The Steeple Times

Tag: Daily Mail

  • Wally of the Week – Vanessa Branson

    Wally of the Week – Vanessa Branson

    At a time when her billionaire brother Sir Richard is deservedly taking a pounding for trying to rape the state, multi-millionairess Vanessa Branson could have perhaps postponed the launch of her self-indulgent autobiography

    It’s not Vanessa Branson’s fault that she’s the sister of the all-round dickhead Sir Richard Branson, but it is she alone whom made the choice to gauchely publicise a book about her anything but modest life during the worst pandemic since Spanish Flu.

     

    Serialised, as only it could be in the top paying publication for such guff, the Daily Mail, Vanessa Branson’s One Hundred Summers: A Family Story has a stench of what the Scottish would call “guff” about it. Aside from bemoaning “sulking about” buying a tidal island complete with 9 houses in the Inner Hebrides – which she terms “Neverland Found” – this privileged woman boldly touts her book as: “Taking the reader on a journey from the dying embers of Edwardian England, through the trauma of two world wars, the hedonism of London in the 1980s and ‘Cool Britannia’ in the 1990s right up to the present day.” How utterly endearing.

     

    Just like her self-publicising brother, this constantly crying 61-year old former art gallery owner plainly cannot get enough of herself. Here is a ramble through holidays in palazzos in Venice and trips to LA; there’s an arts festival in Morocco and there’s a second home in Sussex. Life ain’t that shabby for this woman, but all she does is moan. Her husband comes and goes (and comes and goes again and again), but with such she name-drops how Grayson Perry gave her a pot charmingly featuring the words “Marriage Wrecker” next to “images of fat middle-aged men with drooping breasts and sagging scrotums” and Tracey Emin wrote her a poem for her to use on her headboard. Its read: “Oh God you made me feel so beautiful/ And then I wanted to feel it again and again. With myself, by myself/ Never forgetting.” That’s surely enough to make anyone join in blubbering with this very, very rich multi-millionairess.

     

    With her brattish brother condemned even by that pillar of capitalism that is The Telegraph as “Now Virgin Atlantic’s biggest liability,” Vanessa Branson could not have chosen a worse time to launch her tome. Though lauded as: “A vivid and charming tapestry of English eccentricity, fortune, fate and passion,” One Hundred Summers is more likely to ultimately be remembered just as a tale of the pathetic appendage of the deservedly most loathed man of the 2020 coronavirus pandemic. Here is one book we most definitely will not be recommending as essential lockdown literature.

     

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  • A Room (Without) A Loo

    A Room (Without) A Loo

    Flat in Onslow Gardens, South Kensington available to rent for the same cost as a week on the Joe Wicks diet through chi-chi estate agents Knight Frank; there is, of course, a catch

    In 1928, Sir Noël Coward wrote and sang: “A room with a view, Who’s fooling who?” and estate agents Knight Frank could certainly be asked that of a “lovely” raised ground floor rental apartment they are currently marketing in Onslow Gardens, South Kensington.

     

    Priced at just £210 per week ($261, €240 or درهم960 per week) or the equivalent of the cost of a week’s shopping for those following the ‘Joe Wicks Weight Loss Plan,’ the 151 square foot ‘studio’ has “wooden floors, large windows and good storage.” Also lauded is that “hot water is included in the rent” for the 12’1” by 12’6” space and that “there is also the benefit of a private kitchen.”

     

    Sadly, however, the flat is lacking one detail most would desire: There is no private bathroom. Of such, the “painfully honest estate agent” Roy Brooks (died 1971) might have taken a different view. He would likely have suggested: “Of course, Chelsea has good public baths,” but rather than being just “a room with a view,” whoever takes this compact crib will instead just be getting “a bathroom with a queue.”

     

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    A Room (Without) A Loo – £210 per week for Onslow Gardens, South Kensington, London, SW7 flat (with no loo) – Flat in Onslow Gardens, South Kensington available to rent for the same cost as a week on the Joe Wicks diet through chi-chi estate agents Knight Frank; there is, of course, a catch: There’s no loo.
    A Room (Without) A Loo – £210 per week for Onslow Gardens, South Kensington, London, SW7 flat (with no loo) – Flat in Onslow Gardens, South Kensington available to rent for the same cost as a week on the Joe Wicks diet through chi-chi estate agents Knight Frank; there is, of course, a catch: There’s no loo.
    A Room (Without) A Loo – £210 per week for Onslow Gardens, South Kensington, London, SW7 flat (with no loo) – Flat in Onslow Gardens, South Kensington available to rent for the same cost as a week on the Joe Wicks diet through chi-chi estate agents Knight Frank; there is, of course, a catch: There’s no loo.
    A Room (Without) A Loo – £210 per week for Onslow Gardens, South Kensington, London, SW7 flat (with no loo) – Flat in Onslow Gardens, South Kensington available to rent for the same cost as a week on the Joe Wicks diet through chi-chi estate agents Knight Frank; there is, of course, a catch: There’s no loo.
  • Moron of the Moment – Lady Brady

    Moron of the Moment – Lady Brady

    ‘The Steeple Times’ suggests that in the wake of the latest drivel she spouted in ‘The Sun on Sunday’ well-known washed-up wench and all-round “nasty piece of work” Karren Brady belongs in the funny farm

    In her weekly column in The Sun on Sunday yesterday, The Right Honourable The Baroness Brady of Knightsbridge CBE – better known simply as Karren Brady, an “overpainted Aunt Sally caked in cheap makeup” whose businesses associations have primarily involved the grubby pornographer David Sullivan and the “cross between Shylock and Al Capone” that is Sir ‘Shifty’ Philip Green – shared a bit of information that nobody need ever know.

     

    Aside from illustrating her rank on the Mensa roster in revealing something nobody else on the entire planet knew in stating: “What a month it’s been for Boris Johnson,” Lady Brady also announced: “I am as keen as the next person to regain my freedom.” She then, pass the sick bucket urgently please, added: “At present, in fact, I am mainly wearing pyjamas all day as well as in bed.” As constellation, at a time when we are all coping with the COVID-19 lockdown, one can at least be thankful that she didn’t go further and follow Baroness Mone and go on about her bra choices or dip into the territory of Ferne McCann and try and flog some soiled knickers.

     

    Disgracefully ennobled by David Cameron for utterly no good reason, “muckspreader” Lady Brady (AKA ‘Baroness Bozo’ and #LazyBrady) went on to show how out of touch she is with the ordinary populous. In a segment ever-so enthusiastically titled: “PREGNANT PAUSE FOR A NATION” (in caps for extra-special emphasis), this dimwitted oddity bizarrely offered “huge congratulations” to an American model of Dutch-Palestinian descent named Gigi Hadid and an English singer of Pakistani-Irish descent named Zayn Malik. We’re no doubt lightyears away from fathoming the reasoning as to why the ever-so-vital “pregnant pause” and the ever-so “huge congratulations” are especially required for Hadid and Malik, but, hey ho, we are dealing with Karren Brady – Lord Sugar’s token bit of sideline smut from the graveyard for self-declared “genuine celebrities” that is The Apprentice.

     

    Aside from not explaining exactly which “nation” exactly she was referencing (she probably doesn’t actually know what a nation is herself, poor love), former “dildo merchant” turned “faithful companion of Jesus” Lady Brady helpfully then declared: “They are expecting a baby… which just proves that life goes on. What a beautiful baby they will have. It’s great to have some good news amid the gloom.” Let’s all join her and praise the Lord.

     

    Of this wannabe prophet, one reader previously observed: “All business transactions associated with Lady Brady end in Richard Branson-esque failure” and now we’ll go further: “All falling for the supposed wise words of the pyjama-clad Lady Brady henceforth may find themselves joining her in the funny farm.” It is now time to lock this hapless harridan in a padded cell and throw away the key.

     

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  • Wally of the Week – The Duchess of Sussex

    Wally of the Week – The Duchess of Sussex

    In throwing out major elements of her argument against Associated Newspapers yesterday, the Duchess of Sussex’s defeat marked not just a battle loss, but the start of a worse stage for her war

    ‘MeGain’ should quit whilst she’s (just about) still ahead. Whilst public support for her is still just about there in some quarters as, frankly, distaste for the Mail and its parent operation remains high, this ‘I don’t want to be a royal anymore but I want everything that went with being a royal’ looks increasingly isolated after having major part of her case against Associated Newspapers deservedly struck out yesterday.

     

    In delivering his ruling on Friday, Mr Justice Warby pointedly remarked that parts of the duchess’s case were “irrelevant” and “inadequately detailed.” He went further and totally ignored her claim of “dishonest behaviour” and now, according to Mark Stephens, a libel and privacy expert at the law firm Howard Kennedy, will be forced to pay a bill of upto £250,000 in costs as a result of her totally “ill-informed” claim.

     

    Worse still, the Duchess of Sussex now faces the prospect of her five friends – whom most curiously still remain unnamed at this stage (raising the question of: “Do they actually exist?”) – being dragged into the witness box. In addition, yet more embarrassment and costs will follow for the royal family she once so used to crave being part of and as a result we today join those telling this mendacious madam: “Enough is enough. Put a stop to your nonsense before it is too late.”

     

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  • Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’)

    Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’)

    Alongside a cat (yes, a cat) named ‘(Frederick Albert) Hitler’ as his barman, the landlord of the “maddest pub in Britain” Steve Cotten is not known for being the most involved of hosts. On TripAdvisor, whilst one grumbler pointed out that his attitude to diners is: “If you want to eat, bring your own food… Or use the kitchen yourself,” Devon Live noted in February 2020 that Prince Harry and Damien Hirst are “fans” of the “off-grid,” Fawlty Towers-esque The Poltimore Arms in South Molton, Devon. The pub has no website, no television, no Wi-Fi, no fruit machines and no telephones and is powered by solar panels, but for lovers of craft ales and locally produced spirits, a woman going by the name ‘The Real Ale Girl’ operates a “secret weapon… emporium” selling such in a back room.

    Summing up his refreshingly no-nonsense approach to running his business, Steve Cotten once commented: “I just make it up as I go along.  I might not know how to run a pub but I know what’s wrong with every pub I’ve ever been in. There’s no landlord anywhere, nobody talks to each other.  I involve the whole community – everyone knows it’s not my pub, it’s everybody’s pub… We are a dark and cold and miserable boozer – and that’s what people like about it… They all know you can do what you want here, use it for what you want, come here on your own at any time of the day or night and help yourself to a tea or coffee. Everybody will talk to everybody… You can discuss any topic under the sun here, nothing is taboo… Everyone has a go serving behind the bar, we all have a laugh and everyone joins in… No one else talks to them like crap like I do.”

    Frankly, one is simply left asking: “Why aren’t there more places like this?” Cheers to Steve Cotten.

  • It’s Just Awful Being Alexa

    It’s Just Awful Being Alexa

    Self-absorbed Alexa Chung isn’t worrying about people dying from coronavirus; she’s too busy moaning about people not focusing on the real her

    “The human” Alexa Chung can be relied upon to make utterly everything about herself.

     

    Earlier this month, the “fashion genius” and “belle of the ball” revealed that she begged David and Victoria Beckham to talk to her at a party. Of the encounter, this strange woman bizarrely told the Mail on Sunday’s ‘Talk of the Town’ column: “I said: ‘I know you have a lot of money, but I’ll pay you anything to talk to me right now.’ And they were really nice.” The trick plainly worked – as Miss Chung got the column inches she plainly so desperately so craves.

     

    Now with no one in their right mind wanting to talk to the very wealthy Beckhams – who’ve quite deservedly joined the ranks of the pariahs of the coronavirus pandemic due to their shameless attempts to get the state to bailout their failing businesses – Chung yesterday moved on to share her latest woe in order to garner a few more words in print.

     

    “The only thing people want to know about her is what it’s like having the same name as Amazon’s [Alexa]” stated ‘Talk of the Town,’ before concluding: “Unsurprisingly, she’s getting a bit fed up.” Chung – whom (as you do) loves “people-watching” in airports and “Googling pictures of Jane Birkin” at breakfast – herself added: “This is the most frequently asked question in my life.” Ah, diddums!

     

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    It’s Just Awful Being Alexa – Alexa Chung moans during COVID-19 – Self-absorbed Alexa Chung isn’t worrying about people dying from coronavirus; she’s busy moaning about people not focusing on the real her.
    On her own website, oh yes and seeing is believing: Alexa Chung does share the revelation that she is a human. Thank God for that.
  • Boozed-Up Barrymore Boobs

    Boozed-Up Barrymore Boobs

    As out of his skull Michael Barrymore yet again makes an utter prat of himself on Instagram, we remind him to stop “destroying” games and instead help get justice for Stuart Lubbock, the man murdered in his very own swimming pool

    In yet another self-indulgent image shared on Instagram on Tuesday, disgraced entertainer Michael Barrymore once again showed he cares more about fame than those suffering with coronavirus.

     

    Known for rolling around on the floor off his skull with the equally pissed-up, convicted racist bigot Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben, Barrymore (born Michael Parker) appeared slumped on the edge of table with a ‘Strike It Lucky’ gameboard. Snapped grinning like the cat that had had too much cream (or boozy sauce in his case), the picture was captioned: “I destroyed the set.”

     

    Perhaps, instead, Barrymore could use his energy to “destroy” something else far more important – that being “destroy” whatever it is that bonds him to the seven others that were present when Stuart Lubbock was murdered in his very own swimming pool on the 31st March 2001. It is time for the japes to stop and it is time for real justice now.

     

    #justice4stuart

     

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    Boozed-Up Barrymore Boobs – As Michael Barrymore yet again makes an utter prat of himself appearing out of his skull on Instagram, we remind him to stop “destroying” games and instead help get justice for Stuart Lubbock, the man murdered in his very own swimming pool on 31st March 2001.
    Michael Barrymore has been pictured inebriated on numerous occasions; his best-known incident was in the company of the especially unctuous helmet haired horror Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben – a vile specimen who was convicted of racially aggravated assault and obstructing a police officer in February 2014.
  • Where’s Ghislaine?

    Where’s Ghislaine?

    As Prince Andrew faces the possibility of being sued by victims of Jeffrey Epstein, we again join those asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” Suggestions that she’s on a submarine do seem a bit far-fetched, but you never know…

    Whilst Fergie’s been busy making a prized prat of herself mopping floors in an attempt to ‘resonate’ with a populous in panic over a pandemic and her ‘selfless’ daughter has had to yet again postpone her wedding and deal with the ensuing “heartbreak,” things aren’t looking that rosy for the ‘House of Dork’ right now.

     

    Throw in news that Prince Andrew could potentially face legal suits from victims of Jeffrey Epstein – even after they receive payout deals from the late paedophile’s estate – and frankly 2019’s annus horribilis seems like an Austin Powers-esque party. The fact that ‘MeGain’ and a near global lockdown are keeping this wing of the royal family off the front pages (for now) is the biggest lottery win this tawdry collection could ever have hoped for.

     

    Where’s Ghislaine? As Prince Andrew faces the possibility of being sued by victims of Jeffrey Epstein, we again join those asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” Suggestions that she’s on a submarine do seem a bit far-fetched, but you never know… Featuring Prince Andrew, Duke of York, Sarah, Duchess of York, Lady Victoria Hervey, Virginia Giuffre (Virginia Roberts), Rupert Murdoch and Laura Goldman and the late Robert Maxwell and the late Jeffrey Epstein.
    The Non-Sweating Prince and the Charwoman – Prince Andrew NOT sweating at Pizza Express (Woking branch) and Sarah, Duchess of York pretending she knows how to use a mop in a kitchen that most definitely hasn’t been visited by the former Meghan Markle’s very, very expensive (publicly funded) interior designers.
    Where’s Ghislaine? As Prince Andrew faces the possibility of being sued by victims of Jeffrey Epstein, we again join those asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” Suggestions that she’s on a submarine do seem a bit far-fetched, but you never know… Featuring Prince Andrew, Duke of York, Sarah, Duchess of York, Lady Victoria Hervey, Virginia Giuffre (Virginia Roberts), Rupert Murdoch and Laura Goldman and the late Robert Maxwell and the late Jeffrey Epstein.
    Lovers of fancy dress and lovers of deviancy (from left to right) – Now jailed sex offender Harvey Weinstein, now deceased paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, currently missing alleged paedophile procurer Ghislaine Maxwell (at a party thrown by Prince Andrew) and now deceased pension plunderer Robert Maxwell (at another party); what an utterly charming and delightful bunch.

    Meanwhile, just as Epstein’s most outspoken victim, Virginia Giuffre (née Roberts), quite rightly carries on calling out her abusers on Twitter, theories about the whereabouts of the ‘missing mucky madam’ and ‘procuring queen’ of this sordid saga, Ghislaine Maxwell, continue to do the rounds.

     

    Quite ludicrously in February, the Mirror claimed ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ bombastic “bitch” of a daughter could be “hiding in a submarine.” Nobody mentioned whether she was playing Yellow Submarine down there or if she had Amelia Earhart and Glenn Miller singing along with her, however. After it was more recently claimed that Miss Maxwell has been sheltering at her late mother’s former home, Chateau de la Malartrie, La Roque-Gageac, 24220 Vézac, France, the journalist Laura Goldman came out claiming to the contrary. Yesterday, this supposed “friend” ‘authoritatively’ tweeted: “#GhislaineMaxwell isn’t at her family’s chateau in France.”

     

    Elsewhere, in an open letter published in the somewhat way-out-beyond-wacky title Politicalite on 2nd April, Goldman was described by a group of Epstein’s victims as “a dubious source with a colourful history.” They termed her a woman whom they believed The Sun “[should not] consider a reliable source” and added: “Anything said by Ms. Goldman… presented herewith is not trustworthy.”

     

    With no sightings in the UK or America in months, it has been speculated that this pension’s plunderer’s daughter could have taken refuge in Israel. This theory seems more likely than most and whilst another supposed “chum,” Lady Victoria Hervey, described Maxwell as “like a James Bond character,” nobody with half-a-brain would go as far as to argue she’s even close to being on a level with Ernst Blofeld or Max Zorin.

     

    “Not renowned for having much upstairs” Lady Hervey subsequently stated: “I just don’t believe anyone is going to find her,” but, whatever is the case, there are a lot of outstanding questions awaiting Ghislaine Maxwell. It is now jolly well time this wicked wench turned herself in and it’s jolly well time she faced the music – be it accompanied by a Beatles tune or otherwise.

     

    Pictured top: Disgraced media mogul’s spawn Ghislaine Maxwell with currently-still-a-media mogul Rupert Murdoch.

     

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    Where’s Ghislaine? As Prince Andrew faces the possibility of being sued by victims of Jeffrey Epstein, we again join those asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” Suggestions that she’s on a submarine do seem a bit far-fetched, but you never know… Featuring Prince Andrew, Duke of York, Sarah, Duchess of York, Lady Victoria Hervey, Virginia Giuffre (Virginia Roberts), Rupert Murdoch and Laura Goldman and the late Robert Maxwell and the late Jeffrey Epstein.
    Virginia Giuffre, a victim of sexual abuse and grooming by Jeffrey Epstein, is not giving up. In a recent tweet she announced: “#TimesUp #PrinceAndrew #GhislaineMaxwell Co-Conspirators – lie through your teeth – the truth is coming out!”
    Where’s Ghislaine? As Prince Andrew faces the possibility of being sued by victims of Jeffrey Epstein, we again join those asking: “Where’s Ghislaine Maxwell?” Suggestions that she’s on a submarine do seem a bit far-fetched, but you never know… Featuring Prince Andrew, Duke of York, Sarah, Duchess of York, Lady Victoria Hervey, Virginia Giuffre (Virginia Roberts), Rupert Murdoch and Laura Goldman and the late Robert Maxwell and the late Jeffrey Epstein.
    A tweet from Laura Goldman claims Ghislaine Maxwell is not at a French chateau belonging to her late mother, Dr Betty Maxwell, but many are now asking: “How does this supposed friend actually know?”
  • Dumb & Dumber

    Dumb & Dumber

    The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press (but strangely not including ‘The Sunday Sport’) just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers, have yet again proved themselves as nothing but ridiculous attention seekers suggests Matthew Steeples

    In a way you can’t blame the “tone death wastrels” that are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex for their latest move. In announcing they’ll childishly be ignoring the likes of the Daily Mail and The Sun completely henceforth, one can fathom that they think that such a strategy will make their ‘problems’ go away. Frankly, these entitled brats will very deservedly find quite to the contrary.

     

    In a statement that appears to have been written by someone with no grasp or command of common sense or correct use of grammar, sent at the height of a global pandemic killing thousands each day, attention seeker ‘MeGain’ has achieved exactly what she wants: A return to herself garnering acres of press attention each and every moment. This mendacious madam has utterly no shame – after all, for her, it’s always just been the “me, me and more about bloody me” show – and in calling her out Andrew Neil is quite right. In a tweet, the veteran broadcaster remarked: “Their solipsism is amazing. Can’t they just consign themselves to oblivion for a while? Or at least hire someone who can write a press release in clear, decent English” and now this wicked wench will find to her cost that the silent majority will agree. We have all heard enough and more and more sympathy is switching to poor old Thomas Markle – a father who has been treated utterly abysmally by a deviant who’d put herself in the White House if she thought it might get herself just a bit more fame.

     

    On Friday, the first hearing relating to Associated Newspapers publishing ‘The Modern Day Mrs Simpson’s’ correspondence to her father is due. Plainly, thus, this badly advised move is related to stoking the media up as part of a strategy to fight that case. It won’t work as the public are not as stupid as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex think, but most amusingly as one Dr Midd pointed out on Twitter: “Notice that Meghan and Harry haven’t included the Sunday Sport in their blacklisting, a victory for quality journalism.”

     

    The full statement from the Duke and Duchess of Sussex:

     

    As the Duke and Duchess of Sussex now settle into the next chapter of their lives and no longer receive any publicly funded support, we are writing to set a new media relations policy, specifically as it pertains to your organisation.

     

    Like you, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex believe that a free press is a cornerstone to any democracy – particularly in moments of crisis. At its best, this free press shines light on dark places, telling stories that would otherwise go untold, standing up for what’s right, challenging power, and holding those who abuse the system to account.

     

    It has been said that journalism’s first obligation is to the truth. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex agree wholeheartedly.

     

    It is gravely concerning that an influential slice of the media, over many years, has sought to insulate themselves from taking accountability for what they say or print – even when they know it to be distorted, false, or invasive beyond reason. When power is enjoyed without responsibility, the trust we all place in this much needed industry is degraded.

     

    There is a real human cost to this way of doing business and it affects every corner of society.

     

    The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have watched people they know – as well as complete strangers – have their lives completely pulled apart for no good reason, other than the fact that salacious gossip boosts advertising revenue.

     

    With that said, please note that The Duke and Duchess of Sussex will not be engaging with your outlet. There will be no corroboration and zero engagement. This is also a policy being instated for their communications team, in order to protect that team from the side of the industry that readers never see.

     

    This policy is not about avoiding criticism. It’s not about shutting down public conversation or censoring accurate reporting. Media have every right to report on The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, good or bad. But it can’t be based on a lie. They also want to be very clear: this is not in any way a blanket policy for all media.

     

    The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are looking forward to working with journalists and media organisations all over the world, engaging with grassroots media, regional and local media, and young, and up-and-coming journalists, to spotlight issues and causes that so desperately need acknowledging. And they look forward to doing whatever they can to help further opportunities for more diverse and underrepresented voices, who are needed now more than ever.

     

    What they won’t do is offer themselves up as currency for an economy of clickbait and distortion.

     

    We are encouraged that this new approach will be heard and respected.

     

    The publications that the couple will not engage with not engage with henceforth are:

     

    Daily Express

     

    Daily Mail

     

    Daily Mirror

     

    express.co.uk

     

    Mail on Sunday

     

    MailOnline, including US outlet DailyMail.com

     

    mirror.co.uk

     

    Sunday Express

     

    Sunday Mirror

     

    Sunday People

     

    The Sun

     

    The Sun on Sunday

     

    thesun.co.uk

     

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    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
    Dumb & Dumber – Duke and Duchess of Sussex score yet another own goal – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in stoking a new war with the press, have yet again proved themselves to be ridiculous attention seekers just prior to the commencement of their case against Associated Newspapers.
  • A Major Cough-up

    A Major Cough-up

    ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ £1 million cheat Major Charles Ingram in 2003, but what the programme did not reveal is actually more fascinating

    “After all that, can we be sure the Ingrams were guilty?” asked The Telegraph’s Chris Bennion in his review of the final episode of the three-part hit, Quiz, and indeed the ending has achieved the inevitable and will likely reignite interest in a story that dates back to 2001.

     

    For the few that may not remember what occurred, a Major Charles Ingram won the maximum prize of £1 million on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? on the 10th September 2001, the day before the 9/11 attacks on America. Ingram’s wife and her brother, Adrian Pollock, had previously each won £32,000.

     

    Immediately after the jackpot was scooped, the programme’s production company, Celador, suspecting Ingram had cheated suspended payment of the winnings. The police were called in and ultimately, after a four week trial in March and April 2003 at Southwark Crown Court, the Ingrams and another contestant, a lecturer and their alleged accomplice, Tecwen Whittock, were convicted of “procuring the execution of a valuable security by deception.” All three were given prison sentences suspended for two years, fined £15,000 each and ordered to pay £10,000 towards prosecution costs. These sums were later reduced on appeal.

     

    Whilst many will know that Ingram was then forced to resign his commission as a major after 17 years and that he and his wife appeared on countless television shows including The Weakest Link, sadly Quiz did not delve into other bizarre twists in this “eccentric” pair’s life in the time since their “fifteen minutes of coughing fame/shame.”

     

    Aside from being bankrupted four times in the intervening years (most recently in 2019), the former army officer chopped three of his toes off in a freak lawnmower accident in September 2010. Ironically, the “cheat” and then resident of Easterton, Wiltshire did the injury when he “slipped on a rotten apple.” Of the incident, Ingram recalled “lying on the grass” and thinking: “Oh dear… I certainly won’t be mowing any lawns again soon.”

     

    Earlier, yet not long after his Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? conviction in November 2003, Ingram was convicted of an entirely unrelated insurance fraud. Found guilty of obtaining pecuniary advantage by deception and of deception by trying to claim on that policy after an alleged burglary, the already disgraced son of a retired RAF wing commander added a two-year conditional discharge to his burgeoning rap sheet.

     

    The Ingrams, now, but not revealed in the show either, are based in Maiden Bradley, Warminster and run a non-registered for UK VAT company that trades as ‘Diana Ingram.’ It sells Murano glass jewellery for prices ranging from £15 to £75 and of her wares, Mrs Ingram states: “Most products listed can be altered for shape, colour, length, etc., though prices may vary. I ship worldwide and nothing is too much trouble – I regularly offer personalised wrapping and buy and write birthday cards too!” No mention is made as to whether any kind of cheat sheets can be enclosed if requested sadly.

     

    Charles Ingram, meanwhile, has kept himself busy on Twitter since September 2013 using the handle @gallantfive. He describes himself as: “English, Irish, European, Family, Labour, LUFC and proud remainer wanting a fairer world” and has over 7,100 followers. Whilst describing Quiz as “simply brilliant” and “terrifyingly accurate,” his family have plainly had a few visits from the media as a result of the show. Now represented by one Skye Redman at 89up, a firm that somewhat immodestly has self-appointed itself as “Europe’s biggest communications agency for great causes,” the ex-major this week tweeted:

     

    “Media: Please #StayHomeSaveLives. In any event I assure you that doorstepping is wasting your time. My solicitor, Rhona Friedman, is available for comment via phone or video conferencing. For interviews please contact Skye Redman at 89up.”

     

    After the conclusion of Quiz, Friedman told the Guardian: “I just know that they did not do it… I just feel very sorry for them.” She intends to file paperwork associated with the case in the summer “with hopes for a hearing at the end of the year,” and given the reaction of the public after the ending of this week’s dramatisation, one thing’s for sure: We’ve not seen the last of ‘The Coughing Major’ and his ever-so-earnest wife just yet.

     

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    A Major Cough-up – What’s next for quiz cheat Charles Ingram? ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ cheat Charles Ingram in 2003, but what happened to him in the intervening period is actually more fascinating.
    A Major Cough-up – What’s next for quiz cheat Charles Ingram? ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ cheat Charles Ingram in 2003, but what happened to him in the intervening period is actually more fascinating.
    A Major Cough-up – What’s next for quiz cheat Charles Ingram? ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ cheat Charles Ingram in 2003, but what happened to him in the intervening period is actually more fascinating.