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Tag: cat

April 4, 2020

Preserved by Marmalade

by Matthew Steeples

Nonagenarian from Stockport beats coronavirus by eating marmalade sandwiches; she’s previously survived a bomb and likes biscuits also Like Guardian readers, we at The Steeple Times love marmalade and we especially enjoy marmalade with lots of whisky in it. We’ve reported on the correspondence sent to the letter’s column of the previously mentioned King’s Cross … Continue reading “Preserved by Marmalade”

November 14, 2018

Mad Cats

by Matthew Steeples

That a Conservative MP is bringing a bill to force drivers who hit cats to go to the police at this time is quite ludicrous   Rehman Chisthi, the Conservative MP for Gillingham and Rainham, is a man who likes to champion the most odd causes.   A Brexit enthusiast and frequently criticised for “advancing … Continue reading “Mad Cats”

September 3, 2018

Lose the Loose

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests enough is enough after ‘Loose Women’s’ latest scandal; ITV should scrap this repugnantly gross TV show   I’ve always thought Loose Women to be nothing but gross – and in fact have even suggested there should be a male counterpoint titled Misogynist Men. Featuring an ageing bunch of blabbermouths, this lunchtime ‘chat … Continue reading “Lose the Loose”

August 13, 2018

Wally of the Week – Noel Edmonds

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests Noel Edmonds’ latest outburst just confirms himself to be a strange, publicity desperate fool   Spiritualist television personality Noel Edmonds is certainly an off-the-scale oddity. He blamed the banking giant HBOS for getting cancer and then claimed he knew of an electric box that could cure the disease; he tried to “comfort” … Continue reading “Wally of the Week – Noel Edmonds”

May 27, 2017

Margaret Burke

by General

The Tories may have a former member of the IRA as a councillor in Croydon in the form of Maria Gatland, but Labour proudly feature a convicted racist jailbird and hunt saboteur on one of their party’s websites. Elected as a councillor in Milton Keynes in 2012 in spite of having previously dressed in Nazi-style … Continue reading “Margaret Burke”

May 20, 2017

The Cat That Didn’t Get The Cream

by Matthew Steeples

Though Julian Assange’s cat may have looked on smugly yesterday, all its bail jumping owner achieved was to make himself appear arrogant and ridiculous   WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has evaded British justice for 2,356 days and though, yesterday, he may have stood on a balcony and pontificated about how he won’t “forgive or forget”, … Continue reading “The Cat That Didn’t Get The Cream”

January 25, 2017

Trumping Wildenstein

by Matthew Steeples

‘Catwoman’ Jocelyn Wildenstein puts her Trump World Tower apartment on the market after recent court appearance for “clawing” her boyfriend’s face   “No showings before 12pm” shouts the listing on realtor Douglas Elliman’s homepage and given how the owner of the property they’re currently selling no doubt looks of a morning, one need not wonder … Continue reading “Trumping Wildenstein”

December 9, 2016

A Catty Catastrophe

by Matthew Steeples

‘Bride of Wildenstein’ got her claws out in New York; her boyfriend learns a lesson about playing with cats   Spanish writer Miguel de Cervantes once remarked: “Those who’ll play with cats must expect to be scratched” and now, it seems, 76-year old plastic surgery obsessive and feline lookalike Jocelyn Wildenstein’s boyfriend has ended up … Continue reading “A Catty Catastrophe”

April 18, 2015

Barbarella Buchner

by General

Lanzarote based web designer Barbarella Buchner ‘married’ her cats Lugosi and Spider in January 2004.

August 16, 2013

Alan Mendoza: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

by Matthew Steeples

20 questions with executive director of The Henry Jackson Society Dr. Alan Mendoza   The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom”. What’s your guiding force? Stretching the boundaries of the possible.   “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours? “Incompetent until proven competent”.  

July 26, 2013

The law’s a pigeon

by Matthew Steeples

Pigeons, cats and bicycles don’t necessarily make for the best of friends   The Telegraph’s ‘Mandrake’ and the Mail Online both reported yesterday that Ben Goldsmith could be prosecuted after colliding with a pigeon whilst on his bicycle in Glasshouse Street, close to London’s Piccadilly Circus.

April 22, 2013

Mccreedy’s quintessence

by Thomas "T.J." James

Thomas James chats with artist Conor Mccreedy   The quintessence of any artist is what distinguishes them from others. So, when I met with Conor Mccreedy to ask him about his, he begins by reading me his artistic statement:   “I lose myself in a divine invention, where judgment is laid aside and my experiences in … Continue reading “Mccreedy’s quintessence”

November 24, 2012

Jocelyn Wildenstein (née Périsset and also known as “Jocelynnys Dayannnys da Silva Bezerra”)

by Matthew Steeples

If one spent $2,000,000 on cosmetic surgery, one would expect to end up looking fantastic. It didn’t quite work out in the case of the billionairess “Bride of Wildenstein,” though, as instead she discovered the husband she thought she’d please in bed with a 19-year old Russian. Feline like in appearance, the purr of this … Continue reading “Jocelyn Wildenstein (née Périsset and also known as “Jocelynnys Dayannnys da Silva Bezerra”)”

October 3, 2012

Of mice and stags

by Matthew Steeples

In his first column as our rural affairs correspondent, Charles Mitford Cust tells of the stags rutting near his Devon home and discovers a remedy that sends mice on their merry way   Down here in deepest Devon, the red deer rut has started and the majestic sight of the powerful stags proudly displaying their … Continue reading “Of mice and stags”

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