Thursday, February 29, 2024
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Word of the Week 2022 – Galanthophile

In cultivating a new variety of snowdrop Joe Sharman – known to many as ‘Mr Snowdrop’ – has brought joy to ‘galanthophiles’ everywhere and made himself £1,850 from just one bulb also; amusingly there’s even a variety named ‘John’s Y-Fronts.’

Nasty Noxious Nabbing Naomi Campbell

As Naomi Campbell gets called out for pulling a ‘Catherine Meyer’ at the charity she runs, we remind her that her “rum chum” choice of friends including convicted sex offenders Ghislaine Maxwell and Harvey Weinstein do her no favours.

Fergie’s Teabag Debts

As it looks like Sarah, Duchess of York won’t be able to help Carrie Johnson with wallpaper, her teabag operation plunges £262,000 into debt and leaves her in further hot water.

Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Jackie Weaver

2021’s redoubtable “Queen of Zoom” Jackie Weaver moves on from pesky parish council punch-ups and commandeers comedy and literary lavishness after one of those infamous councillors is convicted of calling his neighbours “tarts” and “Peeping Toms.”

Hero of the Hour – Haider Malik

Unemployed graduate Haider Malik’s decision to seek work by standing with a pop-up-stall outside Canary Wharf tube station paid off with a top job offer.

Tough Over Toff – Paul Dacre’s Back With A Bang

‘Daily Mail’ returns to “tough over toff” in ousting Geordie Greig and bringing back “daily hater’s” favourite’s bruiser Paul Dacre.

Greedy, Guilty & Gaoled – Inigo Philbrick

‘Mini-Madoff’ Inigo Philibrick admits he did “it for money… that simple” as he pleads guilty to £64 million art fraud; his usually mouthy ‘baby mama’ Victoria Baker-Harber has meanwhile gone surprisingly silent.

Epstein’s Fat Cat Finally Falls

Barclays CEO Jes Staley stands down 627 days after his links to the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein were exposed; ‘Epstein’s fat cat’ leaves with a £2.5 million golden handshake It’s taken 627 days, but today James...

Moron of the Moment – Thomas Huff

As businessman Thomas Huff – whom bought Jeffrey Epstein’s Gulfstream jet in 2019, 11 years after the latter’s first sexual offence conviction – belatedly sues due to “regret,” all he does is make a moron of himself.

Dim Martin

Nikolay Kalinin mocks Brexiteer and founder of Wetherspoons Tim Martin for now wanting EU migrant workers; he relabels the champagne, social media and dog hater ‘Dim Martin’ Bumbling Brexiteer Tim Martin is genuinely suffering from...

Maxwell Booked

As she is quite deservedly denied bail for a FOURTH time, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell sues the publishers of a book about her and Jeffrey Epstein; we respond by urging readers to buy ‘Vice Island’ now.

Theresa’s in the Trough

Matthew Steeples highlights that it is not just David Cameron who has been sticking his piggy fingers in the trough; Theresa May also ‘pocketed’ over £1.2 million in the last year alone.

Wallies of the Week 2021 – Stephen Cloobeck and Stefanie Gurzanski

Self-proclaimed billionaire Stephen Cloobeck and OnlyFans.com stripper Stefanie Gurzanski’s court battle makes a mockery of the both of them; this tawdry pair should “belt up, wrap up and shut up.”

The Fake News of Love Yourself

PR peddler Ivy Holt of Media PR makes a prized pillock of her client Love Yourself by trying to spread unentertaining fake news; all she achieved was to prove herself to be a wannabe Brian Basham.

Basham-ing About

As Brian Basham peddles another puff piece for mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell today, ‘The Steeple Times’ reminds him that we covered this news first on the 6th March.

Hero of the Hour 2021 – Josh Kelly

Enterprising Islington cabbie Josh Kelly turns to delivering pie and mash to replace fare absence during coronavirus lockdowns.

Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anne Robinson

Anne Robinson’s appointment as the ‘Countdown’ host is a breath of fresh air and the carping ‘woke’ should pipe down about it.

Shifty Job Killer

‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s legacy now should be just one thing; this beached whale billionaire should go down in history as a job killer.

Sir Shifty’s £50 million Pay Day

That ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green will get a £50 million personal pay day from the sale of TopShop whilst 20,000 lose their jobs is an utter outrage.

Sorry is the Shiftiest Word

‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s sister tells him to man up and say sorry over the Arcadia collapse debacle; the chubby chump will likely ignore her.

Blow-Up The Donald 2021

Auction to blow-up Donald Trump in 2021 commences online for charity; the opportunity to implode is expected to sell for £375,000 and porn star Stormy Daniels is trying to get involved.

Jobsworth Jenrick Props Up Property

Jobsworth Robert Jenrick announces estate agents CAN take potential virus spreaders into peoples’ homes even in Tier 4 lockdown areas; a QUARTER of donations to the Tory party come from the property sector.

The Filthy Money of Maxwell (and Borgerson and Epstein)

As two associates of Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Andrew get snared, the money of Ghislaine Maxwell (and her supposed “boss”) starts to be clawed back for victims.

Sir Shifty Returns to Zero

As Arcadia looks set to go under today, ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green will deservedly become this season’s pantomime villain.

Anth’ Swings Back To The Bog

Anthea Turner’s decision to talk about how she doesn’t like seeing bleach in a bathroom confirms her desperation for any kind of publicity; shouldn’t she just bog off?

Sir Shifty Slammed by Sister

Vile piece of toerag ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green is unsurprisingly panned by his very own sister in her memoir ‘Not in The Script’

A Highway Ponzi House

Montauk beach house built for Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff resurfaces for sale for double what U.S. Marshalls got for it in 2009; its price seems crazy given it could be washed away by erosion.