Tag: bonkers

  • Randy’s Anniversary

    Randy’s Anniversary

    EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times’ reports Matthew Steeples

    Exactly one year ago this evening, Prince Andrew no doubt sat down in an armchair with his batshit bonkers live-in ex-wife ‘Fergie’ onside ready to heap congratulations upon his chubby ego. The telly box centre stage in Royal Lodge, the toe sucking lover was no doubt whacking back a vat or ten of bubbles and munching on a sledge of sausages. Boringly, the non-sweater was likely just dribbling into a Diet Coke.

     

    Pizza Express junkie ‘Randy Andy’ – whom also counts Goga Ashkenazi, Bernie Ecclestone and Tarek Kaituni amongst his curious collection of cash tin collector chums – probably smugly anticipated facing the media the next morning to “draw a line under [his] links to the wealthy paedophile” Jeffrey Epstein. He perhaps expected an army of adoration and a flurry of forgiveness from the nation, but what happened next proved to be the beginning of his decidedly deserved downfall.

     

    Speaking to The Steeple Times exclusively to mark the first anniversary of the Duke of York’s juggernaut wreck of an interview with Emily Maitlis for the BBC, Kirby Sommers, an activist, feminist, author and sex slave survivor, remarked:

     

    “What has been fascinating one year after the disastrous interview Prince Andrew gave to the BBC is that Ghislaine Maxwell did not make a public statement of any sort in his defence. My take on this is not just an on-going acceptance that he lied and in fact did have sex with Virginia Giuffre, a trafficked victim of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, but that in addition to this: Maxwell would face a second slander lawsuit from Giuffre should she claim ‘Virginia is lying about Prince Andrew and nothing happened.’ Maxwell settled the first defamation lawsuit with Giuffre in 2017.”

     

    “Prince Andrew’s ill-advised interview showed the world he depended on Jeffrey Epstein for financial advice and introductions on Wall Street. It appears he received additional perks from his friendship with Epstein. Furthermore, it is painfully clear to all who follow this case that Ghislaine Maxwell was not the ‘plus one’ the prince claimed her to be. His friendship with Epstein appears to have been more important than any previous relationship he may have had with Maxwell.”

     

    “It is also apparent there are forces at work to continue to keep Prince Andrew from admitting guilt. His name was redacted in the documents that were just released from the Giuffre v Maxwell lawsuit. It is, however, in keeping with the methodology: his name, if you recall, was asked not to be mentioned by a judge in lawsuits against Jeffrey Epstein.”

     

    “His popularity has disappeared. His name is scorned. The palace has even removed his Twitter handle from their website and souvenirs bearing his likeness from their gift shop.”

     

    “What has to happen at this point is Prince Andrew must take responsibility for his actions. He cannot continue to be a pampered child as he approaches his 61st birthday. If not for himself, if not for his children, if not for Virginia Giuffre, then he must do so for the monarchy.”

     

    Adding his thoughts and sharing his extensive knowledge on this first anniversary, Nigel Cawthorne, author of Prince Andrew: Epstein, Maxwell and the Palace, told The Steeple Times late Sunday:

     

    “What do you do if you shoot yourself in the foot in front of millions of people and you are a soldier at heart? This was Prince Andrew’s night-time puzzle a year ago. You march on and hope that you won’t ambush yourself again, he must have thought.”

     

    “Unfortunately, the prince was not blessed with good luck. He scored another own body blow when his words angered the US Attorney investigating Epstein’s sex ring so much that the full force of US legal power abroad was deployed to try and get the prince’s testimony.”

     

    “Since the prince is his own worst enemy, there really is no telling what will happen next. Although November 2020 is only the anniversary of the interview, the palace’s ‘Epstein Affair’ has been gathering momentum for almost a decade. It has been so spectacularly mishandled that it could go any which way at this point, which makes it a far absorbing drama than Meghan and Harry’s even if the backdrop couldn’t be more tawdry.”

     

    “Is he the typical – and now much maligned – middle-aged white male relying on privilege as Epstein’s victims say, or a victim of the victims as he has solidly maintained throughout? Andrew has consistently categorically denied all allegations against him. Though soon a grandfather, the prince is unlikely voluntarily to hang up his crown any time soon.”

     

    Likely to lose all his titles by the end of the year, Prince Andrew’s ‘annus horribilis’ is complete. The Queen is supposedly not talking to him and now the cryptically coded message we published in January from The Times (which again follows below and which could indeed have been from Ghislaine Maxwell perhaps) now likely will prove true. No more “good wishes” need follow after this anniversary.

     

    In Memoriam – Private

     

    TO ANDREW THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

     

    Did you ever love someone deeply, and out they didn’t love you?

     

    Did you ever feel they weren’t kind to you, and wonder what you should do?

     

    Did you ever blindly trust in love, but your love didn’t want to stay?

     

    Love only causes problems, it happens every day

     

    You wonder how they can sleep at night

    You wonder how they can feel delight

    You wonder how love could ever feel light

     

    When you are left weighed down by fright

     

    Love hurts so much, the price you pay is high

     

    Choosing between love and death, I’d much prefer to die

     

    Take my advice, don’t fall in love, you’ll get hurt before it’s through

     

    You see, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.

     

    Pictured top: Prior to his disastrous interview, ‘Air Miles Andy’ used to jet around the world smirking with foreign dignitaries and dodgy dictators. He must truly miss those jollies and especially all that jetting. Now, on the anniversary of this juggernaut wreck, this smug sop finds himself nothing other than a social pariah.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes and @M_Steeples

     

    Randy’s Anniversary – First anniversary of Prince Andrew interview – EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview with Emily Maitlis about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times.’
    Randy’s Anniversary – That photo (Prince Andrew, Virginia Roberts and Ghislaine Maxwell): This image undoubtedly remains likely to be the ultimate source of Prince Andrew’s undoing. He continues to deny it as a fake, but he’s failed to prove it to be such and on the anniversary of the BBC interview, his future looks even more bleak.
    Randy’s Anniversary – First anniversary of Prince Andrew interview – EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview with Emily Maitlis about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times.’
    Randy’s Anniversary – Sausage muncher Sarah Ferguson was variously said to be the person who encouraged and the person whom discouraged Prince Andrew to give the interview. Given her childlike style, we’d suggest the former.
    Randy’s Anniversary – First anniversary of Prince Andrew interview – EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview with Emily Maitlis about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times.’
    Randy’s Anniversary – In the year since ‘Andrewgate,’ Ghislaine Maxwell – pictured here with Kira Faiman and fellow jailbird Martha Stewart – has hit the clink. Remarkably, the Duke of York last met with the breathtakingly arrogant mucky madam in June 2019 when she was in London for the Cash & Rocket London-Monte Carlo ‘charity’ rally.
    Randy’s Anniversary – First anniversary of Prince Andrew interview – EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview with Emily Maitlis about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times.’
    Randy’s Anniversary – A captioned image of the Queen with Boris Johnson that went viral shortly after the interview has proven partially true. ‘Bosie The Clown’ has certainly delivered on the “really stupid” front, but equally ‘Randy Andy’ and ‘Fergie’ have kept on shoving their gumboots in the proverbial.
    Randy’s Anniversary – First anniversary of Prince Andrew interview – EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview with Emily Maitlis about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times.’
    Randy’s Anniversary – The ultimate impact of the interview was perfectly summed up by the ‘New York Post’ and on the anniversary of it, this arrogant prat finds himself seeking ever deeper into the sewage tank.
  • Fergie’s Banger Clanger

    Fergie’s Banger Clanger

    As the anniversary of Prince Andrew’s car crash interview approaches, Sarah Ferguson pulls another clanger and bangs on about sausages in a feature for ‘The Sun’

    On a day when sausage rolls are trending on Twitter with the hashtag #ASausageCaRoll, Sarah Ferguson just couldn’t help but get in on the act.

     

    After sharing crazed videos of herself playing with cupcakes – which she bizarrely termed ‘bathtub teddies’ in spite of the sexual abuse allegations about what her ex-husband got upto in Ghislaine Maxwell’s tub still circulating – the lover of a good old toe suck is at it again.

     

    This morning, ‘Fergie’ – whose husband’s disastrous interview with Emily Maitlis about his late paedophile friend Jeffrey Epstein brought utter shame on the House of York – wrote a comment piece for The Sun.

     

    It is not known how much this mouthy woman was paid by the newspaper or whether she’s actually repaid the money she was loaned by Epstein yet also, but the fact that it was titled: “I found consolation in sausages” about says it all. If clanger prone Sarah Ferguson had any sense, she would now simply do the decent thing: Follow Prince Harry’s lead and disappear into the sunset (with a packet of sausages).

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Fergie’s Banger Clanger – Sarah Ferguson’s clanger about sausages – As the anniversary of Prince Andrew’s car crash interview approaches, Sarah Ferguson pulls another clanger and bangs on about sausages in a feature for ‘The Sun.’
    Fergie’s Banger Clanger – Sarah Ferguson has a habit of choosing stories to read on her ‘Storytime with Fergie and Friends’ YouTube channel with titles that don’t exactly help her disgraced ex-husband. He could easily be called a “grizzly itch” and she herself should be told to “go inside.”
    Fergie’s Banger Clanger – Sarah Ferguson’s clanger about sausages – As the anniversary of Prince Andrew’s car crash interview approaches, Sarah Ferguson pulls another clanger and bangs on about sausages in a feature for ‘The Sun.’
    Fergie’s Banger Clanger – Equally, the Duke of York could be called a “little pig” and completing his threesome would be the late Jeffrey Epstein and his jailed bestie Ghislaine Maxwell.
  • Bathtub Bonkers

    Bathtub Bonkers

    As a poll in ‘The Sun’ reveals 89% of participants do not want to see alleged bathtub shagger Prince Andrew return to public duty, his batshit bonkers ex-wife makes what she calls ‘bathtub teddies’

    Whilst ‘Randy Andy’s’ live-in ex-wife is well known for having her toes sucked by her lovers, this week she turned to making bizarre jokes as she waved frankfurters around in a somewhat sexual fashion on her Storytime with Fergie and Friends YouTube channel.

     

    Plainly ignoring public outrage about the Duke of York’s alleged non-sweaty bathtub antics in Ghislaine Maxwell’s Kinnerton Street, Belgravia home with Virginia Giuffre, ‘Fergie’ also decided to make what she termed some ‘bathtub teddies.’ Whilst it turned out that this simpleton was actually just playing with cupcakes (as you do), it is just clear that this wack job just doesn’t get the severity of what the Pizza Express lover stands accused.

     

    Elsewhere in The Sun on Sunday this morning, just as a poll has suggested the vast majority of the public do not wish to see Prince Andrew return to public duties, it seems the ‘Prince of Darkness’ has been making “secret night visits to the Queen as he plots [a] public return.” Quite frankly, he’d be better doing something else instead: Get back in his tub and scrub himself into obscurity.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Bathtub Bonkers – Prince Andrew and Fergie and bathtubs – As a poll in ‘The Sun’ reveals 89% of participants do not want to see alleged bathtub shagger Prince Andrew return to public duty, his batshit bonkers ex-wife makes what she calls ‘bathtub teddies.’
    Redbubble.com are now selling bath mats featuring an image of Prince Andrew online for £23.61. Measuring 61cm by 43cm, the 100% polyester microfiber printed foam with non-slip bottom items are captioned: “Nonce.”
    Bathtub Bonkers – Prince Andrew and Fergie and bathtubs – As a poll in ‘The Sun’ reveals 89% of participants do not want to see alleged bathtub shagger Prince Andrew return to public duty, his batshit bonkers ex-wife makes what she calls ‘bathtub teddies.’
    Sarah Ferguson was photographed having her toes sucked by her then lover John Bryan at a villa in the South of France in 1992.
  • Going Bonkers For A Bin

    Going Bonkers For A Bin

    Auctioneers Christie’s sought to sell five waste bins for £230; they ultimately went for the astounding sum of just under £34,000

    Whilst most people would rubbish around a few pounds for a waste bin to put the junk mail we mentioned on Friday, a set of five sold for £33,900 ($43,750, €37,300 or درهم160,700) in a Christie’s auction last week.

     

    Offered with an estimate of £230 to £390 ($300 to $500, €260 to €430 or درهم1,100 to درهم1,800) to reflect that they had been supplied by the late French interior designer Henri Samuel – a man “hailed by Architectural Digest as a ‘supreme master of progressive historicism’” – the 20th century faux wood grain and cream painted bins were supplied with Italian marbelised paper linings.

     

    Plainly another deciding factor for the purchaser of these very expensive rubbish containers was their past ownership. The bins had previously been owned by the late American socialite and philanthropist Jayne Wrightsman.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Going Bonkers For A Bin – 4 waste bins sell for £33,900 at Christie’s – Auctioneers Christie’s sought to sell four waste bins for £230; they ultimately went for the astounding sum of just under £34,000.
    The collection of Jayne Wrightsman (1919 – 2019) sold for a total of £930,000 ($1.2 million, €1 million or درهم4.4 million) at Christie’s. Her waste baskets were the top performing lot in the sale.
  • Are We Nearly Redundant Yet?

    Are We Nearly Redundant Yet?

    Travel writer Sarah Tucker shares news of her latest novella – it’s timely and its titled ‘The Redundant Travel Journalist’

    My book The Redundant Travel Journalist has just come out. I would say “just in time for the holidays and in all good book shops” – but, as I don’t know which shops will be open and whether anyone will be taking anything vaguely resembling a holiday, I become aware of how many social constructs surround us. Holidays are one of them. The short novel is a dystopian tale of what travel will be like post-virus, although there may never be a post-virus.

     

    It started off as fiction, but now I’m not so sure such is the boundary between what we think could never happen and what actually occurs. The travel industry has been most vulnerable to this surreal quality of wistful creatively about envisaging a normal, or a new normal, when really the industry is well off the cliff and currently walking on air, spin and hope. We dare not look down because we know, deep down, we have fallen, and are just waiting for the thud or a branch to break the fall.

     

    Travel editors are in overdrive about what travel will be like, although their pages are thinning as there is no advertising and no one is going anywhere (well they are, they are just doing it illegally and in their own private jets).

     

    There are so many webinars with very cross looking travel editors being signposted on Instagram and papers are asking writers in these unprecedented times to not write in these unprecedented times, and also drop all intention of writing virtual travel stories.

     

    They are quote: “Fucking sick of them.” Travel experts are contradicting financial experts about asking for refunds from tour operators and the idea of staycations fills people with apathy and also incredulity (will hotels be open, expensive, can I afford them and then there’s the hygiene issues).

     

    So, I thought I would write a ‘non-fiction’ tale of what it will be like post virus. (‘non-fiction’ being ‘nothing is intentionally made up’). Although research out this week (“What day is it?” I hear you ask) has just shown that all research and advice about what travel will be like during a crisis (the 2008 financial one, for example) never comes true. So, there you have it: There has been research to disprove the value of research.

     

    Travel has become even more bonkers and surreal than it usually is. The dream destination has turned into exactly that, the journey of a lifetime, could be the last journey you take and getting way from the crowds is more of a necessity and less of a casual ask.

     

    But, the Brits have always been ones to take their lives in their hands and travel whilst other nationalities stay put. There just may not be the airlines to fly with, or hotels to stay in. If airlines crash, there will be no use for airports, in which case, they could turn them into socially distancing schools, where children can learn and have the sense they are going somewhere metaphorically even if they aren’t. Or can’t. Like the rest though, I live in hope.

     

    Sarah Tucker is an award-winning travel journalist, novelist, producer and broadcaster. She has edited, produced and presented a number of radio and TV series’ as well as presenting reports for the BBC’s ‘Holiday Programme’ and anchoring ‘I Want That House’ on ITV. She is the author of best-selling novels ‘The Playground Mafia,’ ‘The Battle for Big School,’ ‘The Last Year of Being Single’ and ‘The Control Freak Chronicles.’

     

    To buy a copy of ‘The Redundant Travel Journalist’ by Sarah Tucker for £6.99 through Amazon, click here. Tucker has also recently written ‘The Witches of Richmond’ – it is also available on Amazon for £6.99.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Are We Nearly Redundant Yet? Sarah Tucker, The Redundant Travel Journalist – Travel writer Sarah Tucker shares news of her latest novella – it’s timely and its titled ‘The Redundant Travel Journalist’
    “When you can travel, where will you go?” – Italy’s foreign minister Luigi Di Maio yesterday promised “foreign tourists will be welcome this summer” according to ‘The Telegraph.’
  • Dopey Derbyshire Dunces

    Dopey Derbyshire Dunces

    Derbyshire Police yet again show themselves inept at the art of public relations in tweeting about trying to locate a man who kissed a woman on the cheek to thank her for helping him with his lorry

    The “busybodies” of Derbyshire Police will forever be remembered as the dunces of the 2020 coronavirus lockdown.

     

    In a post shared on their own website and online via social media also on Friday, the plainly inept manager of communications for this force shared an appeal. Its wording was beyond weak and its content laughable. The text read:

     

    We are appealing for help to identify a man who kissed a woman on the cheek to thank her for helping when his lorry became stuck under a low bridge.

     

    The incident occurred between 12pm and 4pm on Tuesday, 28 April, in Dale Road, Matlock.

     

    The heavy goods vehicle had become stuck and the woman, who is in her 70s, helped the men to ensure the lorry did not hit the bridge.

     

    After the lorry became unstuck one of the men in the lorry left the vehicle, thanked the woman and kissed her on the cheek.

     

    Officers want to speak to anyone who was in the area at time and may be able to help our enquiries into the incident – of particular interest are any drivers who were in the area at the time and may have captured the lorry on dashcam.

     

    Anyone with any information is asked to contact Derbyshire police.

     

    Slammed previously by amongst others Lord Sumption for their “hysteria” during lockdown, Derbyshire Police subsequently were inundated by Twitter users astounded that this ‘matter’ was being shared publicly.

     

    In response, the force’s Twitter manager announced: “This would be classed as a sexual assault as the woman did not want the man to kiss her on the cheek… We’d just like to identify and speak to the man we’ve described at this moment in time.”

     

    Without explaining how a kiss could have lasted from 12pm to 4pm and whether they’d caught the lorry driver who likes to thank with a kiss, Derbyshire Police subsequently deleted their original tweet about the matter. They did not, however, manage to delete the thousands of outraged and mocking responses.

     

    Pictured top: A young man kissing and an older woman. We cannot confirm whether or not the young man in the image committed a crime or not or whether the older of the pair was a willing participant.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Dopey Derbyshire Dunces – Derbyshire Police and a kissing conundrum – Derbyshire Police yet again show themselves inept at the art of public relations in tweeting about trying to locate a man who kissed a woman on the cheek to thank her for helping him with his lorry.
    The ‘kiss’ occurred within a window of a four-hour time period on Dale Road, Matlock, Derbyshire in the vicinity of this bridge allegedly.
    Dopey Derbyshire Dunces – Derbyshire Police and a kissing conundrum – Derbyshire Police yet again show themselves inept at the art of public relations in tweeting about trying to locate a man who kissed a woman on the cheek to thank her for helping him with his lorry.
    Derbyshire Police’s appeal was issued on their website (left) and online via Twitter (right) also.
    Dopey Derbyshire Dunces – Derbyshire Police and a kissing conundrum – Derbyshire Police yet again show themselves inept at the art of public relations in tweeting about trying to locate a man who kissed a woman on the cheek to thank her for helping him with his lorry.
    In response to mockery and outrage from Twitter users, the force used their own account to attempt to justify their actions. Their strategy was subsequently met with further derision.
  • Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’)

    Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’)

    Alongside a cat (yes, a cat) named ‘(Frederick Albert) Hitler’ as his barman, the landlord of the “maddest pub in Britain” Steve Cotten is not known for being the most involved of hosts. On TripAdvisor, whilst one grumbler pointed out that his attitude to diners is: “If you want to eat, bring your own food… Or use the kitchen yourself,” Devon Live noted in February 2020 that Prince Harry and Damien Hirst are “fans” of the “off-grid,” Fawlty Towers-esque The Poltimore Arms in South Molton, Devon. The pub has no website, no television, no Wi-Fi, no fruit machines and no telephones and is powered by solar panels, but for lovers of craft ales and locally produced spirits, a woman going by the name ‘The Real Ale Girl’ operates a “secret weapon… emporium” selling such in a back room.

    Summing up his refreshingly no-nonsense approach to running his business, Steve Cotten once commented: “I just make it up as I go along.  I might not know how to run a pub but I know what’s wrong with every pub I’ve ever been in. There’s no landlord anywhere, nobody talks to each other.  I involve the whole community – everyone knows it’s not my pub, it’s everybody’s pub… We are a dark and cold and miserable boozer – and that’s what people like about it… They all know you can do what you want here, use it for what you want, come here on your own at any time of the day or night and help yourself to a tea or coffee. Everybody will talk to everybody… You can discuss any topic under the sun here, nothing is taboo… Everyone has a go serving behind the bar, we all have a laugh and everyone joins in… No one else talks to them like crap like I do.

    Frankly, one is simply left asking: “Why aren’t there more places like this?” Cheers to Steve Cotten.

  • Who is Chelsea’s ‘Window Twerky’?

    Who is Chelsea’s ‘Window Twerky’?

    ‘The Steeple Times’ asks readers to name the brilliantly batshit bonkers bird spotted gyrating in front of Chelsea shop windows during the coronavirus lockdown

    Spotted on both the Fulham Road and Kings in Chelsea in recent days, a sometimes lycra-clad lady has been spotted by beady eyed readers gyrating in the glistening windows of empty shops. In days of old, we had ‘Widow Twanky’ and in days of coronavirus lockdown, we’ve got ‘Window Twerky.’

     

    Presumably using said elevations as the mirror in which she can celebrate her very own maniac moves, little else is known about this non-conformist. Today, therefore, we ask anyone in the know to send in this wonderfully wacky woman’s name. We would like to contact her and push her forward to Simon Cowell for an audition as he will undoubtedly join in giving an almighty ‘YES!’

     

    The Steeple Times joins those suggesting that this wacky wonder deserves wider public accolade and also a thank you for bringing joy to all who’ve witnessed her Fifty Shades of Crazy antics during this Strictly insane time. Bring on yet more batshit bonkers as, after all, that’s what the Kings Road was always meant to be all about.

     

    Rock on ‘Window Twerky’ – Your nation needs you!

     

    With thanks to Claire Rubinstein and Tom Griffiths for first sharing ‘Window Twerky’ at-work on their Instagram stories.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

  • A Peeved Pensioner

    A Peeved Pensioner

    Angry granny Mary Ingamells contacts press to complain about finding a piece of wood in a tin of Tesco carrots and peas; she can also still feel a piece of orange in her throat that was there when she was two

    Friday was plainly a slow news day at the News & Star with The Cumberland News. Reporter Emma Walker was dispatched not to canvas the views of residents of Seaton, Cumbria worried about ‘Storm Dennis,’ but instead found herself with 82-year-old Mary Ingamells, a great-grandmother who “couldn’t believe her eyes” after finding a two-inch-long stick of wood amongst her tatties when she “went to have some carrot.”

     

    Community minded Mrs Ingamells explained to interested readers of what she’d found in the Tesco tin of peas and carrots:

     

    “I had a taste of my tatties and went to have some carrot, and thought, ‘what’s that?,’ and it was this great stick of wood in the pan!”

     

    “I don’t care about getting compensation or any of that nonsense, I just want to make people more aware, and let them know this happened.”

     

    “If a parent or grandparent had given the bowl of peas and carrots to a two-year-old and turned their back for just one second, the baby would have choked on it.”

     

    “I’m not looking for money – the tins only cost 20-odd pence, so that’s not the issue at all… I just keep thinking what could have happened. I could have choked to death!”

     

    In spite of Tesco apologising and offering her compensation, Mrs Ingamells felt the need to share another of her experiences. When she was two-years-old she choked on an orange segment. She ludicrously claims she “can still feel the orange in her throat.”

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    Peeved – Angry granny Mary Ingamells complains about wood in peas – Angry granny Mary Ingamells contacts press to complain about finding a piece of wood in a tin of Tesco carrots and peas; she can also still feel a piece of orange in her throat that was there when she was two.
  • The World’s Most Flirtatious Car

    The World’s Most Flirtatious Car

    Off-the-wall 24-carat gold 1958 Austin Healey that would appeal to Liberace to be sold at auction in New York with an estimate of £420,000

     

    A truly bonkers one-off 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six that was given the monikers ‘Goldie’ and ‘The Golden Child’ is to be sold at auction in December.

     

    For sale for 165% less than it was offered for in 2013 but 781% more than it was valued at in 1958, ‘Goldie’ is capable of speeds of upto 120 miles per hour but what makes her unique is that all brightwork – including the trimming washers and screws, wire wheels, disc brakes, bumpers and instruments – are plated in 24-carat gold.

     

    The car’s interior is trimmed in champagne Connolly kid leather and champagne diadem mink by London furrier Lorna Doon Snow adorn the inserts and back squabs of the bucket seats and the key ring comes complete with a solid-gold scale replica of the car itself.

     

    The brainchild of Donald Healey’s then PR manager, Ken Gregory, in association with the Daily Express’s then motoring correspondent, Basil Cardew, ‘Goldie’ was the show-stopping car exhibited at the entrance to the 1958 London Motor Show at Earl’s Court. She reportedly wowed audiences and no doubt would have been dubbed a ‘dream machine’ by the motoring world’s most extravagant doyenne, Lady Docker.

     

    Sold immediately to the paper the Daily Express dedicated a page to the promotion of a reader competition to win ‘Goldie’ on 22nd October 1958. Of her, they remarked:

     

    “[This is] the world’s most flirtatious car… The Daily Express has bought it… You can win it. She’s elegant… she wears mink… and she adores champagne. No, not the girl… the car!”

     

    “The real stuff… The most sumptuous… A vintage squirt… The biggest sensation of the [Motor Show at Earl’s Court]… Yes, you could call it the car that was born with a golden spoon in its mouth!”

     

    “In the whole of the land there isn’t anything to match it.”

     

    Surprisingly, the winner of the competition decided to sell the vehicle immediately. She was first road-registered in February 1959 and then passed through various owners until being completely restored by Bruce and Inan Phillips of Healey Surgeons of Washington, D.C. between 1983 and 1986.

     

    Speaking of what the current marketing catalogue entry describes as “the most spectacular Austin Healey ever produced,” Inan Phillips is said to have remarked: “[‘Goldie’ was] one fantastic running and driving car… The smoothest driving Austin Healey we’ve ever owned.”

     

    In time sold to a wealthy businessman and Jeep restorer named Dennis Collins from Wylie, Texas, ‘Goldie’ was offered for sale first on eBay and then at auction in Houston, Texas for £758,000 in 2013 and 2014. It appears no sale went through and now an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 has been set for this striking creation.

     

    RM Sotheby’s will sell ‘Goldie’ at their annual New York ‘Icons’ sale on 6th December. They list the vehicle as being “without reserve.” If only Liberace were still around to put in a bid.

     

    ‘Goldie’ – The Numbers

     

    December 2017 – Offered for sale at auction with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million) in New York.

     

    January 2014 – Offered for sale with a ‘buy-it-now’ price of £758,000 ($1 million, €857,000 or درهم3.7 million) on eBay.

     

    March 2013 – Offered for sale for £758,000 ($1 million, €857,000 or درهم3.7 million) in Houston, Texas by Collins Brothers Jeep owner Dennis Collins.

     

    October 1958 – Valued at £4,000 (the equivalent of £86,000, $113,000, €97,000 or درهم417,000 today) prior to being sold to the Daily Express and offered in a reader competition in London.

     

    The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017 The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017 The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017The World’s Most Flirtatious Car – 1958 Austin-Healey 100-Six ‘Goldie’ to be sold at auction by RM Sotheby’s in New York with no reserve and an estimate of £265,000 to £417,000 ($350,000 to $550,000, €300,000 to €471,000 or درهم1.3 million to درهم2 million on 6th December 2017