Tag: Randy Andy

Moron of the Moment – Lady Victoria Hervey

Just as ultimate dumbo Lady Victoria Hervey shows herself up in stating “Fuck Black Lives Matter,” fellow aristo Dr. Bendor Grosvenor calls for the return of objects “looted during the British Empire”

Dimwitted dope Lady Victoria Hervey just cannot help but shove her stilettos straight into the proverbial. Whether be it her short-lived relationship with “he who doesn’t sweat in Pizza Express (Woking branch’)” ‘Randy’ Prince Andrew, or flogging knickers in her long since gone-bust shop in Knightsbridge displaying the words “Yes Please” across the crotch, here is a woman with utterly no shame and an utter incapacity to accept any kind of blame for her own failings.

Formerly nicknamed ‘Toff Totty Vicky,’ Lady Victoria predictably showed herself up by banging on about her associations with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell last year. This weekend, the bubbly blonde went further in posting a picture of the defaced statute of the Confederate general Robert E. Lee in Richmond, Virginia on her Instagram page. She not-so charmingly captioned the snap: “Don’t ever tell me this is acceptable behavior [sic]. Fuck BLM [Black Lives Matter].”

Described by even a fellow socialite, the late Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, as “unpleasant” and “a right snob” previously, “luxury is in my blood” Lady Victoria was contradicted by the Reverend Robert W. Lee IV, the general’s great-great-grandson. He “gave his blessing for the monument to be removed” on Thursday according to the BBC and asked: “If today is not the right time, when will it be the right time [to remove the statue]?”

Going further of this situation on Twitter on Sunday, though talking in the context of the related British protests, fellow aristocrat Dr. Bendor Grosvenor – a distant relative of the present Duke of Westminster and a man best known for his stint on the BBC’s Fake or Fortune? art documentary series – tweeted:

“Let the Colston statue’s removal be a prompt for councils and museums across Britain to take action to remove similar artworks from display, *as well as* returning the thousands of cultural objects looted during the British Empire. Start now. We’ve waited too long.”

Sadly, yet not unsurprisingly, Lady Victoria – whose ancestor Frederick Hervey, 1^st Marquess of Bristol ironically is best remembered as a “social reformer” and “an MP [who] voted for the abolition of slavery in 1807” – has previous form. In 2003, this ‘aristoprat’ stated: “It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.”

Shame on this irrelevant ignoramus; it’s not Black Lives that don’t matter, it’s instead Victoria Hervey that doesn’t matter.

Lady Victoria Hervey with the Duke of York at a social gathering; supporter of the abolition of slavery and “social reformer” Frederick William Hervey, 5th Earl and 1st Marquess of Bristol (1769 – 1859).

Lady Victoria Hervey’s offensive Instagram post was unsurprisingly met with disdain by many. One responded: “Wait, hold up Lady are you saying Fuck Black Lives ???” Another added: “But think you got to be careful saying fuck BLM… That’s not acceptable TBH. It’s offensive.”

Dr. Bendor Grosvenor’s, by contrast, sensible tweet.

Classic clangers from former ‘It Girl’ Lady Victoria Hervey:

“I am Lady Victoria Hervey – it doesn’t get more British than that.”

“Unless it’s champagne, I can’t handle it.”

“I do have a day job.”

“My career always goes much better when I haven’t got a man.”

“A baby is easy – you hand them over to a nanny!”

“I’m not stupid. I’m not a dumb model.”

“[I aim to become] the next Kate Winslet – but with class.”

“I have had four past lives, three of them as a man. I was a composer in 17th-century Paris, I made materials in India and in Ancient Greece I was a famous politician. In Ancient Egypt I was keeper of the oils for the Pharaoh’s wife, and I love oils so it all kind of fits.”

“What annoys me is when these families have got like 12 children and we’re paying for these kids… They work out that they make more money being on the dole than having a job, they just laze around.”

“The real irony of this is that the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.”

“Travelling is in my blood, and so is liking luxurious things and spending.”

“I haven’t given up on men, there are a few of them around, but I keep leaving every city I meet them in.”

“Everyone from Europe wants to buy houses in LA.”

“I was too old for Jeffrey Epstein… [He seemed] very charming… He was a very well-liked guy.”

“I’m not one of those kind of girls, I don’t like going to dinners with ten models invited… I was very young and impressionable, Jeffrey was a very charismatic man.”

“I haven’t seen [Ghislaine Maxwell] since September [2018] at a friend’s baby shower… I don’t think anyone is going to find her. She’s gone far away. She’s a bit like a James Bond character. She’s quite a unique person and I don’t believe anyone is going to find her… I don’t think we will ever see her again, it’s going to be like Robert Maxwell continued; she will continue that family mystery.”

“I had no idea what was going on [with Jeffrey Epstein]… It’s extraordinary it’s the case, it’s a wild story.”

“I suddenly thought, I’m just Victoria Hervey… Horrible.”

“I don’t want to make enemies.”

Pictured top: Lady Victoria Hervey with Ghislaine Maxwell, the alleged madam and procurer of girls for paedophile Jeffey Epstein.

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June 7, 2020
Mixed Up McGee

Dippy Debbie McGee yet again confirms her status as the ultimate airhead in boasting about her connections to ‘Randy Andy’ and is met with a denial from a royal source

Right now, most people would keep quiet any connection to Prince Andrew. Aside from his antics in Pizza Express (Woking branch), the disgraced royal is “in financial hot water following the Epstein scandal” according to Tatler’s amusingly named Hope Coke and he’s been “royally dumped” by everyone from Barclays to the University of Huddersfield.

With his dimwit on-off live-in ex-wife forced to take up hawking crappy books yet again to fend off other creditors, Prince Andrew’s woes continue to mount and now ‘The Lovely Debbie McGee’ has gone and stuck her oar into the thick of it. Of course, as always with “a sandwich short of a picnic” Debbie, it wasn’t meant nastily, but, as ever with her, the intervention was anything but relevant.

In this morning’s Daily Mail, a decidedly short-of-real-stories reporter called David Wilkes shared vitally important news that the late Paul Daniels’ wife now has a podcast titled Spill The Tea with Debbie McGee. He also revealed that on it, she’d bragged that Prince Andrew had flown the magician in “one of Her Majesty’s helicopters” from Stoke-on-Trent to Windsor Castle.

“Muggins, Me, McGee” – who also fascinatingly told of how she’d “knocked over a glass of wine last week” and “burnt the edges of her salad leaves the other day” on the podcast too – reported that she did not get to go along for the ride and was instead forced to drive the couple’s car to London. She, thus, luckily avoided an encounter with the Duke of York’s non-sweating hands, but was “sad” that she didn’t get a lift in the Queen’s car – which her husband got to hitch a lift in from Windsor to The Savoy Hotel also.

In response, a “royal source” flatly denied ‘Dim Debbie’s’ claims and remarked: “If this story is true it did not involve one of Her Majesty’s helicopters.” The poor dear plainly conjured up this story from the bottom of her tea leaves, but at least it wasn’t as sordid as when she revealed she put a “disturb mask across her private parts” whilst naked and waiting for her husband to come to bed. Now there’s a sexual story that definitely should not be repeated.

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May 26, 2020
Grubby Story Time With Fergie & Friends

‘Randy Andy’s’ ex-wife Sarah Ferguson excels (again) in sharing videos of coronavirus bailout money grabber Sir Richard Branson’s son on her not so popular YouTube channel

You’d have thought Sarah Ferguson – ex-wife and live-in comedy sidekick of he who doesn’t sweat (unless he’s in the Woking branch of Pizza Express or allegedly grubbing around doing a bit of groping in the mansion of a now dead paedophile) Prince Andrew – would have kept her gob shut for once, but no, as ever, this weird whackjob just could not help herself.

On Saturday, in spite of stories circulating about the pugnacious pair being sued for £6.7 million after not stumping up what they owe on a £20 million Swiss ski chalet (as only these spendthrifts could be expected to do) and yet more tawdry revelations about Prince Andrew inappropriately paying £355,927 to his former private secretary via his PACT charity (strange that that shares a name with that of their “charity tin rattling” mate Baroness Meyer’s now-deservedly-also-closed-down “venture”), Sarah Ferguson decided to take to YouTube.

Here, on her not especially popular channel (she has just 2,500 followers), she shared a video of the son of one of the most loathed individuals of the coronavirus lockdown, Sir Richard Branson, strumming on a guitar and reading a story (it must have been hard for him to sit on a very expensive private island doing that whilst daddy was out begging for yet more millions of public wonga).

Sarah Ferguson seems to think reading stories to children on YouTube will help redeem her reputation; the investors and creditors owed millions quite rightly think otherwise.

As part of her crassly titled “Fergie & Friends” (does she actually have any left?) stories series, Sam Branson read from a book titled: I Am Human: A Book of Empathy. Somewhat laughably, the tale about “finding my way and choosing my path” (something Fergie most definitely isn’t terribly good at) had only received 12 likes on YouTube by Monday morning and given any chance of forgiveness for the ‘Duchess of Dork’ – whom also is facing legal actions from Chinese investors whom she took over £500,000 from – is all but over, she’d perhaps have done better to have parked this particular episode.

Also last week, self-declared “spokesperson, best-selling children’s author, businesswoman, wellness advocate, producer and global humanitarian” (is there anything she can’t turn her money snatching hands to?) Ferguson joined LinkedIn. God only knows why she took such a course of action as frankly no one in their right mind would employ this train wreck. Frankly, instead, the well-known toe sucking wastrel would have done better to have simply done something else: She should have given up on the idea of ‘work’ (not that she knows what such even is) and taken ‘Randy Andy’ and retired together Sotogrande. If she did that, perhaps poor old ‘Brenda’ might get out of supposedly once again having to pay off yet more of the on-off couple’s bills and the non-sweater could save a dime and enjoy yet another freebie on the golf course.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzFslpUsGyc

May 11, 2020
Wally of the Week – Sarah, Duchess of York

Sarah, Duchess of York sticks her oar in over coronavirus, but makes no mention of the benefit the outbreak has given her husband in relation to the Jeffrey Epstein ‘problem’

On Monday, the child-like ex-wife of the Duke of York – a cowardly creature whom the FBI would like to speak to about his links to the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – took to Instagram. This pyramid of virtuosity announced:

“Mother Nature has sent us to our rooms.. like the spoilt children we are. She gave us time and she gave us warnings. She was so patient with us. She gave us fire and floods, she tried to warn us but in the end she took back control. She has sent us to our rooms and when she is finished clearing up our mess. She will let us out to play again. How will we use this time? Xxxx”

Whilst Sarah, Duchess of York plainly means well with her piffle, she should realise that the nation’s patience with her and her grasping family has worn thin. When her husband was not hanging out in Pizza Express (Woking branch) or not-sweating with potential sexual conquests at Buckingham Palace, he was spending time in New York and elsewhere with the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell and a now presumed dead sex offender. Now, when American authorities want to question the royal about such, coronavirus has most helpfully limited the potential for Prince Andrew to travel and ever so conveniently sidelined this ‘problem’ (for now).

Before she next takes to social media, the ‘Duchess of Dork’ – whose own dodgy looking business dealings via Grade Ventures rightly remain under scrutiny – should take some advice. And what should that advice be? Well, put simply: “Shut up.”

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March 25, 2020
Roasting Randy Andy

Caitlin Moran sums up the Duke of York perfectly in mocking the deviant royal’s creepiness

There’s awkward and then there’s Prince Andrew and then there’s awful and there’s Prince Andrew.

On Friday, witty journalist Caitlin Moran continued the barrage of mockery of this ghastly buffoon in The Times. She referenced how there no longer any “non-creepy” stories about this repugnant royal and cited stories about how the alleged non-sweating, Pizza Express (Woking branch) fanatic took alleged potential sexual conquests to Buckingham Palace. He supposedly told them to sit “on the Queen’s throne and pretend to be her and onto the famous balcony to wave to “imaginary crowds.”

Continuing about these “what-abouts,” Moran concluded: “I know now the thing I would least like to see: Prince Andrew licking a stamp.” Spot on.

Pictured top: Prince Andrew and his equally ghastly ex-wife, Sarah, Duchess of York.

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March 9, 2020
With Friends Like These…

That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the diminutive skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached

‘Randy Andy’ has never been considered capable of carefulness in his choice of company, but in opting to have one of the stingiest billionaires on the planet round for a spot of dinner (and a “few high-spirited games” afterwards according to The Sun) shows this alleged groper’s demise is nearly complete.

This morning, the paper reported the Duke of York and his family had the poisonous dwarf Bernie Ecclestone round to his Royal Lodge, Windsor home last Wednesday to celebrate his birthday. That they couldn’t get a better quality of guest given the scandals they’re engulfed in is not surprising, but one is only left asking: “What did this reprehensible bunch consume?”

Given tax careful Bernard – a man with qualities that would make Leona Helmsley look generous – is renowned for his meanness with money, most likely he brought with him the cheapest margherita from the Woking branch of Pizza Express. Undoubtedly nobody sweated either and one can likely predict that ‘The Coffin Dodger’ opted to take the takeaway cardboard box home with him for re-use later.

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Prince Andrew is plainly a man who’ll hang out with anyone – as long as they are rich and/or powerful. He had no qualms in staying with the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein after he got out of jail.

He’s spent time with the alleged procurer of underage girls Ghislaine Maxwell as recently as last summer.

He’s a friend of Donald and Melania Trump. The President is well-known for tax evasion and many other nefarious activities.

He and his wife spent time holidaying at the expense of the alleged paedophile Peter Nygard.

The Duke and Duchess of York also associated with the convicted paedophile Stuart Hall. Shame on the pair of them.

February 26, 2020
EXCLUSIVE – Oh Randy, Oh Randy Andy

‘The Times’ allows a most curious notice to appear on its ‘Register’ page; Could it have been cryptically penned by Ghislaine Maxwell to Prince Andrew?

The ‘Register’ page of The Times is a place where families announce forthcoming marriages and share news of deaths, funerals and memorials as well. Royal court circulars also get a look-in, as do law reports and alongside details on the engagement of The Hon. F. J. St Aubyn (‘Felix’ to his chums) and plain old Miss Alice C. Tyser yesterday was information about the passing of one Dr Colin Fleetcroft. This no doubt dear old gentleman is as listed as “much loved and will be greatly missed.”

On the same page, however, someone bizarrely took a much larger space to send a cryptic message to someone named ‘Andrew.’ In it – without mentioning said chap’s surname or their own name even – they penned their sorrows about “the love of their life” in a fashion that was rather akin to Philip Larkin’s This Be The Verse. They ended with some depressing words of discouragement that read: “Choosing between life and death, I’d much prefer to die; Take my advice, don’t fall in love, you’ll get hurt before it’s through; You see, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.”

Frankly, though it is most surprising that somebody would feel the need to write such pugnacious drivel, it is even more surprising that The Times would deign to publish it.

Pictured top: Disgraced royal Prince Andrew with alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell. Could this be a missive from the missing for months daughter of ‘Bouncing Bob’ to ‘Randy Andy’? Unlikely, but stranger things have happened given these two and their “secret visits.”

The cryptic message ‘TO ANDREW THE LOVE OF MY LIFE’ that appeared in ‘The Times’ on Thursday 30th January 2020. Could the part about: “When you are left weighed down by fright” be a coded message from in-hiding since August Miss Maxwell asking the Duke of York for help on a page he no doubt reads over breakfast?

The full text of ‘To Andrew’ follows:

In Memoriam – Private

TO ANDREW THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

Did you ever love someone deeply, and out they didn’t love you?

Did you ever feel they weren’t kind to you, and wonder what you should do?

Did you ever blindly trust in love, but your love didn’t want to stay?

Love only causes problems, it happens every day

You wonder how they can sleep at night

You wonder how they can feel delight

You wonder how love could ever feel light

When you are left weighed down by fright

Love hurts so much, the price you pay is high

Choosing between love and death, I’d much prefer to die

Take my advice, don’t fall in love, you’ll get hurt before it’s through

You see, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.

Philip Larkin’s ‘This Be The Verse’:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

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January 31, 2020
Brash Beatrice

Has ‘Tatler’ magazine lost the plot? They’ve named Princess Beatrice one of their “best dressed of the year”

Princess Beatrice is well-known for her fashion fails. From hideous hats to dowdy dresses, the daughter of ‘Randy Andy’ and the Duchess of York rarely fails to deliver a ‘look’ that nobody would want to imitate but now, in their wisdom, Tatler magazine have decided otherwise.

In putting the royal alongside the ever elegant Cate Blanchett and the luscious Lily James, the society magazine’s Chandler Tregaskes has only revealed one thing: She must be as blind as a bat.

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December 29, 2018