The extravagance of Carrie Symonds plainly knows no bounds; what ‘Costly Carrie’ wants, cost unconscious puppet mistress Carrie gets
‘Princess Nut Nut’ – AKA ‘Costly Carrie’ Symonds – will go down in history as Downing Street’s answer to Barbara Amiel. With an attitude to expenditure that makes she whose “extravagance knew no bounds” look meek, Boris Johnson’s puppet mistress has deservedly been criticised in recent days for her £200,000“monstrous” and “inappropriate” makeover of the flat occupied by the Prime Minister.
Now, with news that she’s topped her spendaholic lifestyle with over £12,500 of deliveries from ritzy Daylesford – owned by “lady doors to manual” Carole Bamford – during successive lockdowns, this utterly out-of-touch with ordinary folk woman is understandably being mocked and derided. Here is someone whose Imelda Marcos ways will ultimately make Cherie Blair seem like a comparative penny pincher.
Costly Carrie – Carrie Symonds definitely wields the power in Downing Street these days. Her drippy hubby-to-be Boris Johnson is nothing but a puppet, in fact.Costly Carrie – Aside from daily deliveries of expensive provisions from Lady Bamford’s ritzy Daylesford “farm shop” during the pandemic lockups, Symonds brought in the anything but cheap “celebrity eco designer” Lulu Lytle to eliminate the “John Lewis furniture nightmare” of the Theresa May era décor of the Prime Minister’s Downing Street private residence.
EXCLUSIVE – As his spin doctor “steps down,” Prince Andrew’s “buried” links to paedophiles other than Jeffrey Epstein is again highlighted
Late last week on Twitter, crusading author, sex abuse survivor and advocate Kirby Sommers reminded her 14,800 followers that Prince Andrews associations with padeophiles is nothing new.
Linking to a “long buried” 2017 article by Michael Friscolanti for Maclean’s, Sommers – whose shocking revelation about the name of the 9-year-old pictured on Jeffrey Epstein’s lap on his plane we recently featured also – remarked:
How many paedophile friends does Prince Andrew have to have before he addresses this issue?
Jimmy Savile
Jeffrey Epstein
Alleged child rapist Ghislaine Maxwell
Peter Nygard
And this long buried story about Andrew’s beloved teacher, the priest Keith Gleed?
The aforementioned article, which describes “how a royal gift exposed sexual abuse at an elite Canadian school,” references an institution attended by the Duke of York as a teenage exchange student for six months in 1977, Lakefield College School, just north of Peterborough, Ontario.
During the time the royal and later ‘bestie’ of Jeffrey Epstein spent there, ‘Randy Andy’ became close to the private school’s Anglican chaplain from 1974 to 1980, Father Keith Gleed. Of this, Friscolanti remarked:
“After meeting at Lakefield, Andrew and Gleed remained such good friends that the prince invited the reverend both to his 21st birthday party and to his wedding to Sarah Ferguson. Shortly before Gleed died of cancer in 2001, Andrew even travelled to his hospital bedside to say goodbye – ‘surely a testament of true friendship,’ according to Gleed’s obituary in the school newsletter.”
Later, in May 2008, the royal returned to the school to present a baptismal font hand-carved from stone from Balmoral in memory of Father Gleed. Afterwards in disgust, at least five former students were triggered to come forward “to report they were sexually abused by the one-time chaplain.”
Responding, Lakefield “removed from the property in 2014” the font whilst an independent investigation concluded in 2015 that the paedophile violated “the trust and authority” of his position and “afflicted harm on innocent students by engaging in sexual misconduct.”
Prince Andrew served as honorary chairman of the LCS Foundation until his “juggernaut crash” BBC interview in November 2019 brought his world crashing down. Keith Gleed’s victims, meanwhile, continue to seek justice and compensation.
Elsewhere last night, the Duke of York’s woes continued with the Mail on Sunday sharing news that “Prince Andrew’s spin doctor has stepped down after palace officials expressed their fury at a botched attempt to discredit the royal’s sex abuse accuser,” Virginia Giuffre.
Mark Gallagher, hired last year to “repair Prince Andrew’s reputation,” along with the Duchess of York’s personal assistant, Antonia Marshall, allegedly “approached” an online troll named Molly Skye Brown to seek to “prove a famous picture of the Prince with [Giuffre] was doctored.” In a “dramatic twist,” Skye Brown “reported their approach to the FBI.”
Pictured top: A seriously shifty looking Prince Andrew and the late, not great very creepy Father Keith Gleed.
The Prince & The Paedos – Kirby Sommers tweet referencing Prince Andrew’s the ‘Maclean’s’ article about his “true friendship” with Father Keith Gleed.The Prince & The Paedos – Prince Andrew chatting with pupils at Lakefield College in 1992.
As Christian Brueckner is cleared of the abduction of the “German Madeleine McCann” Inga Gehricke, we again slam the use of the distraction technique
In September 2020, we reported that Christian Brueckner – the plainly vile German paedophile touted as the abductor of Madeleine McCann in Praia Da Luz, Portugal in May 2007 – was going to be cleared. Now, today, in a throwaway piece buried deep in The Sun’s online pages, it has been revealed that this incarcerated monster has “been ruled out” of the May 2015 kidnapping of Inga Gehricke – a 5-year-old dubbed “the German Maddie.”
When ‘Christian B,’ as some media sources reference the convicted rapist, was first brought to public attention last year, Boris Johnson’s government were struggling to handle the fact that coronavirus chaos was hampering them in the headlines.
The introduction of Brueckner as a suspect in the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, for some days, helped them as it distracted from their woes. Here, was a clear example of the ‘distraction technique’ at work and now, here, we can see where this ‘investigation’ is going: A complete whitewash.
Speaking to The Sun last night, Brueckner’s lawyer, Friedrich Fulscher, remarked: “The public prosecutor’s office has thoroughly examined connections to the Inga case and determined there isn’t even an initial suspicion against my client.”
Going further of the distraction plainly going on in McCann case, speaking earlier, Fulscher added:
“My client hasn’t been charged with anything. [Christian Brueckner] is under investigation and under suspicion. I have to assume that they do not have any concrete evidence. I think that’s quite typical for us Germans.”
“We think we are something special, at least in Europe, and think we can do things better than other nations. We will see if that is the case, but I don’t think so.”
Meanwhile on Monday, in yet further distraction in The Sun, Gerry and Kate McCann’s unnamed “close pal” cryptically commented of their ongoing legal battle with the former Portuguese police officer Gonaclo Amaral:
“It drags on and on. They go one step forward then two two back. It’s caused them so much anguish over the years and they just want to draw a line under it.”
Missing Madeleine – Questions STILL without answers – The ultimate case of the distraction technique at work
Many questions about what happened on the evening of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann remain. Some that have been highlighted by the press and discussed online include:
Why did Kate McCann refuse to answer 48 questions put to her by the Portuguese police?
Why were certain records of phone calls on the evening of the disappearance “whoosh-clunked” from the memories of the phones of Mr and Mrs McCann and the ‘Tapas 7’?
Why did a British sniffer dog sense the smell of a corpse in a cupboard in the apartment from which Madeleine McCann disappeared?
Why did a sniffer dog also supposedly sense the smell of a corpse in a vehicle hired by the couple a month after the disappearance of their daughter?
Why did Mr and Mrs McCann go jogging and play tennis in the days after their daughter’s disappearance?
Was it acceptable for Mr and Mrs McCann’s mortgage to be paid by the fund established to search for their missing daughter?
A Distraction Disgrace – Christian Brueckner (AKA ‘Christian B’; pictured with his ex-girlfriend, Nakscije Miftari).A Distraction Disgrace – Goncalo Amaral claimed that he believed that the McCanns “accidentally killed” their daughter, Madeleine, in his 2008 book ‘The Truth of The Lie.’ Amaral has repeatedly won court actions brought against him by them.
Sarah, Duchess of York gets overexcited about a potty on YouTube, yet fails to address what went on in mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s bathtub in 2001
This morning, The Sun shared what they somewhat overexcitedly termed an “exclusive” about Sarah, Duchess of York appearing in a YouTube video on Friday. In it, the former royal demanded “respect,” yet the paper failed to mention a more recent video on Saturday where this headbanger prattled on about potties.
Ignoring the opportunity to make reference to her ex-husband ‘Randy Andy’s’ supposed activities in his ‘bestie’ Ghislaine Maxwell’s Belgravia bathtub in 2001 with his alleged victim Virginia Roberts, ‘Fergie’ read a story about lavatory training titled Ninja Potty Break.
Whilst “lifting the lid” of loos was very much on ‘Fergie’s’ agenda this weekend, “lifting the lid” on what went on in the bathroom area of Maxwell’s Belgravia mews house on 10th March 2001 most certainly was not. Equally, not content with lavatorial humour as her focus, Fergie added: “Everyone is wise and everyone deserves respect and kindness and a smile. Says so much but costs very little.” Presumably, that ought to include the sexually abused victims of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.
Previously, in November 2020, we reported on batshit bonkers Sarah Ferguson’s last escapade into the world of bathrooms when she shared a YouTube video of herself making what she bizarrely termed “bathtub teddies.”
Fergie Goes Potty – Prince Andrew has been unable to prove his claim that this photograph, taken at alleged padeo procurer Ghislaine Maxwell’s 44 Kinnerton Street, Belgravia, London, SW1X 8ES mews house on 10th March 2001, is a fake. In it, he is pictured with the now incarcerated mucky madam and Virginia Giuffre (née Roberts) prior to allegedly having sex with the youngster in the bathtub.Fergie Goes Potty – 44 Kinnerton Street is still owned by Ghislaine Maxwell today. It is unknown who is actually living there, but in December 2020 the lights were very much still on.
Shockingly shared elsewhere on Facebook by the perpetrator heself, 32-year-old Merelize van der Merwe’s “wonderful husband paid £1,500 to make her five-year dream come true at a game park last Sunday,” the paper’s Sean Rayment reported.
Going further, the Mirror revealed: “She plans to use her 17-year-old victim’s skin as a rug – and posted her pic with the comment: ‘Ever wondered how big a giraffe’s heart is? I’m over the moon with my Valentines present!’”
In response to this shocking news, Elisa Allen of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals quite rightly concluded:
“One day, trophy hunting will be listed as a sign of a psychiatric disorder, as it should be today. It is grandiosity, serial killing, and bloodlust paired with a burning desire to show off.”
A Change.org petition seeking to ban self-proclaimed “public figure” van der Merwe from Facebook was started 4 years ago, but unlike The Steeple Times’ one seeking to achieve the same for fellow Donald Trump obsessive Larysa Switlyk on Instagram, attracted just 457 supporters and was closed.
Join the 17,100 people who’ve already signed a Change.org petition seeking to get ‘blue ticked’ bear slaying barbarian Larysa Switlyk banned from Instagram by clicking here. One seeking to achieve the same for Merelize van der Merwe on Facebook deserves to achieve a similar level of success.
Update: 22nd February 2020 – A petition seeking to ban Merelize van der Merwe from Facebook is now live on Change.org. Please sign it by clicking here.
Deranged deviant Merelize van der Merwe on…
Death threats
“So, after all these death threats from people sitting comfortably behind a computer 15,000 kilometers away, it made me realise one thing… I haven’t hunted enough! So, I’ll go hunt some more tonight!”
Mental disorders
“We have seen mental disorders grow especially with social media giving these people a voice and openly expressing unnatural hatred towards people they never met with Instagram and Facebook. We in the hunting industry I’m sure deals [sic] with more of these unstable people then the psychiatric ward itself.”
“So please next time if someone attacks you for hunting, just remind them they forgot their pills this morning and let’s get these people under control.”
Truth and poetry and hunting
“Truth is like poetry and most people f**king hate poetry… Same when it comes to hunting and conservation people only listen to what they want to hear and not the truth.”
Liberals
“It’s just these new age liberals who piss and moan and say hunting isn’t natural… You aren’t natural.”
Kenya
“Kenya has sold its soul to the devil, AKA animal rights activists.”
Prince Harry
“Soon he’ll be back in diapers.”
Donald Trump
“I love Trump because he pisses off all the people I can’t stand.”
“What a privilege it was to look up to a President and know how a President should run a country. Today many are heartbroken across the world.”
“I salute you President Trump. What a man you are and may God bless you on your next chapter in life.”
On those that opposed Trump
“Eat a bag of dicks you dirty f**king communists.”
Celebrating killing an elephant
“After the elephant was down I went to buy beer and gin for team motivation. The next day I looked like a red crab.”
Why she likes killing elephants
“Tell me how hunting [elephants] doesn’t benefit people and the ecosystem.”
How she feels after a “kill”
“I was like a child for two weeks, counting the days. Afterwards I was flooded with emotions.”
People who protect elephants
“Never underestimate the power of stupid.”
People who object to the vile images she shares on social media
“To the dumb f**k who tried to report my video, take this and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.”
“If you’re looking for a safe space, my page ain’t it… Move along, snowflake.”
Charity and hunting
“Charity is not sustainable, hunting is.”
Killing endangered species and conservation
“The only people protecting these animals are trophy hunters.”
Why she massacres endangered species
“In the end I’m nothing but yet another slave to this trade and a willing one too. The only time I find peace is living life on the edge. I firmly believe one is born like this and not made.”
“We will keep on fighting the animal rights mafia propaganda as hunting has proven sustainable for wildlife.”
“A day without blood is like a day without sunshine… Nature is not a Disney fairytale.”
Citrus farmer van der Merwe shared images of herself holding the giraffe’s heart and others preparing to butcher the poor slayed animal on her Facebook page.In a previous post, she showed an image of herself proudly posing covered in the blood of one of her victims.Just like her fellow massacring monster Larysa Switlyk, Merelize van der Merwe is a Donald Trump obsessive. The pair plainly need to get a room.Here, Merelize van der Merwe is pictured with an elephant she murdered.Another picture of the deranged deviant Merelize van der Merwe with a dead elephant and another of her victims.Merelize van der Merwe’s Facebook is peppered with her victims. Supposedly she’s “celebrated” over 500 kills including this unfortunate hippo.A lion she killed in the back of a truck.Leopards are amongst her favourite prey supposedly.This vile woman plainly will kill anything.Merelize van der Merwe and her husband Gerhardt with two more beautiful animals they senselessly slayed.The wicked witch Merelize van der Merwe must be stopped and just like Larysa Switlyk, she must be banned from social media.
As wicked witch heiress Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons
Yesterday, deservedly never-now-to-be-an-heir to the monarch ‘Randy’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter. Mocked as a result of Piers Morgan commenting about the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle yet swerving the Duke of York’s failure to report to the FBI for questioning, the social media outlet’s users then turned on his one-time ‘bestie’ Ghislaine Maxwell after her lawyer blubbed about her hair falling out and her being forced to do a bit of hard labour with a broomstick.
Reporting on the matter, the New York Post quoted a letter from Bobbi Sternheim, a lawyer for the mucky madam and heiress to the disgrace that was Robert Maxwell. It read:
“Ms. Maxwell continues to be at the mercy of a revolving group of security officers who are used to guarding hundreds of inmates but now focus their undivided attention exclusively on one respectful, middle-aged female pretrial detainee.”
“Recently, out of view of the security camera, Ms. Maxwell was placed in her isolation cell and physically abused during a pat down search.”
“When she asked that the camera be used to capture the occurrence, a guard replied ‘no.’”
“When Ms. Maxwell recoiled in pain and when she said she would report the mistreatment, she was threatened with disciplinary action.”
“She is withering to a shell of her former self – losing weight, losing hair, and losing her ability to concentrate.”
“Having been incarcerated in de facto solitary confinement for 225 days and monitored by two to six guards 24 hours a day with a handheld camera dedicated to capturing her every move, except when it would record improper conduct on the part of the guards, it is not surprising that Ms. Maxwell feels she is detained under the control of the Bureau of ‘Pretrial Punishment.’”
Other complaints made on behalf of Maxwell, the DailyMail.com later reported, have included that she has “been deprived of sleep and given inedible food.” They added: “Sternheim went on to claim that surveillance of her client is so strict that ‘guards forbid’ Maxwell from standing in certain areas of her six-foot-by-nine-foot cell, including telling her not to stand to the left or right over her toilet.”
Supposedly also, Maxwell “has never received a properly heated meal,” been forced to drink “odorous tap water” and jail staff microwave her food “in a container that is not meant for use in a microwave.” Sternheim added: “Ms. Maxwell’s food either does not defrost the food or disintegrates it and melts the plastic container, rendering the food inedible.”
Pictured top: Heir-to-robber-baron Robert Maxwell pictured with his then-with-plenty-of-hair daughter Ghislaine Maxwell (left); now heir-to-nowt Prince Andrew guffawing whilst in the company of toady ‘Telegraph’ typist Camilla Tominey.
Heirless – Hair Horror – Ghislaine Maxwell has sported many different hairstyles over the years. Now, apparently, like the witch she has certainly become, it’s all falling out.Heirless – Hair Horror – A snap of Jeffrey Epstein together with Prince Andrew walking next to signage reading ‘Together’ in 2010 (left); their mutual ‘bestie’ is currently incarcerated in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn.Heirless – Hair Horror – Amongst the mockery circulating on Twitter about Prince Andrew recently has been a diagram describing what’s been “useless since Fergie left” (Prince Andrew numbers alongside Man United and the Black Eyed Peas) and a captioned photograph of Prince Charles and Her Majesty The Queen supposedly watching ‘The Crown.’ It is accompanied by a speech bubble reading: “Fast forward to the bit where Andrew goes to jail.”
Sharing news of a not-so-neighbourly dispute that subsequently featured on the Facebook Group Angry People in Local Newspapers, Sexton began: “A councillor who built three sheds [complete with “fire hazard” “dodgy wiring”] without [planning] permission in his garden and let his son live in one has been facing complaints from neighbours over amorous trysts.”
Pointing out that Brian Ayling – himself astoundingly a member of Southend’s development control committee, but someone who claimed “he did not realise he needed permission [for the structures]” – allowed his son to live in one of the sheds for a year, Sexton added:
“Complaints to the council from a neighbour, said to be over the son’s amorous trysts with his girlfriend, resulted in the councillor being ordered to submit a planning application – which has now been rejected.”
“A statement by Mr Ayling’s neighbour said: ‘I have to listen to them participating in sexual activities.’”
Going further, a fellow councillor, Matt Dent, told the paper: “He said he didn’t realise, but it’s bizarre for someone on the development control committee.” Replying, Brian Ayling, remarked: “I [have] made an official complaint on [sic] councillor Dent.”
Responding to the article, one reader amusingly offered: “If the shed’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’” whilst another amusingly added: “Perhaps his son should honour the age old Essex tradition known as ‘dogging’, adjusting it slightly for the 21st century, as many have during lockdown, and start a lucrative webcam based sex show. The councillor can adjust his sights slightly and apply for permission to start a business in the outbuildings and, Bob’s yer uncle, lemonade from lemons!”
Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – After seven councilors voted to refuse his retrospective application to keep his outbuildings, councillor Brian Ayling remarked: “They all ganged together against me.”Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Earlier this month, we reported on a more typical story featured on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ about someone getting angry about Tesco’s “shelf arrangements.” The “Southend sexual shed scandal,” however, is altogether an all-together more serious affair, yet perhaps instead if councillor Brian Ayling had turned one of his structures into a “mancave” garden bar and invited round his neighbours, it would have all worked out better.Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Readers of the ‘Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’ responded with merriment and mirth to the story.Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – One suggested that “making your son live in a shed is child cruelty” whilst others compared the situation to the BBC’s ‘The Archers’ current story about modern day slavery. Controversially, another remarked: “I used to lock my wife in the coal bunker, she’d come out black” – to which came the response: “Shocking, that you have ever had a wife.”Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Over at the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ discussion centred on use of the words “romps” and “noisy romping.” One Nikos Lefteris Christodoulou remarked: “Dodgy local councillor, planning permission woes and noisy romping all in one article!” Another, Ben Richardson, added: “If you go down to the illegal shed, you’re sure of a big surprise.”Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – ‘Top fan’ Kieran Clarke added: “Everything that it is to be ‘British,’ distilled in one headline!” whilst another, Mark Button, suggested that councillor Brian Ayling has a look of the late entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth about him.
‘Daily Star’ hilariously mocks the Duchess of Sussex and in doing so turns her into ‘Mystery Meg’
Yesterday, the Daily Mail’sRichard Eden tweeted to share the best of the coverage of the former Meghan Markle’s High Court victory over the very publication he works for.
Featuring an image of a “woman” with her eyes blacked out, the accompanying text from the Daily Star read:
“A publicity-shy woman has won her privacy claim against a newspaper over the publication of a letter to her estranged father.”
“The 39-year-old – married to a ginger bloke formerly of this land – sued a Brit publisher over a series of articles which reproduced parts of the letter sent to her 76-year-old dad in August 2018.”
“She is seeking damages for alleged misuse of private information, copyright infringement and breach of the Data Protection Act.”
Mystery Meg – Richard Eden’s missive proved popular and was retweeted 115 times and liked 684 times by 11.30am on Saturday. One response to it read: “It’s brilliant & I propose more of the MSM, especially all those banned from speaking to the dastardly duo, do the same or even better, refuse to report on anything they do.”
Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus
Plainly not content with not having had any media coverage in yonks, attention seeking Anthea Turner swung into action and posted an inflammatory tweet on Thursday evening.
Accompanying a picture of a masked obese woman telling an unmasked thin woman: “Put a mask on! You’re putting my health at risk!” Turner announced: “Go for it!! X.” She then followed up this morning with a link to a Daily Mail article about a new McDonald’s chicken burger. Of this, she remarked: “Lovely, just what we need.”
In response, whilst Twitter users including the Labour MP Jess Phillips condemned her for “fat shaming,” others suggested the desperado was actually “angling for a job on GB News.” Another, Paul Rickett, concluded: “I’m reminded that even Eamonn Holmes found it beneath his dignity to share screen time with Anthea Turner.”
‘Shagger Turner,’ of course, has previous. In March 2020, she found herself in another Twitter storm after making a berk of herself by ‘rebranding’ coronavirus ‘Cundyvirus’ – a reference to her knicker flashing chum, Lizzie Cundy.
Pictured top: Not content with having made a prized pillock of herself posing with a chocolate bar for cash on her wedding day, in recent weeks Anthea Turner has been photographed holding a carrot with her ‘bestie’ Lizzie Cundy and with a lobster on her head. Swing!
Turner’s incendiary tweet featured a bit of “fat shaming” but plainly was actually just intended to draw attention to her sorry, desperate self. Adding fuel to the fire as part of her desperate attempt for attention, Anthea Turner later added: “Sadly those of us who have genuinely tried to protect the NHS by looking after our bodies are paying the terrible price for those who have chosen lazy lifestyle choices.”‘Princess Tippy Toes’ followed up this morning with a tweet about McDonald’s. It did not help justify her cause and deservedly all she got in response was condemnation.Anthea Turner’s only legacy will be as a national embarrassment.
Alleged shoplifter and ‘modern day Dorian Gray’ Richard Madeley attempts to convince ‘Mirror’ readers that his relationship with alleged old soak ‘mummy’ Judy Finnigan is “normal”
In a feature titled “Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan’s heartbreaks – affair, baby loss and health battles” by ‘showbiz features writer’ Frances Kindon, no mention was made of Madeley’s possible penchant for helping himself in supermarkets, but instead the focus was on how the couple first met.
Of an epic encounter that led to “the most solid union in showbiz,” Kindon gloriously remarked: “Their paths first crossed in a newsroom back in 1982 when Judy, 72, was asked to mentor a younger Richard, 64, and greeted him with the words, ‘Hello… I’m your Mummy’” before then adding that their own daughter finds “the amount of time they spend together is not normal.”
Elsewhere in the puff piece, Kindon reveled in ‘Dick and Dude’s’ “natural chemistry” and celebrated their “whole lot of red-hot chemistry” and positions as “the nation’s favourites.” She referenced “hurtful rumours” about them and then even allowed “sexual oversharer” Madeley to give a riposte. In it, he remarked:
“We’d gone away for a week to Cornwall with our children, and the mobile went in the car.”
“It was our bosses at Granada saying a terrible rumour was being put around that you’re in a self-help institution for men who batter their wives because you’ve beaten Judy, that Judy’s in a drying-out clinic and that the children are in care. We were in the f**king car.”
“We tracked it to the source… A particularly poisonous person. He’d leaked these smears and they were never published because we would have cleaned up in a libel case. But the one thing that lingered like a piece of floating sewage is this thing that Judy drinks. And she doesn’t.”
“I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent.”
Of women
“I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I’ve never met her.”
On elephants
“So, are you telling me elephants are not born evil?”
To a man crying after paramedics saved his life
“Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!”
Of old women skipping
“There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”
Of wanting to be black
“I hope when I’m reincarnated I come back black because you age better.”
To Keira Knightley
“Can we get some make up please, get Keira looking like a crack whore, she’d make a good crack whore.”
Of an autistic teenager
“The thing with Daniel [Wakeford, a ‘star’ on Channel 4’s Undateables] is, he has autism but is very intelligent and as we can see extremely talented. Has Daniel always been autistic?”
To a caller
“I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is it a boy or a girl?”
Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan) – Judy Finnigan is best known for quaffing, flashing her boobs and falling off sofas. In October 2014, she inexcusably defended footballer turned convicted rapist by saying: “The rape wasn’t violent… He didn’t cause any bodily harm to the person.” Of his victim, she hypocritically then added: “She had far too much to drink.”
Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan) – Whilst ‘Dorian Gray-esque’ Richard Madeley is best known for helping himself to champagne in supermarkets, his wife Judy Finnigan will be forever remembered for flashing at an awards ceremony in 2000.
