Prolific party pest David Pun spotted wandering in Waterloo having a coronavirus canapé crisis
Spare a thought for David Pun, a deviant, degenerate door list dodger who has most certainly lost out more than most as a result of the coronavirus lockdown.
When free-flowing champagne and crateloads of canapés are the epicentre of your world, the effects of the outbreak of a pandemic plainly were going to be life-changing. In his mind only “director of Harvey Nichols” and in reality, the best-known party crasher in London if not the world, Pun has – much to the delight of his Twitterati following – reemerged.
Looking as disheveled as ever, an image of this washed-up wastrel was shared on social media by one Ben Springett. In the picture, normally ‘any party, anywhere’ Pun appeared next to a bus “looking forlorn whilst searching for a party in Waterloo” along with a swag bag he’d “liberated” from the London Art Fair and the hashtags #lockdown #bagfullofoldcanapes.
Sadly for ‘The Pun,’ not one canapé was harmed in the making of this lockdown episode.
‘Randy Andy’s’ ex-wife Sarah Ferguson excels (again) in sharing videos of coronavirus bailout money grabber Sir Richard Branson’s son on her not so popular YouTube channel
You’d have thought Sarah Ferguson – ex-wife and live-in comedy sidekick of he who doesn’t sweat (unless he’s in the Woking branch of Pizza Express or allegedly grubbing around doing a bit of groping in the mansion of a now dead paedophile) Prince Andrew – would have kept her gob shut for once, but no, as ever, this weird whackjob just could not help herself.
Sarah Ferguson seems to think reading stories to children on YouTube will help redeem her reputation; the investors and creditors owed millions quite rightly think otherwise.
As part of her crassly titled “Fergie & Friends” (does she actually have any left?) stories series, Sam Branson read from a book titled: I Am Human: A Book of Empathy. Somewhat laughably, the tale about “finding my way and choosing my path” (something Fergie most definitely isn’t terribly good at) had only received 12 likes on YouTube by Monday morning and given any chance of forgiveness for the ‘Duchess of Dork’ – whom also is facing legal actions from Chinese investors whom she took over £500,000 from – is all but over, she’d perhaps have done better to have parked this particular episode.
Also last week, self-declared “spokesperson, best-selling children’s author, businesswoman, wellness advocate, producer and global humanitarian” (is there anything she can’t turn her money snatching hands to?) Ferguson joined LinkedIn. God only knows why she took such a course of action as frankly no one in their right mind would employ this train wreck. Frankly, instead, the well-known toe sucking wastrel would have done better to have simply done something else: She should have given up on the idea of ‘work’ (not that she knows what such even is) and taken ‘Randy Andy’ and retired together Sotogrande. If she did that, perhaps poor old ‘Brenda’ might get out of supposedly once again having to pay off yet more of the on-off couple’s bills and the non-sweater could save a dime and enjoy yet another freebie on the golf course.
Luke Durbin from Hollesley, near Woodbridge went missing aged just 19 after a night out with friends in Ipswich. After after being unable to afford to pay for a taxi home at about 4am, this grocery store worker was last seen on CCTV wandering around the town centre in the early hours of the 12th May 2006.
Durbin had left his new motorbike and personal belongings, including his mobile telephone, at his friend’s house and no trace of him has ever been found since. A silver or white Volvo 440 – possibly registration M206 LYE (which was “either registered to a false name and address or on false plates” according to the ‘Missing The Missing’ YouTube channel) – seen also on camera in the close vicinity of Durbin’s last location at the time of his last sighting has never been eliminated from enquiries. Suffolk Police have stated that they “sadly believe Luke was unlawfully killed,” and though a £20,000 reward was offered and multiple arrests made, no progress has been made in solving this disappearance.
In subsequent years, Luke Durbin’s mother, Nicki Durbin, has tirelessly continued her efforts to find her son and taken a job working on the Missing People helpline to help others in similar situations. She also operates a Twitter account and an email address [email protected] highlighting the case and keeps alive the hope of one day solving what the Ipswich Star terms: “One of Suffolk’s most enduring mysteries.”
As Nigel Farage ludicrously suggests Britain is “a country of doubtful democratic legitimacy” (in spite of it giving him the Brexit he so desired this very year), we join those suggesting that this furious Firestarter is still very welcome to leave
“This incident has confirmed my worst fears about the country Britain is becoming” wrote Nostradamus-like Nigel Farage in The Telegraph on Tuesday evening. The same Farage, that is, that was celebrating Boris Johnson and Brexit on 31st January in Parliament Square; the same Farage who finally had the Darling Buds of May mixed with Last of the Summer Wine pastiche version of Britain he has for so long dreamt of.
Farage, at that moment, was “optimistic” and “celebrating the free world” and whilst braying about his dream having finally come true, boldly went as far as to state: “This is the greatest moment ever in the history of our great nation.”
Now, it’s all gone so horribly wrong. After having a visit from the police as a result of breaching lockdown restrictions that ordinary people have willingly obeyed, Farage angrily proclaimed of the police: “I was astonished and, although I remained polite, incredulous. I replied: ‘I’m not going to take that.’”
Continuing his diatribe about what he calls the “new police state” run for the “sneerocracy,” hypocritical Farage – whose two children have German passports (which allows them continued free movement in Europe) – concluded: “I don’t know if I will be stopped and fined if I attempt to do my job again. However, I will look at the shipping forecast. Without question, on the next calm day they will come again, and I will be there to cover this scandal.”
Perhaps, instead, of meddling at a time of pandemic lockdown when his interventions are most definitely not required, this berk could just adapt the advice of Norman Tebbitt and get in a boat. Nigel Farage could sail away to somewhere he’s actually wanted – that being his very own mecca, Trumpland. There, in the manner of Dick Whittington, this fervent Firestarter might even find the streets paved with currency to replace that that he used to take in very, very generous EU expenses.
Sunday evening acid-throwing Arthur Collins’ ex-partner Ferne McCann attempts to flog used knickers and bras online whilst posing with their brat, a girl named Sunday
Brentwood born Ferne McCann’s “baby daddy” Arthur Collins caused life-changing injuries to 22 innocent people after arriving at the Mangle E8 nightclub in Dalston, London during a night out on Sunday 16th April 2017. Stoked up and out of control, this “verminous cretin” hurled acid at clubbers at around 1.45am and then went on the run. This sub-human specimen, whose previous convictions numbered assault and possession of cocaine, deservedly got 20 years in jail, yet many continue to argue that that sentence was far too lenient.
Meanwhile, in the months that followed, McCann proceeded – without a moment’s consideration for Collins’ victims – to name their child, you’d never believe it, ‘Sunday.’ She supposedly spoke with her incarcerated ex-scaffolder lover via a phone illegally delivered to his prison cell and liked photographs on Instagram calling for this turd-like criminal’s release even.
Ferne McCann posing with her since convicted criminal lover Arthur Collins in Dubai.
Offered at prices as low as £8 for a black bikini top with “a few crystals missing,” McCann plainly is a woman who’ll attempt to sell not only her soiled goods: This self-declared “very well-known celebrity” lost an application relating to a “range of toilet preparations” in June 2019. She was ordered to pay £2,400 in costs to a firm named CP Management and now we’re left wondering: “What’ll she get thong next?”
Pictured top: Ferne McCann and her child, Sunday. On Depop.com this money grabbing wench sold the blue dress pictured for £40. She’s unsurprisingly not had as much luck in attempting to hawk her second-hand undergarments.
Queen Mother’s favourite champion jockey turned trainer turns the ‘Valley of the Racehorse’ that is Lambourn alive with the sound of music and viral videos during COVID-19
Racehorse trainer Jamie Osborne’s website includes the amusing disclaimer: “Jamie is always keen to hear from new clients but please do not contact us if you are a bad loser, slow payer or looking for gambling information.” Now, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, he’s taken his humour online and it has gone viral.
When he came to realise that “part of [his] job isn’t there” because of the lockdown, Lambourn Valley, Berkshire based Osborne – whom describes himself as an “overrated jockey, underrated trainer [and] Spielberg wannabe” to his nigh on 40,000 followers on Twitter – began filming amusing skits with his staff and posting them to his social media accounts.
Amongst the “daft and unorthodox things” Osborne and his staff have filmed thus far are Riverdance style Irish dancing in the yard and jockeys singing Clean Bandit’s Rather Be and Randy Newman’s You’ve Got a Friend in Me to the horses and of this morale boosting exercise, speaking to The Telegraphon Saturday, he remarked:
“It’s been a good exercise in keeping up yard spirit. Even if we didn’t put them out on Twitter and just shared them around among ourselves. They see it, a few more wanted to be in them, and now everyone enjoys making them.”
“I have 30 staff turn up every day and the rewards that they normally get are not there, so the making of films… has created a lot of fun and also shows what great riders they are.”
We urge our readers to join the ranks of the 50,000 people viewing these uplifting videos each day. As Osborne himself previously told Horse Racing Planet: “[They’re perfect for people who] want to have a laugh… I am sure none of us expected to live through a scenario like this. Everybody has their own set of worries but if we can lighten the load in a small way then it’s kind of worthwhile.”
Jeremy Bamber’s legal team go to the high court after it emerges that the CPS may have handed crucial evidence – not available to them – to an author involved in the ITV drama ‘White House Farm’
On Friday, at an oral renewal hearing in Leeds, the high court will be asked to “review the refusal of the Crown Prosecution Service to disclose evidence they believe could undermine [the] conviction” of Jeremy Bamber according to the Guardian’sSimon Hattenstone.
“Since proceedings were issued it came to our attention that the author of the book the ITV drama was based upon [Carol Ann Lee] appears to have received material directly from the police [images of which she shared on Instagram and later deleted].”
“It cannot be right that an author has been given material that Mr Bamber’s defence team have not seen, particularly in light of the persistent refusal by the CPS to disclose specific material we have been asking for. It raises the question of whether a work of fiction is more important than justice.”
Illustrating her tellingly selective thoughts on what evidence should be released, to whom and where, in an interview with the East Anglian Daily Times in January this year, Ms Lee – whose son also worked with her on the White House Farm drama – stated:
“My personal opinion is very much that he’s guilty. He’s been in prison for 30 years and the evidence he was convicted on has not been overturned. He’s been appealing ever since he’s been in prison and nothing has come out that has been able to overturn that conviction… And for me the overriding piece of evidence, if you like, was looking at the original crime scene photographs. Without going into detail, it was obvious from one of the photographs in particular, that has never been published and should never be published, that those murders were committed by somebody who was extremely adept with a gun – who knew what they were doing.”
Responding and speaking of news of Friday’s hearing from Wakefield prison to the Guardian, Jeremy Bamber commented:
“It is disgusting that a third party was provided with documents and sensitive photographs when Essex police and the CPS have been unwilling to hand over material to our own forensic experts to prove that two silencers were recovered from the scene.”
“Despite court orders being in place for them to make full disclosure to us, which they deliberately chose to ignore, when Carol Ann Lee requested material she was given it without a second thought. Where is my justice?”
Jonathan Downey, owner of London’s Milk & Honey bar, takes to social media to share news he won’t be reopening without a rent holiday; it is likely he is set to head a wave of similar announcements
Just as happened to venues like Keith McNally’s Lucky Strike in New York, a wave – perhaps, excuse the pun, even a flood – of closures of bars and restaurants is likely coming in London and across the rest of the UK. As a result of coronavirus most recently and due also to landlord’s charging extortionate rents and council’s levying excessive business rates in the years prior, we could soon sadly end up with far ‘drier’ high streets.
On Wednesday night on Facebook, in an impassioned plea, the owner of the Soho institution that is Milk & Honey – a “prohibition-style speakeasy cocktail bar” where ‘house rules’ include: “Gentlemen will remove their hats. Hooks are provided. Gentlemen will not introduce themselves to ladies. Ladies, feel free to start a conversation or ask the bartender to introduce you. If a man you don’t know speaks to you, please lift your chin slightly and ignore him” – Jonathan Downey shared news that post the coronavirus lockdown ending, his venue might “never reopen.”
In his post, multiple venue owner-operator Mr Downey stated:
This is Milk & Honey in Soho. A very special place that was 18yrs old last week. It’s been the ‘World’s Best Bar’ (a few times) and the making of so many great bartenders, but we may never re-open. Our annual rent is £210,000 but, despite the current closure and no hope of re-opening for months, our landlord won’t allow any deferral or rent free. He expects payments to be made upfront. He’s got no chance.
One of three things will happen (in most likely first order):
– We give the keys back.
– We get a 9 month #NationalRentFree and re-open paying rent for another 18yrs.
– The landlord backs down/sees sense.
I’ve written back to our landlord. I don’t expect we’ll get anywhere and without a #NationalTimeOut, we won’t be able to re-open Milk & Honey. Including VAT, we’ve paid more than £3.9m rent in 18yrs.
Going further, Downey shared the letter he’d written to his landlord. It read:
We won’t be paying any rent on this site again this year. I’m sorry but you’re kidding yourselves if you think otherwise. We have no income.
We have been paying rent there for 18 years, totaling in excess of £3m. We have no idea when we may be allowed to re-open. Even when we are allowed to re-open, we won’t because fear of the virus and physical distancing will mean we will be loss-making. The best (and possibly only) time we can expect to re-open is once a vaccine becomes widely available. Until then, zero income = zero rent.
I have been campaigning for a #NationalTimeOut for tenants and landlords, which includes a 9 month #NationalRentFree. If we get this, then there may be a way through for all of us. Otherwise, we’ll be giving back the keys and surrendering the very valuable 03:00 licence.
I am happy to discuss if you want but that’s our position and we don’t have any other.
Jonathan Downey (right) shared his sentiments on the future of the bar he set up in 2002, Milk & Honey, 61 Poland Street, Soho, London, W1F 7NU in a Facebook post on Wednesday.Mr Downey also published the text of a letter he had sent to his plainly thus far unsympathetic landlord.
Previously, in an interview with The Caterer earlier this month, Downey commented:
The best thing for most people in our industry is a National Time Out – nine months rent-free, with a matching debt repayment holiday for our landlords. Understandably the pubcos don’t like it, but it is being supported by UKHospitality.
We can’t each negotiate 150,000 separate agreements with landlords. We need a national arrangement that everybody falls in line with, that the government decides and legislates on.
We should get the rest of this year rent-free – for most businesses it’s the biggest single cost apart from staff – and extend loan terms for landlords, because if they can’t get their rent for nine months, they can’t repay the debt for the premises. If they have borrowed, they should get a nine-month repayment break. It should be pushed back onto the banks – they can handle nine months of not having loans repaid.
Of the longer-term, he added:
I don’t see anybody doing well. Nobody will do well out of the crisis. I think there will be even more empty high street sites. My next business will probably have to be something outside the hospitality industry. Certainly, the business I’m in – large-capacity venues – I don’t see coming back until there’s a vaccine, which is a year or maybe 18 months away. Maybe I’ll take a year off and come back in the way that music festivals will have to. We needed a shake-up as an industry, but we didn’t need one so brutal.
That, to a large extent, the business model of a lot of hospitality businesses is hopelessly flawed. It’s ridiculously fragile, the margins are far too slim and it’s just not sustainable. We were fucked after 10 days to two weeks of no and low income.
I think there’s going to be a lot of reflection and soul-searching and realising that, despite these brilliant things we do as individuals and businesses, if the business model doesn’t stack up, you’ve got to find another way or find something else to do.
We can’t pay people what we need to pay them, we can’t pay the rent, we can’t deal with business rates at this level and with VAT at 20%. It’s just insane. Everybody wants something for nothing. In hospitality we always try to deliver, but this has made us realise we can’t deliver the impossible or the unsustainable.
Since its inception, The Steeple Times has advocated the premise of ‘use it or lose it’ for bars and restaurants and today we join Jonathan Downey in calling for #NationalRentFree and #NationalTimeOut. Now, we must all unite in coming together to support our favourite establishments as otherwise, just like many of us found with the closure of the very much missed La Brasserie in South Kensington in March 2017, we’ll again be left crying into our caipirinhas with nowhere to go.
‘The Steeple Times’ asks readers to name the brilliantly batshit bonkers bird spotted gyrating in front of Chelsea shop windows during the coronavirus lockdown
Spotted on both the Fulham Road and Kings in Chelsea in recent days, a sometimes lycra-clad lady has been spotted by beady eyed readers gyrating in the glistening windows of empty shops. In days of old, we had ‘Widow Twanky’ and in days of coronavirus lockdown, we’ve got ‘Window Twerky.’
Presumably using said elevations as the mirror in which she can celebrate her very own maniac moves, little else is known about this non-conformist. Today, therefore, we ask anyone in the know to send in this wonderfully wacky woman’s name. We would like to contact her and push her forward to Simon Cowell for an audition as he will undoubtedly join in giving an almighty ‘YES!’
The Steeple Times joins those suggesting that this wacky wonder deserves wider public accolade and also a thank you for bringing joy to all who’ve witnessed her Fifty Shadesof Crazy antics during this Strictly insane time. Bring on yet more batshit bonkers as, after all, that’s what the Kings Road was always meant to be all about.
Rock on ‘Window Twerky’ – Your nation needs you!
With thanks to Claire Rubinstein and Tom Griffiths for first sharing ‘Window Twerky’ at-work on their Instagram stories.
Matthew Steeples highlights three things that are keeping him going through coronavirus lockdown living (aside from not running out of gin)
Having found myself ensconced in East Anglia for five weeks now –never did I imagine myself staying in a rural place so long – and having not actually got into a car or visited a town in that period, I busy my days reading, writing and walking a bit. It’s been especially strange not to physically see friends and I can’t say I’ve fathomed ‘House Party,’ but my telephone device has certainly seen more Bob Hoskins-esque “It’s Good To Talk” action than ever before.
Whilst most people will tell you Netflix has been their best source of entertainment during this period and I will most certainly join them in commending ‘binge watching’ Ozark, I’ve found time to do things that I’ve always put-off such as clear out my iPhone’s address book and chuck out paperwork I’m never going to actually get round to dealing with. It’s been a time to read and reflect and an opportunity to listen to music a little more often and here follows a few other ‘lockdown discoveries’ of mine that you might find useful:
Harvey Nichols
Nobody would imagine that Patsy and Edina’s favourite shop, Harvey Nichols, would be the bargain food and drink store of the lockdown, but given they don’t charge for next-day delivery wherever you are in the UK and there’s no minimum spend, here is an unbeatable service. Unlike some greedy online booze retailers (some of whom have actually increased their prices and introduced preposterously high delivery charges to coincide with us all being stuck at home), you can get a bottle of the heather-hinted, 43% ABV Edinburgh Gin for just £32, a jar of highly addictive ginger and chilli jam for £3.95 or an utterly delicious asparagus and shrimp risotto that feeds two for just £5.95. Add half a glass of white wine and Bob’s Your Uncle and Fanny’s Your Aunt.
Podcasts and Radio Plays
I’ve become addicted to true crime podcasts such as Murder Mile (in spite of the most recent one I listened to being about the appalling murder of my late friend Robert Troyan in Mount Street Mayfair in 2013) in the last weeks. An especially gritty and somewhat grim example is The Clearing, an eight-episode serialisation based on the crimes of the American serial killer Ed Edwards (AKA ‘Wayne’ Edwards) that has been lauded by the Guardian as “an immense achievement.”
Equally gripping, if you haven’t heard it already (I’m listening to it for a second time), is BBC Radio 4’s rerun of GF Newman’s The Corrupted. Featuring a fictional dodgy MP interacting with real political figures from the past including Margaret Thatcher and Douglas Hurd, here is something for political geeks to get their teeth into before the ‘B-word’ again raises its ugly head once coronavirus fades into the background.
‘The Quiz’ on Facebook
Some of us were already playing before orders to stay indoors arrived, but the ‘Quiz Planet’ app on Facebook has proved a charming way to interact with friends from near and afar. Some of the questions do border on the inane and others have induced a Major Charles Ingram-esque cough on my part, but if you want to while away the hours, do sign up and if you want someone to thrash, try challenging me.
And Then… What’s Next?
Most of all, of course, what will really keep you going through all this is this: A day will soon come when you’ll again be eating, drinking and being merry with your nearest and dearest at your very favourite establishment. Whether you fancy fish and chips or a bottle of Chablis (or both), it’ll come and it’ll come not a moment too soon.
For now, do heed the words of the late Mr Hoskins: “What men call chatter, really does matter. It’s about being a friend. Having the time to listen. It’s what makes the world goes round.” Call a friend or, if you’re not a technophobe like me, ‘give’ them a Zoom.
