Tag: Kylie Minogue

The Pyjama Prattler – Pyjama-Clad Omid Scobie Snapped At The Dorchester
EXCLUSIVE – As ‘Finding Freedom’ author Omid Scobie is snapped at The Dorchester in a pyjama-like outfit, we remind readers of some of the traits and oddities of this bizarre PR peddler for the Duchess of Sussex

Just three days prior to the coronation of King Charles III, the widely respected journalist Alexis Parr – a lady of stature whom was one of the first to call out the various pieces of fake news peddled by the mendacious menace formerly known as Meghan Markle – literally ran into a bedroom wear-clad Omid Scobie as he left London’s ritziest hotel, The Dorchester.

Speaking exclusively to The Steeple Times of her encounter with the YahooNewsUK ‘executive editor (royals)’ columnist – a plastic-not-fantastic-like creature known for continually banging on about his prominence on what he bizarrely labels “the royal beat” – Parr remarked:

“I was surprised to see Scobie as I got out of a cab and asked him where he got his pyjama-like outfit from. He answered: ‘Moss Bros’ and in response I jokingly quipped: ‘Surely you didn’t hire THAT.’”

“He looked at me sheepishly and then – though he allegedly doesn’t imbibe – told me he’d been to a party in the hotel. Sadly, I didn’t get to ask him about his supposedly claiming he was 33 when he was in fact 38 in 2020 or how he has so suddenly and so conveniently remembered discussions with Piers Morgan about phone hacking at The Mirror when he was just 18 years old in 2002 as he clambered into my cab and fled for the hills.”

“I will say that ‘recollections may vary’ was a very accurate analysis by the late Queen of Scobie’s ‘friend’ Meghan and I must add that they clearly do in his case too. I do hope he went home and put on something more suitable for his next engagement.”

Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

Follow Alexis Parr on Twitter at @ParrOnTheRoad.

Pictured Top – Alexis Parr snapped Omid Scobie as she arrived and he left The Dorchester on 3^rd May 2023 (left) and a promotion for the PR peddler’s forthcoming book ‘Endgame’ (right).

Will Meghan Markle's mouthpiece Omid Scobie prove to be a help or a hinderance when he gives evidence in Prince Harry v Mirror Group News (MGN) court case this week? #MeghanMarkle #DuchessOfSussex #PrinceHarry #DukeOfSussex #Mirror #hacking #phonehacking https://t.co/S9wUEzs8hn
— Matthew Steeples (@M_Steeples) May 15, 2023

This morning on Twitter, Matthew Steeples asked: “Will Meghan Markle’s mouthpiece Omid Scobie prove to be a help or a hinderance when he gives evidence in Prince Harry v Mirror Group News (MGN) court case this week?” By 11:30am on Monday 15^th May 2023, the majority of respondents very clearly favoured the answer: “No; he’s spinning yarns.”

Omid Scobie is due to testify in court this week in the Prince Harry v Mirror Group News case. According to ‘The Daily Beast’s’ Tom Sykes: “He will testify that when interning at the showbiz desk of MGN Sunday paper ‘The People’ he was given a list of mobile telephone numbers and a verbal description of how to listen to voicemails, as if it were a routine newsgathering technique… [He] will say that he saw Piers Morgan being told that ‘the information had come from voicemails,’ when he questioned a story about the singer Kylie Minogue.”

Scobie was called out for allegedly telling ‘porky pies’ by ‘The Sun’s’ Alex Winter in September 2020 in an article titled: “THIRTY-SOMETHING: Omid Scobie tries to explain claims he ‘lied’ to The Times after it was reported he is 33 – when he is actually 38.” The ‘Finding Freedom’ co-author’s bizarre behaviour was unsurprisingly labelled “baffling.”

In August 2020, the ‘Daily Mail’ shared that plastic-not-fantastic Omid previously worked at gossip magazine ‘Heat’ and partied with the ‘glamour model’ Jodie Marsh. They mentioned how somebody had “airbrushed” Meghan Markle’s “entry on the online encyclopedia Wikipedia… to include more flattering details days before her romance with Prince Harry became public” and illustrated the ‘Finding Freedom’ author’s “drastic transformation” in two very different photographs.

Illustrating himself to be anything but a real journalist, “influencer” Scobie told the ‘Women in Leadership Publication’: “A casual follower be forgiven for thinking that royal news is just fizzy commentary on the pomp and soap opera of The Firm” in their spring 2021 edition. He self-importantly added: “Reaching millions on Twitter has also enabled my own views and advocacy to travel further” and concluded: “I want to do everything I can to ensure that individuals from every background can get a seat at the table.” Here is someone far from a journalist; here, in fact, is someone who should just be called out as the Duchess of Sussex’s PR peddler.

Whilst Omid Scobie’s podcast, #TheHeirPod, was “downgraded from ‘a real chore’ to ‘unlistenable’” according to ‘Royal Analysis,’ the true revelation is that it isn’t even popular in the places where it surely should be most relevant, Britain and America.

An analysis of Omid Scobie’s Twitter feed clearly shows that a large proportion of his followers are a bit like himself: FAKE.

When he’s not bragging about wearing Balenciaga, Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Christian Dior or sharing photos of his dog, Yoshi, on his Instagram account, the ‘Finding Freedom’ author constantly bangs on about how he believes the royal family to have racist elements. His speculation is rarely supported by anything other than unnamed sources that give his suggestions little to no credibility.

Canadian waiter turned Soho House director Markus Anderson was allegedly the person to have introduced Prince Harry and the then Meghan Markle. This “champagne partial” individual has been repeatedly linked also to Omid Scobie online on sites such as Quora whilst the site ‘Royal Analysis’ has reported: “Well, apparently, Omid and Markus used to be very close. I don’t think it’s out of the question for Markus to have facilitated Meghan and Omid getting together to strategize about what positive press coverage Omid could give to Meghan.”

What’s the truth about the many ‘curious stories’ that abound about the Duchess of Sussex?
- In November 2021, the duchess was forced to apologise to the Appeal Court in London for making a misleading statement in her privacy case against The Mail on Sunday’s publishers.
- Her very own father, Thomas, has called out her many untruths about him and others again, again and again.
- Of her claiming having got married the day before she actually did, Mr Markle stated: “Lying about the archbishop? How can you say: ‘We’ve been married three days before we got married’? Her lies are so obvious, I don’t know why she says them.”
- Her very own half-sister, Samantha Markle, who is currently bringing a defamation case against her, has called her out as a liar on multiple occasions also. It has been proven that the duchess’s claim that she hasn’t seen her sibling in over 20 years was untrue given a photo of the pair together 14 years ago proves quite to the contrary.
- Her very own half-brother, Thomas Jr., said of her: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow… She’s a phony, a bully, a jaded, shallow, conceited woman.”
- The wife of Prince Harry has been called out on multiple occasions for spinning stories against other members of the royal family, most especially the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Queen Camilla.
- Staff who’ve worked for her have complained that she is a bully and investigations into this remain ongoing.
- The Duchess of Sussex is a known manipulator of the press and paparazzis and it has been claimed that she’ll “twist the truth” to get any headline she wants.
- Questions remain as to how many times she’s actually been married in total. Some say twice, some say thrice.
- What’s the truth about Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland? Is this clearly equally manipulative woman an honest and decent citizen or is she a jailbird who has spent time in the clink?
- Did the ‘Montecito Meddler’ meet Prince Andrew or Prince Harry first? Rumours abound that she could have spent time and holidayed with the former as long ago as 2001 and that her claim to have no prior knowledge of the royal family until 2016 is just utter baloney.
- “Would you trust this woman with a bargepole?” is something often asked of this money motivated minx.
May 15, 2023
Not Rockin’ Sir Cliff Richard – Creepy, Christian Crooner’s Christmas 2022 Album Panned

One-time friend of paedophile Rolf Harris gets panned for his ‘rendition’ of ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’; Sir Cliff Richard gets called out as a “dinosaur” singing “boring rubbish” reports Matthew Steeples

“It’s Cliffmas time” cringeworthily croaked The Scotsman’s Fiona Shepherd before giving the latest from “seasonal specialist” Sir Cliff Richard just two out of five stars for his Christmas With Cliff album. She opined: “One doesn’t like to speak ill of a legend but the eternal teenager is now sounding his age.”

During an appearance on the BBC’s Saturday Kitchen last week as part of his PR peddling rounds, an over-Botoxed berk this publication has often branded a “creepy Christian crooner” (the Christian part is included because he continually bangs on about his religious tendencies and not because I have any anti-Christian bias), predictably yet again raged that he doesn’t receive enough airtime. “Pathetic,” he later raged to Newstalk Breakfast of the royalty payments he rakes in and then moaned that younger, fresher talent gets too much attention.

Going further on Saturday Kitchen, the ever boastful 82-year-old shared also that John Lennon had once told him that he was “the best thing ever to happen to British music.” Sadly, as has been the case since the Beatle’s December 1980 assassination, the late Mr Lennon has not been available to confirm or deny Sir Cliff’s ridiculous claim that “before [me] there was nothing worth listening to in British music.”

Online, unsurprisingly, this laughable loon was called out over his latest nonsense. On Twitter, one suggested Sir Cliff looked “disturbed” whilst another added “his rockin’ is ridiculous.” If you do decide to join the 45,000 who’ve watched the ‘official video’ on YouTube, as they used to say on the BBC’s Crimewatch, “don’t have nightmares, do sleep well.”

Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.

Pictured Top – Sir Cliff literally, as one observer remarked, “killing” the song ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree.’ He “crucified it,” they quite rightly concluded.

Scaring the public seems to be on the agenda for Sir Cliff Richard this Christmas. With a face destroyed by Botox and an overexposure to sunbeds and Bajan beaches, here is a sight that would be enough to have put even the Bernard Matthews off his turkey nosh-up.

Scaring the public at is something he’s done regularly and repeatedly before; an example comes in the form of his August 2015 rendition of ‘Faithful One’ at Cilla Black OBE’s funeral. The faces of the priests to the left of him (as he attempted to ‘sing’ in a manner more suited to an appearance on ‘Top Of The Pops’) are telling of their disgust at his discourteous behaviour in a house of worship.

The shocking moment this one-time friend of the paedophiles Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile wrecked a funeral was captured in video and will horrify anyone who ever watches it.

In the past, Harry Rodger Webb, as he was born, has spared no chance to get his top off. Clearly believing himself to be a sex symbol, the ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ and ‘Saviour’s Day’ singer finally, to the relief of the public, decided to spare the world from any more sights of his Botoxed body in 2021 and we hope he will keep it that way.

In November 2016, “Peter Pan of Pop” Sir Cliff Richard revealed that he “cried on his kitchen floor” and announced: “I was weeping, it was just like a deep well. And I got a message from someone that said no hole is deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” In the same year, of his calendar sales, he pompously prattled: “Mine leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre.”

Sir Cliff’s associations with the wines he produces have not always proved fruitful either. In 2006, appearing on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘The F-Word,’ the then 75-year old had a meltdown during a blind tasting. After sipping one unnamed offering, the crackpot Christian crooner announced: “That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that. It’s tainted, it’s insipid, it tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.” Ramsay, then 49, responded by remarking: “Cliff, that’s your wine.” The singer is said to have answered: “Young man, go f**k yourself.”

Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile.

Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Lord Boothby.

Sir Cliff Richard OBE with his ‘friend,’ the convicted, sadly still living paedophile Rolf Harris.

Sir Cliff Richard with his “long-term companion,” a former Roman Catholic priest named John McElynn. In his 2009 autobiography, the ‘singer’ remarked: “It has been so rare for me to find friends I know like me for myself, I am not always the best judge of character.” Going further, the goody-two-shoes added: “I’ve never wanted to trash a hotel room. My band always used to say, Cliff never trashes a hotel room. When he goes in, he usually cleans up, hoovers, checks the curtains are straight. I can’t imagine anything more childish than trashing things, which is what a lot of rockers did.”

One of Sir Cliff Richard’s worst attempts at making ‘music’ – which one critic slammed more accurately as “nauseous noise” – came in the form of ‘Rise Up’ four years ago. It was universally panned and in response the “star” complained that radio stations were being “unfair” in not giving him airtime. He’s not given up repeating that rant ever since.

December 9, 2022
Wally of the Week – Sir Cliff Richard

Creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard demands his music should be given “priority” play ahead of younger artists; he must be the centre of attention, as always, even during the coronavirus lockdown

He’s previously claimed his calendar sales “leave David Beckham standing” and make Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre,” but Sir Cliff Richard is back to his moaning ways and is bleating about what he considers “the fact” that radio stations are being “unfair” and “snubbing” his music.

According to the Mirror, Sir Cliff went on the ‘Greatest Music of All Time’ podcast and “blasted” the BBC for their “model of broadcasting music to niche audiences.” He also, in sage-like fashion, pointed out: “We’re all dying. Long-term fans may not be with us anymore.”

“Why will people download a record of mine if they don’t know it’s out?” complained the crackpot crooner before adding: “Those among us who have proved ourselves over and over and over again should be given a priority chance. That should happen even if it’s to say: ‘We’re going to play this record once a day for two weeks.’”

Speaking to The Steeple Times, a millennial remarked: “I can’t see why this pensioner’s beats should be played at all. He’s definitely held together with Botox and actually, I’m surprised he isn’t like his music – dead already.”

Rise Up, the 79-year-old’s 2019 car-wreck album, had “little or no airplay on most radio stations,” the Mirror concluded. Given how God-awful it is, that’s probably the real reason; now, Sir Cliff, please, get back to crying on your kitchen floor.

Pictured top: Sir Cliff Richard OBE with his ‘friend,’ the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris.

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes

April 9, 2020
The Stars of Beel

Neglected Georgian mansion that has been home to Sir Dirk Bogarde, Basil Dearden, Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, Matt Aitken and Robert Kilroy-Silk for sale for 39% less than it sold for in 2014

A dilapidated Grade II* listed country house whose extensive roster of owners numbers aristocrats, rock and film stars and politicians is on sale for £3.95 million or 39% less from the £6.5 million sum it sold for in 2014.

Built for the Duke of Buckingham in the 1600s and extending to 10,743 square foot, Beel House in Little Chalfont, near Amersham in Buckinghamshire stands in 13.5 acres of land. It comprises of a 7 reception room, 8 bedroom, 6 bathroom main house and also comes with an indoor swimming pool complex, a tennis court and garaging for 5 cars.

Home to The Hon. Lady Caroline Cavendish in the 1830s and Colonel Abram ‘Arthur’ Lyle of the Tate & Lyle dynasty from 1909 to 1920, Beel House was bought by the actor Sir Dirk Bogarde in a “dilapidated state” in 1954. Of discovering it, Bogarde, who had been renting a cottage in the close vicinity on the Bendrose Estate, stated:

“[The actress Kay Kendall and I] walked across muddy fields from my rented home to look at Beel House. It was a horror. Bleak and empty, few of its twenty-six rooms caught the sun, and the garden surrounding it was a tangle of overgrown rosebeds. Inside it seemed a labyrinth of corridors and stone passages. It was painted throughout in dejected yellow and brown and each room had a rusty gas fire in it.”

Bogarde made significant changes to the building and pulled down a wing of 11 rooms. In their place, he built a swimming pool and a 30-foot long conservatory in the grounds – which Kay Kendall later described as looking like “an out patients’ department” – and it seems he spent several happy years there. He moved to another property nearby named Drummer’s Yard in 1960 and sold Beel House to Basil Dearden, the director of The Assassination Bureau, Khartoum and The Man Who Haunted Himself.

An aerial photo of Beel House, Little Chalfont, Amersham, Buckinghamshire, HP7 9QP, United Kingdom

Images of the exterior of Beel House in the 1950s

Actor Anthony Forwood, Sir Dirk Bogarde’s eventual “life partner,” at Beel House with his dogs Sinuhe and Bogie; Sir Dirk Bogarde in his study at the house

Sir Dirk Bogarde outside Beel House with one of many Rolls-Royces he owned and inside on the house’s main staircase

Film director Basil Dearden, owner of Beel House between 1960 and 1966, worked with Sir Dirk Bogarde on the controversial film ‘Victim’ in 1961; it was the first English language film to use the word “homosexual” and of it one Italian critic remarked: “At last the British have stopped being hypocrites”

Dearden sold up in 1966 and the next famous owners were Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne in the early 1980s. It was whilst here that Mr Osbourne “decided to murder his wife” and of the ensuing incident on 3^rd September 1989, the Amersham Museum’s website reports:

“Ozzy Osbourne put the house up for sale after he had been arrested for the attempted murder of his wife whilst living at Beel House. After taking a cocktail of drugs and drinking heavily during a family meal at the Chinese restaurant at Nightingales Corner he attacked his wife and was subsequently arrested. He had no memory of the attack but the conditions of his bail were that he entered a rehab centre, did not contact his wife and did not return to Beel House.”

Marketed for £1.75 million in 1991, unsurprisingly Sharon Osbourne, herself, did not have much positive to say about her time at Beel House either. In her 2006 autobiography, Extreme, she remarked:

“I decided I wanted to go back to England. By this time we had already sold Beel House. I had enough bad memories not to be too sorry to see it go. Also it had reached what the builder called the domino point: mending one thing only triggered something else that needed to be done.”

Ozzy Osbourne, photographed by Conrad Rickenbacker, sitting on his four poster bed at Beel House in the 1980s

Images of Beel House during the ownership of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne (photographs by Conrad Rickenbacker)

Robert Kilroy-Silk at Beel House prior to his appearance on ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here’ in November 2008

The house as furnished by Robert Kilroy-Silk and his wife Jan Beech, circa 2014

Matt Aitken, the composer of chart toppers for Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan, Rick Astley and Bananarama, supposedly lived at Beel House for a period subsequently and in the 1990s, the property was sold to the “exotically handsome man, with a very un-English facial glow and ice blue eyes” Robert Kilroy-Silk and his wife, Jan Beech.

Controversial television personality Mr Kilroy-Silk, an MP from 1974 to 1986 and an MEP from 2004 to 2009, brought with him a herd of fallow deer as well as Vietnamese pheasants and bantams to Beel House. He lived between there and his home in Spain and then sold up for the staggering sum of £6.5 million in 2014 to an “international buyer” who, according to Country Life’s Penny Churchill, immediately found “it ‘surplus to requirements’ and put it straight back on the market” through Savills.

Of the estate, which by then had been for sale for three years, in October 2017, then selling agent Hugh Maconochie told the Bucks Free Press:

“In many respects Beel House is the archetypal country residence: a Grade II* listed home in the heart of the Chilterns, beautiful grounds and easy access to London by both rail and road. Yet, while it was completely refurbished in the 1980s – new garaging, games block and swimming pool complex included – its current state necessitates a complete restoration project.”

“For those seeking a country residence to move straight into, Beel House is not the home for them. Instead it would appeal to a buyer looking to restore and revive a Georgian gem. A reduction in price over the years reflects the refurbishment that’s required.”

Empty and plainly somewhat neglected, Edward Welton of Knight Frank’s Baker Street office is now marketing the property. His firm describes Beel House as: “An exciting opportunity for a full restoration project, giving someone the chance to create their own style on a private estate, so close to London.”

Beel House – The Names and Numbers

November 2017 – Further reduced to just £3.95 million ($5.29 million, €4.47 million or درهم19.44 million) through Knight Frank.

January 2017 – Reduced to £4.95 million ($6.63 million, €5.61 million or درهم24.37 million) through Savills.

November 2015 – For sale again for £6.5 million ($8.7 million, €7.4 million or درهم32 million) through Savills.

2014 – Sold to “an international buyer” by Robert Kilroy-Silk for “close to” the £6.5 million ($8.7 million, €7.4 million or درهم32 million) asking price.

June 1991 – For sale for £1.75 million (the equivalent of £3.45 million, $4.62 million, €3.91 million or درهم16.98 million today).

October 1989 – Placed for sale by media personalities Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne.

1966 – Placed on the market by Basil Dearden for £66,000 (the equivalent of £1.1 million, $1.5 million, €1.2 million or درهم5.4 million today).

Circa 1960 – Sold to film director Basil Dearden (1911 – 1971).

January 1954 – Sold to actor Sir Dirk Bogarde (1921 – 1999) for £4,000 (the equivalent of £101,000, $135,000, €114,000 or درهم497,000 today).

1836 to 1954 – Part of the estate of the Lowndes family, largescale landowners in the Chesham, Buckinghamshire area. During this time tenants included The Hon. Lady Caroline Cavendish and from 1909 to 1920 by Colonel Abram Lyle (of the Tate & Lyle dynasty).

1730 – Valued at £500 (the equivalent of £99,000, $133,000, €112,000 or درهم487,000 today) by Sun Insurance whilst home to Thomas White of Middle Temple.

1672 to 1682 – Home to Mary Pennington, the mother-in-law of the Quaker founder of the State of Pennsylvania, William Penn.

Follow The Steeple Times on Twitter at @SteepleTimes.

November 29, 2017
Blabbermouth Burrell

Butler-turned-blabbermouth Paul Burrell sinks to a new low; he should retreat to Siberia and live out his days privately

Cat-like Paul Burrell again and again reinvents himself. Somehow, in spite of already having undeservedly exhausted more than nine lives, this ghastly individual is back in the press and this time he’s milking the story of his marriage to a corporate lawyer he met on a train.

“Diana’s rock”, as the traitorous butler-turned-blabbermouth likes to call himself, chose not to keep his wedding to Graham Cooper private but instead bared the story of his union with his “soulmate” to various media outlets.

Mr Burrell, in spite of being born in Derbyshire wore a kilt to the ceremony (in a bizarre pattern of tartan he’d, of course, commissioned himself in 2006) at the Linthwaite House Hotel in the Lake District and in comments to the Mail Online remarked:

“There’s no more hiding my unbridled happiness now. Life is about being true to who you are and, for the first time ever, I’m able to stand proudly beside my husband and say: ‘This is who I am’”.

Burrell also told the newspaper of how he walked into the ceremony to Barbara Streisand’s Some Enchanted Evening and “danced out of [it] to Kylie Minogue’s Better the Devil You Know” and disrespectfully remarked on references to his late employer, Diana, Princess of Wales, being made during the ceremony. He again showed himself to be a master of the kiss-and-tell and even, in case anyone cared, shared the menu for his “three course wedding dinner”. It consisted of: “A starter of ham hock terrine, egg and chipped potatoes followed by pot-roasted breast of Goosnargh chicken served with Pommes Anna and wild mushroom fricassee and finished with a dessert of apple Tarte Tatin with a Calvados caramel and vanilla ice cream”.

An anything but credible individual according to Lord Justice Scott Baker, Burrell – a man prone to crying on a whim – was severely criticised by Princes William and Harry in 2003. In a statement, at the time, they remarked:

“We cannot believe that Paul who was entrusted with so much could abuse his position in such a cold and overt betrayal”.

“It is not only deeply painful for the two of us but also for everyone else affected and it would mortify our mother if she were alive today and, if we might say so, we feel we are more able to speak for our mother than Paul”.

“We ask Paul please to bring these revelations to an end”.

Burrell plainly paid no attention to this request and now, fourteen years later, it is again time to urge this self-serving toad to do the decent thing: May Paul Burrell please stop peddling tat and may he please retreat to Siberia.

April 4, 2017
Kylie and Kardashian

There’s only one Kylie – and it’s not a Jenner-Kardashian (more…)

March 2, 2016
Terry Ronald: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

The Steeple Times asks author, songwriter and music producer Terry Ronald: “What’s on your mantelpiece?” (more…)

September 13, 2014
Five of the Best: Board game sets

Board game sets suitable for high rollers

As many of our readers relax on their yachts and in villas in the South of France the Hamptons and Ibiza, many will be enjoying the odd board game of an evening. Here, we highlight five of the best sets currently available (more…)

August 20, 2013
Kathy Lette: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

The Steeple Times asks author Kathy Lette: “What’s on your mantelpiece?”

The Steeple Times shares “wit and wisdom”. What’s your guiding force?

I only write because it’s cheaper than therapy. Therapy and revenge. You can always impale an enemy on the end of your pen. Poetic justice is the only true justice in the world, and I say that married to a lawyer!

“Don’t get even, get medieval” is, in our humble opinion, a great motto. What’s yours?

Firstly: “Don’t wait to be rescued by a Knight in Shining Armani”. Secondly: “A woman must stand on her own two stilettos”. Oh, and thirdly: “Your female friends are your human wonder bras – uplifting, supportive and making each other look bigger and better”.

Kerry Katona was considered unacceptable in 2007. Who or what is unacceptable in 2013?

I would like to say misogyny is unacceptable in 2013, but as women still don’t have equal pay – we only get 80 pence in the pound, plus we’re constantly getting concussion hitting our heads on the glass ceiling, while also being expected to Windex it whilst up there, any woman who call herself a ‘post feminist’ has kept her wonder bra and burnt her brains.

Tony Blair misses being Prime Minister. What do you miss most in your life?

I miss smooth, youthful skin with no sun-damage or wrinkles. Ageing to women is like kryptonite to superman. Show me a woman who is happy with her age and I’ll show you the electro-convulsive therapy scorch marks. The trouble is, women suffer from facial prejudice – we get judged on our looks in a way that men don’t. For women, wordplay is foreplay. How else is Woody Allen still getting laid? But don’t resort to cosmetic surgery – a woman should never pick her nose, especially from a catalogue. Dimmer switch – greatest beauty aid known to womankind!

What might you swap all your wealth for?

The best things in life really are free – walking, talking, laughter, air and orgasms. Which is just as well as authors don’t make a lot of money. We’re in a constant state of debt-lag. I don’t understand finance. I thought ‘stag flation’ meant stalking something elk-like in the Scottish highlands with minor royalty.

Donald Trump was once a case of: “If you owe the bank a thousand, they close you down; but if you owe the bank a billion, you own the bank”. What’s your view on the banking crisis?

It seems that the only banks we can count on, post crash, are sperm banks. Write a cheque these days and the whole bank bounces. And yet bankers receive bonuses for this? It’s mind-boggling.

What phrase or word do you most loathe?

“It’s not the done thing” because once I do it, its done – so then it’s the “done thing”. I adore my British pals, but they do have Eyore-itis and a sense of impending failure. But optimism is not an eye disease. If you try something new, it might just work.

In the UK, some people consider charity to “begin at home”. What’s your view and what causes do you personally support?

What I really like about the British is that you give generously to charitable causes and developing countries. You don’t believe in the skimmed milk of human kindness. As I have a child on the autistic spectrum (I adore him and he’s without doubt, the most original and interesting person I’ve ever met and the inspiration for my latest novel The Boy Who Fell To Earth, about the mother of an autistic boy and her quirky quest for love), I am an ambassador for the National Autistic Society. As I’m also a feminist, I am an ambassador for Plan, The White Ribbon Alliance and Women and Children First – three charitable organizations devoted to making sure that women are not runners up in the human race.

The judge in Law Abiding Citizen states: “I can pretty much do whatever I want” before being blown up whilst answering her mobile phone. What’s your view on the appropriate use of such devices?

I have no idea what this question means. If you’re talking about mobile phone usage, I love my phone. I’m not on the Atkins Diet, but the Talkins diet – I just talk the weight off.

Author Kathy Lette

If you could fill a carriage on The Orient Express, who would be your fellow passengers?

As I adore wit and wordplay, I would have Mae West and Dorothy Parker – two women who have black belts in the art of tongue-fu. Plus Oscar Wilde, Spike Milligan, Douglas Adams and Shakespeare – all excellent cunning linguists. And of course, Emily Pankhurst and Simone de Beauvoir and other heroines of the women’s movement because without them, where would the rest of us be? Our talents would still be lying doormat, sorry dormant for decades as men walked all over us.

If you were unfortunate enough to end up on death row, what would be your last meal and where would you eat it?

My last meal would be a toy boy on a bed of meringue, eaten in a suite at the Savoy Hotel – ah, parting would be such suite sorrow. I was writer in residence there in 2004.

What time is it acceptable to consume the first drink of the day?

Children’s bath time – a stiff G and T is mother’s little helper. This habit continues well into their teens. Advice for any mothers of teenage daughters – next time your daughter hits you and kicks you and says “I wish you’d just die!” take a big drag on your cigarette and a big gulp of wine and say “I’m doing my best darling”. No mother can remain an aqua-holic.

A Negroni, a martini or a cup of tea?

Champagne – the least calorific drink and so effervescent. Otherwise a martini. But they make me tipsy so fast I get severe bottle fatigue.

Whose parties do you enjoy the most and why?

I’m a socialist and a socialite, so my favourite parties combine a little of both – passion and politics, frivolity and fervor, flirtation and fierce debate. I’m leaving money in my will for the most chandelier-swinging send off ever. Plus I’ve thought of my epitaph – “Finally, a good plot”.

Who is the most positive person you know?

Eve Ensler who works with rape victims in the Congo and manages to restore their faith in life and humanity. She also organized One Billion Rising campaign, to stop violence againt women – one in three women on the planet will be raped or beaten in her lifetime.

What’s your most guilty pleasure?

Ah, you see, I don’t think pleasure should be guilty. Guilt – the gift that just keeps on giving! Guilt, or rather gilt should only be on rings. If you’re asking me what I like to do in sneaky moments – bubblebaths, when I should be doing housework. It’s scientifically proven that no woman ever shot her husband while she was having a soak and he was vacuuming.

If a tattoo were to sum you up, what would it be of?

My tattoo would say: “This is why I’m such a good lay. If the sex gets boring, at least I’ve given you something to read”.

If you were a car, what marque would you be?

Once again, I have no idea what this question means. The only thing I know about cars is that men thinks “sex drive” means doing it in the back seat of one – possibly because of that sign on the rear vision mirror which reads: “Objects in this mirror may appear larger than they are.”

Cilla Black presented Surprise, Surprise. Tell us the most surprising thing about you.

Even though I pretend that the only thing I run up are bills, I am actually very fit. I run, jog, swim or cycle every day.

What’s on your mantelpiece?

Well, I’d like to say “My Nobel Prize for Literature” presented to me by George Clooney who then whisked me off to tropical isle to lick the roe of virgin sturgeon from my navel – but actually it’s all the little finger-paintings my kids did when they were young, which are haphazardly but endearingly framed.

Kathy Lette is an Australian born author who lives in London. Her novels have been published in seventeen languages around the world and her first, Puberty Blues, was made into both a film and a television miniseries. She cites her career highlights as once teaching Stephen Fry a word, Salman Rushdie, the limbo and scripting Julian Assange’s cameo in the 500^th episode of The Simpsons. Lette’s latest novel The Boy Who Fell to Earth has just been published in paperback by Black Swan.

View Kathy Lette’s official website at: http://www.kathylette.com

Follow her on Twitter at: http://www.twitter.com/kathylette

Buy The Boy Who Fell to Earth at: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Boy-Who-Fell-Earth/dp/0552776823/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1367056571&sr=1-1&keywords=the+boy+who+fell

April 27, 2013
God Save The Queen

A weekend of celebration

The launch of The Steeple TIMES today, 1^st June 2012, coincides with a weekend that celebrates something far more significant.

Tomorrow, 2^nd June, marks the 60^th year of The Queen’s reign and over an extended weekend, the nation will gloriously raise their glasses to this amazing lady. The Queen, herself, begins by attending the Epsom Derby whilst the nation will participate in The Big Jubilee Lunch, sharing food and conversation with neighbours and friends. Laughter and joy will undoubtedly be the focus of the day.

Elizabeth II, Queen of the Commonwealth realms (1926 – )

On Sunday 3^rd June, the highlight will be a pageant of 1,000 boats assembled from across the UK, the Commonwealth and around the world. Organised under the patronage of The Prince of Wales, the boats will sail from Battersea to Tower Bridge and The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh and other members of the Royal Family will travel in a Royal Barge, the Spirit of Chartwell.

The main event for Monday 4^th June will be a Diamond Jubilee Concert at Buckingham Palace directed by Take That’s Gary Barlow. 10,000 members of the public will attend and performing artists include Dame Shirley Bassey, Sir Cliff Richard, JLS, Ed Sheeran, Annie Lennox, Kylie Minogue and Sir Paul McCartney.

On the same day, a network of over 4,000 beacons will be lit throughout the United Kingdom. The Queen will light the National Beacon at the end of the Diamond Jubilee Concert and other key beacons will be the ones on the country’s four highest mountains: Ben Nevis, Mount Snowdon, Scafell Pike and Slieve Donard.

Tuesday 5^th June is marked by a National Service of Thanksgiving at St Paul’s Cathedral where a special prayer will be read. This is to be followed by receptions at Mansion House and Guildhall and a Diamond Jubilee lunch at Westminster Hall. Following the lunch, The Queen, and The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales and The Duchess of Cornwall, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Henry of Wales will depart the Palace of Westminster for Buckingham Palace, travelling by carriage. A 60-gun salute will be fired during the procession and personnel from all three military services will line the route. Shortly after, The Royal Family will appear on the balcony of Buckingham Palace to watch an RAF Flypast and Feu de Joie given as a salute by The Queen’s Guard and this will conclude a truly spectacular celebration.

‘God Save The Queen’ by Keith Haynes. Presented in a Perspex box frame, 350mm x 350mm. Vinyl and Perspex. Edition of 10. Signed and numbered.

Meanwhile, I was lucky to attend a Jubilee Party at the Belgravia Gallery in Mayfair last night that featured artworks celebrating The Queen’s reign. Featuring works by Prince Albert, The Prince of Wales and Lord Snowdon, here was a true celebration of all things connected to the Monarchy.

The highlight, however, for me were the works of Keith Haynes. Like The Queen, who undoubtedly has prospered as Monarch because of the support of her steadfast husband, Keith Haynes is an artist inspired by the encouragement of his wife, Kim Clayton-Jones. A graduate of the Harrow School of Art, Haynes exhibited a series of works inspired by both The Queen and the Sex Pistols that were kitsch and collectable. Priced at £350 each and limited to editions of 100, these brilliant pieces represent a great way to remember this historic weekend.

‘God Save The Queen’ by Keith Haynes. Presented in white box frame, 250mm x 250mm. Vinyl, paper and board. Edition of 100. Signed and numbered.

Comments Keith Haynes:

“Since it’s release in the Silver Jubilee year of 1977 the Sex Pistols seminal punk single has been indelibly linked to the history of The Royal Family. This Diamond Jubilee year sees the 35th anniversary of the single’s release and to commemorate this event I have produced a limited edition portrait of The Queen made from original vinyl copies of the single; my tribute to the extreme ends of British culture.”

May I thank you all for your support for The Steeple TIMES to date and more importantly, may I take this opportunity to wish you all a wonderful Jubilee Weekend.

“God Save The Queen – We mean it Ma’am.”

Belgravia Gallery, 45 Albermarle Street, London, W1S 4JL. Telephone: +44 (0) 20 7495 1010. Website: http://www.belgraviagallery.com

For information about Keith Haynes and The Haynes Partnership, go to: http://www.art-partnership.co.uk

To view the official website of The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, go to: http://www.thediamondjubilee.org

For information about The Big Jubilee Lunch, go to: http://www.thebiglunch.com

For information on The Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant, go to: http://www.thamesdiamondjubileepageant.org/

For information on the Diamond Jubilee Concert, go to: http://www.bbc.co.uk/diamondjubilee

For information on The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Beacons, go to: http://www.diamondjubileebeacons.co.uk

June 1, 2012