Andy Dunn

As a poll reveals the public believe Ghislaine Maxwell will ‘suicide herself’ in a similar manner to her former master Jeffrey Epstein, the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ unbelievably announce they are going ahead with another rally in 2021.

‘The Steeple Times’ analyses the selections for a somewhat damp double at Epsom on ‘Super Saturday’; we suggest enjoying The Oaks and The Derby 2020 at home.

Vast Edwardian mansion with basketball court in the roof in Watseka, Illinois for sale at half price it listed for in 2016; it’s on for just £20 per square foot.

As manipulated millennial Darren Grimes gets himself into yet another racism storm with the help of his beloved bigot Dr David Starkey, one has to ask: “Who is this cretin’s puppet master?”

Acclaimed restaurateur Philip Lawless to reopen Square Mile institution and haunt of city financiers the Bow Wine Vaults on Monday.

Statue of late billionaire sex beast Jeffrey Epstein mysteriously appears outside City Hall in Albuquerque, New Mexico (and is promptly removed by officials).

E-Scooter-ing Out a Minister For Rent – As the government disgracefully announces they’ll be allowing rentable e-scooters on Britain’s roads, Matthew Steeples asks: “Who gave ‘a Robert Jenrick’?” to get this multi-million market going.

Matthew Steeples urges fans of ‘The Archers’ to forget the BBC’s revised coronavirus version; until normality returns, give ‘The Pargetter Triptych’ a...

Rolls-Royce owned by “maverick” Demon Internet dot-com millionaire Cliff Stanford to be auctioned; his au pair was tragically murdered in Spain; he was convicted of “email spying” in a scandal featuring gerrymanderer Dame Shirley Porter.

After standing up to a woman named Amber Lynn Gilles who berated him whilst doing his job, Starbucks barista Lenin Gutierrez is going to use the unexpected donation ‘tips’ he received to help others.

As Sir Elton John is slammed for his treatment of his ex-wife, we suggest he ought to offer an olive branch as appeasement to get her off her ‘Crocodile Rock.’

Victoria Baker Harber has sent Kenny Schachter a “cease and desist” letter in the wake of her on-off conman lover Inigo Philbrick being snared by the FBI.

As “cranky gargoyle” Bernie Ecclestone disgracefully tells CNN that “black people are often more racist than white people,” we join those demanding he apologise for such reprehensible and utterly senseless remarks.

Minute apartment in Chelsea Barracks with barely enough room to swing a cat goes on sale for the same price as a massive mansion in Shropshire with 102 acres.

Bear butchering barbarian bitch and slutty sportswear seller Priscilla Magana should be banned from social media; this Trump supporting monster instead belongs in the nuthouse.

Restaurant critic Tom Parker-Bowles does a ‘Brenda from Bristol’ in suggesting Health Secretary Matt Hancock’s telly box appearances “drive him mad” whilst chatting to William Sitwell on his Instagram TV show ‘Biting Talk’