The Steeple Times

Category: MOVERS & SHAKERS

The snakes and ladders of society.

A chronicle of drama, scandal and success in London, Paris, New York and elsewhere

  • The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

    The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

    Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is time she accepted that with being a public figure, criticism will follow

     

    Any criticism of “She Who Must Be Obeyed” – AKA the former Meghan Markle – is immediately condemned as “trolling” and “racism.”

     

    That this meddling upstart has drafted out George Clooney to claim “she is being pursued and vilified like Diana” and implored five unnamed friends to claim she is being “victimised” proves just how pathetic she truly is.

     

    The Duchess of Sussex, in marrying into the royal family, chose public life. Nobody forced her down the path she’s taken and just like when she became an actress, she has to accept that with such a position comes criticism. Aside from collecting herself a ludicrous Marie Antoinette style wardrobe worth the staggering sum of over £1 million in the last year alone, ‘Murky Mucky’ has annoyed the nation by treating her own father so appallingly.

     

    Thomas Markle may have made mistakes, but he, unlike his daughter, is entirely lacking in a PR machine to manage his profile. That this generation’s Mrs Simpson pushed him and her disabled half-sister under the bus is an utter disgrace and that she continues to blame everyone but herself for her situation sums up how outrageous this woman has so fast become.

     

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  • Happily Poor

    Happily Poor

    “Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise

     

    Howard Hughes once said: “Money can’t buy happiness” and then someone else later added: “Somehow it’s more comfortable crying in a Porsche than on a bicycle.”

     

    News, therefore, that “Lotto lout” Michael Carroll – a man who blew the £10 million jackpot he won in 2002 on drink and drugs – has “never been happier” since becoming penniless could be perceived as surprising. Most would expect anyone to be mourning the loss of such a fortune, but Carroll told The Sun: “I’m not bitter… Easy come, easy go” and announced: “[Becoming broke] is the best thing that happened.”

     

    Now working as a lumberjack and coal deliverer on a £10 per hour wage, ex-binman Carroll’s story is a lesson to us all. Like Victoria Aitken, who once sang: “I’m Vicky from The Yacht, I used to have a lot and now I have a little,” perhaps, after all, it’s better to just be “happily poor.”

     

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    Happily Poor – Michael Carroll – From a lot to a little – “Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise.
    Michael Carroll now; a happier man (supposedly)

     

  • Manic Meghan

    Manic Meghan

    The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the manic Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will indeed become a true laughing stock

    As plain old Meghan Markle, she was known for “carefully planning” publicity stunts on Instagram and elsewhere. ‘Murky Mucky’ likes being in charge but in her latest activities, she’s just shown herself to be erratic and ridiculous.

     

    Headlines about the Duchess of Sussex covering her face in porridge as part of her beauty regime – courtesy no doubt planted by her plainly equally bonkers PR advisors – show her not to be a woman of the people, but instead a bit of a fruit loop.

     

    Elsewhere, that this wannabe Mother Teresa – a woman whose husband once remarked: “What Meghan wants, MEGHAN GETS!” – wrote patronising messages on bananas that were to be given to prostitutes illustrate new-found levels of arrogance on her part. She may call such actions “empowering” but even the previously toady to this former actress Piers Morgan has finally now called her out.

     

    In summing up this tiresome woman’s activities with bananas as “meaningless, scorn-inducing guff,” Morgan is entirely right. This American transplant needs to learn to control herself and she needs to develop some dignity.

     

  • Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

    Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

    A tribute to Clive Swift, better known as Richard Bucket in the classic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’

     

    Some might say: “They don’t make television like they used to” but in the case of Keeping Up Appearances it most definitely is true.

     

    Yesterday, with the death of Liverpool born actor Clive Swift, who played Richard Bucket, between 1990 and 1995 in the BBC, one is reminded of the success of this 44 episode delight. Sold international nearly 1,000 times and the most exported television programme distributed by BBC Worldwide.

     

    Alongside the great Patricia Routledge, Swift – who always used to say: “It was always ‘Bucket’ until I met you!” when Hyacinth Bucket insisted on her surname being pronounced ‘Bouquet’ – amused the nation hugely and played an example of the kind of long suffering man everyone knows an example of.

     

    We all have a Hyacinth Bucket in our vicinity, but we also have a Richard. May the great Clive Swift rest in peace.

     

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  • Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

    Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

    Ben Fogle and Judy Finnigan are our most worthy Wallies of the Week

     

    Two of the most irritating people to inflict misery on our screens have yet again excelled themselves.

     

    First, booze loving Judy Finnigan admitted in her Daily Express column that she “gulped jolly little bright blue [Ibuprofen] capsules,” developed stomach ulcers and vomited blood. Referring also to the pills as “good-old-over-the-counter… sweeties,” Judy claimed she is now “evangelical about stopping friends and family from taking Ibuprofen” but neglected to mention her plainly chronic image as a boozer. She should perhaps, instead, put her glass down.

     

    Elsewhere, Ben Fogle has found himself in an “acrimonious Twitter spat” with BBC Radio Five Live’s Nihal Arthanayake over whether he was rude about Staffordshire Bull Terriers. With continual attention seeking Fogle threatening to sue over whether he actual said something offensive to Arthanayake’s wife, all that has been highlighted is that he’s nothing but a pugnacious pillock. He truly should just up.

     

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  • Fishwife Ferne

    Fishwife Ferne

    Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards

     

    Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go together. First, the father of her child was deservedly jailed after attacking 22 innocent people with acid and now it has been revealed that this Brentwood born broad chucked wine at a fellow guest at the National Television Awards at the O2 Arena on the 22nd January.

     

    During the attack, Ms McCann – a tawdry fishwife-like woman whose ‘fame’ stems from stints on such drivel as TOWIE, Loose Women and This Morning –  also supposedly shoved a plastic cup containing the liquid in the face of her victim, Love Island participant Adam Collard.

     

    Here is a woman who also tastelessly promoted lip plumping primer on the day her evil ex, “despicable liar” Arthur Collins, was sent down and here also is someone happy to pose with the creepy Christian crooner Cliff Richard. Ferne McCann – who was questioned by police over the drink throwing incident – is as common as muck and plainly also deserves to be sent to anger management classes.

     

    #NameAndShame #ShameOnFerneMcCann

     

    Pictured above: Adam Collard (who is threatening to release CCTV footage of the incident) and Ferne McCann (who named her child Sunday in spite of its father carrying out his vile assault on a Sunday).

     

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    Fishwife Ferne – Ferne McCann in drink throwing incident – Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards.
    Ms McCann took to Twitter to tell her 827,000 followers about the incident but tried to justify her actions rather than properly apologise.

  • Awarding a Pun

    Awarding a Pun

    Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s

     

    Last night, at Claridge’s, blagger and ligger David Pun put in appearance for the Mayfair Times Awards 2019.

     

    No doubt pretending to be a director of Harvey Nichols, Peninsula Hotels and an architect also, Pun sported his signature bow tie and reportedly ate and drank more than anyone in sight.

     

    Awarding a Pun – Party crasher David Pun remerges like a rat – Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s – Business card of David Pun and business card of Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben.
    The ludicrous business cards of London’s leading liggers David Pun and Marie-Claire, ‘Baroness’ von Alvensleben

     

    With a New Year upon us, event hosts should be reminded of the menace of this degenerate. This rat-like creature should not be welcomed by polite society but instead relegated back to the bus shelter in Hammersmith where he belongs.

     

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  • A Knightsbridge Nuisance

    A Knightsbridge Nuisance

    ‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren

     

    Jochen Schaefer-Suren clearly is someone with a passion for harbouring a grudge and an individual prone to intimidating others.

     

    Yesterday, at Kensington Town Hall, this cowardly individual failed to personally to turn up in a case lawyers for him and his landlord had encouraged against a perfectly decent restaurateur named ‘Adriano’ Basha Bashkim and his fine establishment Giovanni.

     

    Supposed bigshot of the business world Schaefer-Suren – a prat who surprisingly, himself, is in the hospitality sector and CEO of the hotel and leisure division of a firm called Principal – moved to a house he rented (yet despite his supposedly grand credentials does not own) in Yeoman’s Row in December 2017.

     

    A Knightsbridge Nuisance – ‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren.
    Giovanni restaurant

    A Knightsbridge Nuisance – ‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren.hen Schaefer-Suren.
    The weed infested frontage of the home of “The Knightsbridge Nuisance” Jochen Schaefer-Suren

     

    He, like the occupants of the five other houses directly opposite Giovanni, knew he would be living in close proximity to a premises that has been the site of a restaurant for 45 years. He also likely got a substantial discount on his rent as result, but what did Schaefer-Suren do? This cowardly cretin did not establish good neighbourly relations and offer to swap a cup of sugar. Instead, he went to war and photographed the owner’s children and customers like a snitch from behind his curtains.

     

    Schaefer-Suren then sent bombastic rants to the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea and falsely claimed that others in the street supported his campaign to close down Giovanni. Not a single fellow resident appeared yesterday in support of his plainly false set of claims.

     

    Here is a “mouse” (most definitely not a “man”) who likes to be a bully boy from behind the confines of the door of his scruffy, weed infested curtilage (pictured above). Jochen Schaefer-Suren is a disgrace of the first order and we name and shame this pest and public nuisance as such. Why doesn’t he just move to Surbiton? He’d be better suited to living next to a suburban Starbucks. It’s not Giovanni who should be gone; it’s Jochen Schaefer-Suren.

     

    #NameAndShame #SupportingGiovanni

     

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  • The Collapse of Chelsea Character

    The Collapse of Chelsea Character

    Matthew Steeples celebrates the nicknames of Chelsea’s characters but regrets that the area itself is rapidly being stripped of the very character that made it so appealing

     

    In Chelsea well-known barflies and lavish lunchers have long been given wacky nicknames. Amongst my friends and acquaintances are ‘Steve the Lunch’ (known for planning where to lunch next wherever he’s currently lunching), ‘Charles the Horse’ (known for his prowess on the horse racing betting circuit) and ‘Tony the Suit’ (he was once in tailoring).

     

    Such monikers reveal not only the personalities of the individuals but also illustrate something about the places these bon viveurs frequent. Yesterday, in The Times’ obituary of the legendary restaurateur Michael Proudlock, mention was made of how his customers “had schoolboy nicknames such as ‘Mental,’ ‘Dwarf’ and ‘Mother’ and this reminded me of what this once great area of London has now lost: Character.

     

    Proudlock, Richard Kay of the Daily Mail recalled in this excellently written tribute, “dined out every day, twice a day, seven days a week,” but now, sadly for the most part, such a lifestyle has gone to pot. Disappeared are the likes of Nigel Dempster, Keith Floyd, Sir David Frost and Alan Whicker and gone also are the enclaves that brought so much pleasure. In March 2017, with the closure of La Brasserie – due to the greed of the building’s selfish landlord – an era ended.  The customers of “Chelsea’s answer to Cheers” dispersed and what was once a “community of fun loving reprobates” became displaced.

     

    With Poissonnerie de l’Avenue and Como Lario also biting the dust, what is now left? A Kings Road that could be a high street in any town and things like a vegan restaurant on Pavilion Road ridiculously called Wulf & Lamb. How very sad: A place that used to be the haunt of the “cultural cognoscenti” has now been reduced to this.

     

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  • Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

    Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

    With his marriage to the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle, Prince Harry has morphed into an utter bore

     

    Prince Harry used to be a fun loving sort. He boozed, partied and enjoyed playing pranks. Now, having married ‘Murky Mucky Mendacious Meg,’ it seems those days are over.

     

    Supposedly, according to “royal insiders” who spoke with the Sunday Express, the meddling newbie royal has banned her husband drinking not only alcohol but also tea. In addition to “quietly weeding out” many of the “party-loving Prince’s drinking pals,” the Duchess of Sussex has also tried to stop him going shooting and forced him to take up yoga.

     

    What will this nuisance of a woman do next? Force Prince Charles to take up Tai Chi?

     

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