19.8 C
London
Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Overheard: 9th February

Classic clangers from the last week

 

Crediting wealth

In The Pearson’s Arms in Whitstable, Kent, a bartender asked a flashily dressed man for the name on his card to add drinks to an open tab. The customer, whose Aston Martin was parked for all to see, answered: “The Black Amex… The Black Amex of course”. Later, when presented with the bill, and rather bizarrely for some so keen to show off their wealth, the customer curtly stated: “An itemised bill. It’s a must. Hand it over”.

 

Botoxing the boat

On Channel 5’s Britain’s Flashiest Families, a blonde bimbo named Noelie Goforth remarked: “I want to call my boat ‘Botox Bitch’. I’m not being disrespectful. I just love it”. Her husband Robin chipped in and announced: “We should all have a yacht. You simply have to have a yacht. Everybody should have a yacht. It’s just what everyone has to do”. And so we must…

 

Noelie and Robin Goforth conversations
Noelie Goforth and her husband Robin live by the belief that everyone simply has to have a yacht

 

The niceties of dieting

In a pub in Sunningdale, reader Helen Atherton overheard two women talking over a bottle of wine. When the duo got on to discussing their dieting in January, one pleasantly told the other: “You’ve not got ‘childbearing hips’. You’re just fat”. With friends like these…

 

Blessed Farage

On a train from Gillingham to London, an actor discussed his future with a friend. One stated: “I want to be Brian Blessed. He gets to swear a lot”. An elderly lady sat opposite overheard the conversation and remarked: “You have a look of Nigel Farage. You should apply to play him”. The actor looked heartbroken.

 

All Bentleyed out

Last week, a Kensington based Labour councillor named Emma Dent Coad told The Independent: “There were Bentleys outside the new pub yesterday. What were they doing there?” One must ask: “What planet is this woman on?” She bizarrely describes herself as “fighting gentrification ‘one cupcake at a time’” on Twitter and plainly has no grasp that such cars are ten a penny in K&C.

 

Submit comments you overhear to editorial@thesteepletimes.com. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive once a week and change some names and locations to protect the identities of the foolish.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here:[wysija_form id=”1″]

 

2 COMMENTS

  1. Your story about the Amex card reminds of a classic, long, boozy, Jersey lunch I was at some years ago with about five other people including Sir Stanley Thomas (Peter Savory pies, Cardiff RFC & Welsh RFU, etc. & worth about £600m) and Jack Walker (of Flybe & Blackburn Rovers fame – Jersey’s wealthiest person worth over £1b). When it came time for the bill (about 6.30pm), Jack announced to the table that he would pay it as he’d ordered very expensive wines (Montrachet, Petrus, etc.) for us all.

    A few minutes earlier, a young lad had come in and sat next to Jack and obviously knew him vaguely and who he was. The bill duly came and Jack produced his bog standard blue Amex card. The youngster excitedly said: “Mr Walker, Mr Walker why don’t you get one of those platinum ones?”

    Jack looked at him and simply said: ” American Express know exactly who I am lad.” It took about 5-seconds for this to sink-in and the lad was, to say the least, rather crestfallen …

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Moron of the Moment – Darren Grimes

In threatening respected writer Peter Jukes with legal action, Darren Grimes yet again shows himself as nothing but a petulant pillock.

Mixed Up McGee

Dippy Debbie McGee yet again confirms her status as the ultimate airhead in boasting about her connections to ‘Randy Andy’ and is met with a denial from a royal source.

Could Mark Alexander be Innocent?

With humanitarian Terry Waite questioning the safety of the conviction of Mark Alexander for murdering his conman father Samuel, is it time that this curious case was reviewed?

Distraction Dom

Matthew Steeples suggests devious Dominic Cummings might actually be the best asset bungling Boris Johnson has got left; the king of distraction has made Jennifer Arcuri go away.

A Box Office Balls-up

Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea council’s decision to approve replacement for Kensington Odeon with a 63% smaller cinema is deservedly condemned as a “box office balls-up.”

A Magnum Muckup

Unilever ludicrously forced to “urgently” recall Magnum ice cream because it contains MILK. Health and safety busybodies at their finest.

Hero of the Hour – Adrian Chiles

BBC presenter Adrian Chiles’s delight in the simple pleasures of a pint in a park during lockdown reflects how so many feel.

Moron of the Moment – Larysa Switlyk

“Bitch of the first order” Larysa Switlyk takes to Instagram during the coronavirus lockdown to brag about her latest massacres; this moronic monster previously paid to shoot sheep in England.

Roy Clark’s Roller

‘I Never Picked Cotton’ singer Roy Clark’s Rolls-Royce heads to auction complete with suicide doors and emblazoned with his initials in gold leaf.

Lockdown Lunacy

Aleks Walker examines what famous folk have been doing at home during the coronavirus lockdown and identifies some quite bizarre examples.

Smiling Churchill and Scowling Edward

Rare photograph of Winston Churchill dining with Edward VIII to be sold as part of a sale on the eve of the 80th anniversary of him becoming Prime Minister. In a reversal of roles, it is the royal (nicknamed ‘Our Smiling Prince’) who is scowling whilst the future Prime Minister (nicknamed ‘Our Scowling PM’) smiles.

More Matters Marmalade – Part V

More Matters Marmalade – Part V – Guardian readers on marmalade – Letter penning ‘Guardian’ readers return to their favourite subject – marmalade. This time marmalade and tights.

Heroine of the Hour – Anne Diamond

Heroine of the Hour – Anne Diamond on Duchess of Sussex book – Anne Diamond is right to call out the Duchess of Sussex’s mint-making collaboration with Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand’s ‘Finding Freedom’ as annoying, daft and delusional.

Beauty’s in the Eye of the Bargain Basement Bugatti

Replica “homage to Jean Bugatti’s Type 57S Atlantic coupé” to be auctioned for a sum 99.9% lower than the most famous of the four originals is said to be worth. £124,000 to £165,000 for the 2016 ‘Assembled Vehicle’ 1939 Delahaye USA Pacific by Terry Cook.

A Faithfull Flat

Triplex apartment in Knightsbridge building once home to Marianne Faithfull for sale for the astounding sum of £25 million.

Dopey Derbyshire Dunces

Derbyshire Police yet again show themselves inept at the art of public relations in tweeting about trying to locate a man who...

Weather Now

London
overcast clouds
19.8 ° C
22.2 °
17.2 °
52 %
5.7kmh
98 %
Wed
18 °
Thu
20 °
Fri
20 °
Sat
22 °
Sun
21 °