Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Success

Barclays Bonus Banished – Jes Staley Down On The Wonga

Barclays puts a stop to £22 million of bonus payments to ex-CEO and Jeffrey Epstein associate Jes Staley as investigation continues; meanwhile frozen-out Barclays customer Ghislaine Maxwell’s mum’s former Belgravia home faces the wrecking ball.

Word of the Week 2022 – Galanthophile

In cultivating a new variety of snowdrop Joe Sharman – known to many as ‘Mr Snowdrop’ – has brought joy to ‘galanthophiles’ everywhere and made himself £1,850 from just one bulb also; amusingly there’s even a variety named ‘John’s Y-Fronts.’

Hero of the Hour – Haider Malik

Unemployed graduate Haider Malik’s decision to seek work by standing with a pop-up-stall outside Canary Wharf tube station paid off with a top job offer.

Banging On Brady

Poundland muckspreader and prattling peer Karren Brady continues to bore the public by banging on about just about everything.

Maxwell Booked

As she is quite deservedly denied bail for a FOURTH time, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell sues the publishers of a book about her and Jeffrey Epstein; we respond by urging readers to buy ‘Vice Island’ now.

Theresa’s in the Trough

Matthew Steeples highlights that it is not just David Cameron who has been sticking his piggy fingers in the trough; Theresa May also ‘pocketed’ over £1.2 million in the last year alone.

Wallies of the Week 2021 – Stephen Cloobeck and Stefanie Gurzanski

Self-proclaimed billionaire Stephen Cloobeck and OnlyFans.com stripper Stefanie Gurzanski’s court battle makes a mockery of the both of them; this tawdry pair should “belt up, wrap up and shut up.”

Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anne Robinson

Anne Robinson’s appointment as the ‘Countdown’ host is a breath of fresh air and the carping ‘woke’ should pipe down about it.

Shifty Job Killer

‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s legacy now should be just one thing; this beached whale billionaire should go down in history as a job killer.