Classic clangers from the last week
In The Pearson’s Arms in Whitstable, Kent, a bartender asked a flashily dressed man for the name on his card to add drinks to an open tab. The customer, whose Aston Martin was parked for all to see, answered: “The Black Amex… The Black Amex of course”. Later, when presented with the bill, and rather bizarrely for some so keen to show off their wealth, the customer curtly stated: “An itemised bill. It’s a must. Hand it over”.
Botoxing the boat
On Channel 5’s Britain’s Flashiest Families, a blonde bimbo named Noelie Goforth remarked: “I want to call my boat ‘Botox Bitch’. I’m not being disrespectful. I just love it”. Her husband Robin chipped in and announced: “We should all have a yacht. You simply have to have a yacht. Everybody should have a yacht. It’s just what everyone has to do”. And so we must…
The niceties of dieting
In a pub in Sunningdale, reader Helen Atherton overheard two women talking over a bottle of wine. When the duo got on to discussing their dieting in January, one pleasantly told the other: “You’ve not got ‘childbearing hips’. You’re just fat”. With friends like these…
On a train from Gillingham to London, an actor discussed his future with a friend. One stated: “I want to be Brian Blessed. He gets to swear a lot”. An elderly lady sat opposite overheard the conversation and remarked: “You have a look of Nigel Farage. You should apply to play him”. The actor looked heartbroken.
All Bentleyed out
Last week, a Kensington based Labour councillor named Emma Dent Coad told The Independent: “There were Bentleys outside the new pub yesterday. What were they doing there?” One must ask: “What planet is this woman on?” She bizarrely describes herself as “fighting gentrification ‘one cupcake at a time’” on Twitter and plainly has no grasp that such cars are ten a penny in K&C.
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