Tag: The Archers

  • Word of the Week 2022 – ‘Quafftide’ – A Drinker’s Delight

    Word of the Week 2022 – ‘Quafftide’ – A Drinker’s Delight

    A 16th century word – ‘quafftide’ – announcing that “it’s time for a drink” is something that should be added to the vocabulary of every single household in the land

    Though puritans and bores object to those that like a tipple, the wonderfully wise sage that is Susie Dent – AKA ‘That Woman in Dictionary Corner’ – did it again yesterday when she shared a “one-word announcement that [means] it’s time for a drink” on her Twitter account.

     

    That word was “quafftide” and we urge you all say “cheers to that” and to add it to your daily vocabulary. After all, it’s always quafftide wherever and whenever you jolly well want it to be.

     

    Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.

     

    Susie Dent
    The gin swigging Lillian Bellamy – the character played by the delightfully sunny Sunny Ormonde in the long-running BBC Radio 4 drama series ‘The Archers’ – brings joy wherever she goes and is a reminder than gin doesn’t actually make anyone depressed. If you want joy, pour yourself a stiff G&T and yell out: “It’s quafftide.”
    Adrian Chiles drinking
    Television presenter Adrian Chiles is right to have lamented the overuse of the tedious “drink responsibly” mantra forced upon us. He quite rightly responded by embracing “quafftide” and by having another measure.
    Iris Apgel drinking
    Iris Apfel is 101-years-old and she hasn’t yet stopped drinking. We say: “Cheers to her and cheers to that.”

    Great Drinking Phrases

    “If you can’t have one at eleven, have eleven at one.”

     

    “Down the hatch, round the gums, look out Tommy, here it comes.”

     

    “Time is only for the middle classes.”

     

    “It must be 6pm somewhere in the world.”

     

    “They say: ‘No wine before nine,’ but they don’t specify am or pm.”

     

    “Any day, anytime, anywhere.”

     

    Wise Drinking Advice

    “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission.”

    BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ presenter Anita Rani on home-schooling parents during the January 2021 lockdown.

     

    “[Alcohol is] the only drug you do not have to apologise for taking… [I] associate drinking with friendship and good times… The advice to ‘drink responsibly’ is the world’s most boring phrase.”

    BBC presenter Adrian Chiles on drinking during lockdowns.

     

    “Every Friday in lockdown, my neighbour has left a delicious gin and tonic at my front door. Beats tinned tomatoes hands down.”

    Madeline Glancy of Prestwich, Lancashire in a letter to ‘The Telegraph’ in May 2020.

     

    Wise Words About Gin

    “Let the evening beGIN!”

    Anon.

     

    “I don’t know what reception I’m at, but for God’s sake, give me a gin and tonic.”

    The well-known gin lover and husband of Margaret Thatcher, Denis Thatcher.

     

    “Life is too short for single gins.”

    Anon.

     

    “Red meat and gin.”

    America’s answer to Keith Floyd, Julia Child, on the reason for her longevity.

     

    “I love water, especially when it’s frozen and surrounded by gin.”

    Anon.

     

    “Myself, I’m a fan of the gin without the tonic. Why on God’s great earth would you want to water down such masterpiece?”

    Reader of ‘The Steeple Times’ ‘The Stray Cat.’

     

    “I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”

    American actor and comedian W. C. Fields.

     

    “Gin-drinking is a great vice in England, but wretchedness and dirt are a greater [vice].”

    Charles Dickens, ‘Sketches’ (1836).

     

    “When life gives you juniper, make gin!”

    Holistic health author Laurie Buchanan.

     

    “Don’t cry over spilt milk, it could’ve been gin.”

    Anon.

     

    Night school tutor: “Write a horror story in six words.” Student: “I-have-run-out-of-gin.”

    Anon.

     

    “A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.”

    Noël Coward.

     

    “The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory; it is one of the happiest marriages on earth, and one of the shortest lived.”

    American historian Bernard DeVoto.

     

    “The gin and tonic has saved more Englishmen’s lives, and minds, than all the doctors in the Empire.”

    Winston Churchill.

     

    “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”

    Humphrey Bogart as Rick in ‘Casablanca’ (1942).

     

    “Gym? I thought you said: ‘Gin.’”

    Anon.

     

    “The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.”

    Comedian Phyllis Diller.

     

    “Stop saying I’m hard to buy for… You know where the gin aisle is.”

    Anon.

     

    “Gin drinkers are sassy, classy and just a little smart assy.”

    Anon.

     

    “You’d learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.”

    American radio personality Garrison Keillor.

     

    “Fortunately, there is gin, the sole glimmer in this darkness. Do you feel the golden, copper-coloured light it kindles in you? I like walking through the city of an evening in the warmth of gin.”

    French philosopher and journalist Albert Camus.

     

    “I tried to say no to gin… But it’s 40% stronger than me”

    Anon.

     

    “I’ll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.”

    Dr. Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H.

     

    “Things, since you left, have not gone well with me: they have taken me from a place where there was gin to a place where there is no gin.”

    British barrister and detective story author Sarah Cockburn (pseudonym Sarah Caudwell).

     

    “According to chemists, gin IS a solution.”

    Anon.

     

    “Gin is not A solution. It is always THE solution.”

    Reader of ‘The Steeple Times’ Shaun Keaveny.

     

    “Gin and drugs, dear lady, gin and drugs.”

    The reply of T. S. Eliot when asked about inspiration.

     

    “It’s always gin o’clock.”

    Anon.

     

  • An English McMansion Monstrosity

    An English McMansion Monstrosity

    Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s a monstrosity and beyond gaudy

    Somewhat generously described as “Cheshire’s most flamboyant home” by the Manchester Evening News in December 2019 and as a place where BBC Wales Sports Personality 1980 turned VAT fraudster Duncan Evans for a time “lived the life of a country squire,” Deansgreen Hall in Lymm, Cheshire has been on the market for £6 million since 2019.

     

    Described as “architecturally unsurpassed and with a lavish interior” and an “ambassadorial style Smallbone kitchen” by selling agents Jackson-Stops, this vast English attempt at a ‘McMansion’ is quite frankly one of the most ludicrously laughable houses we’ve ever featured.

     

    Standing on a plot of just under 11 acres where a probably perfectly charming yet subsequently bastardised residence was constructed in 1864, the ‘hall’ itself extends to about 20,000 square foot. It includes 5 reception rooms, a cinema room, a games room, a music room, an orangery and 8 en-suite bedrooms.

     

    In addition, there is a ‘leisure suite’ with an indoor swimming pool and gym, a staff flat, a 3-bedroom lodge, a 620 square foot ‘entertaining pavilion,’ garaging for 28 cars, a helicopter hangar, kenneling and stabling.

     

    Plainly desperate to offload this gargantuan white elephant, Jackson-Stops declare: “Our clients are looking to downsize and would consider part exchange with either another residential property or commercial property, or possibly another asset class (for instance, prestige and collectible cars, art, etc.).”

     

    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    An English McMansion Monstrosity – Amateur golf champion, BBC Wales Sports Personality of the Year 1980 and tax fraudster Duncan Evans owned Deansgreen Hall from 2002 to 2003.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The entrance hall to Deansgreen Hall harks back to the past and currently features coats of armour and a model of an old sailing ship.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The dining room of the McMansion is equally “historic” in its inspiration, yet the white gloss paint scheme simply just doesn’t work.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    Plainly aimed at a sale to a footballer, the cinema room – complete with its naff sparkling light ceiling and purple panels – could have been designed by the “prosecco gagging” disaster that is Dawn Ward.

    The Names & Numbers – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom

    • March 2021 – For sale for £6 million ($8.4 million, €7 million or درهم8 million) with Jackson-Stops. Listed first with the firm circa December 2019.

     

    • June 2018 – A former policeman named Roderick Bond, whose current correspondence address for his active company Ravenstone UK Ltd., was jailed for 2 years and 8 months as a result of his involvement in a “Formula 1 film tax scam” in June 2018.

     

    • 2006 – Purchased by the current owner and “remodeled and presented in its current condition.”

     

     

    • 2002 – Sold to BBC Wales Sports Personality of the Year 1980 Duncan Evans for £1.2 million ($1.7 million, €1.4 million or درهم2 million) having reverted to private ownership in the 1990s.

     

    • 1970s – Used as “commercial offices” by Fairclough Homes.

     

    • 1864 – Original house built on the site. What remains of that, God only knows.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    In November 2020, we featured what we termed “the world’s worst McMansion,” a £1.65 million horror in New Jersey. In Deansgreen Hall, we’ve definitely found something that could actually come a very close second.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The insipid white theme continues in this vaulted sitting room of the English McMansion.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    A spokesperson for selling agents Jackson-Stops remarked of the McMansion’s kitchen: “The centre of the house has an ambassadorial-sized Smallbone fitted kitchen/breakfast room with large central island (with seating for 10) with sofas at one end.” Any serious chef would respond: “What a bloody impractical layout.”
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The McMansion’s indoor swimming pool, surprisingly, seems relatively tame in its decorative styling.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    A games room in “regal red.”
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    It’s back to the medieval mixed up with nautical heritage theme on the McMansion’s landing – complete with a chess board that looks like it came from Dungeons & Dragons.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The ‘master bedroom’ has an especially ghastly fireplace surround and it’s got some shagpile carpets that Jimmy Savile would have loved to have rolled around on.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The nautical touch continues in this bathroom area where also included is a tub where Prince Andrew might feel at home.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The rear elevation of the McMansion is frankly nothing but a hotchpotch and a design disaster. How many styles did the architect wish to combine?
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    A set of flags stands patriotically at the front of the building along with a very necessary pair of dragon statues.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    Looking outwards, there’s a hint of classicism to enjoy.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The garage block and ‘lodge house’ of the McMansion resemble something found on a Barratt housing estate.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    Yet more patriotism on display at England’s naffest McMansion. Nigel Farage and Ann Widdecombe would go potty.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    There are two lakes that are supposedly “stuffed” with carp. Watch out, Eddie Grundy of BBC Radio 4’s ‘The Archers’ will be round to do a bit of poaching.
    An English McMansion Mess – Deansgreen Hall, Crouchley Lane, Lymm, Cheshire, WA13 0TL, United Kingdom for sale through Jackson-Stops for £6 million – Gargantuan Cheshire ‘McMansion’ once owned by a BBC Sports Personality turned tax fraudster for sale; it’s beyond gaudy.
    The entrance gates to the McMansion complete with a set of cobbles that wouldn’t look out of place on ITV1’s ‘Coronation Street.’
  • Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

    Southend councillor gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities”

    Late last week, the Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’s aptly named senior reporter Christine Sexton “opened a can of sexual worms” when she wrote about “illegal” sheds erected by a councillor being “used for romps.”

     

    Sharing news of a not-so-neighbourly dispute that subsequently featured on the Facebook Group Angry People in Local Newspapers, Sexton began: “A councillor who built three sheds [complete with “fire hazard” “dodgy wiring”] without [planning] permission in his garden and let his son live in one has been facing complaints from neighbours over amorous trysts.”

     

    Pointing out that Brian Ayling – himself astoundingly a member of Southend’s development control committee, but someone who claimed “he did not realise he needed permission [for the structures]” – allowed his son to live in one of the sheds for a year, Sexton added:

     

    “Complaints to the council from a neighbour, said to be over the son’s amorous trysts with his girlfriend, resulted in the councillor being ordered to submit a planning application – which has now been rejected.”

     

    “A statement by Mr Ayling’s neighbour said: ‘I have to listen to them participating in sexual activities.’”

     

    Going further, a fellow councillor, Matt Dent, told the paper: “He said he didn’t realise, but it’s bizarre for someone on the development control committee.” Replying, Brian Ayling, remarked: “I [have] made an official complaint on [sic] councillor Dent.”

     

    Responding to the article, one reader amusingly offered: “If the shed’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’” whilst another amusingly added: “Perhaps his son should honour the age old Essex tradition known as ‘dogging’, adjusting it slightly for the 21st century, as many have during lockdown, and start a lucrative webcam based sex show. The councillor can adjust his sights slightly and apply for permission to start a business in the outbuildings and, Bob’s yer uncle, lemonade from lemons!”

     

    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – After seven councilors voted to refuse his retrospective application to keep his outbuildings, councillor Brian Ayling remarked: “They all ganged together against me.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Earlier this month, we reported on a more typical story featured on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ about someone getting angry about Tesco’s “shelf arrangements.” The “Southend sexual shed scandal,” however, is altogether an all-together more serious affair, yet perhaps instead if councillor Brian Ayling had turned one of his structures into a “mancave” garden bar and invited round his neighbours, it would have all worked out better.
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Readers of the ‘Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’ responded with merriment and mirth to the story.
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – One suggested that “making your son live in a shed is child cruelty” whilst others compared the situation to the BBC’s ‘The Archers’ current story about modern day slavery. Controversially, another remarked: “I used to lock my wife in the coal bunker, she’d come out black” – to which came the response: “Shocking, that you have ever had a wife.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Over at the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ discussion centred on use of the words “romps” and “noisy romping.” One Nikos Lefteris Christodoulou remarked: “Dodgy local councillor, planning permission woes and noisy romping all in one article!” Another, Ben Richardson, added: “If you go down to the illegal shed, you’re sure of a big surprise.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – ‘Top fan’ Kieran Clarke added: “Everything that it is to be ‘British,’ distilled in one headline!” whilst another, Mark Button, suggested that councillor Brian Ayling has a look of the late entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth about him.
  • Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani

    Anita Rani arrives as a BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ morning show presenter and announces: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission”

    An opponent of Scottish independence and a former co-presenter of Rogue Restaurants for BBC One, Bradford born Anita Rani’s appointment this week as a presenter of the Friday and Saturday editions of BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour is a breath of fresh air.  

     

    Known for being a place of forthright views – with the programme’s stalwart Dame Jenni Murray having pointedly declared of the Archers potentially quitting The Archers in November 2014: “I will kill the editor if he lets David and Ruth and Jill go to Northumberland. Brookfield simply cannot go. It’s just not possible; there will be a national scandal if that happens,” for example – Rani marked her arrival by telling home-schooling parents: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission” whilst tuning in to her morning show.

     

    Plainly a woman after our own hearts with a “if you can’t have one at eleven, have eleven at one” attitude, Anita Rani has previously stated: “I’ve hated being putted into boxes my whole life.” Now, in declaring her love of gin, she’s most definitely boxing clever and is well on her way to getting the approval of the famously gin-soaked Lillian Bellamy of The Archers, but also the entire nation.

     

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani – Gin loving radio presenter – Anita Rani arrives as a BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ morning show presenter and announces: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission.”
    Previously in her BBC One show ‘War on Plastic: The Fight Goes On’ last August with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Anita Rani sensibly declared: “It’s been a tough time for everyone, but now that we are getting into the rhythm of the new world we can remember the importance of sustainability. If once again we come together, we can make change happen. We need big businesses and government to make bold and important decisions to get single use plastic out of the system.”
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Anita Rani – Gin loving radio presenter – Anita Rani arrives as a BBC Radio 4 ‘Woman’s Hour’ morning show presenter and announces: “If you’ve had enough, pour yourself a G&T, you have my permission.”
    Lillian Bellamy – played by the delightful Sunny Ormonde in ‘The Archers’ and a lady with her own Facebook fan club – is possibly Radio 4’s best known gin swiller and now Anita Rani has quite rightly got in on the act in urging her listeners to take up the view: “Time is only for the middle classes” when it comes to gin drinking.
  • Carrie On Cronyism

    Carrie On Cronyism

    Carrie Symonds is morphing into the Lynda Snell of Downing Street; this busybody bird’s cronyism and nepotism stinks to high heaven

    Boris Johnson’s latest baby mama, Carrie Symonds (AKA ‘Carrie Not On Regardless’), is sadly nothing like the seen-but-rarely-heard prime ministerial spouses of old.

     

    Whilst Denis Thatcher happily took a back seat and parked himself in a corner with a stiff G&T and Norma Major steered clear of anything to do with curried eggs, Symonds is increasingly showing herself as the Lynda Snell of Downing Street.

     

    Like her counterpart Snell in The Archers, Symonds wants to be Queen of the Westminster village pantomime and she especially wants to control her prime puppet, ‘Bosie The Clown.’ Here is a woman who doesn’t take no for an answer and here is someone with the power to manipulate her cast as she so desires.

     

    With her potential nemesis Dominic Cummings, for now, consigned to history for daring to call her ‘Princess Nut Nut,’ Symonds now has a free reign. This morning’s revelation that her best friend and godmother to her child, Nimco Ali, has been appointed a paid advisor without it being advertised is indeed shocking and totally disgraceful proof of that.

     

    Symonds, as we’ve highlighted before, has an address book that is not exactly stellar. Aside from the potential connection to the incarcerated mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell through the charity they both were heavily involved in, this temper tantrum prone, red wine chucking 32-year-old’s links to the far right via her ex-lover’s involvement with Russia and the bigoted Traditional Britain Group stink to high heaven.

     

    If Boris Johnson had an arsehole rather than actually just being one, he’d put this pantomime dame back in the toy box. Sadly, though the cronyism of the diva ‘Carrie Not On Regardless’ will continue, it should be noted for what it is and today we join those calling it out for the disgrace that it truly is.

     

    Pictured top: Carole Boyd (Lynda Snell in ‘The Archers’) is known for cajoling Ambridge villagers into whatever project has currently got her goat; Carrie Symonds is a remarkably similar, though far less tolerable, younger version.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

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    Carrie On Cronyism – Carrie Symonds’ cronyism is a disgrace – Carrie Symonds is morphing into the Lynda Snell of Downing Street; this busybody bird’s cronyism and nepotism stinks to high heaven.
    Carrie On Cronyism – Carrie Symonds is truly the cushy cat that got the cream. For now… How long will it be until Boris gets bored and his eyes get wandering?
    Carrie On Cronyism – Carrie Symonds’ cronyism is a disgrace – Carrie Symonds is morphing into the Lynda Snell of Downing Street; this busybody bird’s cronyism and nepotism stinks to high heaven.
    Carrie On Cronyism – Blundering buffoon Boris Johnson used to be Dominic Cummings’ puppet. He’s now controlled, instead, by Carrie Symonds.
  • The Pargetter Triptych

    The Pargetter Triptych

    Matthew Steeples urges fans of ‘The Archers’ to forget the BBC’s revised coronavirus version; until normality returns, give ‘The Pargetter Triptych’ a try

    The BBC Radio 4 soap The Archers has, frankly, lost its way. Gone are the great episodes where gin soaked Lillian Bellamy fooled around with her conman lover Matt Crawford (AKA ‘Tiger’) and gone even is the excitement of mundane muddler Helen Archer stabbing her then husband, Rob Titchener, after a row about a dropped tuna bake.

     

    Yes, in lockdown, we’ve had humour in the form of Susan Carter getting sexually excitable whilst high on honey rum over the orgasmic effects of homemade chilli on her call-in radio show, but the new “boring format” of drippy monologues is just entirely lacking.

     

    Whilst avid listeners await a return to the most important story of modern times in Ambridge, that of “Welsh bird-watching family handyman” Philip Moss being exposed as a “modern day slave master,” the show’s former scriptwriter Helen Leadbeater has now given us something else.

     

    Coming in the form of a three-part podcast titled The Pargetter Triptych, old stalwart Nigel Pargetter – last heard of shrieking as he fell (or was he pushed?) off the roof of his ancestral pile, Lower Loxley, in 2011 while trying to untie a flapping ‘Happy New Year’ banner – has returned as a ghost.

     

    Described as “a gem” and “much funnier than what’s currently pretending to be the real thing” by Gillian Reynolds in The Sunday Times, Nigel (played by actor Graham Seed) explores stories old and new and gives us what we’re currently missing: A bit of good cheer.

     

    Listen to the three-part podcast ‘The Pargetter Triptych’ by clicking here.

     

    Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

    Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

    Twitter: @SteepleTimes and @M_Steeples

     

    The Pargetter Triptych – Graham Seed returns as Nigel Pargetter – Matthew Steeples urges fans of ‘The Archers’ to forget the BBC’s revised coronavirus version; until normality returns, give ‘The Pargetter Triptych’ a try.
    Graham Seed played Nigel Pargetter for 27 years in the popular radio soap ‘The Archers’ on BBC Radio 4. He was surprisingly killed off for the 60th anniversary of the programme much to the chagrin of dedicated listeners. ‘The Steeple Times’ interviewed him in September 2013.
  • Observing Ambridge

    Observing Ambridge

    Whilst one ‘Observer’ reader suggests Alan Bennett writes the monologues that have replaced normal episodes of ‘The Archers,’ another demands a return to standard broadcasts about Ambridge life

    Whilst we joined those royally unimpressed when BBC Radio 4 “ran out of episodes” of The Archers due to the coronavirus lockdown back at the start of May, the radio soap’s return recently as a series of monologues has left Observer readers anything but delighted.

     

    In a letter to the Observer this morning, one Ursula Hutchinson [on-the-ball listeners may remember Ambridge’s resident villain Rob Titchener’s meddling mother was also called Ursula] of Newport on the Covid-19 app friendly Isle of Wight, plainly inspired by his brilliantly straight-to-the-point Talking Heads series, suggested Alan Bennett be brought in. She remarked:

                                      

    If ‘The Archers’ monologues are to go on, they need to ask Alan Bennett to write them. We’ve just endured a week of Tony’s haircut. Please!

    Ursula Hutchinson

    Newport, Isle of Wight

     

    Last Sunday, another ‘Archers Addict,’ Mary Evans of Heathfield, East Sussex got even more het up. In her letter, the “enthusiast” declared the new format “totally dull and frankly not worth giving up 15 minutes of your life for, however much time you have to spare at the moment.” She vented:

     

    How I agree with Miranda Sawyer regarding the new format of ‘The Archers’ (Radio review): totally dull and frankly not worth giving up 15 minutes of your life for, however much time you have to spare at the moment. I acknowledge the difficulties of broadcasting but the archive episodes were much more worthwhile, even though I took issue with the gloomy choice – Kirsty being stood up at the altar, the Grundys being evicted, the floods.

     

    My fellow enthusiasts and I will be putting ‘The Archers’ on hold until they drop this boring format. Surely as it’s radio it must be technically possible to cobble together something like the original. I fear they may lose fans who will be disinclined to return.

    Mary Evans

    Heathfield, East Sussex

     

    We join both Evans and Hutchinson in their lament, but The Archers scriptwriters have thus far provided one lockdown highlight: An episode where the village gossip Susan Carter – high on ‘honey rum,’ as one would be after desperately raiding the dregs of the lockdown drinks cupboard – referenced sexual antics for those in their later years after getting spiced up on homemade chilli.

     

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    Observing Ambridge – Revived ‘The Archers’ fails to impress – Whilst one ‘Observer’ reader suggests Alan Bennett writes the monologues that have replaced normal episodes of ‘The Archers,’ another demands a return to standard broadcasts about Ambridge life.
    ‘The Archers’ – set in the fictional village of Ambridge – first aired on BBC on 29th May 1950. It is the world’s longest running drama and thus attracts both accolade and criticism in equal measure from its somewhat dedicated audience.
    In this legendary episode, Helen Titchener stabbed her husband Rob after he criticised her tuna bake.
    ‘Country Channel.TV’ went behind the scenes with the cast of ‘The Archers’ in January 2010. One character, Phil Archer, made the ‘Guinness World Records’ for being the longest serving actor in a single soap opera – Norman Painting played him from 1950 until his death on 29th October 2009.
    The second part of the behind the scenes tour of the radio soap inspired by life in a village in rural England. It was originally billed as “an everyday story of country folk,” but is now described (more suitably for the ‘woke’ generation we sadly live in) as “a contemporary drama in a rural setting.”
  • Locked Down Archers

    Locked Down Archers

    Matthew Steeples suggests BBC Radio 4 has truly let itself down in having run out of episodes of ‘The Archers’ during the COVID-19 lockdown

    Closet fans won’t admit it, but The Archers is an essential part of life for many in Britain and beyond. Be it tuning in for 15 minutes with a G&T before guests arrive for supper on a week night or splurging with the omnibus edition on a Sunday whilst preparing a hearty roast, this is a radio show that in April even had one of its many fan clubs “invaded by Nazis and pornography.”

     

    Whilst it is understandable for the makers of television soaps – programmes that, after all, require all manner of social interaction in their creation – to have run out of episodes, one would have thought that the producers of The Archers would have had a plan to see themselves through a crisis.

     

    Sadly, they didn’t and from the 3rd to 24th May no new episodes of the world’s longest running drama are being broadcast. Whilst the BBC think it perfectly acceptable to play reruns, many ‘Archers Addicts’ (myself included) have been left despondent and feeling like ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells.’ After all, where’s Peggy Woolley and her wartime spirit when we most require this soapland matriarch?

     

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  • Annabel Mullin – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    Annabel Mullin – What’s on your mantelpiece?

    A 20-question interview with criminal justice expert, former police officer and Liberal Democrat candidate for Kensington Annabel Mullin

     

    The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom”. What’s your guiding force?

    To live every moment to the fullest and make the biggest difference to people’s lives that I can.

     

    “Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

    I love the motto ‘carpe diem’ (seize the day). When I was younger, Dead Poets Society was one of my favourite films.

     

    Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2017?

    Brexit.

     

    Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

    Currently I’m missing not seeing my children much because I am campaigning so hard.

     

    What might you swap all your wealth for?

    Knowing that my children will have a great future.

     

    Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank”. What’s your view on the state of the financial system?

    One of the things I would like to see in Kensington is more support for small businesses and local shop owners that help to create our community. We are currently facing threats to our local services from business rates and that is something that needs to be addressed.

     

    What phrase or word do you most loathe?

    I loathe it when people say things they don’t mean. ‘Strong and Stable’ is currently high up there.

     

    In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home”. What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

    I agree. I support that concept. Having worked at Crisis, I continue to support homeless charities. I also love shopping in our fabulous Kensington charity shops.

     

    The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

    Mobiles are amazingly useful and I’m a bit of an addict to my device. However, there is a time and a place for them.

     

    If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

    George Orwell, Harriet Harmen, Lawrence of Arabia, Margaret Thatcher, Winston Churchill, Sophie in’t Veld, Hercule Poirot, Hilary Clinton, Charlie Chaplin, Shirley Williams, Paula Radcliffe, Prince and Laura Kuenssberg.

     

    If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

    My meal would be steak, chips and red wine followed by tiramisu. I’d rather like to eat it high up in Petra overlooking the wondrous landscape.

     

    What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

    That depends entirely on which time zone you are going by.

     

    A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

    A martini, preferably an espresso martini.

     

    Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

    Now, dinner parties with close friends but when I was younger, more partying.

     

    Who is the most positive person you know?

    My husband.

     

    What’s your most guilty pleasure?

    The ‘Archers Appreciation’ group on Facebook… With wine.

     

    If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

    A dragon.

     

    If you were a car, what marque would you be?

    A Mercedes-Benz Gullwing.

     

    Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

    That I was an ultra-marathon runner and completed the Marathon Des Sables in 2008.

     

    What’s currently sitting on your mantelpiece?

    An elephant – the house is littered with them, candlesticks and birthday cards for my eldest’ fifth birthday.

     

    Annabel Mullin was born and brought up in Kensington and Chelsea. She is mother of three young children, a keen environmentalist and a cyclist. She is a criminal justice expert and has spent most of her life working in London as an analyst, a Metropolitan Police officer in Soho and Mayfair and as an assistant psychologist with prisoners with mental illness. Recently she has worked as a PhD researcher at UCL.

     

    Follow her on Twitter at @annabelmullin and @KCLibDems.

     

  • SM:)E

    SM:)E

    Dying ‘The Archers’ star Sara Coward urges people to smile and “try to make the world a better place”

     

    With all the doom and gloom we have in our world currently and with Trump headed to The White House and Brexit in Britain, many feel disheartened. One woman, 68-year old actress Sara Coward – who plays Caroline Sterling in BBC Radio 4’s The Archers – has decided to counter this misery and launched a ‘smile’ campaign from the hospice where she is dying.

     

    Aiming to raise “1,000 miles of smiles”, pointing out that just smiling at someone in your proximity is often all that is needed to raise spirits”, Coward hopes her “SM:)E” campaign will “spread on social media, estimating it would take 2.5 million people to form a smiling line 1,000 miles long” according to the Sunday Express.

     

    Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013, she commented:

     

    “I’ve recently discovered I don’t have long to live, but in the last few months I’ve found myself smiling more than at any other time in my life”.

     

    “Why? Because I have become much more aware of the random acts of kindness around me, and how important it is to be pleasant to everyone you meet”.

     

    “I believe this is something we can all do, whatever our circumstances. And I think it’s something our world needs right now”.

     

    “It would be wonderful to build 1,000 miles of smiles of people who have helped others in some small way, or cheered up someone just by smiling at them. A smile can go such a long way to making others feel better”.

     

    We salute this brave woman and urge readers to take a minute to follow her lead.

     

    SM:)E – Dying BBC Radio 4 ‘The Archers’ star Sara Coward urges people to smile and “try to make the world a better place”