongst his creepiest of colleagues

“Pincher by name and a pincher by nature” and “a pound shop Harvey Weinstein” are just two of the appropriately noxious nicknames attributed by former Conservative colleagues to the slammed as “shocking by any standards” The Right Honourable Chris Pincher MP.

The “full on grope” loving Member of Parliament for Tamworth “brought the House into disrepute” and most worthily was given an eight-week suspension after being condemned by the Standards Committee for doing “significant” damage to public life. The now former Prime Minister Boris Johnson had first been made aware of “alleged misconduct” about Pincher in 2017, yet chose to completely ignore this in the subsequent five years and in subsequent Cabinet level appointments.

Referencing 53-year-old, Walsall born Pincher’s filthy antics at the once tony Carlton Club in London on 29^th June 2022 – which included what one victim referenced as “squeezing [his] arse” and “kind of grabbing where [his] testicles [were]” and “squeezing” – the Commissioner raged:

“[It is a matter] of fact [that] Mr Pincher groped two individuals.”

“Mr Pincher touched the first individual (the complainant) on his arm and neck, before groping his bottom. Mr Pincher groped the second person on his bottom and then groped his testicles (Witness 3).”

“The damage that has been caused to the reputation and integrity of the House and its Members cannot be described as trivial, unnoteworthy, or not important to address.”

“The damage is significant. It involves behaviour that by any standards was shocking, deeply inappropriate, and adversely impacted two unsuspecting individuals who had no expectation that they would be subjected to such behaviour.”

“Further, it was conduct that risks advancing a misplaced public perception that Members of Parliament do not have to abide by normal standards of behaviour and can commit acts of misconduct with impunity.”

Given that any suspension over 10 days is likely to generate a recall petition, this morning Sky News’s Tamara Cohen suggested:

“I think a by-election is very likely [in Tamworth]… This could be a fifth one for Rishi Sunak.”

It is unknown as to whether Mr Pincher remains a member of the Carlton Club or whether he was expelled, but equally it should now be enquired as to if, and if not why, the Metropolitan Police have taken actions against him. Given creepy actor Kevin Spacey’s current trial involves similar allegations, if they don’t, this sordid saga could pile further disgrace on the police formerly headed by Dame Cressida Dick.

Elsewhere on social media, The Steeple Times’s Matthew Steeples conducted a poll (see below) and added:

“Given there are over 50 individual cases of MPs accused of sexual misconduct out of the 650 MPs currently in the House of Commons, if this mucky matter isn’t dealt with at a higher level, public confidence in Parliament will fall only further. How on earth can the public trust Members of Parliament to represent us, when so many of them cannot help but keep their filthy hands off members of that very same public?”

Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

Pictured top – The bottom and testicle pinching MP with the man whose career he helped end, the former Prime Minister and father-of-children-number-of-unknown Boris Johnson.

A message from our editorial team – Thank you for reading this article. We’re more reliant on your support than ever as the shift in consumer habits brought about by coronavirus and the cost-of-living crisis impacts our advertisers.

If you haven’t already, please consider supporting our trusted, fact-checked journalism by supporting our work via Patreon.

Is alleged bottom pincher @ChrisPincher MP going to pay the price of his alleged bottom pinching by losing his currently @Conservatives held seat? #ChrisPincher #Pincher #groping #gropegate #Conservatives #politics #ToryScumOut
— Matthew Steeples (@M_Steeples) July 6, 2023

This morning on Twitter, Matthew Steeples asked: “Is alleged bottom pincher Chris Pincher MP going to pay the price of his alleged bottom pinching by losing his currently Conservatives held seat?” By 11:30am on Thursday 6^th July 2023, the majority of respondents favoured the answers: “Yes; definitely deserved” and “Yes; and put him in the stocks.”

Other Tory twerps who’ll go down in history as ‘Sex Pests’ (at the very least)…

Now ex-MP Neil Parish will forever just be remembered at for watching ‘tractor porn’ whilst sitting in the Chamber of the House of Commons. This creepy farmer turned Tory will go down in history as a grubby, skid-mark on parliamentary history. Mr Parish laughably claimed later that what he had done was “very immoral” but not illegal; he argued that he’d actually been looking at Class Dominator tractors, a brand of combine harvesters.

Another person who thought she could make the House of Commons a “sexual area” was Sally Bercow, the wife of the now former Speaker, John Bercow. She is pictured here in their home within the Palace of Westminster clad in nothing but a sheet. That she went on to have an affair with her own husband’s cousin, Alan Bercow, about says all that needs to be said.

In April 2022, the Conservative MP for Somerton and Frome, David Warburton, was accused of sexually harassing three women. He was subsequently admitted to a psychiatric hospital, pictured in a photograph with lines of what looked like cocaine and was also revealed to have taken a loan of £150,000 from a Russian businessman through a Seychelles company without declaring it. This member of Mensa was subsequently suspended from the Tories awaiting the outcome of an Independent Complaints and Grievance Scheme (ICGS) investigation into allegations of harassment and drug abuse.

Another decidedly dodgy MP still in the House of Commons is Rob Roberts. The Member for Delyn “acted inappropriately after he sought to engage in a relationship with a male member of his staff,” according to a report in May 2021. This former “financial planner” was elected as a Conservative, but still shockingly sits as an independent to this day, but has now “separated” from his wife Alexandra Roberts supposedly.

In April 2022, Tory MP Imran Ahmad Khan was jailed for groping a 15-year-old boy in 2008. He was expelled from the Conservative Party and resigned as an MP. He subsequently appealed, but failed to convince anyone that he was anything but a nonce in December 2022.

The ultimate examples in Tory sex pest scum are Charlie Elphicke – a now convicted, ex-MP and sex offender – and his wicked, immigrant hating scumbag wife, Natalie Elphicke. That the Conservatives gave this woman her criminal husband’s seat to make her own speaks volumes as to how the once great political party of Margaret Thatcher feels about making monsters pay for sex crimes.

July 6, 2023
Ghislaine Maxwell – The Prison Diaries

As convicted mucky madam nonce Ghislaine Maxwell begins her 20-year jail sentence, it is not surprising that no prisoners want to share a dorm with her; her prison diaries will deservedly make for grim reading

Life used to be swell for a woman generally termed a “socialite” Ghislaine Maxwell. She had ponies and privileges and was educated alongside disgraced former chief of the Met Police Dame Cressida Dick, disgraceful Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his equally disgraceful, batshit bonkers sister, Rachel.

Now deservedly chucked in the clink for 20 years for abusing multiple victims and fined a paltry £618,000 ($750,000, €719,000 or درهم2.8 million) given her likely in excess of £19 million ($23 million, €22 million or درهم84 million) fortune, the MailOnline’s Jack Newman this morning reported that the daughter of the pension pot plunderer “has been warned she faces ‘getting the s*** beaten out of her’ in Danbury prison.”

Other inmates at the Connecticut minimum security federal institution – nicknamed ‘Club Fed’ given it supposedly being a bit more “cushy” than other prisons and which served as the inspiration for Orange is the New Black – “are already preparing for the arrival of the new famous convict and the prison will ‘not be a picnic’ for her,” Newman revealed.

A former inmate, mortgage fraudster Jacqueline Polverari, yesterday told the New York Post: “She will have a rough six to eight months” before adding:

“I’ve already gotten emails from women who wrote to say that they ‘hear Maxwell will be coming this way.’ They’re preparing for her arrival, already requesting that they don’t want her in their dorms. And the camp counselor won’t put Maxwell where she is not wanted, for fear that she may get hurt.”

“Women are worse than men about [prisoners convicted of] sex crimes. You have mothers there. They see a white woman charged with a sex crime and they think any one of their children could have been her victim. She [Maxwell] would get a lot of flak. She would get the s–t beaten out of her a bunch of times.”

““If [she] is smart she will hire a consultant to set her up with people inside. Teresa Giudice [a Real Housewives of New Jersey ‘star’ turned convicted fraudster] had that. She had a mentor set up inside. Somebody waited for her. She had a mentor walking her around, someone to say she is off-limits.”

“But that can backfire. People looked at Teresa, like, ‘Who the hell is she? She’s hiring somebody and now we can’t speak with her directly?’ That was a negative. Plus all the people who didn’t like the mentor instantly didn’t like Teresa.”

“It was as though she thought she was better than everyone else. Women can be catty. It took a few months before her big mouth got her into humiliating situations. On the phone, she was heard saying, ‘Prison is hell.’ Other prisoners asked, ‘Who is she to say that?’ Then they started taking pictures of her without makeup or hair extensions.”

Polverari also shared with the paper that vegan Maxwell will have to “eat like everybody else” whilst her brother, Ian, curiously enthused: “Frankly, getting… out of the hell hole of MDC must be an absolute priority.”

Going further of this high-profile prisoner, Larry Levine, the founder of Pink Lady Prison Consultants, added:

“She does not have a popular crime. People will try to take her out. They will try to beat the crap out of her.”

“[Prison officials] will want to put her in protective custody at Hazelton [ a West Virginia medium security prison].”

“If somebody from the outside pays off somebody who has a relative in prison, maybe somebody already serving a life sentence, they could put a sheet over her head, sharpen a toothbrush and stab this b**ch.”

“Can you imagine the uproar if she gets killed?”

Wherever she ends up, it won’t be an easy ride for this mucky madam sex trafficker, but one thing is for sure. Her prison diaries will make those of Jonathan Aitken and Jeffrey Archer look like a walk in the park.

Pictured top – The decidedly deviant and definitely off-her-merry-rocker one-time lover of Jeffrey Epstein in happier times living it up at a no doubt boozy bash. Now, as she likely sees out her rotten days in the clink, wouldn’t it be fascinating to read her prison diaries?

Being a prisoner in Danbury for smuggling drug money inspired Piper Kerman to write ‘Orange is the New Black’ in 2010. It became a best-selling book in 2010 and was turned into a hit Netflix series in 2013.

Maxwell is currently housed at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn. Fellow inmates included the disgraced rapper R. Kelly – a monster sentenced to 30 years yesterday for sex trafficking also.

Former Danbury inmate Jacqueline Polverari now claims to “help returning women and their families rebuild their lives.” She has warned Ghislaine Maxwell that she ain’t going to have it easy, however, if she does indeed end up in the facility where she herself spent nearly a year.

Other former prisoners at the prison have included Leona Helmsley (1920 – 2007), the especially arrogant friend of Donald Trump. “The Queen of Mean” was a chain-smoking hotelier and real estate tycoon with a reputation for tyrannical behaviour. She took the view that “only the little people pay taxes” but was investigated and convicted of federal income tax evasion in 1989. Sentenced to 16 years, she served just 19 months in prison and 2 months under house arrest. Worth some $8 billion, Helmsley left her Maltese dog, Trouble, $12 million in trust. It is a shame that she never published her prison diaries as they would have made for great reading.

June 30, 2022
Booing Boris V Cooing Carrie – Johnsons Booed

As rumours swirl about whether they are still actually living together, Boris Johnson and his puppet mistress Carrie unsurprisingly got booed at Jubilee Service of Thanksgiving

When she’s not lavishing £840 a roll of other peoples’ money on chintzy Lulu Lytle wallpaper or munching on fancy nosh gifted in Lady Bamford’s £1,000 a pop “colossal Daylesford hampers,” Carrie Johnson enjoys chucking no doubt very expensive red wine on sofas, abusing staff at Chequers and dancing to ABBA with the lads she nicknames “the gays.”

Still allegedly a senior advisor to the ocean conservation charity Oceana – which was for many years funded in part by the convicted mucky madam sex offender Ghislaine Maxwell – and also head of communications for the controversial Aspinall Foundation, the missing for some months now baby mama to the PM finally reappeared together on Friday in London.

Unsurprisingly booed on arrival and departure from St Paul’s Cathedral by many and jeered at by others, the public subsequently suggested on social media that yesterday’s show of unity was nothing but to keep the press and public’s speculations at bay.

Dressed like a scarlet woman in red, the former Miss Symonds’ body language was called out as “forced” whilst her husband looked somewhat haggard. Here, indeed, was a couple who clearly were not enjoying the moment and a couple doing it only to help fend off the fact that around 30 Tory MPs have most definitely submitted letters of no confidence to the 1922 Committee.

With more likely having done so without declaring their hands, we now have a Prime Minister in both personal and political turmoil. He is not a steady captain for the ship that is Great Britain and once the fun and festivities are over on Monday, it is time for ration and reason. It is now time to start the process of getting this country back to dignified political leadership as we move into Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s 71^st year at the helm.

Pictured top – Yesterday, satirical site @Mockeree shared on Twitter: “Boris and Carrie Johnson appear together at the #PlatinumJubilee thanksgiving service, quashing rumours of a rift.”

LBC radio jockey James O’Brien suggested that the Prime Minister’s wife wore a “hat that shields her husband from her sight” whilst others argued the jeering at St Paul’s to be “judged best international PR move by [the] British public since 2016.”

Others, amongst them Saif Islam, suggested the reaction was “not isolated” and added this was a “roar of rage from Middle of England.” Here is a premier who is truly loathed and detested and frankly here is a wazzock who should just have stayed at home.

As the Conservative leader and his current wife arrived at St Paul’s Cathedral on Friday, they were most certainly met with anything but adulation. Here instead the modern-day Marie Antoinette and her bumbling buffoon husband found themselves hearing the wrath of a public sick to their stomachs with a government that governs only for the benefit of themselves.

As the couple left the event, they were again met with jeering. It illustrated how hated they truly are and it is most certainly indication that it is time for them to go. With polls predicting a “very heavy loss” in the Wakefield by-election and the likelihood of the 54-letter threshold being reached on Monday, here is a leader on the verge of being toppled and here is one that the public most certainly will not miss. It is time for this national disgrace to do the decent thing on the final day of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s Jubilee and it is time for him to finally resign. Decent, true people everywhere would most certainly say cheers to that.

Members of the public cited the current government’s policies on Brexit and the Partygate scandal as amongst the reasons they jeered the current Conservative Prime Minister and his puppet mistress wife. They did not harbor dislike for the Queen, but they do harbour hatred for this country’s rotten government.

June 5, 2022
Chequer-ed Carrie – PM’s Wife Treats Staff Appallingly (Again)

As it is revealed Carrie Johnson has been abusive to staff at Chequers, perhaps it is time for her to be told: “Carrie Shouldn’t Live Here Anymore;” this demanding wench along with her hapless husband deserve kicking out of all of their grace-and-favour residences ASAP

Situated 40 miles north-west of Central London at the foot of the Chiltern Hills, Chequers is an Elizabethan style residence that has been the official country residence of serving British Prime Ministers since 1921.

Listed Grade I and standing on an expansive plot of 1,500 acres, here is an especially tony crib that costs at least £916,000 a year to maintain. Now, though gifted originally primarily as a place for the incumbent PM to entertain visiting dignitaries, it seems that Boris Johnson’s self-entitled wife has decided that instead this is a place where she and her ABBA loving chums Henry Newman and Josh Grimstone are entitled to just frolic and fool around.

Former court jester to the modern-day Antoinette and one of those she supposedly nickname’s “The Gays,” Newman was so important to clearly tone deaf Mrs Johnson that she enabled him to celebrate his 38th birthday – hardly a milestone of any note – with a lavish bash at the estate in the summer of 2021. “It turned out to be a very high-spirited affair,” the Daily Mail’s Andrew Pierce reported in February, with “Housing Secretary Michael Gove riding pillion as Boris Johnson took him on a joy-ride on his second-hand Yamaha motorcycle around the grounds. Gove clasped his hands around Boris’s ample waist as they nudged speeds of 55mph, while Newman – clutching a flute of champagne – laughed and cheered.”

Exposing the misuse of this “retreat” further on Tuesday, The Times’s Simon Walters shared that Mr and Mrs Johnson began creating “tensions” at the Buckinghamshire residence before he even became Prime Minister. Aside from being “accused of failing to give enough notice before arriving,” the pair “were even trying to arrange to get into Chequers before [Philip and Theresa May] had gone. When he knew he was going to take over, they were trying to book ahead.”

Of their behaviour, a source shared: “It was chaos” and added that even when “they were told they couldn’t [come] because there were no staff,” they reversed – at no cost to themselves – David Cameron’s “austerity era” cuts and brought in at least four extra employees.

Now, after one now former employee who had supposedly “clashed with Carrie,” a housekeeper named Charlotte Vine MBE, received a payoff after denying accusations that she had the “inappropriate handling of a personal item” belonging to Johnson in his Chequers bathroom, it is time for a spring clean. Just like occurred with the squatting, property pest and “Nasty NestSeeker” Jonathan Davis, whose antics we reported on June 2020, the day when “Carrie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” is played at Chequers is thankfully growing increasingly ever closer.

Kenya’s President Uhuru Kenyatta with Britain’s Prime Minister at the Buckinghamshire pad in July 2021.

Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel with Johnson at the mansion in July 2021.

The current PM’s latest baby mama with her beloved party loving chum Henry Newman toadily following along and fawning behind her. He got his just rewards with a big bash in the country in the summer of 2021.

Of 16th century origin, the house has served has the British Prime Minister’s country residence since 1921 after being gifted to the nation by Sir Arthur Lee (later The Right Honourable The Viscount Lee of Fareham GCB GCSI GBE PC) by a Deed of Settlement.

Another view of this expansive residence. In the building is a stained glass window that reads: “This house of peace and ancient memories was given to England as a thank-offering for her deliverance in the great war of 1914 – 1918 as a place of rest and recreation for her Prime Ministers forever.” It is a great pity that the self-centred, self-serving woman formerly known as Carrie Symonds has decided to take it upon herself to misuse this generous gift.

On Twitter, of the latest scandal to follow ‘Partygate,’ columnist turned ‘Bloody Difficult Women’ playwright Tim Walker opined: “The Johnsons never got that Chequers and Downing Street aren’t five-star hotels that tolerated Wayne and Waynetta Slob behaviour.”

Another user, Louis Henwood added: “No wonder they call her Carrie Antoinette. She comes across as a self-obsessed prima donna, who treats employees as servants and then tries to get people she doesn’t like fired. Her only skill seems to be getting the rich and powerful to indulge her whims.”

The creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard’s 1979 song should be played as they likely, hopefully soon drum the most disgraceful Prime Minister and his equally ghastly puppet mistress out of their grace-and-favour residences. It’ll be chants of “good riddance” that come on that day from the vast majority.

June 1, 2022
Carrie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore – PM Wife Missing 2022
It seems “Carrie doesn’t live here anymore” has become the likely fate of Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s currently missing wine chucking puppet mistress as “Where is Carrie Johnson?” trends on Twitter

Conspicuously absent even before her spokesperson shared that she “apologises unreservedly” for breaching lockdown rules in a statement on 12^th April, the Prime Minister’s latest ‘baby mama’s’ is on the missing list.

The wench formerly known as Miss Symonds did not even emerge last Thursday to accompany her husband to vote in the local elections and in turn social media has gone into overdrive asking: “Where is Carrie Johnson?”

Speculation online has been wild and aside from suggestions that she might have gone off to her mates in Russia, other most likely far-fetched ideas number that:
- She’s run off with her ex-lover Oliver Haiste.
- She’s discovered Boris Johnson having an affair with a cabinet colleague and having chucked more wine at him, moved out.
- Gone off to rescue the convicted sex offender and mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell; Miss Maxwell used to fund Mrs Johnson’s onetime employers, the Oceana charity.
- Defected to support Labour and Sir Keir Starmer.
- It wasn’t Rishi Sunak’s removal van that visited Downing Street recently, but instead hers.
- Been put in rehab; she does have a history of chucking wine and the police being called.
- Moved in with her husband’s arch nemesis Dominic Cummings.
- Gone organic dining with Lady ‘Doors To Manual’ Bamford – whose firm supplied her with £27,000 worth of organic nosh during the 2020 lockdowns.
- Been mauled to death by her aggressive terrier, Dilyn.
- Been buried Brookside style under the ‘Partygate’ patio in the Downing Street garden.
- Turned her ‘Chatty Rat’ ABBA dancing chum Henry Newman straight.
- Sailed away with The Right Honourable The Lord Lebedev of Hampton in the London Borough of Richmond upon Thames and of Siberia in the Russian Federation.
- Gone decorating with Lulu Lytle; her of ‘Wallpapergate’ fame.
- And finally, been taken away by creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard – whose 1979 hit was all about someone of her name having gone missing.
Rather like a future line of inquiry for the Where’s Wally? series, the mystery of what has happened to Prime Minister’s current wife remains an open investigation.

Pictured top – Cliff Richard showing photos of his missing ‘conquest’ in the video for ‘Carrie’ (left) and a mocked-up image of a Metropolitan Police missing persons’ poster featuring the former Miss Symonds that has been doing the rounds on Twitter (right).

Poll – Where’s missing for at least a month Carrie Johnson disappeared to?
— The Steeple Times (@SteepleTimes) May 8, 2022

I’m guessing Carrie has a postal vote so she doesn’t have to be seen with him. And I bet she didn’t show it to him either … https://t.co/VqrHPB5Hly
— ALASTAIR CAMPBELL (@campbellclaret) May 5, 2022

Reactions To Boris Johnson’s Wife Going Missing on Twitter

Sir Cliff Richard’s Creepy 1979 Song

Released in December 1979 as the third single lifted from the Rock ‘n’ Roll Juvenile album, ‘Carrie’ reached number four in the UK Singles Chart and “became an international hit.”

It was written by Terry Britten and Brian A. Robertson and of it the latter once remarked: “The strength of the song comes from the fact that you’re never quite sure what it’s about. You don’t know whether Carrie is homeless or whether she’s squatting or what. You don’t know whether Cliff, as the narrator, is the husband, boyfriend, lover, brother or father. Nowhere does the song say what the relationship with Carrie is. It’s very mysterious and musically it falls in the same groove as ‘I Heard It Through The Grapevine.’”

Taking an alternative view, AllMusic journalist Dave Thompson suggested of the song: “[It’s] a deliberately sinister and enthrallingly atmospheric number… [It] could sound trite” whilst the crackpot crooner ‘Cliffy’ himself told The Mail on Sunday of it in November 2008:

“It’s a mysterious song because you never really know what it’s about. A guy turns up in the neighborhood asking where Carrie is. The very last line goes: ‘Carrie doesn’t live, doesn’t live…’ You’re left thinking: ‘Is she dead? Has she been murdered?’”

Sorry to disturb you

But I was in the neighborhood

About a friend, I’ve her picture

Could you take a look?

Oh, I appreciate you’re busy

And time is not your own

Yeah, maybe it would be better

If I telephoned

Carrie doesn’t live here anymore

(Carrie)

Carrie used to room on the second floor

(On the second)

Sorry that she left no forwarding address

That was known to me

So, Carrie doesn’t live here anymore

(Carrie)

You could always ask at the corner store

(Could ask)

Carrie had a date with her own kind of fate

It’s plain to see

Another missing person

One of many we assume

The young wear their freedom

Like cheap perfume

Returning my call

(To help the situation)

They’ve nothing at all

You’re just another message

On a pay phone wall

Carrie doesn’t live here anymore

(Carrie)

Carrie used to room on the second floor

(On the second)

Sorry that she left no forwarding address

That was known to me, Carrie

Carrie doesn’t live here anymore

(Carrie doesn’t live, doesn’t live here anymore)

Carrie used to room on the second floor

(On the second)

Sorry, Carrie left no forwarding address

It’s a mystery
May 8, 2022