The Steeple Times

Tag: royal

  • Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York

    Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York

    Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus, but makes no mention of the benefit the outbreak has given her husband in relation to the Jeffrey Epstein ‘problem’

    On Monday, the child-like ex-wife of the Duke of York – a cowardly creature whom the FBI would like to speak to about his links to the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – took to Instagram. This pyramid of virtuosity announced:

     

    “Mother Nature has sent us to our rooms.. like the spoilt children we are. She gave us time and she gave us warnings. She was so patient with us. She gave us fire and floods, she tried to warn us but in the end she took back control. She has sent us to our rooms and when she is finished clearing up our mess. She will let us out to play again. How will we use this time? Xxxx”

     

    Whilst Sarah, Duchess of York plainly means well with her piffle, she should realise that the nation’s patience with her and her grasping family has worn thin. When her husband was not hanging out in Pizza Express (Woking branch) or not-sweating with potential sexual conquests at Buckingham Palace, he was spending time in New York and elsewhere with the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell and a now presumed dead sex offender. Now, when American authorities want to question the royal about such, coronavirus has most helpfully limited the potential for Prince Andrew to travel and ever so conveniently sidelined this ‘problem’ (for now).

     

    Before she next takes to social media, the ‘Duchess of Dork’ – whose own dodgy looking business dealings via Grade Ventures rightly remain under scrutiny – should take some advice. And what should that advice be? Well, put simply: “Shut up.”

     

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    Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus – Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus, but makes no mention of the benefit the outbreak has given her husband Prince Andrew in relation to the Jeffrey Epstein ‘problem’
  • Roasting Randy Andy

    Roasting Randy Andy

    Caitlin Moran sums up the Duke of York perfectly in mocking the deviant royal’s creepiness

    There’s awkward and then there’s Prince Andrew and then there’s awful and there’s Prince Andrew.

     

    On Friday, witty journalist Caitlin Moran continued the barrage of mockery of this ghastly buffoon in The Times. She referenced how there no longer any “non-creepy” stories about this repugnant royal and cited stories about how the alleged non-sweating, Pizza Express (Woking branch) fanatic took alleged potential sexual conquests to Buckingham Palace. He supposedly told them to sit “on the Queen’s throne and pretend to be her and onto the famous balcony to wave to “imaginary crowds.”

     

    Continuing about these “what-abouts,” Moran concluded: “I know now the thing I would least like to see: Prince Andrew licking a stamp.” Spot on.

     

    Pictured top: Prince Andrew and his equally ghastly ex-wife, Sarah, Duchess of York.

     

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  • With Friends Like These…

    With Friends Like These…

    That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the diminutive skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached

    ‘Randy Andy’ has never been considered capable of carefulness in his choice of company, but in opting to have one of the stingiest billionaires on the planet round for a spot of dinner (and a “few high-spirited games” afterwards according to The Sun) shows this alleged groper’s demise is nearly complete.

     

    This morning, the paper reported the Duke of York and his family had the poisonous dwarf Bernie Ecclestone round to his Royal Lodge, Windsor home last Wednesday to celebrate his birthday. That they couldn’t get a better quality of guest given the scandals they’re engulfed in is not surprising, but one is only left asking: “What did this reprehensible bunch consume?”

     

    Given tax careful Bernard – a man with qualities that would make Leona Helmsley look generous – is renowned for his meanness with money, most likely he brought with him the cheapest margherita from the Woking branch of Pizza Express. Undoubtedly nobody sweated either and one can likely predict that ‘The Coffin Dodger’ opted to take the takeaway cardboard box home with him for re-use later.

     

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    With Friends Like These… Bernie Ecclestone and the Duke of York – That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached.
    Prince Andrew is plainly a man who’ll hang out with anyone – as long as they are rich and/or powerful. He had no qualms in staying with the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein after he got out of jail.
    With Friends Like These… Bernie Ecclestone and the Duke of York – That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached.
    He’s spent time with the alleged procurer of underage girls Ghislaine Maxwell as recently as last summer.
    With Friends Like These… Bernie Ecclestone and the Duke of York – That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached.
    He’s a friend of Donald and Melania Trump. The President is well-known for tax evasion and many other nefarious activities.
    With Friends Like These… Bernie Ecclestone and the Duke of York – That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached.
    He and his wife spent time holidaying at the expense of the alleged paedophile Peter Nygard.
    With Friends Like These… Bernie Ecclestone and the Duke of York – That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached.
    The Duke and Duchess of York also associated with the convicted paedophile Stuart Hall. Shame on the pair of them.
  • The New ‘Knights’ of Knightsbridge

    The New ‘Knights’ of Knightsbridge

    As a shop selling “bringing back the royalty of [Arabia] home” opens in Knightsbridge, we ask: “Whatever next?”

    Beauchamp Place, Knightsbridge used to be the street where you’d find Bill Bentley’s and a pub owned by some Rolls-Royce driving gangsters who (probably falsely) claimed they owned Marble Arch. Both are long gone, but now, this month, there is a new addition to this once tony street: A shop named ‘Tessal London.’

     

    Selling “fashion from Arabic tradition and modern wear into the streets of London,” this self-proclaimed “royal culture of elegance” retailer has taken over a space once occupied by a traditional tailor and is now, frankly, hawking overpriced tat.

     

    On its website, the arrogant proprietors pompously talk of how they have a specialist department for “superior customers.” We respond: “Who do you bloody think you are? Hyacinth Bucket?” The pinnacle of vulgarity has landed in Knightsbridge. May it very soon flop as this is one shop no genuine local will either ever enter or miss.

     

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    The New ‘Knights’ of Knightsbridge – Tessal London, Beauchamp Place – As a shop selling “bringing back the royalty of [Arabia] home” opens in Knightsbridge, we ask: “Whatever next?”
  • Calling Out A Creep

    Calling Out A Creep

    Cousin of Prince Andrew speaks with the FBI about alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein case

    The Duke of York’s very own cousin has called the FBI about what she knows about the Epstein case according to Sebastian Shakespeare in the Daily Mail this morning.

     

    Speaking to the columnist, Christina Oxenberg, the daughter of Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia, remarked:

     

    “Anything I can do, I want to do because I’m so disgusted by what has happened.”

     

    “Nothing will heal the trauma. These women are affected for their whole lives, but at the very least they should have money.”

     

    “[Ghislaine Maxwell] definitely has millions… She wanted to marry [Jeffrey Epstein]. She didn’t, but she got a lot of money. Cash and assets. All blood money.”

     

    Of Maxwell herself, Oxenberg spoke of a conversation between them in 1997. She stated:

     

    “Never forget it. We were alone. She said many things. All creepy. Unorthodox. Strange. I could not believe whatever she was saying was real. Stuff like: ‘Jeffrey and I have everyone on videotape!’”

     

    Detectives supposedly want to do a follow-up and thus plainly now, Prince Andrew most likely won’t be calling Oxenberg anytime soon.

     

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  • TIGing a Drunken Duchess

    TIGing a Drunken Duchess

    The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become their leader

     

    The former Meghan Markle – a bizarre woman who ludicrously  likes to create “spaces to share” and “breeding grounds for ideas and excitement” – once had a blog called ‘The Tig.’ It was supposedly about matters “lifestyle” and on it she created “a hub for the discerning palate – those with a hunger for food, travel, fashion [and] beauty.”

     

    On this oracle of wisdom the busybody ‘Murky Mucky’ shared information that the world simply shouldn’t be without. On the now defunct site’s ‘About’ section, she bizarrely stated:

     

    “Several years ago I had a sip of wine called Tignanello (pronounced “teen-ya-nello“). But let’s be real – in the states most people said “tig-na-nello“…or just plain old “Tig.” The Italiano of it all gets a little tricky, so the bartender kept it simple; it was a glass of “Tig.“ So there I am, with very minimal wine knowledge and I take a sip of this wine. It wasn’t just red or white – suddenly I understood what people meant by the body, legs, structure of wine. It was an ah-ha moment at its finest. For me, it became a “Tig” moment – a moment of getting it.”

     

    “From that point on, any new awareness, any new discovery or “ohhhhh, I get it!” moment was a “Tig” moment. At New York Fashion Week understanding that clothes aren’t just pieces of fabric, but that they can be art. So Tig. Traveling off the beaten track and hand diving for sea urchin in Jamaica – understanding that travel is adventure and discovery, culture and surprise. A Tig moment, indeed. And the same could be said for my love of cooking & dining, for cultivating friendships that inspire you, for the idea of “beauty” and what that means to us. An understanding that comes with living your life to the fullest so that it bursts at the seams. An unbridled joy. An insatiable curiosity. That’s what Tig means to me.”

     

    We won’t bore you with the rest of this right royal pest’s drivel but yesterday, in Westminster, seven now ex-Labour MPs quit their party. They formed a group called ‘The Independent Group’ or more simply ‘TIG.’ Perhaps it might be appropriate that their fellow ‘Tigger’ The Duchess of Sussex become their leader.

     

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    TIGing a Drunken Duchess – Meghan Markle should go into politics – The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become their leader
    The Independent Group announced their creation in Westminster yesterday; they came across as a bunch of attention seekers.

    TIGing a Drunken Duchess – Meghan Markle should go into politics – The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become their leader
    Meanwhile, elsewhere, in New York, ‘The Modern Day Mrs Simpson’ couldn’t help but don the look of an extra from ‘Last Of The Summer Wine’ in wearing a flat cap. Here indeed was a right royal embarrassment.

  • The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

    The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

    Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is time she accepted that with being a public figure, criticism will follow

     

    Any criticism of “She Who Must Be Obeyed” – AKA the former Meghan Markle – is immediately condemned as “trolling” and “racism.”

     

    That this meddling upstart has drafted out George Clooney to claim “she is being pursued and vilified like Diana” and implored five unnamed friends to claim she is being “victimised” proves just how pathetic she truly is.

     

    The Duchess of Sussex, in marrying into the royal family, chose public life. Nobody forced her down the path she’s taken and just like when she became an actress, she has to accept that with such a position comes criticism. Aside from collecting herself a ludicrous Marie Antoinette style wardrobe worth the staggering sum of over £1 million in the last year alone, ‘Murky Mucky’ has annoyed the nation by treating her own father so appallingly.

     

    Thomas Markle may have made mistakes, but he, unlike his daughter, is entirely lacking in a PR machine to manage his profile. That this generation’s Mrs Simpson pushed him and her disabled half-sister under the bus is an utter disgrace and that she continues to blame everyone but herself for her situation sums up how outrageous this woman has so fast become.

     

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  • Manic Meghan

    Manic Meghan

    The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the manic Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will indeed become a true laughing stock

    As plain old Meghan Markle, she was known for “carefully planning” publicity stunts on Instagram and elsewhere. ‘Murky Mucky’ likes being in charge but in her latest activities, she’s just shown herself to be erratic and ridiculous.

     

    Headlines about the Duchess of Sussex covering her face in porridge as part of her beauty regime – courtesy no doubt planted by her plainly equally bonkers PR advisors – show her not to be a woman of the people, but instead a bit of a fruit loop.

     

    Elsewhere, that this wannabe Mother Teresa – a woman whose husband once remarked: “What Meghan wants, MEGHAN GETS!” – wrote patronising messages on bananas that were to be given to prostitutes illustrate new-found levels of arrogance on her part. She may call such actions “empowering” but even the previously toady to this former actress Piers Morgan has finally now called her out.

     

    In summing up this tiresome woman’s activities with bananas as “meaningless, scorn-inducing guff,” Morgan is entirely right. This American transplant needs to learn to control herself and she needs to develop some dignity.

     

  • Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

    Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

    With his marriage to the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle, Prince Harry has morphed into an utter bore

     

    Prince Harry used to be a fun loving sort. He boozed, partied and enjoyed playing pranks. Now, having married ‘Murky Mucky Mendacious Meg,’ it seems those days are over.

     

    Supposedly, according to “royal insiders” who spoke with the Sunday Express, the meddling newbie royal has banned her husband drinking not only alcohol but also tea. In addition to “quietly weeding out” many of the “party-loving Prince’s drinking pals,” the Duchess of Sussex has also tried to stop him going shooting and forced him to take up yoga.

     

    What will this nuisance of a woman do next? Force Prince Charles to take up Tai Chi?

     

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  • Win a Knightsbridge Flat (with a Shady Past)

    Win a Knightsbridge Flat (with a Shady Past)

    Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted ‘gay sex plot’ royal blackmailer who died in 2016

     

    Increasingly, with sellers unable to offload prime properties due to Theresa May’s inability to secure any kind of Brexit deal and the ongoing effects of former Chancellor George Osborne’s increases to stamp duty, those with luxury flats and houses are turning to raffling them.

     

    An example of such comes in in the form of a ground and first floor maisonette on the corner of Walton Street and Beauchamp Place in London’s Knightsbridge. Extending to 1,063 square foot and including a large reception room, 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, the aforementioned fully furnished property is ambitiously being touted as being worth £3.2 million in spite of having sold for just £1.4 million in 2007 and £575,000 in 2000.

     

    Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)
    The ground floor sitting room of the flat; the property has been marketed for rental at a price of £2,750 per week in times past

    Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)
    Bisexual ‘royal blackmailer’ Ian Strachan lived in the flat for a period following his release from jail

     

    Now marketed in a competition by a company named Your Laddr – run by a former Alexander McQueen merchandiser named Santa Agolli – for £10 a ticket, Flat 1 at 132 Walton Street, SW3 is being promoted without mention of one of its most recent occupants, a controversial and now deceased ‘royal blackmailer’ who’d sought £50,000 for a set of recordings from various national newspapers in 2007.

     

    Tried under the name of Paul Aðalsteinsson (other aliases included Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein), Grimsby trawlerman’s son turned “playboy” Ian Strachan lived at 132 Walton Street after being released following serving a sentence of five years for a gay sex blackmail plot against an unnamed, married member of the royal family.  He subsequently had his left leg amputated following a 30-foot fall from a balcony in Imperial Wharf, SW6 in 2013 and then spent 10 months in jail in Dubai in 2015 after crashing an Audi R8. He died aged just 40 of a drug overdose in South Kensington on Christmas Eve 2016.

     

    The winner of Flat 132, Walton Street will have their stamp duty, legal fees and council tax for one year paid as part of the prize. In addition, they will be ‘given’ a 2017 Jeep Wrangler Black Hawk with 800 miles on the clock, a cash amount of upto £4,000 to cover insurance for one year and a cash payment to cover a Kensington and Chelsea parking permit for one year also. Hopefully they’ll have better luck than the tragic Mr Strachan; may he rest in peace.

     

    To enter the competition, click here.

     

    Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge London, SW3 1RE – The Numbers

     

    August 2018 – Prize draw remains open indicating that ticket sales must be rather slow.

     

    December 2017 – Offered in a raffle for £10 per ticket with a minimum of 380,000 tickets needed to be sold. This would equate to a return of £3.8 million ($4.9 million, €4.2 million or درهم17.9 million) in ticket sales.

     

    November 2007 – Sold for £1.436 million ($1.845 million, €1.581 million or درهم6.776 million).

     

    October 2000 – Sold for £575,000 ($739,000, €633,000 or درهم2.713 million).

     

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    Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein) Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein) Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)Win a Knightsbridge Flat (With A Shady Past) – Flat 1, 132 Walton Street, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1RE – Competition to win a Knightsbridge flat for £10 per ticket neglects to mention its former occupier, a convicted royal blackmailer named Ian Strachan (also known as Paul Aðalsteinsson, Paul Adalsteinsson, Paul Stein and Charles Goldstein)