The Steeple Times

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  • No Room To Swing A Cat – £250k For Overpriced 109 Square Foot Knightsbridge Flat

    No Room To Swing A Cat – £250k For Overpriced 109 Square Foot Knightsbridge Flat

    Tiny, overpriced studio ‘flatlet’ lacking room to even swing a cat in somewhat ‘shady’ building opposite Harrods in Knightsbridge unsurprisingly remains on sale for the not so tiny sum of £250,000 after 3 years on the market reports Matthew Steeples

    • Prison cell-like 109 square foot ‘flatlet’ in Brompton Road, Knightsbridge for sale for staggering £250,000; national minimum allowable size for a flat since 2011 is 398 square foot.
    • Brompton Road is one of London’s most polluted roads; the Brompton Oratory, one of the highway’s main landmarks, was used as a ‘dead letter drop box’ by Soviet spies during the Cold War.
    • Nearby now defunct Brompton Road London Underground station became the control centre for the 26th(London) Anti-Aircraft Brigade during the Second World War.
    • Ritzy department store Harrods, directly opposite, stands on a 5 acre site and was sold to the Qatar Investment Authority for £1.5 billion by alleged abuser of 200 women Mohamed Al-Fayed in 2010.

    Listed initially at £275,000 in December 2022 but now slashed to a still stupendous £250,000 after failing to get flogged, Grow Portfolio estate agents are hawking a minute and clearly overpriced 109 square foot studio flat in Brompton Road, Knightsbridge as a “fantastic base” and “excellent opportunity”. If the ask price were to be achieved, the vendor would earn themselves a very punchy return of £2,294 per square foot; the median average price for this part of London, SW3 has been a significantly lower £1,610 per square foot during 2025.

     

    Offered on a lease of approximately 169 years and having a service charge of “approximately’ £1,000 per annum to include the assistance of a 24-hour concierge, a buyer will garner themselves a single room measuring 6 feet by 11’9” feet with a small adjoining shower room also. The 70 square foot room itself has tiled flooring, a window, a cupboard housing a microwave and cooking hob and a minute fold-down table also. There’s frankly nowt much else to say about it further than in November, the Evening Standard lauded its décor for being a “clinical white” achromatic scheme.

     

    A floor plan shows the very limited scope of the accommodation offered. Tax dodging tennis legend Boris Becker produced a son after a ‘bonk’ in a broom cupboard at the Metropolitan Hotel; given his size now, he might struggle with such activity in this space today.
    A floor plan shows the very limited scope of the accommodation offered. Tax dodging tennis legend Boris Becker produced a son after a ‘bonk’ in a broom cupboard at the Metropolitan Hotel; given his size now, he might struggle with such activity in this space today.
    It’s rare that a property can be entirely shown with just a single photo; in this case, it most definitely can.
    It’s rare that a property can be entirely shown with just a single photo; in this case, it most definitely can.
    In this watercolour by Cyril Farey (1888 – 1954), which Manning Fine Art describe as “capturing Princes Court at its prime”, the golden era of a building is shown. The art dealers observe: “[This] is not merely an architectural drawing it is expressing a lifestyle that only an apartment in Princes Court can provide. As such the fashionable and modern apartment block is surrounded by a Mediterranean blue sky and Hyde Park peaks out from the sides as an Eden of lush green. The smart street is punctuated by smart, friendly, yellow awnings whilst classic, stylish cars and iconic London buses pass by.” The same cannot sadly be said of the setting today given this part of Brompton Road has become better known for housing hookers, Rolex robberies and chronic pollution.
    In this watercolour by Cyril Farey (1888 – 1954), which Manning Fine Art describe as “capturing Princes Court at its prime”, the golden era of a building is shown. The art dealers observe: “[This] is not merely an architectural drawing it is expressing a lifestyle that only an apartment in Princes Court can provide. As such the fashionable and modern apartment block is surrounded by a Mediterranean blue sky and Hyde Park peaks out from the sides as an Eden of lush green. The smart street is punctuated by smart, friendly, yellow awnings whilst classic, stylish cars and iconic London buses pass by.” The same cannot sadly be said of the setting today given this part of Brompton Road has become better known for housing hookers, Rolex robberies and chronic pollution.

    Designed to “resemble an ocean liner” by architect George Valentine Myer (1883 – 1959) between 1934 and 1935, the building in which the studio flat is to be found, Princes Court at 88 Brompton Road, SW3 1ES, was originally named Knight’s Court. This large steel-framed block of 94 flats with 9 retail premises on the ground and first floors directly opposite Harrods began life as “a popular and exclusive place to live”, but in recent years has become more commonly used for Airbnbs and by ‘ladies (and gents) of a certain profession of the night’.

     

    Of the apartment complex, a past resident complained to The Steeple Times: “I did not live there long as I could not even open the windows in the summer due to the pollution and traffic noise from supercars revving in the summer on the Brompton Road. The ‘bedroom banging activity’ from my clearly-a-hooker neighbour did not help me sleep at night either.”

     

    No-longer-so-ritzy Princes Court previously hit the headlines in 2012 when an 84 square foot studio flat went on sale for £89,950, in 2021 when a 128 square foot offering sold for £325,000 and in 2022 when an 88 square foot studio – in spite of lacking even a lavatory and without any kind kitchen – was auctioned with a guide price of £175,000. A two bedroomed flat extending to 877 square feet on the ninth floor of the building is currently being touted by Harrods Estates at a guide price of £1.3 million.

     

    Given the spoof website supporting the homeless charity Shelter that is the National Institute of Feline Orbital Studies (NIFOS) calculates that 78.54 square foot is required to swing an ‘average’ cat and that it would cost £158,180 to “buy enough space to swing a cat in SW3”, the 109 square foot flat offered by Grow Portfolio has not only not enough room to swing a cat, but would not even adhere to the government’s technical housing standards if it were a new build property. The minimum today required to meet regulations is 398 square foot, meaning that this poxy pad falls 72% short of that sum; these regulations do not apply to buildings constructed prior to 2011.

     

    Fair warning to whoever purchases this ‘flatlet’ suitable only for someone seriously slim: In February 1988, an actual broom cupboard measuring 5’6” feet by 11 feet “with not even a cooker” in Princes Court sold for £36,500 (the equivalent of £102,500 today) during what Pete May termed an “obscene property boom” in his 2012 book Rent Boy. The self-professed “punk-turned-journalist who spent 20 years falling off the property ladder’ added: “Even I wouldn’t live in that. Yet it was recommended as a purchase for ‘those who like eating out’.”

     

    Within months of the cupboard sale, the economy tanked and studio flats, given their limited appeal, were the very first properties to see their values plummet. In 2025, with Rachel Reeves ‘Queen of Thieves’ having her grubby mitts on the nation’s tiller, this is probably not the time to be shelling out £250,000 for what the “honest estate agent” and Brothel in Pimlico author Roy Brooks would have likely marketed as a ‘broom cupboard in a brothel building in Knightsbridge’. At this time, perhaps, ‘buyer best beware’ would better be borrowed.

     

    Curious facts about Brompton Road

    Landmarks of Brompton Road Knightsbridge
    • The area of ‘Brompton’ dates to the 15th century and originates from the name ‘Brokendon’ – meaning “a place near a brook”.
    • The road itself starts at Knightsbridge Underground station and ends at the crossroad intersection known as ‘Brompton Cross’ where Fulham Road begins. It is thought to have ‘officially’ first been designated as ‘Brompton Road’ in 1863 on land originally owned by the Moreaus, a wealthy French Huguenot family.
    • Brompton Road is one of London’s most polluted highways due to heavy traffic, especially from diesel vehicles. In 2013, the London Assembly claimed pedestrians were being “showered in dangerous airborne particles” on this road identified as having NO2 levels massively exceeding World Health Organization guidelines.
    • Between 1906 and 1934, passengers on the Piccadilly London Underground line were able to alight at Brompton Road tube station. It was closed due to being surprisingly little used, but served as the command centre of the 26th (London) Anti-Aircraft Brigade during the Second World War. During this period, the tunnels, subways and lift-shafts were adapted to provide bomb-proof accommodation and in 2014, the site was sold to Dmytro Firtash, a billionaire Ukrainian businessman for £53 million. His plans to convert the 28,000 square foot site into residential accommodation have still not come to fruition.
    • The best-known retail landmark on Brompton Road is Harrods department store. It stands on a site that covers an astounding 5 acres in total and includes 1.1 million square feet of retailing space.
    • Famous customers of the store, which first opened in its present form in 1894, have included Agatha Christie, Beatrix Potter, Oscar Wilde and Asma al-Assad, the wife of the former President of Syria. She used an alias to shop there in order to get around European Union sanctions that froze the assets of her and her husband.
    • In 1898, Harrods debuted Britain’s first ‘moving staircase’ (or what we now term an ‘escalator’). At the top, “nervous” customers were offered brandy to revive them from the “ordeal” of their ride, The Drapers’ Record reported at the time.
    • Harrods was bombed by the IRA in 1983 and 1993. The first attack killed 6 people and the second injured 4.
    • The store was bought by the now late alleged serial sex offender Mohamed Al-Fayed in 1985. The ‘Phony Pharaoh’, as the Egyptian was nicknamed, is said to have abused at least 200 women on the premises during his ownership. He sold the business to the Qatar Investment Authority for an astounding £1.5 billion in 2010 and died in 2023 without ever having been brought to justice.
    • In 2022, Apple opened a store on the road in what was once the Brompton Arcade. It is staffed by over 200 employees, or as the tech giant prefers to call them – team members.
    • Another major landmark, and a building like Harrods complete with a dome, is the Church of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. This Catholic parish church is better known as the Brompton Oratory and also referenced as the London Oratory.
    • Consecrated in 1884, the church was where ‘Master of Suspense’ Sir Alfred Hitchcock married Alma Reville in 1933 and it is said to have inspired Nick Cave to write the song Brompton Oratory in 1997.
    • During the Cold War, this ornately decorated church was used as a ‘dead letter drop’ (or ‘DLD’ to those in the know) by Soviet agents in Britain. Spies would visit the church and place documents and microfilm behind one of the pillars for later collection by their compatriots; the location suited given the building’s proximity to the Russian embassy and as Harrods was a suitable rabbit warren for losing a tail if they thought they were being followed.
    • Standing behind the Brompton Oratory and accessed from Brompton Road is Holy Trinity Church, Brompton. ‘HTB Brompton’, as it is now generally referenced, stands on a site of 3.5 acres and is now one of the primary sites for the teaching of the Alpha course programme that focuses on “the evangelization of the nations, the revitalization of the church and the transformation of society.’

     

    Further photographs of the £250,000 Princes Court flatlet

    The kitchen facilities would not exactly excite Gordon Ramsay.
    The kitchen facilities would not exactly excite Gordon Ramsay.
    The shower room is modern and clean; there’s not much further to say further than that.
    The shower room is modern and clean; there’s not much further to say further than that.
    Both the shower room and ‘studio’ room have windows; a ‘Brucie bonus’ for sure.
    Both the shower room and ‘studio’ room have windows; a ‘Brucie bonus’ for sure.
    A view of the ‘studio’ towards the door; most prison cells are bigger than the space offered here.
    A view of the ‘studio’ towards the door; most prison cells are bigger than the space offered here.
    If you bought the studio offered and needed to host a visitor, you could do so in the lobby of Princes Court. It’s got seating and space aplenty in comparison to the ‘flatlet’ itself.
    If you bought the studio offered and needed to host a visitor, you could do so in the lobby of Princes Court. It’s got seating and space aplenty in comparison to the ‘flatlet’ itself.
    Princes Court (here partly shrouded in scaffolding) is literally opposite Harrods, undoubtedly one of the most famous department stores in the world.
    Princes Court (here partly shrouded in scaffolding) is literally opposite Harrods, undoubtedly one of the most famous department stores in the world.
    The rear of Princes Court with Harrods department store behind and the store’s former depository, now apartments also, to the right.
    The rear of Princes Court with Harrods department store behind and the store’s former depository, now apartments also, to the right.
  • Bungling Berk Boris To Bed Down At Brightwell Manor – A £4 Million “Forever Home” For Mr & Mrs Boris Johnson

    Bungling Berk Boris To Bed Down At Brightwell Manor – A £4 Million “Forever Home” For Mr & Mrs Boris Johnson

    Bungling berk Boris Johnson is supposedly upsizing and has allegedly bought the £4 million Brightwell Manor in Oxfordshire; the lavish lush that is the former Carrie Symonds will need a big budget if she is to clad the colossal 10,508 square foot crib in £840 per roll Lulu Lytle wallpaper

    In November 2019, Country Life’s longstanding property correspondent described a “rare part-moated manor house set in almost five acres of gardens and grounds at the heart of the picturesque Oxfordshire village of Brightwell-cum-Sotwell, on the eastern edge of the Vale of the White Horse” named Brightwell Manor as a “forever home.”

     

    Featured in The Times in an article by Liz Rowlinson in November last year after it “had three viewings so far from Americans,” the part-Tudor, part-Georgian house and its annexe and guest cottage provides a total of 10,508 square foot of accommodation over three floors. It has a total of 9 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms and if The Guardian is to be believed, it has just been sold to the former Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his considerably younger than himself wife.

     

    Brightwell Manor has been owned by the same family since 1971, so, if indeed the Johnsons are the purchasers, the former Carrie Symonds will need to spend a hell of a lot of money on Lulu Lytle wallpaper to bring it “upto scratch.” This is a place that needs a lot of work and no doubt, ‘Carrie On Regardless’ already has plans bring in also ‘Lady Doors-To-Manual’ Carole Bamford’s JCB diggers to help install a swimming pool in the 4.88-acre grounds.

     

    Suitably for the Brexiteer buffoon Johnson – who got paid an £88,000 advance in 2015 for a book on Shakespeare that he’s never bothered to actually write – in their marketing blurb, the selling agents predictably claimed: “Of its many owners perhaps the most notable was the Reverend Doctor W. R. Inge, Dean of St Paul’s Cathedral and Knight Commander of the Victorian Order. He was a prolific author and used the family room as his study for writing.” Maybe now, this is a room that will become the place where the “pyramid of piffle” that will be Johnson’s memoirs might finally get written.

     

    Described as a “village of picture postcard prettiness” and as “in estate agents’ jargon, this is a sought after village, but it is much more than a pretty face” on the local community website, Brightwell-cum-Sotwell – which flooded in 2014 and has a CAMRA award-winning pub named the Red Lion where Johnson will no doubt get smashed with his wife and the likes of Henry Newman and Josh Grimstone – has a population of around 1,500 people. It lies between the towns of Didcot and Wallingford, is 55 miles west of London is and close to Didcot Parkway train station – which has trains running to Paddington in just 37 minutes.

     

    Offered for sale in November 2019 at a somewhat punchy price of £5 million by Hamptons International, the “magnificent Grade II listed Georgian village house” stands on the likely site of the long since vanished Brightwell Castle. It was relaunched to the market subsequently for a sum £1 million lower by Andrew Russell of agents The Country House Department in October 2022.

     

    At that time, of it, Russell told Mansion Global:

     

    “[This is a] properly edge-of-village house, so that you can be involved in the village community, or you can keep to yourself, depending on what you’d prefer.”

     

    “The property used to be moated all the way around, with about two-thirds of this moat remaining today. [It was the tallest house in the area at the time of its building and it was] not good form to build a house that was taller than the local church. To rectify this, the family who built it also added a red brick tower onto the local church, St Agatha’s, which reaches just higher than the façade.”

     

    “I believe Brightwell Manor once owned all the land around, and it was a big apple farming estate, so some of those trees may be very old.”

     

    Johnson also currently owns a Grade II listed property in Oxfordshire, The Old Farm House at North Weston, near Thame. He bought it with his then wife Marina Wheeler for £640,000 in 2003 and most memorably came out in an ‘Xchanging’ branded hoodie to serve journalists tea in August 2018 during the scandal about him comparing Muslim women to letterboxes.

     

    Featuring what Country Life’s Carla Passino called “true blue tiles,” Johnson – who got to keep the £1.25 million crib as part of his February 2020 divorce settlement – placed the 2,659 square foot property for rent for a sum of £4,250 per month through Strutt & Parker in April 2021. It is not known whether he intends to keep The Old Farm House or whether he’ll still be able to continue to bed down at the Knightsbridge residence of Lord and Lady Bamford that he has most recently been calling “home.”

     

    Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.

     

    Boris Johnson The Old Farm
    During his time married to Marina Wheeler, Boris Johnson lived much more modestly. Clearly, his ambitious and avaricious current wife Carrie would never contemplate living in a somewhat shabby former farmhouse.
    JCB Downing Street
    During their time in Downing Street, the Johnsons lived-it-up during lockdowns with their mates. Aside from boozing and bopping to ABBA with Henry Newman and Josh Grimstone, this grasping pair grabbed at least £30,000 of organic loot from their mate Lady Bamford’s Daylesford Organic. It was delivered by bike and van and no doubt, once in residence at their new mansion, they’ll be getting a hell of a lot more dropped off from the Gloucestershire emporiums of Daylesford.
    The Very Reverend William Inge KCVO FBA
    The Very Reverend William Inge KCVO FBA lived in the house for 30 years. He was born in Yorkshire, nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature three times and was also a trustee of the National Portrait Gallery from 1921 until 1951. A “strong proponent of the spiritual type of religion,” Inge was nicknamed “The Gloomy Dean” because of his pessimistic views and of social welfare he claimed: “It penalized the successful while subsidising the weak and the feckless.” Boris Johnson will no doubt take inspirtation from this in his writing in what was once his study.

    The Names & Numbers – Brightwell Manor, off Brightwell Street, Brightwell-cum-Sotwell, Wallingford, Oxfordshire, OX10 0RT, United Kingdom

    February 2023 – Listed as “sold subject to contract” on Rightmove with the purchaser being Boris Johnson at a price of circa £4 million ($4.8 million, €4.5 million or درهم17.7 million), The Guardian reports.

     

    November 2022 – Featured in The Times and touted as being an example as to “why Americans are buying up Britain’s country estates.”

     

    October 2022 – Relaunched to the market by The Country House Department at a price of £4 million ($4.8 million, €4.5 million or درهم17.7 million).

     

    November 2019 – Offered for sale for £5 million ($6 million million, €5.6 million or درهم22.1 million) through Hamptons International and featured in Country Life.

     

    1971 – Sold for a sum unknown by William Inge’s sons to a family who continued to own it until its recent sale.

     

    Of them, Penny Churchill observed: “They hadn’t been long installed in their new home when, one day, they saw walking up the drive the distinctive figure of a former Government Minister, who – figuratively if not literally – whipped out his cheque book and invited them to name their price.”

     

    “However, having only just found the right house for them and their five children, they had little hesitation in declining their visitor’s generous offer. Now, 50 years on, a similar approach would perhaps be more favourably received.”

     

    1954 – William Inge died at the house aged 93. He is buried in the graveyard St Agatha’s, the adjoining church to the property.

     

    1950s – Extended by The Very Reverend William Inge KCVO FBA (1860 – 1954), its then owner. Of him, Penny Churchill observed: “[Inge was] an eminent theologian and writer, who was nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature on three occasions. He served as Dean of St Paul’s from 1911 until 1934, when he retired to live at Brightwell Manor, dying there 30 years later.”

     

    9th April 1952 – Listed Grade II by Heritage England.

     

    1933 – Offered for sale for £2,000 or the equivalent of £11,300 today ($13,600, €12,700 or درهم50,000 today)

     

    1910s and 1920s – Penny Churchill stated: “Brightwell Manor remained part of a thriving estate until the outbreak of the First World War, after which it was sold a number of times as casualties mounted. A report in Country Life on March 27, 1920, announced the sale of Brightwell with six acres of land, describing it as ‘an historical and commodious Georgian Residence of very attractive appearance, having extensive views over the famous Berkshire Downs. The pasture land here is of considerable value, letting readily at £4 an acre.’”

     

    1600s – The earliest Tudor part of the house is constructed as a “modest farmhouse modest farmhouse on the surrounding farming estate, being gradually gentrified until, towards the end of the 18th century, the symmetrical Georgian front was added. A red-brick coach house, latterly converted to a two-bedroom cottage, was added in the 1840s,” Penny Churchill suggested.

     

    Pictures of ‘Bungling Boris’s’ new country crib…

    Brightwell Manor 1
    This ain’t Chequers, but it ain’t too shabby either.
    Brightwell Manor 2
    The drawing room, in its current condition, resembles something like that of the home of Polly Urquhart in the 1980s BBC bonkbusting classic ‘Howards’ Way.’ No doubt, Lulu Lytle will be drafted in to deck this room out in a somewhat more gaudy shade of gold.
    Brightwell Manor 3
    The dining room has tones of Liberal Democrat to it that the Johnsons will no doubt want to erase.
    Brightwell Manor 4
    This is presumably the room where ‘The Gloomy Dean’ wrote many of his works. Will it be the place where ‘Bosie The Clown’ is actually inspired to finally finish any of his?
    Brightwell Manor 5
    Perhaps the calamity formerly known as Carrie Symonds will take to the piano in this sitting room and bash out some of ABBA’s tunes when visited by the pugnacious pair she allegedly nicknamed “the gays” that are Henry Newman and Josh Grimstone.
    Brightwell Manor 6
    Another sitting room clearly has sofas that are more of the colour of Sir Keir Starmer currently. It also features a fireplace with a tiny painting above it that would be more at home in Phillip Schofield’s broom cupboard.
    Brightwell Manor 7
    The kitchen is decidedly basic and still present is a 1930s AGA stove; that presumably won’t be that off-putting to the Johnsons given that this pair of grifters can rely on Lady Bamford to supply them with freebies and ready-made organic meals from Daylesford whenever they want.
    Brightwell Manor 8
    This staircase hallway has been wallpapered with a print that will remind the former Prime Minister of that that adorns the Pugin-esque Palace of Westminster.
    Brightwell Manor 9
    If Mrs Johnson wants to inspire her husband to finally put pen to paper, she could cram these shelves with relevant literature.
    Brightwell Manor 10
    A bedroom for Boris? This wood-panelled sleeping chamber will likely become the ‘Baby Dada’ of children unknown’s place where he and his wife rest their wicked heads.
    Brightwell Manor 11
    Another of the many bedrooms features a sofa that was clearly bought at Ikea. Lulu Lytle will have that straight in the skip.
    Brightwell Manor 12
    The house adjoins St Agatha’s church. Will the former Prime Minister become a regular there and will he attend with a view to seek redemption for his many, many, many crimes whilst in office?
    Brightwell Manor 13
    The gardens are flat and vast and are noted for the apple trees planted generations ago. ‘Carrie On Regardless’ might be able to develop a sideline in making cider using them or perhaps she’ll start making apple pies.
    Brightwell Manor 14
    The moat of Brightwell Manor could prove useful if Boris Johnson is forced to face visits from the anti-Brexiteer Steve Bray or climate change campaigners such as Greta Thunberg.
    Brightwell Manor 15
    Aside from the main residence, the building comes with an annexe and cottage also. Perfect for when good old Dominic Cummings wants to come round for a weekend outing; it’d save him the drive to Durham, after all.
    Brightwell Manor 16
    The house, seen from the side, is all front and no trousers. The Georgian element that gives it grandeur is actually not the prime part of the property; a bit like Boris Johnson himself, in fact.
    Brightwell Manor 17
    Viewed from a drone, the nigh on 5-acre ‘estate’ backs onto open countryside and has a vast area of gravel to the front; perfect for visits from the convoys of limousines of oligarchs like Lord Lebedev.
    Brightwell Manor 18
    Set back from the village but near enough to the pub for ‘BoJo’ to escape his wine chucking wife when required, Brightwell Manor has the privacy from the press a former premier will require yet gives him the ability to walk down the drive to ‘pull a John Gummer’ with a BSE burger at the garden gate if ever that might be required.
    Brightwell Manor 19
    Tennis anyone? The former Prime Minister can perhaps woe his next love or lover on the property’s court.
    Brightwell Manor 20
    A floor plan of the new home of the most loathsome leader of the Conservative Party.
    Brightwell Manor 21
    Seen on GoogleMaps… This will no doubt soon get blurred for the sake of privacy.
    Brightwell Manor 22
    Heritage England’s map will no doubt be vamoosed also.
  • The Fake News of Love Yourself

    The Fake News of Love Yourself

    PR peddler Ivy Holt of Media PR makes a prized pillock of her client Love Yourself by trying to spread unentertaining fake news; all she achieved was to prove herself to be a wannabe Brian Basham

    At 11:55am yesterday, a prattling PR peddler named Ivy Holt of Media PR Limited – a firm we’d thankfully never heard of or knowingly dealt with previously – had the gall to send The Steeple Times fake news on the very day we’d joined those respectfully marking the 20th anniversary of the tragic murder of Stuart Lubbock at the home of the disgraced entertainer Michael Barrymore.

     

    Beginning, as if to be clever with an ‘embargo’ and really just sharing a rotten attempt to promote her client Love Yourself – a Park Royal, NW10 based flogger of overpriced dieting regimes – Ms Holt (who is listed as Ivy Elizabeth Barbara Elsby by Companies House) attempted to make light of those suffering during the pandemic with cheap throwaway lines. She supplied a completely invented tale about a non-existent bean and spuriously claimed it could cause “excess lockdown weight” to be lost “quickly.”

     

    Having written back to this not-so-clever practitioner of piffle at 12:38pm to point out that her press release wasn’t exactly witty, the mendacious minx tried to justify her stupid stunt on behalf of Love Yourself, a company that plainly has no honest story of its own to tell.

     

    At 12:47pm, proving she’s as much use as a chocolate teapot when it comes to marketing might, Holt bleated:

     

    “Fake Fun [sic] news in a fun on April the 1st, It is called April Fools day [sic].  This is 100% positioned for that. Tomorrow brands like Heinz, Apple, Tesla will all have April fools [sic] jokes in national papers. Yet, no-one will complain about their ‘Fake news’ as they are big brands.”

     

    Going further and turning on the inevitable wokeness of Oprah loving private profiteers ‘Ginge and Cringe,’ Covent Garden and Bridlington, East Yorkshire based Holt then just had to come back with more. That came in the form of a tediously tepid “I’d also like to point out” in spite of her having been sent no further correspondence.

     

    Choosing to slam the very publication she’d minutes earlier tried to feed her fake news to, at 12:57pm definite never to be a winner of a spelling bee Holt returned and barked:

     

    “You must be very proud to work in an organisation that dismisses new stories for April Fools day [sic] and instead write harmful articles on people [such as Lindsay Lohan] who have been in rehab, This is what is wrong with society. Too eager to point the finger and call, rathe [sic] than look inside. Keep up the ‘good’ work.”

     

    If you’re after a PR to make a prat of you or your company, do drop aspiring successor to Jo Moore, the world’s leading “burier of bad news,” Ivy Holt of Media PR a line. She won’t fail to disappoint and plainly is the kind of fake news spreader who’d also prove a useful addition to Brian Basham’s team helping Ghislaine Maxwell as she faces trial for trafficking minors in July.

     

    As for Love Yourself, we today urge our readers to boycott their bilge until they appoint a more intelligent marketing department.

     

    Next!

     

    The Fake News of Love Yourself – Ivy Holt’s supposed creation of ‘Lipra Sloof’ is actually nothing new. In 2015 on April Fool’s Day, Laser Hack posted the musings of a fake doctor of that name who claimed to be able to turn fire to ice.
    The Fake News of Love Yourself – Ivy Holt, Agility PR fake news – PR peddler Ivy Holt of Media PR makes a prized pillock of her client Love Yourself by trying to spread unentertaining fake news; all she achieved was to prove herself to be a wannabe Brian Basham.
    The Fake News of Love Yourself – Another example of this kind of marketing campaign came in 2017 in time for April Fool’s Day, in the form of a promotion by FootAsylum in 2017 of a range of trainers called ‘Sloof Lirpas.’
  • Word of the Week 2021 – ‘Meghan Markled’

    Word of the Week 2021 – ‘Meghan Markled’

    The tedious twerp formerly known as Meghan Markle has had her maiden name turned into both a verb and a noun – go get ‘Meghan Markled’

    Last week, both the Guardian and The Sun revealed a note of amusement in the context of the otherwise tedious familial feud between the devious Duchess of Sussex and her fobbed-off father in sharing that the walk-away royal has had her maiden name turned into a verb.

     

    Whilst The Sun predictably mocked this trivial story at a time of a lack of news other than coronavirus, the Guardian’s “social justice” focused columnist Poppy Noor unsurprisingly lauded “to Meghan Markle” – or as she somewhat soppily put it, “to get the hell out [when] love is not returned.”

     

    Noor went further and, in a decidedly ‘woke’ fashion, added of the Duchess of Sussex’s decision to head off to the land of profit in LA: “You could understand why Meghan Markle, who opted out of royalty this month after a year of being hounded and vilified by a racist, rightwing press could be referred to in some circles as the patron saint of good mental health” and shared a definition  

     

    “Meghan Markle, a verb, past tense – Meghan Markled: to value yourself and your mental health enough to up and leave a room/ situation/ environment in which your authentic self is not welcomed or wanted.”

     

    Elsewhere previously, in January 2018, the Urban Dictionary took another view on what being ‘Meghan Markle’ and being ‘Meghan Markled’ means. They suggested it to be a “noun for coming up nicely despite your family’s socio-economic status.”

     

    Putting it in context, they gave an example:

     

    “A: I wonder how Lisa is doing. I haven’t spoken to her since her family drama situation. Poor thing.”

    “B: Girl, she’s engaged to a Russian billionaire now. She Meghan Markle’d her way to the top!”

     

    We’ll leave it to you, good readers, to decide which you prefer, but one thing’s for sure the saga of the attention obsessed ‘Modern Day Mrs Simpson’ and her row with the media: It isn’t going to end any time soon.

     

    Word of the Week 2021 – ‘Meghan Markled’ – The tedious twerp formerly known as Meghan Markle has had her maiden name turned into both a verb and a noun – go get ‘Meghan Markled’
    Word of the Week 2021 – ‘Meghan Markled’ – The Duchess of Sussex has most definitely ‘Meghan Markled’ her way to the top and, along with her drip of a husband, is cashing in with huge payments from projects with Apple, Disney, Netflix and Spotify amongst other things.
  • A Major Cough-up

    A Major Cough-up

    ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ £1 million cheat Major Charles Ingram in 2003, but what the programme did not reveal is actually more fascinating

    “After all that, can we be sure the Ingrams were guilty?” asked The Telegraph’s Chris Bennion in his review of the final episode of the three-part hit, Quiz, and indeed the ending has achieved the inevitable and will likely reignite interest in a story that dates back to 2001.

     

    For the few that may not remember what occurred, a Major Charles Ingram won the maximum prize of £1 million on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? on the 10th September 2001, the day before the 9/11 attacks on America. Ingram’s wife and her brother, Adrian Pollock, had previously each won £32,000.

     

    Immediately after the jackpot was scooped, the programme’s production company, Celador, suspecting Ingram had cheated suspended payment of the winnings. The police were called in and ultimately, after a four week trial in March and April 2003 at Southwark Crown Court, the Ingrams and another contestant, a lecturer and their alleged accomplice, Tecwen Whittock, were convicted of “procuring the execution of a valuable security by deception.” All three were given prison sentences suspended for two years, fined £15,000 each and ordered to pay £10,000 towards prosecution costs. These sums were later reduced on appeal.

     

    Whilst many will know that Ingram was then forced to resign his commission as a major after 17 years and that he and his wife appeared on countless television shows including The Weakest Link, sadly Quiz did not delve into other bizarre twists in this “eccentric” pair’s life in the time since their “fifteen minutes of coughing fame/shame.”

     

    Aside from being bankrupted four times in the intervening years (most recently in 2019), the former army officer chopped three of his toes off in a freak lawnmower accident in September 2010. Ironically, the “cheat” and then resident of Easterton, Wiltshire did the injury when he “slipped on a rotten apple.” Of the incident, Ingram recalled “lying on the grass” and thinking: “Oh dear… I certainly won’t be mowing any lawns again soon.”

     

    Earlier, yet not long after his Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? conviction in November 2003, Ingram was convicted of an entirely unrelated insurance fraud. Found guilty of obtaining pecuniary advantage by deception and of deception by trying to claim on that policy after an alleged burglary, the already disgraced son of a retired RAF wing commander added a two-year conditional discharge to his burgeoning rap sheet.

     

    The Ingrams, now, but not revealed in the show either, are based in Maiden Bradley, Warminster and run a non-registered for UK VAT company that trades as ‘Diana Ingram.’ It sells Murano glass jewellery for prices ranging from £15 to £75 and of her wares, Mrs Ingram states: “Most products listed can be altered for shape, colour, length, etc., though prices may vary. I ship worldwide and nothing is too much trouble – I regularly offer personalised wrapping and buy and write birthday cards too!” No mention is made as to whether any kind of cheat sheets can be enclosed if requested sadly.

     

    Charles Ingram, meanwhile, has kept himself busy on Twitter since September 2013 using the handle @gallantfive. He describes himself as: “English, Irish, European, Family, Labour, LUFC and proud remainer wanting a fairer world” and has over 7,100 followers. Whilst describing Quiz as “simply brilliant” and “terrifyingly accurate,” his family have plainly had a few visits from the media as a result of the show. Now represented by one Skye Redman at 89up, a firm that somewhat immodestly has self-appointed itself as “Europe’s biggest communications agency for great causes,” the ex-major this week tweeted:

     

    “Media: Please #StayHomeSaveLives. In any event I assure you that doorstepping is wasting your time. My solicitor, Rhona Friedman, is available for comment via phone or video conferencing. For interviews please contact Skye Redman at 89up.”

     

    After the conclusion of Quiz, Friedman told the Guardian: “I just know that they did not do it… I just feel very sorry for them.” She intends to file paperwork associated with the case in the summer “with hopes for a hearing at the end of the year,” and given the reaction of the public after the ending of this week’s dramatisation, one thing’s for sure: We’ve not seen the last of ‘The Coughing Major’ and his ever-so-earnest wife just yet.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes

     

    A Major Cough-up – What’s next for quiz cheat Charles Ingram? ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ cheat Charles Ingram in 2003, but what happened to him in the intervening period is actually more fascinating.
    A Major Cough-up – What’s next for quiz cheat Charles Ingram? ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ cheat Charles Ingram in 2003, but what happened to him in the intervening period is actually more fascinating.
    A Major Cough-up – What’s next for quiz cheat Charles Ingram? ITV’s ‘Quiz’ has definitely left the public questioning the conviction of the ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?’ cheat Charles Ingram in 2003, but what happened to him in the intervening period is actually more fascinating.
  • A Wheel Window

    A Wheel Window

    Grade I listed Tudor open hall house in West Yorkshire for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’

     

    Situated in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty near the Rochdale Canal in Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, Wood Lane Hall is a Grade I listed Tudor open hall house that has recently gone of sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million).

     

    Centred around a two-storey open hall with a gallery over, the 7,950 square foot property also includes 5 reception rooms, a study, a bespoke pine kitchen with an AGA, 6 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, cellars and a double garage.

     

    Aside from such things as embattled parapets, gargoyles, decorative plasterwork and paneling, the building – which dates to 1649 – features an unusual circular window known as a ‘rose wheel’ or ‘apple and pear’ window. One of the bedrooms was decorated in the 1940s with the insertion of the contents of a 1920s ship’s cabin and though described “in need of remedial work,” this fine building could easily be crafted back into a very fine residence.

     

    Edkins & Holmes are the agents handling the sale.

     

    A Wheel Window – Wood Lane Hall, Wood Lane, Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX6 1NE, United Kingdom – For sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million) through Edkins & Holmes - Grade I listed Tudor open hall house for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’
    The house was marketed some time ago with 3 acres of land and in better condition; this land is not mentioned in the current marketing material

    A Wheel Window – Wood Lane Hall, Wood Lane, Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX6 1NE, United Kingdom – For sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million) through Edkins & Holmes - Grade I listed Tudor open hall house for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’
    The undoubted star feature of Wood Lane Hall is its ‘rose wheel’ or ‘apple and pear’ window

    A Wheel Window – Wood Lane Hall, Wood Lane, Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX6 1NE, United Kingdom – For sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million) through Edkins & Holmes - Grade I listed Tudor open hall house for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’
    The insertion of the contents of a 1920s ship’s cabin makes this a most unusual bedroom

    A Wheel Window – Wood Lane Hall, Wood Lane, Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX6 1NE, United Kingdom – For sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million) through Edkins & Holmes - Grade I listed Tudor open hall house for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’
    Wood Lane Hall in times past (date unknown)

    A Wheel Window – Wood Lane Hall, Wood Lane, Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX6 1NE, United Kingdom – For sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million) through Edkins & Holmes - Grade I listed Tudor open hall house for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’
    A drawing of the property

    A Wheel Window – Wood Lane Hall, Wood Lane, Sowerby Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX6 1NE, United Kingdom – For sale for £750,000 ($980,000, €842,000 or درهم3.6 million) through Edkins & Holmes - Grade I listed Tudor open hall house for sale; it comes complete with a replica cabin from a 1920s ocean liner and an ‘apple and pear wheel window’
    A floor plan of the house

  • A Tremendous Triangle

    A Tremendous Triangle

    Iconic modernist house in Connecticut by renowned architect John Black Lee reduced in price by 60%

     

    Award winning architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) was born in Chicago and took influence from the ‘Harvard Five’ architects Marcel Breur and Philip C. Johnson. He built, for his own occupation, a house 48 miles outside of New York at 160 Mill Road, New Caanan in Fairfield County, Connecticut and now, following his death at the age of 91, it is for sale.

     

    A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)

     

    A Quaker and Brown educated, Black Lee, is often referenced as the ‘Sixth of the Harvard Five’ and is best known for the ‘Desilver House’ he built in 1961. He worked as an apprentice carpenter for Walter Gropius, was a father of three and also wrote a book about free diving.

     

    Construction of 160 Mill Road – or the ‘Triangle House’ as some have referenced it – commenced in 1990 and though it is “unfinished”, Black Lee lived there for 25 years. It stands above the Silvermine River and is built on its banks and into the hill. Made entirely from concrete, the 1,980 square foot property features an open floor plan with a cantilevered terrace, 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.

     

    Of the property, which stands in 2.54 acres of land, Black Lee once remarked: “This house is the only one in New Canaan that you enter through a skylight” and amongst its features are a massive triangular brick fireplace that anchors the building, a skylight that floods light throughout and views across the surrounding wilderness.

     

    In August 2016, selling agent Susan Blabey of William Pitt Sotheby’s International Realty spoke about the house to The Hour. She commented:

     

    “You could never duplicate this house, but it could be finished. They wouldn’t let you build it like this today, this close to the water. It just needs someone who wants to roll up their sleeves and polish the apple”.

     

    On the market for at least 138 days and close to the Silvermine Golf Course, 160 Mill Road was originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million). Taxes stand at £9,028 ($11,409 or €10,740 or درهم‎‎41,900) per year – which will unlikely trouble the eventual purchaser: New Canaan has the highest median family income in the United States.

     

    The likely buyer? A modernist design fan looking for a truly unique weekend retreat.

     

    A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million) A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million) A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)A Tremendous Triangle – Iconic modernist house at 160 Mill Road, New Canaan, Fairfield County, Connecticut, CT 06840, USA – Sixth of the Harvard Five architect John Black Lee (1924 – 2016) – The Triangle House – Originally priced at £1.2 million ($1.5 million or €1.4 million or درهم‎‎5.5 million) and has now been reduced by 60% to just £471,000 ($750,000 or €658,000 or درهم‎‎2.8 million)

  • Recipe of the Week: Apple cake crumble

    Recipe of the Week: Apple cake crumble

    Chef and Palestine on a Plate app creator Joudie Kalla shares her recipe for apple cake crumble (more…)

  • Kerry Washington

    Kerry Washington

    Kerry WashingtonA self-declared activist, Bronx born actress Kerry Washington has an astounding 2 million followers on Twitter. (more…)

  • The Monica Factor: Monica Lewinsky joins Twitter

    The Monica Factor: Monica Lewinsky joins Twitter

    Monica Lewinsky takes to Twitter (but don’t expect any mention of Bill Clinton)

     

    On Monday, Monica Lewinsky joined Twitter and within a couple of hours despite her having tweeted just twice, she had gained over 34,000 followers. (more…)