Tag: Dent

Flipping Randy Andy’s Bathtub Bonk Pad
WORLD EXCLUSIVE – Ghislaine Maxwell’s Belgravia bonk pad – where Prince Andrew allegedly shockingly had it off with Virginia Roberts in the bath in 2001 – is relisted for £2.6 million just months after it sold for £1.75 million in April 2021; we share the first ever seen photos of that famous tub and ask: “Does its presence add value?”

Everybody in the world has now seen the infamous snapshot of Prince Andrew with his chubby fingers wrapped around the waist of his alleged victim Virginia Roberts at the Belgravia home of Ghislaine Maxwell in 2001. Nobody has ever discredited that photograph and nobody has proven that the bathtub in the bathroom that adjoined the first floor landing where they were snapped was anything other than a full-sized 5-foot-6-inches long.

Everyone in the world has also seen the floorplan of the first floor of Miss Maxwell’s former London home, but now, today, The Steeple Times can exclusively share an image of that very bathtub in which the lady now known as Virginia Giuffre claims the Duke of York supposedly had sexual relations with her on 10^th March 2001. That still unrenovated home, 44 Kinnerton Street, is now on the market for the sum of £2.6 million – a sum £850,000 higher than it sold for less than a year ago.

Whilst everybody in the world now knows that the now convicted mucky madam daughter of the pension pot plunderer Robert Maxwell faked a photo of herself at an In-N-Out burger joint in August 2019, photographs of the now somewhat tired bathroom in London, SW1 prove it to be a space where two people could easily have cavorted. In sharing them, they show Prince Andrew’s porky pies for exactly what they are. Two people could very easily have fitted into that rotten tub.

Offered by an exotically named firm of real estate hawkers who go by the name of Wellbelove Quested, the 1,573 square foot, three-storey former home of the mucky madam Miss Maxwell is marketed as “charming” and having “plenty of potential.” It is described as “requiring updating,” but unsurprisingly no mention is made as to its tawdry past. A photograph of the very bath where ‘Randy Andy’ allegedly bonked on that fateful night bizarrely features in the marketing material, but somewhat more carefully imagery of the landing area has been left out.

Asked by The Steeple Times for comment, a leading local estate agent – whom wished to remain off the record – remarked:

“Any previous sale at either £1.45 million or £1.75 million seems suspiciously low. At £1,653 per square foot today, it sounds about right in terms of an asking price, although some buyers might be deterred by The Nags Head being so close.”

“As for the activity that may have gone on inside there, I am of the view it adds a bit of interest to the marketing, but neither adds to nor detracts from the value.”

“Equally, now I see these pictures, it looks to me that Prince Andrew, Ghislaine Maxwell and Virginia Roberts were all standing in the doorway of the front bedroom of the first floor that day. It begs the question: ‘Why?’”

Contacted earlier in the day by a reader of The Steeple Times who alerted us to the sale subsequently, Andrew Quested of Wellbelove Quested somewhat lackadaisically opined in response via email:

“My clients made a good purchase. I think you will find a lot of properties have a past resident that is not always good… I do understand your thoughts [about the links to Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein and the Duke of York], but these things pass.”

Occasional contributor to The Steeple Times Jack Hine, however, took a different view. When approached Friday, the Hove, Sussex and Belgravia, London based dealer in vintage memorabilia stated:

“That bath, whatever it’s murky heritage, has royal pedigree and it’s got a grimy, unrestored appearance. ‘Where there’s muck, there’s bloody brass,’ I say.”

“There’s always going to be ghouls out there with a desire for such, so I advise whoever buys 44 Kinnerton Street to most certainly not to put what could become one of the most costly bathtubs in history ever in the skip.”

“Prince Andrew’s antics in this tub may well cost him well north of £10 million and I’d suggest that the new owner of this house will get tens of thousands for that tawdry tub. I’d definitely put in a bid.”

This photograph of the first floor bathroom at 44 Kinnerton Street, Belgravia proves one thing – those that said that the tub is too small for two are nothing but loopy liars.

When asked about what occured on the night of 10th March 2001 in the first floor bathroom at her Kinnerton Street mews house, Ghislaine Maxwell responded: “[Virginia Roberts] then characterized [sic] things took place in my bathroom in the bathtub itself. The tub is too small for any kind of activity whatsoever.” The picture of that very same tub used in marketing material by Wellbelove Quested proves exactly to the contrary.

The floor plan shared by the likes ‘The Daily Mail’ and ‘The Sun suggested the first floor bathroom at the house to be 7-foot, 4 inches by 7-foot, 2-inches. Floor plans shared by Wellboved Quested suggest that the room is actually 8-foot, 4-inches by 8-foot, 2-inches. There was most definitely plenty of room for two…

Why did they stand on the first floor landing when the only entertaining areas were downstairs? Were they progressing upwards? Was Ghislaine Maxwell leading her friend Prince Andrew and a concubine to a bedroom? Who took the photograph? Many questions remain unanswered, but it’s now clear that the bathtub could easily have fitted two.

A floorplan of 44 Kinnerton Street, Belgravia. In it, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s home is clearly shown to be a place where ‘public’ entertaining took place on the ground floor, whilst ‘extracurricular’ activities took place on the upper two floors.

These photographs of 44 Kinnerton Street, taken in July 2021, provide proof that the bannisters seen in the March 2001 photographs remain inside said property. The setting in which Prince Andrew and Virginia Roberts were captured was indeed most definitely genuine. In the same month, the new owners of the property displayed a poster at 44 Kinnerton Street for a festival that was to be held in East Anglia from 31st July 2021 to 1st August 2021. The event, the EA Festival, was hosted at Hedingham Castle – home to Jason and Demetra Lindsay – in Essex and had a line-up that included model and advocate Arizona Muse, film director Mike Figgis, ‘Countdown’s’ Susie Dent, sex commentator Rowan Pelling and comedian Josh Berry. The same open doorway also showed something else… The very same bannister that was shown in the photograph Prince Andrew, Virginia Robert and Ghislaine Maxwell appeared in.

In November 2020, ‘The Steeple Times’ featured bathtub mats featuring Prince Andrew’s face and the caption “nonce” that were available for sale through Redbubble.com. Priced then at £23.61 ($32.30, €28.29 or درهم118.61), these 61cm by 43cm polyester microfiber items clearly proved very popular as they are no longer on the site. Clearly, there is a market for bathtub memorabilia that references the Queen’s supposed favourite son.

The Names & Numbers – ‘Mucky Madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s Bathtub Bonk Pad’ – 44 Kinnerton Street, Belgravia, London, SW1X 8ES, United Kingdom
- 14^th January 2022 – Property website TheMoveMarket.com values the house at £2.11 million ($2.88 million, €2.53 million or درهم59 million), a sum 19% lower than the current asking price for the unrenovated property.
- January 2022 – Estate agents Wellbelove Quested offer the mews house for £2.6 million ($3.6 million, €3.1 million or درهم1 million), an extraordinary increase of 49% on the sale price just 270 days earlier. The house is offered on a lease of 127 years that commenced on 24^th June 2014 and previously on their website Wellbelove Quested had marketed the house for a higher price of £2.75 million ($3.738 million, €3.283 million or درهم13.731 million).
- July 2021 – The Steeple Times reports on repainting work to the outside of the house being underway. An open door reveals the infamous staircase bannister to still be in-situ.
- 19^th April 2021 – Records confirm the house to have been sold for £1.75 million ($2.39 million, €2.09 million or درهم79 million).
- March 2021 – Ghislaine Maxwell’s lawyer offered cash from the “pending sale of her £1.45 million ($2 million, €1.74 million or درهم28 million)” home as part of a package when they sought bail for the mucky madam for a third time, the Daily Mail reported. This sum was 44% lower than the September 2020 asking price and 400% higher than the January 1997 purchase price.
- March 2021 – A Knightsbridge estate agent told The Steeple Times: “Knowing the street as I do, 44 is one of the smaller houses which I assume it to be a little over 1,000 square foot in size. Depending on the condition, I estimate the freehold value to be circa £1.8 million to £2 million ($2.5 million to $2.7 million, €2.2 million to €2.4 million or 9درهم million to درهم10 million).”
- December 2020 – Members of the Maxwell family attempted to raise finance on the property but are not successful, The Steeple Times learns from a financier with connections to the Maxwell family and their representatives. They were rejected, were rejected on the basis of the “toxicity” of their familial name.
- September 2020 – Estate agents Aylesford list 44 Kinnerton Street for sale for £2.6 million ($3.6 million, €3.1 million or درهم1 million) on (it was claimed) a freehold basis, a sum 797% than the January 1997 purchase price. They subsequently later reduce the asking price to £2.1 million ($2.9 million, €2.5 million or درهم10.5 million) “according to a leading property expert.”
- August 2019 – According to Insider, a woman with “long hair [who] appeared to be in her 60s” was seen entering the property. She “denied that the socialite owns or lived in the house, claiming instead that the elusive socialite lived elsewhere down the street.”
- 10^th March 2001 – Prince Andrew allegedly had sexual relations with 17-year-old Virginia Roberts in a bathroom in the property. He continues to deny this occurred whilst claiming that a photograph of himself with Miss Roberts and Ghislaine Maxwell on the first floor of building is a fake also.
- 22^nd January 1997 – Ghislaine Maxwell paid £290,000 ($396,000, €347,000 or درهم5 million) for the three-storey leasehold mews house. It is situated at the heart of the Duke of Westminster’s Grosvenor Estate.
- 1989 to 1995 – Ghislaine Maxwell is known to have resided at 69 Stanhope Mews East, South Kensington, London, SW7 5QT. Her father bought it for her two years before his mysterious death and she reportedly “groomed and befriended Minor Victim 3 in London, England, between approximately 1994 and 1995… Maxwell introduced Minor Victim 3 to Epstein and during those interactions, Maxwell encouraged Minor Victim 3 to massage Epstein, knowing that Epstein would engage in sex acts with Minor Victim 3. During those massages, Epstein sexually abused Minor Victim 3” at that very property. It was sold for £267,000 ($365,000, €320,000 or درهم3 million) on 15^th March 1995 and then again for £1.75 million ($2.39 million, €2.10 million or درهم8.77 million) on 30^th August 2019.
And finally… Some other images of the ‘Mucky Madam’s’ crib

The ground floor sitting room has a somewhat sadistic quality about it. Rather like a doctor or dentist’s waiting room in its styling, here is a room where the mucky madam no doubt just prepped her victims for their prey upstairs. How many chairs does one need for such a purpose?

This place is anything but homely. It is, in fact, scary.

A kitchen that wasn’t for a coffee and a chat; a kitchen where saintly types like Delia Smith and Mary Berry most definitely don’t belong. Ghislaine Maxwell is personified as a woman as clinical to her core.

The mucky mistresses’ master bedroom. God only f$%king knows went on in this creepy crib.

Another supposedly innocent looking room that was likely a torture chamber.

The bedroom Andrew, Ghislaine and Virginia posed next to. It is currently set up as an extra sitting room rather conveniently, but doesn’t look like a place anyone has bothered or would even to sit.

The house even has a roof terrace. It looks f$%ing rotten, just like its former owner, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell, daughter of murdering pension pot plunderer Robert Maxwell.

And finally, back to that bloody bathroom… It even has double shower. It’s hardly small, is it? It’s perfectly feasible that Prince Andrew and Virginia Roberts could have very easily fitted in there also.
January 15, 2022
The Plotless Pillock Prince

Matthew Steeples suggests decidedly dim Prince Harry has well and truly lost the plot; he should heed the words of the equally ‘woke’ wally Lily Allen and finally “wind his neck in”

The Duke of Sussex always seemed a sandwich short of a picnic, but now, with his latest attack on his birth family, he’s well and truly shown he’s utterly lost the plot and turned into nothing but a pompous pillock content only with satisfying his money and fame hungry wife.

Preaching from their capacious Californian mansion complete with 16 bathrooms, this out-of-touch with ordinary folk wazzock and his acerbically annoying dollar demanding Duchess annoy utterly everybody. Is there nobody that they just don’t have a desire to piss off? It doesn’t matter if you are pro or anti the monarchy, it’s just impossible to like this laughable pair of loons and their whingeing ways.

Now, aside from attracting the likes of Sarah Vine to Yankee Wally have a pop at this pernicious plotless pair, once jolly-for-a-jape Prince Harry has gone and upset not only his father and brother, but also piled blame on his perfectly patient grandparents as well.

Speaking of his “cycle of pain” to Dax Shepherd’s Armchair Expert, which premieres next Friday, 21^st May, the royal runt remarked:

“When it comes to parenting, if I’ve experienced some form of pain or suffering because of the pain or suffering that perhaps my father or my parents had suffered, I’m going to make sure I break that cycle so that I don’t pass it on.”

“I know this about his [Prince Charles’s] life, I also know that is connected to his parents so that means he’s treated me the way he was treated, so how can I change that for my own kids.”

In the 17^th century, “to latibulate,” ‘Dictionary Corner’ doyenne Susie Dent, mused on Twitter this morning meant “to hide in a corner until conditions improve.” The Duke and Duchess of Sussex should take up just such and they should also listen to the normally woke wastrel Lily Allen’s 2014 song: Wind Your Neck In. It might do the pair of them some bloody good.

Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

Lyrics to Lily Allen’s ‘Wind Your Neck In’ that should be heeded by the plotless Duke and Duchess of Sussex

Why don’t you keep your eyes on the road

Keep yourself to yourself

Or you’re gonna explode

Don’t concern yourself in my sh*t

If I told you the truth

Well you probably couldn’t handle it

What’s it got to do with you

I don’t care what you get up to

Didn’t ask for your opinion

Not your business

Wind your neck in

Why’d you think you’re better

Little rubber-necker

No one likes a trouble maker

Pull up your socks

There’s nothing to see here

Why’d you have to be here

Can’t you turn around and get back into your box

Wind your neck in (repeat)

I always said each to their own

Won’t you give me a break

Won’t you throw me a bone

I’m a different cat or a fish

If you don’t understand

Just look the other way, you b*tch

I’ll do my thing, you do yours

What you get up to behind closed doors

No of interest, I’ve no opinion

It’s not my business

Wind your neck in

Why’d you think you’re better

Little rubber-necker

No one likes a trouble maker

Pull up your socks

There’s nothing to see here

Why’d you have to be here

Can’t you turn around and get back into your box

Wind your neck in (repeat)

Down (Down)

The rubber-neckers slow me down

When will they ever work it out (Own)

No, they can’t run me out of town

Wind your neck in (repeat)

Why’d you think you’re better

Little rubber-necker

No one likes a trouble maker

Pull up your socks

There’s nothing to see here

Why’d you have to be here

Can’t you turn around and get back into your box

Wind your neck in (repeat)

The Plotless Pillock Prince 2021 – Prince Harry and his wife do not grasp that they live a privileged life that mere mortals cannot relate to. This plotless pair need to finally realise that their attention seeking ways are doing them nothing but harm. It is not others whom are to blame for their predicament: It is them and them alone.

The Plotless Pillock Prince 2021 – The Duke and Duchess of Sussex seem to be motivated more by money and attention than anything else. They should be ashamed of themselves and now, after well and truly losing the plot, its just time for them to wind their necks in.

May 14, 2021
Word of the Week 2021 – Going to the Polls

Susie Dent shares the fascinating origin of “going to the polls” just as Count Binface looks to get more votes than Laurence Fox in spite of the latter having a ludicrous £5 million campaign pot

With voting underway across the country, “that woman in Dictionary Corner” Susie Dent this morning shared with her 753,000 followers on Twitter the origin of “going to the polls” this morning:

Origin of the day: the ‘poll’ in ‘going to the polls’ originally meant ‘head’, referring to the counting of heads or votes. A ‘noddypoll’ was an incompetent fool, a ‘clod-poll’ a blockhead, and a ‘tadpoll’ (later ‘tadpole’) a ‘toad-head’.

Referencing what a lacklustre bag of bilge Londoners have been offered by the mainstream parties and echoing Nikolay Kalinin’s analysis of Labour’s national multifaceted mess for The Steeple Times yesterday, Inside Croydon declared of the campaign:

“It has been a very long, and very tedious, London election campaign, but for some of the capital’s voters, perhaps bewildered by the multitude of different voting systems employed and vast number of candidates for Mayor or the London Assembly, there has been one bright spot: Count Binface.”

“In elections that were postponed from 2020, among the various races-within-the-race for City Hall, there is a fascination among those who long ago tired of the lies of Tory Shaun Bailey or the deadly dull platitudes of Sadiq Khan (did you know: his father was a London bus driver?), the idea that a geezer with a bin on his head could attract more votes than the spittle-flecked campaign of Laurence Fox has lightened the mood these past couple of weeks.”

“And what’s more, unlike so much of so many of the pointless political campaigns, Binface is actually doing some good, by raising thousands of pounds for homelessness charities.”

Elsewhere on social media yesterday, Count Binface himself shared an amusing video based on Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Somebody asking his followers to make him their first choice today. The Steeple Times’ editor Matthew Steeples duly obliged when he headed to St Columba’s Church of Scotland in Pont Street, SW1 this morning and casted a protest for Max Fosh as his second choice also.

LONDON! Here's my final pitch to be your mayor, and/or the UK's next Eurovision entry. Make me your first choice vote, and together we will crush the loopy candidates. (You know who I mean.) #VoteBinface pic.twitter.com/lZ7BpqE7Qv
— Count Binface (@CountBinface) May 5, 2021

Going to the Polls – Count Binface morphed into Whitney Houston to share his final pitch to be the next Mayor of London “and/or the UK’s next Eurovision entry.” He urged: “Make me your first choice vote, and together we will crush the loopy candidates. (You know who I mean.)”

Origin of the day: the ‘poll’ in ‘going to the polls’ originally meant ‘head’, referring to the counting of heads or votes. A ‘noddypoll’ was an incompetent fool, a ‘clod-poll’ a blockhead, and a ‘tadpoll’ (later ‘tadpole’) a ‘toad-head’.
— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) May 6, 2021

Going to the Polls – Susie Dent, as ever, brought a bit of insight on polling day 2021.

Boris Johnson casts his vote for the London mayoral election alongside fiancee Carrie Symonds #Election2021 pic.twitter.com/I2h3KLwJKu
— The Sun (@TheSun) May 6, 2021

Going to the Polls – Boris Johnson was escorted to vote in Westminster by his latest baby mama Carrie Symonds at just before 8am this morning. Whether she had to help the ‘noddypoll’ PM mark his voting card or not is unknown.

Going to the Polls – Many Twitter users mocked the ex-actor Fox and remarked of their desire for Count Binface to actually be his ex-wife Billie Piper in disguise.

Going to the Polls – The parody Boris Johnson account went further and declared: “To be honest, I don’t care if we take Hartlepool, as long as Count Binface beats that streak of piss, Laurence Fox.” 1,200 clicked “love” in response. Author Emma Kennedy added: “When Count Binface gets more votes than Waitrose Tommy Robinson tomorrow, I look forward to the 3682 5k thinkpieces/profile articles in The Telegraph and Sunday Times telling us what a brave visionary Count Binface is. Also: BBCQT AHOY!” and got 1,600 “loves” also.

Going to the Polls – John O’Connell announced: “Duty done. I voted. Now I can freely spend the rest of the day taking the piss out of Shaun Bailey and Laurence Fox, and cheering on Count Binface.”

May 6, 2021
Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anne Robinson

Anne Robinson’s appointment as the ‘Countdown’ host is a breath of fresh air and the carping ‘woke’ should pipe down about it

In spite of a somewhat soppy iNews journalist named Benjamin Butterworth getting in a terrible tizzy yesterday and ludicrously suggesting her to be someone who played on “cynical tropes” and “brutality,” Anne Robinson’s appointment as the first female host of Countdown is actually a breath of fresh air.

Whilst the ‘woke’ whingebags amongst us will undoubtedly bleat about ‘The Queen of Mean’s’ supposed “vindictiveness” towards single mothers and gay people being unacceptable in this age, the ‘sweet pea’ that is actually the most charming delight in reality that is Miss Robinson is someone to be celebrated.

It must be remembered that Robinson – whose up-down-and-back-up-again life story was grippingly told in her 2001 Memoirs Of An Unfit Mother – is someone who went from living on £300 per week to being worth over £50 million in spite of enduring both alcoholism and a painful custody battle. An example to us all in that she turned her personal life and personal fortunes around, here also is someone with both wit and wisdom.

Commenting on her appointment this week, Robinson amusingly told Channel 4’s Steph’s Packed Lunch:

“I am beyond thrilled to be joining Countdown. The show is almost as old as I am and just as historic. I am particularly excited to be working alongside the show’s two other formidable women.”

“Worryingly, Susie and Rachel are not only very smart but younger, prettier and thinner than me. Sadly, there’s no time for another face lift so I’ll have make do with this old one.”

“Three Clever Girls Do Countdown! Don’t you love the sound of that?”

“I am a crossword nut so the Countdown’s conundrums I can make sense of. But the adding up and taking away – I can’t go much further than working out the fee once my agent takes his cut.”

Here is someone with grit and spirit and here is someone who doesn’t moan and groan; here, in fact, is just what we need in these depressing times. It is time for all to hail the return of Anne Robinson and for all to celebrate the rebirth of honest directness.

Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anne Robinson was the anchor for the popular BBC quiz show ‘The Weakest Link’ from 2000 to 2012. It deservedly made her a fortune and when it ended, rightminded folk everywhere lamented its loss. Her return to our screens now is most definitely something to look forward at a time when the nation is still enduring the most miserable of lockups.

February 18, 2021
Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

Southend councillor gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities”

Late last week, the Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’s aptly named senior reporter Christine Sexton “opened a can of sexual worms” when she wrote about “illegal” sheds erected by a councillor being “used for romps.”

Sharing news of a not-so-neighbourly dispute that subsequently featured on the Facebook Group Angry People in Local Newspapers, Sexton began: “A councillor who built three sheds [complete with “fire hazard” “dodgy wiring”] without [planning] permission in his garden and let his son live in one has been facing complaints from neighbours over amorous trysts.”

Pointing out that Brian Ayling – himself astoundingly a member of Southend’s development control committee, but someone who claimed “he did not realise he needed permission [for the structures]” – allowed his son to live in one of the sheds for a year, Sexton added:

“Complaints to the council from a neighbour, said to be over the son’s amorous trysts with his girlfriend, resulted in the councillor being ordered to submit a planning application – which has now been rejected.”

“A statement by Mr Ayling’s neighbour said: ‘I have to listen to them participating in sexual activities.’”

Going further, a fellow councillor, Matt Dent, told the paper: “He said he didn’t realise, but it’s bizarre for someone on the development control committee.” Replying, Brian Ayling, remarked: “I [have] made an official complaint on [sic] councillor Dent.”

Responding to the article, one reader amusingly offered: “If the shed’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’” whilst another amusingly added: “Perhaps his son should honour the age old Essex tradition known as ‘dogging’, adjusting it slightly for the 21st century, as many have during lockdown, and start a lucrative webcam based sex show. The councillor can adjust his sights slightly and apply for permission to start a business in the outbuildings and, Bob’s yer uncle, lemonade from lemons!”

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – After seven councilors voted to refuse his retrospective application to keep his outbuildings, councillor Brian Ayling remarked: “They all ganged together against me.”

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Earlier this month, we reported on a more typical story featured on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ about someone getting angry about Tesco’s “shelf arrangements.” The “Southend sexual shed scandal,” however, is altogether an all-together more serious affair, yet perhaps instead if councillor Brian Ayling had turned one of his structures into a “mancave” garden bar and invited round his neighbours, it would have all worked out better.

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Readers of the ‘Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’ responded with merriment and mirth to the story.

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – One suggested that “making your son live in a shed is child cruelty” whilst others compared the situation to the BBC’s ‘The Archers’ current story about modern day slavery. Controversially, another remarked: “I used to lock my wife in the coal bunker, she’d come out black” – to which came the response: “Shocking, that you have ever had a wife.”

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Over at the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ discussion centred on use of the words “romps” and “noisy romping.” One Nikos Lefteris Christodoulou remarked: “Dodgy local councillor, planning permission woes and noisy romping all in one article!” Another, Ben Richardson, added: “If you go down to the illegal shed, you’re sure of a big surprise.”

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – ‘Top fan’ Kieran Clarke added: “Everything that it is to be ‘British,’ distilled in one headline!” whilst another, Mark Button, suggested that councillor Brian Ayling has a look of the late entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth about him.

February 15, 2021
Word of the Week – Autolatry

Susie Dent’s choice of ‘autolatry’ as her ‘word of the day’ was most appropriate; it sums up both Boris Johnson and Ghislaine Maxwell perfectly

The English lexicographer, etymologist and Countdown ‘Dictionary Corner’ stalwart Susie Dent’s Twitter feed is a welcome relief to many.

Regularly featuring a ‘word of the day,’ Dent’s feed is a contrast to the rant-filled diatribes of the likes of Piers Morgan and is actually educational.

Her most recent choice was ‘autolatry’ and of it, she remarked:

“Word of the day is ‘autolatry’: self-worship; placing oneself at the centre of the universe in every situation (any person doing so is an ‘autolater’).”

Put more simply by the Collins Dictionary as just “the worship of oneself,” the noun perfectly sums up our self-absorbed Prime Minister and it also reflects the attitude of the desk demanding Ghislaine Maxwell. Frankly, maybe it’s time the two of them got a room – and preferably a prison cell.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Susie Dent tweets from the handle @susie_dent. We recommend you follow her.

November 22, 2020
Hapless Hancock gets a Right Royal Brenda-ering

Restaurant critic Tom Parker-Bowles does a ‘Brenda from Bristol’ in suggesting Health Secretary Matt Hancock’s telly box appearances “drive him mad” whilst chatting to William Sitwell on his Instagram TV show ‘Biting Talk’

“Winging it that health fella Hancock, winging it, I just can’t watch him, drives me mad,” lamented Tom Parker-Bowles on William Sitwell’s jolly twice weekly Biting Talk Instagram TV show on Tuesday.

Sounding a bit like “not another one” squawking ‘Brenda from Bristol’ in his spot-on summary, the Mail on Sunday restaurant critic did indeed share the view of the nation about the hapless health secretary. Here, in Hancock, is someone Brenda would simply surmise just perfectly with her trademark “You’re joking! Absolutely weird! I just can’t stand him!”

Continuing, the Duchess of Cornwall’s “quaffed” son reflected the public’s desire for simplicity in commenting: “I’ve really missed going to the pub for a pint with friends, it’s just these things we take for granted… I am not particularly interested in high art or tasting menus… I would take a rubbish pub for now.”

Of the impending reopening of boozers and eateries, Parker-Bowles called for “common sense and respect” and again in Brenda-esque “we need a bit of guts to get us going” fashion added:

“We all want to make sure this awful pandemic is wiped out in the end… Let’s concentrate on the positive… But, hopefully everyone will pile back in.”

“This is our life, it is our joy… It is about convincing the public… This is not the time to be taking down restaurants, it is about the time to be looking for the good. This is a time that all of us come together to fight for restaurants, to fight for them and get them back.”

Concluding, of to his life in lockdown, the writer shared some of his experiences and thoughts. He declared his dislike for the hideously vapid phrase “the new normal,” his desire to see friends again and announced:

“I’m reading the Alan Clark’s diaries again. They’re fantastic. He wouldn’t do well today, but who knows, he might. He’d probably be on Breitbart or something like that.”

Brenda would most certainly agree.

William Sitwell’s ‘Biting Talk’ airs on Instagram TV ‘live’ on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at 6pm GMT. Be sure to tune in!

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

Pearl clad pensioner ‘Brenda from Bristol’ became the unlikely star of the 2017 General Election when she shared her views about politics with a BBC reporter. This 75-year old retired secretary spoke for the nation in remarking: “You’re joking? Not another one!” Oh for God’s sake, I can’t honestly… I can’t stand this. There’s too much politics going on at the moment. Why does she [Theresa May] need to do it?” and later added: “There’s hardly anybody in any of the parties that you’d put your life on the line for. We need somebody who’s got a little bit of guts to get us all going”.

Devoted foodies William Sitwell and Tom Parker-Bowles have previously worked together on the popular BBC television series ‘Celebrity MasterChef’ (pictured above with fellow critic Grace Dent).

William Sitwell’s ‘Biting Talk’ is a twice weekly “must watch” on Instagram TV. Each episode lasts 45-minutes and aside from regulars such as the cocktail maestro Farhad Heydari, guests have numbered Andrew Heald of Fishers Gin (reviewed recently in ‘The Steeple Times’) and Charlie Gilkes, co-founder of the Inception Group. Sitwell has recently launched a new venture, William’s House Wines (to be featured in ‘The Steeple Times’ shortly).

Tom Parker-Bowles pictured with his mother, the Duchess of Cornwall, at the launch of his cookbook ‘Christmas & Other Winter Feasts’ at Fortnum & Mason in St James’s, London in October 2018. The event, in the store’s Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon, was also attended by Richard Bacon, Jimmy Carr, Tess Daly and Stanley Tucci according to ‘Hello!’ magazine.

June 24, 2020
Simplifying Sunday Lunch (in Chelsea)

Chelsea favourite No. Fifty Cheyne is now offering its Sunday lunch menu “in the comfort of your own home… with only very little further cooking needed”

For those stranded in Chelsea and its environs during the coronavirus lockdown looking to want to have a bit of time off from their kitchen this Sunday, Iain Smith, the head chef at No. Fifty Cheyne, “has prepared a special menu… with only very little further cooking needed” that can be delivered direct to your home.

Available to order via Uber Eats at just £25 per head, you could be having roast chicken with glazed vegetables, Yorkshire puddings and gravy without all the fuss. Orders can be placed from 10am to 2pm.

For those looking for fine restaurant food at home during the week, No. Fifty Cheyne – which was described in 2019 as “a good laugh and definitely romantic” by Grace Dent in the Guardian and having a “remarkable feel of settled ease” by the Evening Standard’s David Sexton – has the answer also. They are now offering a daily menu that includes a fillet of beef with salt-baked beetroot and truffled creamed potato (£29.50) and pan-fried pollock with potato and leek, cockle velouté and milk crumble (£26) from Monday to Friday.

Hampers (from £59.50) and wine (from £32 to £215 per bottle) can be supplied by the restaurant and in addition, shortly, home essentials including lavatory roll and rubber gloves will be available as well.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

April 4, 2020
Falling Down Flass

Grade II* listed Cumbrian mansion built by opium dealer and once marketed for £1.5 million for sale for just £460,000; it was also the scene of the UK’s biggest ever cannabis raid in 2012

A 23,000 square foot, 52 room, mid-19^th century Palladian mansion in the Westmorland Dales National Park is to be sold at auction – by order of the mortgagees not in possession – for £1 million less than it was marketed for in 2014. It is sadly now described as being in an utterly wrecked, vandalised condition.

The entrance elevation of the mansion then and now

The strikingly grand interiors of Flass (prior to visits from the ‘Urban Explorers’)

The completely trashed interiors of the mansion (after visits from the ‘Urban Explorers’)

Built in 1851 for wealthy merchant brothers and tea and opium magnets Lancelot and Wilkinson Dent, 8-bedroomed Flass at Maulds Meaburn, near Penrith in Cumbria was designed by architects Grey and Mair and includes furnishings by the renowned firm Gillows of Lancaster and London.

Opulent to its core and said to have featured marble fireplaces, ivory door handles and friezes with pearls, Flass remained in the Dent family until 1973. Just prior to being sold for £17,000 (the equivalent of £202,000 today) that year to a historian named Frank Walsh, the then owner Sir Robert Dent opened up an attic of the house and discovered items from the Mughal Empire that he then auctioned for the astounding sum of £220,000 (the equivalent of £2.6 million today).

Subsequently this vast stucco finished, limestone built house – complete with a Doric porte-cochère and a three-storey tower – became a care home and was then after sold in 2000 to a singer-songwriter best known for co-writing the creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard’s Devil Woman named Christine Holmes (also known as Kristine Sparkle) and her husband Paul Davies. The pair turned the property into a performing arts school.

After the couple divorced, Davies took control of the mansion but due to spiraling maintenance costs, he eventually got himself involved with a gang of drug dealers in 2011. Due to what rental agents at the time described as the house being “totally private and hidden away, with an unmatched seclusion and charm,” Davies and his five cohorts were able to grow cannabis with a street value of £5.26 million undetected until a neighbour became suspicious. He was jailed for his role in the crime for three years and eight months in September 2015.

Singer-songwriter Christine Holmes outside Flass in September 2017 (after visits from the ‘Urban Explorers’ and their having trashed her home)

Paul Davies turned Flass into Britain’s biggest cannabis farm (and got himself three years and eight months in jail for his efforts; on his conviction his representative said: “He blames nobody but himself for getting involved in this criminal business”)

The “massive scale” £5 million cannabis farm operated at Flass was described in court as “a professional setup” and having the “real hallmarks of organised crime”

Christine Holmes subsequently took back control of Flass and after trying and failing to sell the house for £1.5 million spent £200,000 on renovations to put right the damage done by the drug operation. Her bad luck, however, was not to end there. In September 2017, the Cumberland & Westmorland Herald reported that a gang of ‘Urban Explorers’ had raided the somewhat derelict building and filmed their exploits. In the weeks that followed, trespassers returned at least twelve further times and “ransacked and trashed” the once glorious residence. She told the paper:

“I was absolutely horrified when I saw [videos of the house] online. I couldn’t believe how anyone could come into my home and believe it was an abandoned building.”

“I think since then people have been staying in the building and have even been there hiding while I’ve been there. I’m petrified. These are evil people who are breaking into my home. I think it’s becoming a game to them. They are breaking in every day.”

Auctioneers Harman Healy will now offer Grade II* listed Flass along with 17.5 acres of overgrown grounds with a guide price of just £460,000+ on 30^th January. Christine Holmes no doubt will be glad if she finally gets shot of what she likely ended up considering to be the worst kind of white elephant.

Flass – The Numbers

January 2019 – To be offered at auction with a guide price of just £460,000 ($596,000, €525,000 or درهم2.2 million).

July 2014 – Offered for sale for £1.5 million ($1.9 million, €1.7 million or درهم7.1 million).

2000 – Sold for £490,000 ($635,000, €559,000 or درهم2.3 million) to the currently jailed drug dealer Paul Davies and his then wife songwriter Christine Holmes.

1998 – Reduced to £650,000 ($842,000, €741,000 or درهم3.1 million).

1997 – For sale for £750,000 ($972,000, €855,000 or درهم3.6 million).

1982 – Sold for £115,000 ($149,000, €131,000 or درهم547,000) to a retired solicitor named Malcolm Whiteside. He turned Flass into a care home which he ran with his wife Mary.

1973 – Sold by Sir Robert Dent, a descendant of the family who built the house, for £17,000 ($22,000, €19,000 or درهم81,000) to a historian named Frank Welsh.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

The garden elevation of the mansion then and now

The no doubt once glorious gardens of Flass have now gone to wrack and ruin

The entrance gates to the estate (in better days)

A plan of Flass and its surrounding land

January 23, 2019
Drugs and Dents

A Cumbrian mansion built by opium traders and more recently used by cannabis growers comes to the market for just £1.5 million

Built by the well-known Dent family, who made their fortune trading both tea and opium, Flass is a vast 23,000 square foot Palladian mansion on the outskirts of the village of Maulds Meaburn in Cumbria. Ironically it was also the setting for one of the country’s biggest drug raids in May 2012. (more…)

July 11, 2014