Helen Lederer: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

My latest aim for a user-friendly existence is to be kind and forgiving and never tweet when drunk.

 

“Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

“It’s not the winning, it’s the taking someone apart that counts”.

 

Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2013?

Trolls upsetting people, the use of the words “Bongo Bongo” and stating that young victims are “asking for it”. I could go on but need a lie down now.

 

Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

Laughter, on tap friendship and being in sitcom that I have written myself that everyone is nice about.

 

What might you swap all your wealth for?

Health, love and my daughter’s happiness (as she will pay for the nursing home).

 

Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank”. What’s your view on the banking crisis?

Hindsight is easy peasy, but folk have been duped into wanting too many tennis courts, swimming pools and handbags which has contributed to a crucial lack of the bigger picture. (Greedy pigs).

 

What phrase or word do you most loathe?

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” is used a lot instead of “yes”.

 

In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home”. What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

The Prince’s Trust, Aspire Water Aid and UNICEF. But if someone has the fancy to ask me to do something unless I’m working I try and do it.

 

The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

They could be killing us with radiation but unless I’m attached to my humble little Bakelite mobile, I do feel a bit out of control (but no more than usual).

If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

Mark Lawson, Michael Crick, my daughter Hannah Lederer, my personal assistant Ross, my parents (who are dead, eew), my other half Chris Browne, Picasso, Mother Teresa and Bill Clinton. We will all use double seats.

If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

My mother’s chocolate cake in Fez.

 

What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

11am if it’s an emergency and 6 o’clock if it’s another emergency.

 

A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

A martini please. With an olive.

 

Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

Mine are fun: I get very excited. No one knows each other and once two men kissed on my stairs. It made me feel very young again.

 

Who is the most positive person you know?

Paul McKenna. He has techniques for doing that.

 

What’s your most guilty pleasure?

Flapjacks in the car.

If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

A heart.

 

If you were a car, what marque would you be?

A Ford Escort or a Saab with a roof that comes down.

 

Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

I love Schumann and cushions.

 

What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

Old invitations to weddings, 50^th birthday parties and old school photos.

Helen Lederer is an actress, comedian, writer, wine commentator and after dinner speaker. Best known for her role as “the dippy Catriona” in all five series of Absolutely Fabulous, Lederer has worked with Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Rik Mayal, Harry Enfield and Lenny Henry amongst others and is a patron of Water Aid, UNICEF and The Prince’s Trust.

 

Follow her on Twitter @HelenLederer

 

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