That Spencer Matthews was described on Sky News as a “royal relative” is just yet another example of shoddy journalism
We all make mistakes, but when journalists fall for PR peoples’ scams as easily as Sky News plainly did last night in the wake of the non-news story of the former Made in Chelsea participant Spencer Matthews announcing he’d hidden in a basement during a robbery, the whole profession is brought into disrepute.
Despite the fact that robberies occur on average 362 times per day according to Office of National Statistics, Sky News opted to run the story of some masked men robbing a jewellery store off Oxford Street as its main item and on repeat thereafter. It’s pathetic reasoning was plainly the presence of Matthews – a man they incorrectly described as a “royal relative” (this publicity obsessed non-entity, in fact, is just the brother-in-law of the former Pippa Middleton – who is herself the sister of the Duchess of Cambridge).
Opportunistic Matthews plainly then seized on the moment and took to Instagram to share a video about the incident. Adding further to his press coverage roster, he must have been delighted to have been described as a “socialite” in The Telegraph and a “star” in The Sunthis morning.
Concluding his vastly relevant anaylsis of the occurence, Spencer Matthews also remarked: “I’ll think twice before taking my son anywhere with any valuable goods again.” We can bet he won’t be saying the same of those press cameras this vain prat plainly so loves.
The pardoning of Lord Black by President Trump sums up the morally bankrupt hole that is now America
The pardoning of Lord Black by President Trump sums up the morally bankrupt hole that is now America
That Lord Black of Crossharbour – a man whose wife once announced: “My extravagance knows no bounds” – has been pardoned by his ‘chum’ Donald Trump says it all about the moral compass of the leader of the free world.
Speaking to Radio 4’s Today programme this morning, Lord Black remarked:
“There will be a good deal of sniggering… [President Trump] told me: ‘It was an unjust verdict [he said]… And I should never have been charged.’ … The whole thing was a complete sham from A to Z. And now it’s over.”
“I was not a jailbird. I find this word insulting. I was incarcerated… I make the most of life. Every day… I am rebuilding my fortune. My fortune has nothing to do with newspapers… I have learned the virtues of being private. I don’t have shareholders. Nobody has the right to know where my fortune comes from.”
Black – a fan of Nigel Farage whose pardoning came after the intervention of amongst others the olive oil loving Sir Elton John – will no doubt now smugly again laud it over us all. Watch out for media appearances with Prince and Princess Michael of Kent and get set for yet another outing for the shoe loving Barbara Amiel (or ‘Lady Black’ as she prefers to be known) as Marie Antoinette.
‘Beauty entrepreneur’ Sharmadean Reid proves herself to be a bit of a berk; she is another fine example of the “we love ourselves so terribly so” set
By the time you’ve finished reading this, like us, you’d probably rather you’d never heard of the latest member of ‘The Club’ Sharmadean Reid MBE.
As someone wise once stated: “Anyone who claims to be an ‘entrepreneur’ plainly isn’t” and just like with ‘Tricky Dicky’ Sir Richard Branson, Sharmadean Reid – a woman whose “mission [rather pretentiously] is to use technology to empower women, economically, socially and culturally” – falls into this category.
Interviewed by the Evening Standard’s ES Magazine yesterday, Reid was asked, amongst other things, if she’d “ever had a run-in with a police officer.” Her response? In an utterly bizarre rant, she answered: “Years ago I was snogging my friend down an alley and they asked me if I was a prostitute. I was f***ing livid. They were like, ‘How do you know this man?’ I told them he was my friend and they didn’t believe me. It’s funny, but also quite sexist and racist. Apart from that, I’m pretty straight-laced.”
Elsewhere in the ‘My London as told to Joanna Taylor’ one page feature, Reid bizarrely declared that the Bakerloo line is “so polluted” and “full of smog” and added that she believes somewhere called Chatsworth Road is like a “mini Stonehenge.” This “bit random… f***ing love[r] of Alex Eagle’s shop” supposedly goes there for picnics. How utterly charming.
That the late Lord Toby Jug’s approach to politics make more sense than we’ve currently got says a lot about where we are now in Britain
Today, The Times published an insightful obituary about the life of Lord Toby Jug (born Brian Borthwick, 18th December 1965 – 2nd May 2019). It is something both Jeremy Corbyn and Theresa May should read and it is a tribute that might knock some ‘sense’ into the pair of them.
A member of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party from 1987 to 2014 (he was expelled for justly making insulting remarks about Nigel Farage and JD Wetherspoons, a business owned by the bonkers Brexiteer Tim Martin), Jug set up his own Eccentric Party of Great Britain in January 2015.
Clad in his trademark leopard-skin blazer and wearing a top hat that had belonged to Screaming Lord Sutch, Jug, if ever elected, planned to replace sleeping policemen with members of the House of Lords and proposed “that for every selfie taken the photographer must read ten books.” He argued to put strong glue in lip balm to tackle obesity and suggested “immigration would be reduced by placing giant photos of Russell Brand or Katie Hopkins at airports “to discourage foreigners from entering Britain.”
Bonkers to his core, an alcoholic and backed by Adrian Bayford – a record shop owner who won £148 million on the lottery in 2012 – “sweet, honest man with a kind soul” Jug “pledged to tackle the demise of the county’s red squirrels by covering half the grey squirrel population with red paint” when he stood against the then Conservative leader Michael Howard in 2005.
A man prone to “hallucinations and imaginary encounters with Cromwell and Winston Churchill,” Jug once said: “Jekyll and Hyde were lucky, because there were only two of them,” Jug appointed his guitar – ‘Brenda the Fender’ his deputy leader. He suggested Boris Johnson was “too much of an extremist [to become a member of the Eccentric Party]… a tad too bonkers” and proposed “MPs work from home and connect electronically to a virtual parliament, with the savings being used to benefit the homeless, who would be housed in the Palace of Westminster.”
Here indeed was someone who actually spoke a degree of sense. We most definitely think he’d have done better at handling the Brexit negotiations than Theresa May and we now also suggest that Lord Buckethead takes up Jug’s mantle. Today, we suggest Lord Buckethead for the next leader of the Eccentric Party.
Some of the policies of the late Lord Toby Jug’s Eccentric Party of Great Britain:
A GCSE in lying will be created.
iPads, smartphones, X-boxes etc will come with a slot metre to reduce the amount of time kids are glued to these gadgets, once they’ve run out of money they can be chucked outside to get fitter playing sport, this will end childhood obesity.
We’ll nationalise paid for public toilets so they’re free to use.
The national debt with will be paid off with credit cards.
We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn’t pay.
All locks will be made out of bra fasteners.
15% off of phone bills for people who stutter.
Discarded chewing gum that blights our streets, will be used to fill in all the pot holes on our roads.
We will complicate Britain’s tax system even more so that large companies can no longer find money-saving loopholes.
All swimming pools will be drained once a week for non-swimmers.
People who allow their dogs to poo on the pavement without cleaning it up should be forced to wear it as a moustache.
Anyone found guilty of homophobic hate crime has to serve their sentence in drag.
Eastenders will come with free Prozac.
Text lanes for mobile phone users will be introduced for pedestrians to stop them walking into lampposts.
Defying the Palace and refusing to pose for photographers once her brat is born, the American transplant is also supposedly refusing to meet Donald Trump when he comes to Britain. She previously termed him “misogynistic” and “divisive” but equally, she doesn’t even bother to put in a call to her poor old dad.
‘Murky Mucky’ has banned drones flying over Frogmore Cottage, she’s jetted about with the conniving Clooneys and she’s allegedly forcing poor old Prince Harry to move to Africa. What next from this wench? A chat show appearance with Oprah? God help us all.
That a ‘Made in Chelsea’ twerp named ‘Toff’ has been spotted with a convicted criminal and ex-aide to Nigel Farage is nothing but telling
Two trashy Chelsea creeps have finally (allegedly) united. A Made in Chelsea bimbo with the ludicrous name of Georgia Toffolo (‘Toff’ to her, if she actually has any, chums) has been spotted with Nigel Farage’s former aide and convicted criminal, ‘Posh George’, George Cottrell, according to the Mail Online.
Georgia Toffolo looking utterly trashed at the “hangout for devious, dodgy men and desperate, divorced women” that is Brinkley’s in Hollywood Road, Chelsea, SW10 in March; she was previously bizarrely dubbed “Boris Johnson in a bikini” A 2016 Federal Bureau of Prisons photograph of George Cottrell; he was previously expelled from Malvern College for illegal gambling
‘Chubby chump’ Cottrell, someone who offered to launder money for drugs lords via the dark web and got himself chucked in the clink in America, and tubby and frankly tedious Toffolo – a silly, Conservative supporting posh bint with a resemblance to something you’d find at the back of a school bike shed on a rainy Thursday afternoon – were “spotted together out shopping on Thursday” and supposedly have been dating for “just over a month.”
Good luck to this ghastly duo. They are a pair of pillocks and actually rather suit one another: May they head off together to somewhere suitable and holiday forever in oblivion; the world would be better without them in our headlines.
Pictured top: “Television nobody” Georgia Toffolo and “convicted criminal” George Cottrell. What a lovely pair.
The Right Honourable 6th Earl of Stradbroke, Keith Rous pictured with another of his Mt. Fyans marketing vehicles
Presented in banana yellow with a part-timbered ‘Woody-style’ load bed, the car was used by the Aussie transplant aristocrat to market his Mount Fyans Black Angus livestock business. The eccentric “Fertile Earl,” as The Standard branded him in 2015, was from 1989 until 2016 the owner of some 15,000 acres around Dundonnell in Western Victoria and here he brought up his 15 children by two wives. At one point, this true eccentric also owned 70,000 dry sheep equivalents, 2,000 breeding ewes for prime lamb production and a renowned Black Angus herd of 2,800 breeders.
“The Aussie Earl,” The Standard added, has huge “pride in his virility” and has “love for causing outrage for which he is famous.” He even adopted the figure of a minotaur with a large penis as his mascot and created a 1.5-tonne, 9-foot sculpture of such for his Hawthorn, Melbourne residence.
Last marketed at auction in July 2011 in Australia with an estimate of £21,300 ($27,600, €24,600 or درهم102,000), the “yellow peril” Bentley will be sold by Silverstone Auctions at Heythrop Park in Oxfordshire on 11th May with an estimate of £25,000 to £30,000 ($32,400 to $38,900, €28,800 to €34,600 or درهم119,000 to درهم143,000). The car has not been UK registered but has all taxes paid and is being promoted as a “great advertising vehicle.”
Businessman and harsher press regulation supporter Max Mosley spotted reading ‘Breaking News’ in South Kensington
On Monday, Max Mosley was spotted by an eagle eyed reader lunching at Bibendum in South Kensington.
Whilst enjoying his meal for one, Mosley – a businessman whose family is one of the main funders of the press regulator IMPRESS – was reading the fascinatingly titled Breaking News: The Remaking of Journalism and Why It Matters Now by the former editor-in-chief of The GuardianAlan Rusbridger.
This leaves us with a question: “What next for press regulation?”
That Anthea Turner continues to behave as if she’s a teenage hottie is quite beyond preposterous
Divorcee Anthea Turner – or ‘F**k I used to be famous’ to her friends – is a woman incapable of behaving appropriately.
On Tuesday, Turner – a woman best known for grubbily posing (for a chunk of wonga) with a Cadbury’s Flake shoved in her gob at her marriage to ‘F**k I want to be famous’ Grant Bovey – was pictured with Lizzie Cundy, who appeared to be dressed like a scrubber in a see-through top, at the launch of the newly relocated Wellington Club. Following on from the debacle at ‘The Welly’ (as suburbanites often call it), this cringeworthy pair of old slappers got together again yesterday for a “lunch celebration” at the well-known television personality Aldo Zilli’s San Carlo restaurant and again made utter fools of themselves in matching leather trousers.
Lizzie Cundy, Anthea Turner and Tonia Buxton
‘Princess Tippytoes,’ as the media sometimes brands this “incredibly annoying” woman, is someone the public rightly loves to hate. We can report that her rider list at photoshoots includes arrogant instructions along the lines of: “Don’t speak to me because I’m incredibly famous” and that when she put in an appearance on one red carpet and wasn’t recognised, she threw a spectacular temper tantrum.
Come on ‘Anth’ – Your time doing Miss World style poses is up. Grow old gracefully, put yourself out to pasture and do us all a favour; please just go fade into provincial obscurity.
The Daily Mail’s reporting of Alexa Chung’s latest ‘launch’ was utterly cringeworthy; why is she considered to be newsworthy?
The Daily Mail just cannot help itself. For them, if Alexa Chung picked up a tea cup, it’d be international news.
Reporting on this model-presenter-and-just-about-everything-else-on-the-planet possible launching a range of sunglasses, the paper this time remarked on her “stylish figure” and how she “allowed her dress to do the talking.”
“British fashion icon” and “It girl” Chung commented on how her “reality” has been “warped” by her participation in the modelling industry and remarked on how she likes to make “emotional connection[s].” She spoke of her “#MeToo moment” and was pictured being kissed simultaneously on each cheek by both Pixie Geldoff and Jack Guinness.
