The Steeple Times

Tag: vain

  • Shifty Job Killer

    Shifty Job Killer

    ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s legacy now should be just one thing; this beached whale billionaire should go down in history as a job killer

    Megalomaniac Robert Maxwell notoriously liked to pee off the top of his headquarters onto innocent members of the public below. He supposedly believed this made him ‘better’ than them and equally, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s late papa is said to have held court with the lavatory door open so as to ensure his audience heard him ‘evacuate.’

     

    Other common traits amongst lunatics of this type include extreme vanity and just as a photograph emerged of ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green with his arms crossed attempting to look like a tyrannical dictator, it can now actually be simply concluded that this bloated billionaire will actually just go down in history as a jackass job killer.

     

    This morning, whilst the majority of the mainstream media shamefully simply passed this shocking story by, the Mirror revealed that the Boohoo ‘deal’ to buy Dorothy Perkins, Wallis and Burton from Green’s failed Arcadia Group will immediately cost 7,450 jobs on top of 2,000 already made redundant.

     

    Whilst slobbish ‘Sir Shifty’ and his title-obsessed wastrel wazzock wife ‘Lady Greed’ wallow in luxury and spray champagne on their £100 million superyacht, that’s 7,450 more people and their families who are on their way to penury.

     

    In total between Debenhams and Arcadia, the Mirror added “up to 25,000 retail jobs have either gone or at risk” and whilst “Green wanted to turn Topshop into a global phenomenon, hiring Kate Moss to front a collection,” it is now time that Boris Johnson manned up and did the right thing: All that remains is to strip job killer Sir Philip Green of his knighthood.

     

    Join the nigh on 300,000 people who’ve signed the Change.org petition to demand Sir Philip Green by stripped of his knighthood by clicking here.

     

    Pictured top: A portrait of job killer and recent recipient of a £50 million personal pay day Sir Philip Green by Jake Walters who, of it, tweeted: “Taken on his Arcadia office balcony on Oxford Street. He was unpleasant and to me and my assistant when we arrived to photograph him so, I thought… Well if it’s OK for you to act like a prick, it must be OK to make you look like one. So, I did.”

     

    Shifty Job Killer – Sir Philip Green’s real legacy: 25,000 jobless – ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s legacy now should be just one thing; this beached whale billionaire should go down in history as a job killer.
    Shifty Job Killer – In September 2016, legendary actor, writer and producer Steven Berkoff commented of Sir Philip Green: “I can see Sir Shifty in the dock: A perfect Capone; think about it Phil” in an article for ‘The Steeple Times.’
    Shifty Job Killer – Sir Philip Green’s real legacy: 25,000 jobless – ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s legacy now should be just one thing; this beached whale billionaire should go down in history as a job killer.
    Shifty Job Killer – Whilst being a tubby twerp himself, in October 2018, the ‘Daily Mail’ reported that Sir Philip Green had “bullied” the PA of his “best friend” Richard Desmond and called her a “fat, Geordie c*nt.” At the time, Samantha Watson commented: “He is probably the worst person I have ever met, and was just so rude and obnoxious. He would phone in and if I was even a millisecond late in transferring the call he would call me every name under the sun… He was a greasy little squirt with his big belly sticking through his shirt buttons.”
  • Heroine of the Hour – Lorraine Kelly

    Heroine of the Hour – Lorraine Kelly

    In suggesting obese people slim to avoid death by coronavirus Lorraine Kelly is spot on; she’s also right about Harry and MeGain

    The ‘Queen of Gorbals Gobbledygook’ that is Lorraine Kelly OBE has struck again. In her column in The Sun today, this “gritty heroine of our times” spoke for the nation in announcing: “Telling obese people to slim is no insult.”

     

    Quite correctly pointing out the obvious in stating: “This awful coronavirus is far deadlier to those who are overweight,” this “gritty heroine of our times” has yet again shown herself to be a lady of metal rather than a fluffy friend of the vain and the vacuous.

     

    Completely the opposite of daytime dimwits like ‘Verging on Vile’ Vanessa Feltz (whom could most definitely do with losing a few pounds herself) and the ‘Daytime David Icke’ 5G conspiracy theorist Eamonn Holmes in her approach, Ms. Kelly did not seek to “fat shame,” but instead shared her own experiences and offered solutions rather than highlighting problems.

     

    “This is not about going on a stupid faddy diet,” cautioned the Glasgow born presenter before adding: “It’s all about a lifestyle change and doing exercise you enjoy. My advice, which is hard-earned over the years, is not to have too much unhealthy food in the house, especially right now in lockdown when it’s so easy to sit watching TV while guzzling whole packets of biscuits. If you don’t buy the junk, you won’t be able to gorge on it. That’s not to say you can’t have a treat. You can. Just don’t eat a whole plus-sized bag of Maltesers or only leave a few Hobnobs in the biscuit tin.”

     

    Concluding on this particular topic, Ms. Kelly remarked: “I wish you luck” before turning to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Of this tedious duo she stated:

     

    “I’m confused. Harry and Meghan demand privacy and are suing a Sunday newspaper to ensure they are left alone… They want to have as normal a life as possible… And yet… They have moved to Los Angeles, the very hub of celebrity culture.”

     

    Here, Lorraine Kelly highlights a pair not in need of “luck” since they’ve already burnt through plenty of that. Instead, ‘Hapless Harry’ and ‘Mendacious MeGain’ just need lobotomies and one-way tickets to nowhere.

     

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  • Overheard – 10th April 2020

    Overheard – 10th April 2020

    Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ – including a return of the best interviewee of the 2019 General election, Pat “I object to everything” Mountain

    Back to Basics

    “In two months, all the Instamodels will be prostitutes and all the Instapreneurs will be criminals. Just like the old days” – A fair analysis posted on Instagram by @OverheardLondon.

     

    How Suitably Existential

    In the Evening Standard: “Alexa Chung said: ‘Since all we can do is pretend, I thought I’d dress as a mime.’” Is there nothing this petulant pest won’t do to get attention?

     

    Carrier Bag Distancing

    From the ‘Overheard in Waitrose (The Original Group)’ on Facebook: “When shopping in Waitrose, ensure others shoppers stay the recommended two metres away by taking a Lidl carrier bag with you.”

     

    Jared’s A Doll

    American comedian Kathy Griffin on Donald Trump’s nefarious son-in-law Jared Kushner on Twitter: “Looks like a blowup doll nobody wants to f**k.”

     

    Cheery Mountains

    A Twitter user going by the name of @_teletext to Adam Boulton of Sky News: “Hi Adam. Can you get Pat Mountain back on Sky News for a chat? I think we all could do with cheering up. Cheers, pal.” As the old bat’s likely quarantined for everyone else’s safety for “coronavirus and beyond,” we again share ‘Nan From Catherine Tate’s-lookalike’s’ interview below. Please, please don’t die crying (with laughter).

     

    Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

     

    Pictured top: The “I object to everything” expert on Brexit, feminism, immigrants, “people jumping out of the shadows at night,” racism and “other racist parties,” religion, the “predicament” of Tommy Robinson and just about all else that isn’t milk bottle white, the great “left-behind realist” who “won’t be entering number 10 Downing Street anytime soon” Pat Mountain.

     

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    Overheard – 10th April 2020 – Amusing clangers and snippets – Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ – including a return of the best interviewee of the 2019 General election, Pat “I object to everything” Mountain.
    Mime or Wine? (We know which we’d rather) – Whilst Alexa Chung’s attempt at humour was, as can always be expected of such a tedious wench, a failure (left), this old lady made many laugh in the Facebook chattering spot ‘Overheard in Waitrose (The Original Group).’
    Overheard – 10th April 2020 – Amusing clangers and snippets – Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ – including a return of the best interviewee of the 2019 General election, Pat “I object to everything” Mountain.
    Kushner Gets Sexual – Comedian Kathy Griffin doesn’t exactly hold back when expressing her thoughts about the appearance of Jared Kushner.
  • Cash, Rocket and a Madam

    Cash, Rocket and a Madam

    Why won’t the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ answer a simple question about their past participant, the madam to a paedophile Ghislaine Maxwell?

    Last year, prior to disappearing off the face of the planet in the wake of the Jeffrey Epstein-Prince Andrew scandal, Ghislaine Maxwell participated in the Cash & Rocket London-Monte Carlo ‘charity’ car rally in an Alfa Romeo.

     

    Featuring a selection of the vain and the vacuous, amongst them  Chloe Green – daughter of the alleged abuser and “cross between Al Capone and Shylock” Sir Philip Green – and self-declared “hey ho, I can’t help if they think I’m fabulous” Caroline Stanbury, this “marketing platform” founded by Julie Brangstrup meaninglessly claims to “unite us all through female empowerment and solidarity.”

     

    Last week, when Cash & Rocket posted on Instagram about their next rally, we quite reasonably asked: “Will Ghislaine Maxwell be attending?” We received no response and so when they posted about their International Women’s Day lunch, we posed the same again. An answer, no doubt, will be as likely as finding ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ daughter riding Shergar the racehorse off into the sunset with Elvis Presley.

     

    Pictured top: Ghislaine Maxwell and the Alfa Romeo that she co-drove in the 2019 Cash & Rocket rally with Annette Mason, wife of the Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason.

     

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    Cash, Rocket and a Madam – Why won’t the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ answer a simple question about their past participant, the madam to a paedophile Ghislaine Maxwell? Will Ghislaine Maxwell be participating this year?
    The Steeple Times asked Cash & Rocket (twice): “Will Ghislaine Maxwell be attending?” of their events in 2020. We have yet to receive any form of response.
    Cash, Rocket and a Madam – Why won’t the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ answer a simple question about their past participant, the madam to a paedophile Ghislaine Maxwell? Will Ghislaine Maxwell be participating this year?
    Ghislaine Maxwell participated in the 2019 Cash & Rocket London-Monte Carlo rally. The ‘charity’s’ website no longer features mention of ‘Captain Bob’s’ daughter, but previously showed an image of her alongside Annette Mason as entrants. It seems that they raise nothing.
    Cash, Rocket and a Madam – Why won’t the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ answer a simple question about their past participant, the madam to a paedophile Ghislaine Maxwell? Will Ghislaine Maxwell be participating this year?
    Ghislaine Maxwell was pictured at the Wellington Arch at Hyde Park Corner at the 2019 Cash & Rocket rally launch event. She wore sunglasses to no doubt hide herself. It is one of the last images of her in over a year now.
  • The Affair That Never Was

    The Affair That Never Was

    As the Mail Online makes yet another balls-up, The Steeple Times suggests that Lord Rothermere hire a decent copy checker

     

    As was the case with the amazing yet surprisingly true story of The Man Who Never Was and his affair with the woman who ultimately became the inspiration for Ian Fleming’s Bond character Miss Moneypenny, last night the Mail Online created a similarly ridiculous work of fiction by mistakenly changing a few letters in one of their main news items.

     

    In the first edition of a header for an article about a star who’d taken to the dating app Bumble to “seek someone who isn’t uptight,” the paper falsely suggested that the somewhat drippy adventurer turned television presenter Ben Fogle was divorcing a woman (a singer and ‘Hottest Female 2009’ named Una Healey) who isn’t even his wife and having an affair with another (an until now unknown PR woman named Becky Milne) he’s unlikely never met also. Instead, they meant to reference a somewhat vain rugby player who likes to get his kit off for photoshoots called Ben Foden but somehow got the surnames mixed up.

     

    Though errors happen at all levels, the Daily Mail – a paper that is part of a company with a revenue of nearly £2 billion annually and a vast staff of around 10,000 globally – could surely do better. This was not a story that was run on Page 54 in the graveyard section, but one that they have plastered as headline news and run as story number one online also.

     

    We may well be living in the era of hashtags and fake news and are certainly currently in August’s ‘silly season’, but come on Lord Rothermere – employ yourself a bloody half-decent copy checker.

     

    Pictured top: Rugby player Ben Foden (left) supposedly embarked on a relationship with PR woman Becky Milne (second left) whilst still married to ‘The Saturdays’ singer Una Healy (second from right); television presenter Ben Fogle was mistakenly brought into the mix by a rather ineffectual ‘Mail Online’ copy checker.

     

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    The Affair That Never Was – Ben Fogle, Ben Foden and the Daily Mail – As the Mail Online makes yet another balls-up, The Steeple Times suggests that Lord Rothermere hire a decent copy checker – Rugby player Ben Foden supposedly embarked on a relationship with PR woman Becky Milne whilst still married to ‘The Saturday’s’ singer Una Healy; television presenter Ben Fogle was mistakenly brought into the mix by a rather ineffectual ‘Mail Online’ copychecker – The story of The Man Who Never Was was inspired by an incident involving Dame Paddy Ridsdale, Ian Fleming’s secretary and later the inspiration for the Bond character Miss Moneypeny, during the Second World War
    The Daily Mail’s first header to the story began “Ben Fogle” (left) whilst later they were forced to amend it to the correct name: “Ben Foden”; surprisingly this mistake was made in a story that they ran as their number one headline on the Mail Online.

    The Affair That Never Was – Ben Fogle, Ben Foden and the Daily Mail – As the Mail Online makes yet another balls-up, The Steeple Times suggests that Lord Rothermere hire a decent copy checker – Rugby player Ben Foden supposedly embarked on a relationship with PR woman Becky Milne whilst still married to ‘The Saturday’s’ singer Una Healy; television presenter Ben Fogle was mistakenly brought into the mix by a rather ineffectual ‘Mail Online’ copychecker – The story of The Man Who Never Was was inspired by an incident involving Dame Paddy Ridsdale, Ian Fleming’s secretary and later the inspiration for the Bond character Miss Moneypeny, during the Second World War
    The acclaimed 1956 film ‘The Man Who Never Was’ was based on the true story of a British attempt to trick the Germans into weakening Sicily’s defenses before their 1943 attack there, using a dead man with faked papers. The late Dame Paddy Ridsdale, at one time Ian Fleming’s secretary and the inspiration for the Bond character Miss Moneypenny, formed part of the plot and pretended to be having an affair with the aforementioned dead man in order to aid the deception.

  • Adam Marchment (AKA ‘Man on the Run’ and ‘The Marchment Man’)

    Adam Marchment (AKA ‘Man on the Run’ and ‘The Marchment Man’)

    Vile paedophile and rapist Adam Marchment is a scumbag with no remorse for the crimes he committed but one also of the belief that he is “getting ripped off” over the food he has to buy in jail. Sentenced to ten years in 2016 for attacks on a 14 and a 15 year old, this extra virgin olive loving jailbird wrote in prisoners’ magazine Inside Time in November 2017: “I’m really starting to get frustrated by Her Majesty’s Prison and Probation Service… Prisoners have access to the outside world and will question the utter rubbish they try to feed us.” Let this tattooed monster – who named himself ‘Man on the Run’ whilst breaching his license conditions for over 37 days in October 2014 – eat porridge!

     

     

  • United in Plastic

    United in Plastic

    ‘Bride of Wildenstein’ Jocelyn Wildenstein reunites with her lover Lloyd Klein; the plastic faced couple will marry at some point in the future

     

    Yesterday, the world’s ugliest woman announced she is to marry the world’s vainest man in an exclusive feature in the DailyMail.com.

     

    According to the paper, Jocelyn Wildenstein – a New York based billionairess by divorce commonly known as the ‘Bride of Wildenstein’ and ‘Catwoman’ due to her hideous feline-like face – will not actually marry her on-off fashion designer boyfriend, Lloyd Klein, until next year and also revealed: “You never know if you’re ready for a relationship.”

     

    In the frankly ghastly interview with someone named Ben Ashford, Klein – whose startled looks also are also no doubt the result of a few visits to surgeons and scalpels – declared he himself designed the multi-million dollar 32-carat diamond ring he gave to Wildenstein and revealed he gave it to her at the Miami home where Gianni Versace was murdered on the twentieth anniversary of his death last month. He commented: “I said: ‘Jocelyn this was the day Versace died and this the day we will live.’”

     

    Pictured above: Jocelyn Wildenstein looking her normal scary self and Lloyd Klein after he had his now fiancée’s fingers dug into his skin.

     

  • Hannah, Soleil and Winter Strafford-Taylor

    Hannah, Soleil and Winter Strafford-Taylor

    Narcissist and “yummy mummy” Hannah Strafford-Taylor describes herself as “Instagram’s most stylish mum” to her 8,600 followers. Mocked as a “plastic clichéd fool using her bizarrely named daughters [Soleil and Winter] as accessories”, Mrs Strafford-Taylor told the Mail Online: “My husband says I have my own unique currency of holidays. I compare everything to the price of a holiday. My favourite place in the world is the Maldives” in January 2017. Of her one commentator remarked: “Well, she loves herself a bit too much” whilst another concluded: “Another bragging Brit, we can all do that”.

     

  • Overheard – 12th April

    Overheard – 12th April

    Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ (more…)

  • Overheard – 1st March

    Overheard – 1st March

    Clangers overheard by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’ (more…)