This creepy, permatanned ‘queen’ of the antiques trade claims to have blue blood on his mother’s side. Aside from appearing on the ‘mahogany skinned David Dickinson’s Real Deal television programme, Ian Towning once attempted to launch a pen for left-handed writers. He is often spotted promenading the Kings Road – from where he operates a somewhat downbeat market stall-esque dealership – in ‘full regalia’ and at a certain sun tanning parlour next to McDonalds.

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Two stories to keep beside you

Terry Deary
From the same Steeple territory

Terry Deary

Best known for his Horrible Histories series, Deary has sold over 25 million books in over 40 languages but was described by David Starkey as a “parasite”. This Sunderland born butcher’s son is the tenth most borrowed author in British libraries yet views historians as “seedy and devious”. Schools, he has commented, have “no relevance […]

Russell Brand
From the same Steeple territory

Russell Brand

Banned from South Africa and known for his “notoroious drug use, alcoholism and promiscuity”, this comedian is nothing but controversial. Brand has more followers than Stephen Fry on Twitter and signed a £1.8 million book deal with HarperCollins in 2008. He describes himself as being like an “S&M Willy Wonka”.