Thursday, April 14, 2022

Overheard: 9th February

Classic clangers from the last week

 

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Crediting wealth

In The Pearson’s Arms in Whitstable, Kent, a bartender asked a flashily dressed man for the name on his card to add drinks to an open tab. The customer, whose Aston Martin was parked for all to see, answered: “The Black Amex… The Black Amex of course”. Later, when presented with the bill, and rather bizarrely for some so keen to show off their wealth, the customer curtly stated: “An itemised bill. It’s a must. Hand it over”.

 

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Botoxing the boat

On Channel 5’s Britain’s Flashiest Families, a blonde bimbo named Noelie Goforth remarked: “I want to call my boat ‘Botox Bitch’. I’m not being disrespectful. I just love it”. Her husband Robin chipped in and announced: “We should all have a yacht. You simply have to have a yacht. Everybody should have a yacht. It’s just what everyone has to do”. And so we must…

 

Noelie and Robin Goforth conversations
Noelie Goforth and her husband Robin live by the belief that everyone simply has to have a yacht

 

The niceties of dieting

In a pub in Sunningdale, reader Helen Atherton overheard two women talking over a bottle of wine. When the duo got on to discussing their dieting in January, one pleasantly told the other: “You’ve not got ‘childbearing hips’. You’re just fat”. With friends like these…

 

Blessed Farage

On a train from Gillingham to London, an actor discussed his future with a friend. One stated: “I want to be Brian Blessed. He gets to swear a lot”. An elderly lady sat opposite overheard the conversation and remarked: “You have a look of Nigel Farage. You should apply to play him”. The actor looked heartbroken.

 

All Bentleyed out

Last week, a Kensington based Labour councillor named Emma Dent Coad told The Independent: “There were Bentleys outside the new pub yesterday. What were they doing there?” One must ask: “What planet is this woman on?” She bizarrely describes herself as “fighting gentrification ‘one cupcake at a time’” on Twitter and plainly has no grasp that such cars are ten a penny in K&C.

 

Submit comments you overhear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive once a week and change some names and locations to protect the identities of the foolish.

 

 

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    2 COMMENTS

    1. Your story about the Amex card reminds of a classic, long, boozy, Jersey lunch I was at some years ago with about five other people including Sir Stanley Thomas (Peter Savory pies, Cardiff RFC & Welsh RFU, etc. & worth about £600m) and Jack Walker (of Flybe & Blackburn Rovers fame – Jersey’s wealthiest person worth over £1b). When it came time for the bill (about 6.30pm), Jack announced to the table that he would pay it as he’d ordered very expensive wines (Montrachet, Petrus, etc.) for us all.

      A few minutes earlier, a young lad had come in and sat next to Jack and obviously knew him vaguely and who he was. The bill duly came and Jack produced his bog standard blue Amex card. The youngster excitedly said: “Mr Walker, Mr Walker why don’t you get one of those platinum ones?”

      Jack looked at him and simply said: ” American Express know exactly who I am lad.” It took about 5-seconds for this to sink-in and the lad was, to say the least, rather crestfallen …

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