The Steeple Times

Tag: mocked

  • Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

    As the new Diana, Princess of Wales statue is mocked as looking like him, ‘Dorian Gray of Daytime Telly’ Richard Madeley pathetically claims he got PTSD due to worrying about his son’s wedding

    Normally it’s his boozed-up, ‘mummy figure’ and all-round washed-up wastrel wife Judy Finnigan who makes the headlines for such things as tittie flashing, but, today, motormouthed madman Richard Madeley made headlines in The Sun after ludicrously claiming he “suffered from PTSD after his son’s wedding.”

     

    Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is something defined by the NHS as “anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events” and its causes are listed on their website as such things as:

     

    • Serious road accidents.
    • Violent personal assaults, such as sexual assault, mugging or robbery.
    • Serious health problems.
    • Childbirth experiences.

     

    Though messed-up maniac Madeley soppily suggested worrying about his son’s nuptials had been “so choppy,” his comparison of his situation to such yet again proves this utter nutter to be nothing but a blithering berk. “How very dare he insult those who’ve fought in war zones and survived rape and torture,” commented one especially irate reader in an email to The Steeple Times.

     

    ‘Deranged Dicky’ – Please keep taking your happy pills; you plainly need ‘em, old chap.

     

    Richard Madeley’s ‘finest’ moments

    On his son’s wedding

    “There’s been so much angst about it… It’s been so choppy, but, yes, he got married and now we’ve got a daughter-in-law.”

     

    In conversation with President Clinton

    “I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent.”

     

    Of women

    “I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I’ve never met her.”

     

    On elephants

    “So, are you telling me elephants are not born evil?”

     

    To a man crying after paramedics saved his life

    “Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway, after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!”

     

    In Nostradamus-like fashion on coronavirus

    “We are being duped… [They are trying to] put the fear of God into the public. A great reckoning is coming.”

     

    On lockdowns

    “There’s no point in running away and hiding from the virus.”

     

    Of old women skipping

    “There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”

     

    Of wanting to be black

    “I hope when I’m reincarnated I come back black because you age better.”

     

    To Keira Knightley

    “Can we get some make up please, get Keira looking like a crack whore, she’d make a good crack whore.”

     

    Of an autistic teenager

    “The thing with Daniel [Wakeford, a ‘star’ on Channel 4’s Undateables] is, he has autism but is very intelligent and as we can see extremely talented. Has Daniel always been autistic?”

     

    To a caller

    “I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is it a boy or a girl?”

     

    Richard Madeley Ali G
    When Richard Madeley dressed up as Ali G to present ‘This Morning,’ it was later voted “one of the worst moments in television history,” ‘Digital Spy’ reported.
    Richard Madeley dressed as Judy Finnigan
    On another occasion, attention seeking Madeley dressed up as his very own wife. Clearly, this crackpot’s ‘mummy’ issues are genuinely really an issue.
    Richard Madeley Diana Princess of Wales 1
    In recent days, Twitter users – aside from suggesting it as resembling a cross between Theresa May and Sean Bean – have argued that the new Diana, Princess of Wales actually could be of Richard Madeley. No doubt, television’s ultimate twerp will actually be annoyed that it’s not his name on the statue instead; one could imagine a monument to his ‘genius’ in Trafalgar Square potentially also.
    The telly-box twerp is regularly compared to Alan Partridge and can be relied upon to play the fool at the drop of a hat.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcx3FUarNiI&t=1s
    Alleged shoplifter Madeley’s ‘mummy’ wife, Judy Finnigan, is best known for quaffing, flashing her boobs and falling off sofas. In October 2014, she inexcusably defended a footballer later convicted of rape by saying: “The rape wasn’t violent… He didn’t cause any bodily harm to the person… She had far too much to drink.”
  • Morons of the Moment – Keith and Catherine Larkham

    Morons of the Moment – Keith and Catherine Larkham

    Creosoted creatures turned “vexed visitors” Keith and Catherine Larkham complain to a local newspaper about the public being “murderers in the making” in a park in Lytham, Lancashire

    Wannabe otter and heron killer John Aeberhard and masturbation megaphone moaner Danny Shine were just two of the extraordinary idiots we featured from the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ in 2020, but today we’re following up with a pair of pandemic proportions.

     

    Included on the site yesterday, “David Dickinson coloured” Keith and “David Dickinson coloured” Catherine Larkham of Preston, Lancashire contacted the Lytham St Annes News to “express their disbelief” about the public “basically [becoming] murderers” by not wearing masks to walk round an outdoor area in Lytham St Annes – a Tier 3 town they travelled 20 miles to for a stroll in the middle of a pandemic.

     

    In a rambling Ronseal ripped rant, Mr and Mrs Larkham – whom have previously risked infecting others by travelling during 2020 to and from Spain – bizarrely went to extraordinary lengths to tell the paper’s ‘community contributor’:

     

    “Our stroll around Fairhaven Lake turned into an avoid everybody exercise… We could not believe what we were seeing… We just want know as we were visitors to Lytham and Fairhaven Lake at the weekend why out of literally thousands of people in and around this area, nobody and we mean nobody were [sic] wearing masks. We have endured lockdowns in Spain for weeks and months fully policed by the armed forces and successfully adhered to, but in Lytham not even a police officer anywhere to challenge all these people who are basically murderers in the making. SO PLEASE can anyone explain why??”

     

    Unsurprisingly, the reaction by members of the Facebook group to this pair of prized pillocks was anything but supportive. Equally, given wearing masks is not compulsory outdoors, Lytham St Annes News and Keith and Catherine Larkham deserve to be equally saluted for the ultimate non-news story of 2020.

     

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    Morons of the Moment – Keith and Catherine Larkham – Creosoted creatures turned “vexed visitors” Keith and Catherine Larkham complain to a local newspaper about the public being “murderers in the making” in a public park in Lytham, Lancashire.
    Morons of the Moment – Keith and Catherine Larkham – The couple’s penchant for tanning beds or sitting outside for too long on the ‘Costa Del Crime’ were widely mocked by members of the ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ Facebook group.
    Morons of the Moment – Keith and Catherine Larkham – Creosoted creatures turned “vexed visitors” Keith and Catherine Larkham complain to a local newspaper about the public being “murderers in the making” in a public park in Lytham, Lancashire.
  • Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

    “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman”

    At a time when 13,000 families are worrying about ending up in penury thanks to retail rotter ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s empire collapsing, there’s one very, very angry man with bigger issues to fry with the sinking high street shopping sector.

     

    Featured for “crying to the papers” first via the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers,’ an “international magician” named Mike Alan – a man mocked as the type that “shops in M&S but cuts a Lidl version of Richard O’Brien” – claims to have paid £75 for a coat that one commentator described simply as “I’ve seen nicer jackets on hot water tanks.”

     

    Aptly ‘Digusted of Tunbridge Wells’ (and yes, Mr Alan just had to be from Tunbridge Wells) moaned to KentLive’s multimedia journalist John James that he was left “seething” after an encounter with a shelf in the spa town’s Calverly Road Marks & Spencer store.

     

    Of the calamitous incident, Mr Alan – whom claims to have performed for both the Queen and the Sultan of Brunei – explained:

     

    “I went into the store like I do most days. I don’t have a problem with the shop or the staff themselves, they’re very polite. I go to look at a tin of biscuits and as I pull them off the shelf it rips my coat.”

     

    “I went to the desk and asked to speak to a manager and they said they didn’t have one on shift at the moment, I said ‘What are you? A corner shop?’”

     

    “By this point I looked like a snowman walking around with all the feathers coming out of my coat. I was told to call up head office.”

     

    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – Especially for ‘Kent Live’ readers, “as seen on TV” Mr Alan shared an image of the damage he did to a cucumber with the offending shelf. He did not declare whether he paid for said vine plant fruit.

    Continuing of his subsequent lengthy less than magical correspondence with the retailer, Mr Alan – a man plainly lacking a Debbie McGee to do his biscuit buying – then angrily added:

     

    “They’ve denied it’s sharp, so yesterday I went back in there and cut one of their cucumbers with the shelf. And they still say it’s not sharp. It’s like a razor!”

     

    “All I’m after is for them to own up to it and give me £50 for the coat, which I’d give to a homeless charity so they could buy a coat.”

     

    “I’m just really annoyed with their attitude. I’ve not been going in there since the incident. I’ve sent an invoice to them, I’m going to charge them for every email I send them.”

     

    “The shelf is sharp and it’s at the same height as a child’s face. It’s a joke.”

     

    Plainly sick of this moaning Minnie, an M&S spokesman responded: “We are giving him a gesture of goodwill to cover the cost of his coat.” Magic that, Mike.

     

    Pictured top: Mike Alan displays his “savaged” coat for the benefit of readers of ‘Kent Live’ (left); previous encounters with retailers including Sports Direct feature on his Facebook page.

     

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    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ members had a field day with Mr Alan subsequently. “It’s not just any savaging. It’s an M&S shelf savaging,” remarked one Michael Burke.
    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – “This is a proper Quentin Tarantino film in the making” added a ‘top fan’ named Marcus Marr. Another ‘top fan,’ Cath Dodge, added: “Wearing a natty hat does not make you a magician, mate,” whilst one Danny Beattie observed: “I know what has a problem, and it’s not the shelf!”
    Wally of the Week – Magician Mike Alan gets his coat savaged in M&S – “International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”
    Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – “That shelf could have cut a woman in half… and that’s my job!” mocked one Jim MacNee.
  • Fergie Does Porridge

    Fergie Does Porridge

    As the Duchess of York makes a fool of herself retching over a bowl of porridge in a blonde wig, one has to question why nobody reins this imbecile in; Fergie should ideally learn the art of silence

    Described subsequently on Twitter as “looking like she is one of those trips that can only really be facilitated by ketamine and a large amount of rum,” the Duchess of York has again made an utter prat of herself on her Fergie & Friends YouTube channel.

     

    Dressed in a blonde wig as Goldilocks, the former royal was videoed prancing around and retching over a bowl of porridge. Aside from the fact that she plainly missed the irony that her former husband’s ex-bestie Ghislaine Maxwell is currently “doing porridge,” Sarah Ferguson clearly has not learned a single thing from the Duke of York’s disastrous car crash interview with Emily Maitlis.

     

    Whilst Prince Andrew should finally focus on doing the decent thing and going off to be interviewed by the FBI instead, his simpleton wife should do something else: Zip it.

     

    Pictured top: Sarah Ferguson – an extremely stupid woman whom took £15,000 to pay off debts from the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – retching over a bowl of porridge and being chased around the garden of the Berkshire home she shares with her ex-husband.

     

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RT-1lNFrWCk
    Fergie Does Porridge – Duchess of York makes a fool of herself again – As the Duchess of York makes a fool of herself retching over a bowl of porridge in a blonde wig, one has to question why nobody reins this imbecile in; Fergie should ideally learn the art of silence.
    Twitter users unsurprisingly reacted to the Duchess of York’s antics with mocking comments.
    Fergie Does Porridge – Duchess of York makes a fool of herself again – As the Duchess of York makes a fool of herself retching over a bowl of porridge in a blonde wig, one has to question why nobody reins this imbecile in; Fergie should ideally learn the art of silence.
    Another suggested the Duchess of York to be a female narcissist.
  • The Blatancy of Branson

    The Blatancy of Branson

    As Sir Richard Branson demands a combined £1.2 billion in bailouts from the Australian and British governments during the coronavirus pandemic, we call for him to be stripped of his knighthood

    Sir Richard Branson can’t have it both ways: He’s either British or he’s a tax exile based in the British Virgin Islands. But, no, in the typically brazen style of this baloney filled billionaire, ‘Dickhead’ has to have it all. And then, just to top it off, he has to have a bit more… And then to cap it, a little bit more, just to be absolutely sure.

     

    Like the fat cat that got the cream, the fat cat always comes back wanting extra. Now, with news that not only is the job killing, non-payer of any personal income tax for 14 years in the UK is demanding not only £500 million ($625 million, €572 million or درهم2.3 billion) as a bailout from the British government to “help” Virgin Atlantic, but also £700 million ($875 million, €800 million or درهم3.2 billion) from the Australian government to bailout Virgin Australia as well, this greedy pig has finally taken the biscuit.

     

    BVI resident Branson’s record isn’t exactly something worth celebrating. Whilst the 312th richest person in the world, the anything but patriotic Branson – whom the Guardian rightly mocked this morning for “often draping himself in the Union flag” – has deservedly come under attack from both the left and right in Westminster. Angela Rayner of the Labour Party tweeted: “Richard flog your private island and pay your staff, we are in unprecedented times here. Now is the time your staff need support after making mountains of cash for the company” whilst Conservative MP Richard Fuller added: “Pay your employees yourself their unpaid leave. When it comes to looking at the protection of your workers, the time is now, and we will all judge you by your actions.”

     

    Whilst we reported on how the motormouth Katie Hopkins had a pop at the Branson last week, this fantasist “wedding wrecker” and convicted tax evader must accept that where there are payouts there are also responsibilities. In September 2019, the cretinous self-appointed “entrepreneur” received £178 million ($219 million, €200 million or درهم804 million) when he cashed in on his pilot killing Virgin Galactic floating on the New York Stock Exchange; perhaps, now, he could use some of this cash to prop up his own failing enterprises. The likelihood of that? Well, we’ll have to spot Shergar the racehorse speeding by carrying Elvis Presley first. Now, instead, is the time that Britain took something back from Branson: Strip this pathetic parasite of his precious knighthood.

     

    Pictured top: “Second rate creep” Sir ‘Dickhead’ Branson likes to get hold of whatever he can; here he is ‘Now Boarding’ whilst greedily grabbing a bikini-clad bird.

     

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  • Dreadful Diane

    Dreadful Diane

    Diane Abbott proves herself to be nothing but a moaning menace (yet again)

     

    Diane Abbott just cannot help herself. This dreadful harpy of a woman – whom it must be most excruciatingly be remembered once slept with Jeremy Corbyn – appeared on the BBC’s Question Time show on Thursday and is now claiming she was “unfairly mocked” and was “singled out” by the audience.

     

    A spokesperson for Abbott, who has been an MP since 1987 and once slipped up by saying recruiting 10,000 extra police officers would cost the equivalent of just £30 per officer, remarked:

     

    “We are appalled by the treatment of Diane Abbot on BBC’s Question Time. It was clear that a hostile was whipped up, propped up by reports of inappropriate sexist commentary in the audience warm-up session.”

     

    “A public broadcaster like the BBC should be expected to be a model of impartiality and equality. The BBC cannot claim anything of the sort when analysis of the programme shows that the only black woman on the panel was jeered at and interrupted more times than any other panellist, including by the chair herself.”

     

    “The media must stop legitimising mistreatment, bias and abuse against Ms Abbott as a black woman in public life. The BBC should be ashamed that their programming is complicit in such behaviour.”

     

    The facts of this matter are simple: If Diane Abbott doesn’t like the heat, she should never have entered the kitchen. This ridiculous woman is unfit for high office and she should just give up.

     

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  • More gin, vicar?

    More gin, vicar?

    As Public Health Wales claims drinking spirits is bad for you, we rebut their frankly stupid study

     

    On Tuesday, The Telegraph reported that a completely unscientific study by an organisation named Public Health Wales had found that spirits are more likely to “trigger bouts of depression and unexpected weeping.”

     

    Said also to cause an increase in negative feelings and levels of aggression, spirits also are said to boost confidence and energy levels and make people “feel sexier.”

     

    Whilst The Telegraph’s article about the study focused on the spirits category in general, today The Guardian moved the focus to gin specifically. In a feature titled: ‘Spirits down: proof that gin makes you sad,’ the paper mocked the survey and rightly pointed out: “Other things that make you sad include literally everything that has ever happened in the world over the past decade.”

     

    They are right, but we’d go one stage further and suggest this: “Drink whatever makes you happy and if you can’t have one at eleven, have eleven at one.”

     

    Cheers!

     

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  • Hannah, Soleil and Winter Strafford-Taylor

    Hannah, Soleil and Winter Strafford-Taylor

    Narcissist and “yummy mummy” Hannah Strafford-Taylor describes herself as “Instagram’s most stylish mum” to her 8,600 followers. Mocked as a “plastic clichéd fool using her bizarrely named daughters [Soleil and Winter] as accessories”, Mrs Strafford-Taylor told the Mail Online: “My husband says I have my own unique currency of holidays. I compare everything to the price of a holiday. My favourite place in the world is the Maldives” in January 2017. Of her one commentator remarked: “Well, she loves herself a bit too much” whilst another concluded: “Another bragging Brit, we can all do that”.

     

  • Andy Carroll and Billi Mucklow

    Andy Carroll and Billi Mucklow

    Andy Carroll and Billi MucklowProfessional footballer Andy Carroll earns £85,000 a week and has 283,000 followers on Twitter. (more…)

  • Picture of the Week: White fleece

    Picture of the Week: White fleece

    Amy Childs: A brash young lady with questionable taste

     

    Our last picture of the week featuring a Range Rover Sport was of one that had been driven by a couple described in the comments section of a Mail Online article as a “pair of pillocks in a puddle.” We subsequently received a Tweet from one of them whining about our article in which he stated that our editor was a “prat.” Those that saw this, excuse the pun, laughed like drains about such a missive coming from a person who drove their car into a flooded ford and then wondered why that vehicle sank.

     

    Amy Childs in a well managed pose with signage for a tyre company, a new car, a new numberplate and another of her vehicles

    Mr and Mr Drewitt-Barlow, primarily known for having had five children by a surrogate, had been at an event named Essex Fashion Week on the evening in question and today’s picture features another of their number, the former The Only Way is Essex “star,” Amy Childs along with two white Range Rover Sport vehicles.

     

    Miss Childs, a “beautician” aged 22, is someone who has been moulded into a “brand” by Claire Powell of Can Associates, a lady who variously has been the representative of Katie Price, Peter Andre and Kerry Katona. Though the appearance fees Childs received on TOWIE were “minimal,” she’s amazingly made a lot of money since “[shooting] to fame in 2010.” Childs, the Mail revealed, has just spent £80,000 of her new found wealth on a personalised plate based on her favourite phrase, WE11 JEL.

     

    Whilst the Mail Online suggest Childs posing in the lot of Imperial Cars in Romford with her new Range Rover and its expensive plate came about because she “outbid a premiership footballer and a TOWIE producer to win” it in a DVLA auction, we’re not entirely convinced.

     

    The Mail are especially keen to share with their readers that Amy Childs paid for the car itself on her American Express platinum card but publishing an image of her in a far from glamorous yard under a sign for “part worn tyres” and next to a wheelie bin just looks silly. This story seems just as staged and ludicrous as that of the puddle dwellers and for that reason we make this Essex girl and her pointless “purchases” our picture of the week.

     

    Read the Mail Online’s report about WE11 JEL at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2238775/Former-TOWIE-star-Amy-Childs-shows-customised-licence-plates–cost-80-000-privilege.html