Though never a cross word was uttered between this duo during their visits to the sadly now defunct Chelsea restaurant La Brasserie, their dislike of what they perceived as “loud music” (and other forms of noise) made them retreat to a quiet corner. Known to occasionally ‘share’ a cocktail – though firm believers in “one between two will do” – ‘The Cross Word (or Crossword) Couple’ enjoy puzzles but intensely dislike pointless chit-chat. Cross them at your peril.
Tag: tipple
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Shopping with Pun
Party-loving David Pun finds fame in Queensway’s Food Basics Oriental Superstore for all the wrong reasons; for him, it’s a far cry from Harvey Nicks
David Pun is well known on London’s party scene and for the claims he makes about his connections to the families that own Harvey Nichols and The Peninsula Hotels. Like fellow liggers Sandra Shevey and Dennis Doble, he’s extremely partial to a gift bag but now, it seems, he’s achieved fame at the Food Basics Oriental Superstore in Queensway, W2 also.
Spotted by a reader on Sunday, Mr Pun features in a picture montage on a wall of the shop in images taken from the supermarket’s CCTV footage.
When asked why the pictures were there, a worker remarked: “Shoplifting happens a lot here” but declined to comment on exactly what the assorted selection of visitors had been helping themselves to.
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Boozy Birds
Northumbria revealed to be the county with the highest number of fines for women being drunk and disorderly for second year in a row
On Sunday, the Daily Star revealed “Northumbria has the highest number of women getting police penalties for their out-of-control behaviour”.
In an article by the paper’s Matthew Davis, it was reported that 359 misbehaviour £80 fines were handed to women in the area for being drunk and disorderly in 2015 and 27 of these went to teenage women.
In response, a police officer pointed to women being “just as bad” as men and remarked:
“Women can be just as bad if not worse than blokes now when it comes to their late-night drunken behaviour. People might laugh at the pictures of women half-naked, lying across the pavement, paralytic from booze. But it isn’t funny and can end up having serious consequences for the person concerned”.
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Basically Brilliant
Firezza’s first “proper restaurant” in Dean Street, Soho offers gourmet pizza by-the-metre at remarkably reasonable prices; it is a must visit
Edin Basic can be credited with changing the way Brits order pizza. Prior to his arrival in London from war torn Bosnia some twenty-five years ago, home delivered pizza was – if it ever arrived – greasy, cold and pretty unimaginative.
Replacing ham and pineapple as the most exotic thing on the menu with an aim to “create the best pizza in the world”, Mr Basic travelled to Naples, learnt from the best and brought his vision to West London. In 2001, Firezza was born and in the years that followed he built up a 17-site business that was sold to Pizza Express in 2016. He is still part of the operation and is currently expanding the business nationwide and, with a few twists, into China also.
On Wednesday this week, Basic’s journey took a new turn when Firezza opened their first “proper restaurant” in Dean Street, Soho. Featuring the by-the-metre, fire-baked gourmet pizza that customers of the firm’s delivery service have so-loved for nearly two decades, this anything but fussy venue served around 800 on its first day but was still able to provide quality at affordable prices.
Ranging from a margherita for just £5.95 through to a capricciosa for £7.65, Firezza Dean Street is a restaurant that won’t break the bank but equally won’t disappoint. Aside from the freshest ingredients, with an open kitchen and a stunning space pod like Marana Forni pizza oven, watching the chefs work is akin to a ballet performance. Perfectly organised and planned to ensure pizza-to-table in around five minutes, Basic’s team are efficiency to the tee.
House red and house white wines are also perfectly quaffable but, as my companion waxed lyrical all the way home, it’s the cannolo that’ll bring you back again and again. Three of these Sicilian delights will set you back just £2.50.
Firezza, 22 – 25 Dean Street, London, W1D 3RY. Open Sunday to Thursday from 10am until 12 midnight; open Friday and Saturday 10am until 1am.
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Overheard – 8th April
Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’
Candy Knockers
At Scalini in Knightsbridge, two brash housebuilders from Essex sat devouring veal chops. One referenced his idols and observed: “The Candy brothers have a brilliant setup. They are like the Peter Stringfellows of property”. The other looked puzzled but the first continued: “They’ve got properties that sell as well as Katie Price’s knockers. What assets! Value for money? I don’t know. But, impressive? Hell yeah!” Try telling that to Mark Holyoake.
You’ve Got That Sinking Feeling
The same duo moved on to talking about their respective staff. The louder of the two offered his thoughts: “I’m so proud of Ray. He’s like the Titanic. He’s like the best ship in the world. Not because it sank but because it was the best ship in the world”. The other opined: “It still f**king sank and Ray will still f**king sink too”. All that was needed next was for My Heart Will Go On to play.
Housing the Godly
Two priests were spotted drinking Bloody Marys at the bar at PJ’s on Fulham Road. The first remarked: “I never quite manage to get given houses”. The second answered: “Shocking, isn’t it? I look through Country Life each week and I think: ‘All I get given each week is Communion wine’”.
Partying with a 4×4
A group of ladies gathered in the garden at Chiltern Firehouse after a hard day’s shopping in Selfridges. As they discussed an impending party an absent ‘friend’ was due to host, one Pucci clad creature shared her thoughts. She commented: “It’s not a party. They’re telling porkie pies. They’re just having it to show off that new Range Rover they’ve just bought. I bet they’ll block the bloody drive with it”. Miaow!
An Iggy Hangover
“My worst hangover was when I drank three bottles of champagne” remarked a passenger on the 14 bus. “Why?” asked her friend. “Because I had to take three days off work and because I thought I was Iggy Pop for two of them”.
Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.
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Booze Bashed By Brexit
Spirits brands hike prices by upto 16% and blame Brexit for increasing their supply-side costs
Drink loving Brexiteers may have cause to reconsider their enthusiasm for Britain leaving the EU.
Since last year’s referendum, the price of vodka has risen 5% on average whilst gin is up 3%. Bombay Sapphire has hiked its price by 16% to £24.20 for a litre bottle according to The Grocer and many other brands have followed suit.
Worldwide co-leader in the wine and spirits sector Pernod Ricard blamed the increases on supply-side costs rising due to Brexit whilst The Wine and Spirit Trading Association added that the Chancellor, Philip Hammond, has added to the industry’s woes and created “a tough trading environment”.
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Overheard – 31st March
Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’
Ferry & Yah
A PR maven at the Chiltern Firehouse loudly spoke into her mobile. She speedily told the person at the other end of the line: “Bryan Ferry is amazing. Yah. Super yah… I saw his son in 5 Hertford Street. That was a triple yah… Becks and I had such a laugh coming up in the car. That was a yah, a cheers and yah… I didn’t try and talk to Bryan Ferry’s son. That wouldn’t be a yah”. She put the phone down, quaffed her cocktail and dialled her next yah-ing victim.
Milton to Walton
At the bar of The Enterprise in Walton Street, Chelsea, a chubby woman from the Midlands summoned a waitress. She exclaimed: “I want a table now. Outside. This is war. I want one now. Who do those bloody people sat there think they are? We’ve come all the way from Milton Keynes”. Another customer mumbled: “We’d rather you go back there”.
Storming Doris
“What is it with these storms?” asked a middle-aged estate agent at the bar of the since closed restaurant La Brasserie in Brompton Road, SW3. His equally bright friend answered: “Storm Doris: I thought it was a terrorist incident”.
Blairing Blackpool
At lunch at Sexy Fish in Berkeley Square, W1, a pair of businessmen debated their worst ever mistakes. The winner? “I paid £1,500 to meet Tony Blair’s son for lunch once. What a waste. I wish I’d bought a flight to Blackpool instead”.
A Need for Pecorino
“Pecorino, I need some Pecorino”, remarked a woman with an expensive looking pram in a deli in Marylebone. An elderly gent tapped her on the shoulder and asked: “Who do you and your kid think you are? Wallace and Bloody Gromit?”
The Richness of Wholefoods
On Facebook, Matthew Cranwell posted: “When I see a rich bitch in Wholefoods, I pretend I need help and ask: ‘Excuse me, do you work here?’ Just to keep things real”.
Submit comments you hear to [email protected]. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.
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The Loss of La Bras
The closure of La Brasserie in Chelsea should send a signal to greedy landlords; their avarice is killing London
There are restaurants that come and go and there are ones that become institutions. La Brasserie fell into the second category but sadly, yesterday, after 45 years in business, this popular dining spot closed its doors for the very last time.
A great loss to the neighbourhood and a firm favourite of everyone from Mary Quant to Mickey Rourke, this Brompton Road restaurant and bar was considered a home-from-home by its loyal staff and rambunctious regulars. Never did one pass through its doors without encountering a plethora of familiar faces and never did one leave without having been part of something akin to an episode of Cheers.
Opened originally in 1972 and run by its charming and able proprietor Peter Godwin since 1972, the sad demise of ‘La Bras’ (as it was endearingly known) came about after a six figure rent increase resulted in continued trading being utterly unsustainable. Joining many other restaurants in the area to have departed – including Elistano on Elystan Street, Itsu on Draycott Avenue, Poissonnerie on Sloane Avenue and Toto’s on Walton Street – soaring business rates did not help either but one can certainly attribute far more blame to the not-so-charitable landlords grasping to achieve an extra buck.
In a statement, issued via Facebook on Wednesday morning, a representative for La Brasserie remarked:
Peter Godwin the proprietor of La Brasserie, announces with deep regret the closure of the restaurant after 45 years, due to insurmountable increases in overheads and operating costs.
Peter would like to thank all the wonderful hard working staff, many of whom have worked here for over 20 years and have become a real family. He would especially like to thank his right hand man for 42 years Majid Barka, he says he could not have done it without him. He would also like to thank the fabulous management team, Suzie Cooke, Ross Armitage, Cesar Salinas, Carlos Marques, Elodie Bourges, Juan Lousada and Anna Milescu . Also the fantastic team Jose Dantes, Angelo Saavedra, Teodosio Candeias, Manuel Nascimento, Juan Carlos Moreno, Maria Hernandez, Anca Stroia, Edyta Grzesik, Ferran Rodriques, Alessandro Mazziotto, Alhaji Kanu, Anastasios Andreadis, Carlos Teotonio, Hasmik Gevorgyan, Iveta Sudova, Karla Pestana de Barros, Manon Fouquet, Marion Vialle and Monica Cassiano. Last but definitely not least our amazing kitchen team, Head Chef Jamie Smith, Christian Cheregi, Antonio Filipe, Jose Marquez (Pepe), Alexandro Fratini, Desmond Cowan, Jason Whiskey, Jonathan Lincango, Kwacu Owusu, Leopaldo Alvarado, Nanis Dimitrakis, Salar Samyani, Silviu Manole and Stephan Mendes.
It’s a huge disappointment that we had to close, but we have exhausted all possible options to remain in operation. Thank you for all your support, we have enjoyed 45 years of trading and serving you, our customers. As you well know, you have become our friends and extended family. We hope you and your family have enjoyed it as much as we have and we wish you all the best for your future.
Please forgive us and remember the good times!
Peter and all the team at La Brasserie.
Of this sad development, Matthew Steeples, editor of The Steeple Times, commented:
“Chelsea’s character is being torn from its soul by greedy commercial property owners wanting to replace long established businesses with chain stores and luxury goods brands as they believe they’ll pay higher rents”.
“Given the number of empty shops and restaurants peppering the locality, however, the strategy of landlords is plainly not working. These charlatans are killing the area and all that will soon be left is a near empty money park”.
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Dine With Donald
Matthew Steeples suggests readers reject Donald Trump’s desperate plugs for an opportunity to win dinner with his own very sorry self
In the past twenty-four hours I’ve received four messages begging me to buy my way in to being in with a chance of winning a dinner with Donald Trump on Tuesday 21st March in Washington, D.C.
In the series of email missives, ‘The Donald’s’ representative boast that the winner of this “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” will get to “attend the annual March dinner for FREE”. They list the benefits and amongst them are:
A trip to D.C.: FREE
A stay in TRUMP Hotel: FREE
A dinner with President Trump: PRICELESS
Though “making a contribution does not increase your chances of winning” nor likely your time getting to share “alternative facts” with Kellyanne Conway, entrants are urged to donate $10 to get one entry, $20 to get 4 entries, $50 to get 10 entries or $100 to get 50 entries. Whoever wins will be “President Trump’s guests of honor [sic] at the BIGGEST Republican event of the year”. Lucky them.
In London, a manager of a Chelsea restaurant, on hearing of the “opportunity” to share an over-cooked steak topped with ketchup with the 45th POTUS, remarked: “I’d rather go with one of the local tramps than dine with that old mutt”.
An embarrassed American, sat nearby, laughed and added: “I’d rather eat wasps, nails and paving stones”.
If you really do desire an evening with a lunatic, click here to be in with a chance to win dinner with Donald Trump.
Twitter: @M_Steeples
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Cooking-Up a Cock-Up
As Donald Trump is criticised for dousing over-cooked steak in ketchup, we take a look at Theresa May’s preference for dining at the favourite restaurant of a paedophile and her lack of interest in the “absolutely meticulously” recipes of Delia Smith
In 2008, Theresa May told The Guardian: “I’ve knocked on Rolf Harris’s door and asked for his vote” and in the very same article the now Prime Minister also cited the since jailed paedophile’s favourite restaurant, Maliks Tandoori House in Cookham, Berkshire, as her own hangout of choice too.
The dining habits of top-drawer politicians came under scrutiny again earlier this week when Town & Country’s Sam Dangremond analysed Donald Trump’s preference for eating well-done steaks topped with ketchup. The 45th POTUS supposedly likes his meat to “rock on the plate” (according to his former butler) but in Britain, our somewhat clueless leader’s food choices are a little more specific.
Aside from loving Indian cuisine and her eponymous “red, white and blue Brexit”, Mrs May is a woman with a preference for a no doubt red, white (but not so blue) Kit Kat and recipes from the cookbooks of the throttled ex-wife of Charles Saatchi, ‘Highgella’ Lawson. In 2008, she remarked: “The other day I did a Nigella recipe for a mustard-and-caper sauce on purple-sprouting broccoli”.
The vicar’s daughter, it transpires, does not have Delia Smith’s books in her kitchen, however. Why? Not because the cook-turned-football-club-chairwoman is generally utterly smashed most of the time, but due to the fact she’s “absolutely meticulous”. The character of the government of Mrs May, thus, could be revealed in a cookbook; its title would no doubt be A Total & Utterly Unmeticulous Cock-Up.
Malik Ahmed with Theresa May 
Rolf Harris with Alwyn Hughes and Malik Ahmed 
A cartoon by Rolf Harris for Maliks restaurant 
Donald Trump eating