Classic clangers from the last week
Lunch with(out) obligations
At The Phene in Chelsea, a distinguished lady was approached by a man of pensionable age. He was overheard to remark: “I’d like to invite you for Sunday lunch… However, if you offer sex, I won’t accept”. The lunch date was declined. This chap has to be our winner of the charmer of the year.
Two stories to keep beside you
Overheard: 10th November
Classic clangers from the last week
Overheard: 17th February
Classic clangers from the last week
Seriously Madeley
Broadcaster Richard Madeley took to Twitter to claim the ‘Madeleyisms’ quotes that trended last week were “mostly bollocks”. He added: “Yeah, thank **** I don’t take myself seriously. I’d be in the wrong game if I did”. If any reader has ever taken Richard Madeley “seriously”, please can they let us know?
Phone the battery
From the @GSElevator Twitter feed: “Want to prolong the battery life on your iPhone? Put it the f**k away when you’re talking to me”. A good point, well made.
Talking toasters
Katie Hopkins took to Twitter to share a picture of a toaster. She remarked: “A Dualit 24 carat gold plated toaster at £1000. If this is in your life, you need to get one”. Given her recent remarks about Palestinians, isn’t it actually her career that is toast?
Friends and love
On a train from Manchester to London, reader David Peters overheard two women chatting. The first, Sharon, commented: “You’re starting to sound sexist”. The second, Helen, responded: “I’m not sexist. I’m having what I call a ‘Sharon Moment’. It generally happens when I ask a guy on a date”. Sharon replied: “What do you mean?” Helen answered: “I get no love”. With friends like these…
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Readers have their say
5 comments
Richard and Judy have always been generous towards the Find Madeleine campaign. They deserve knighthoods. Arise Sir Richard and Lady Judy.
Gillian Trott again…… I do recommend the 12 steps programme and a very strong dosage of Immodium for your verbal diarrhoea.
Funny. I like this column.
Still laughing, Chaim Paddaman, thank you…!!! (Could not agree more, incidentally !)
Support your local Tax Bailiffs………It is obvious that the likes of Katie Hopkins and Gary Barlow are not paying their fair share of taxes. I had a relative cremated for less than a £1000, and that included a coffin and a first class service from a qualified Vicar….. it was not very Jewish, but it was desperate times. It is only a meshuggener that will pay that kind of price for a piece of toast.