Tag: crackers

Wally of the Week 2021 – Lady Victoria Hervey
Lady Victoria Hervey shows herself to be a contradictory cretin by selling PPE but refusing to wear a mask herself; she fails to mention her ex-lover Prince Andrew or links to Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell

In June 2020, we made Lady Victoria Hervey our ‘Moron of the Moment’ after she stupidly stated “f**k black lives matter” and yesterday this one-time chum of mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell went and slammed her non-woke wellies in the proverbial again in an interview with the Daily Mail’s Francis Hardy.

A short-lived lover of non-sweating Prince Andrew, yet rejected (she claims) as “too old” by his now croaked paedophile ‘bestie’ Jeffrey Epstein, the brainbox with more knowledge than scientists that is Lady Victoria told Hardy of COVID-19:

“It’s completely hyped! The biggest worldwide conspiracy that ever happened.”

“I’m not going to lie, I never wear [face masks]… The security guard in [a] shop called me over and told me I had to leave because I didn’t have one on. I stormed out… I believe in natural immunity… [It’s] Bill Gates’ goal to bring out this vaccine to depopulate the world.”

Going further and aside from declaring: “I’m not going to be a lab rat,” Lady Victoria – who herself ran a business selling PPE at the start of the pandemic – excused the fact that no sane man would want her by adding: “It’s really hard to have relationships in LA.”

This half-witted wench then banged on about getting herself a sperm donor, “cried” about Lady Gaga’s dogs being abducted (but made no mention of the poor dog walker who himself got shot) and sadly for Brits, announced that soon she’ll be returning to our shores.

God help us all and please now, Los Angeles – Keep ‘Lady Twit Girl,’ we’ll be forever grateful.

Pictured top: Lady Victoria Hervey with the deservedly currently incarcerated alleged sexual abuser and trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell. The charming delight that was the late Tara Palmer-Tomkinson described the former as “unpleasant” and “a right snob.”

Wally of the Week – Lady Victoria Hervey pictured with the Duke of York. That even ‘Randy Andy’ ultimately decided her not to be for him speaks volumes.

Classic clangers from former ‘It Girl’ Lady Victoria Hervey
- “I am Lady Victoria Hervey – it doesn’t get more British than that.”
- “Unless it’s champagne, I can’t handle it.”
- “I’m an A-list celebrity and this is a C-list party.”
- “I do have a day job.”
- “My career always goes much better when I haven’t got a man.”
- “A baby is easy – you hand them over to a nanny!”
- “I’m kind of into star signs and I want my baby to have a sign that’s compatible with mine. It’s to plan though… We’ll just have to see… We’ll do the embryos and then I’ll figure out which month I’d like the baby to be born.”
- “I’m not stupid. I’m not a dumb model.”
- “[I aim to become] the next Kate Winslet – but with class.”
- “I have had four past lives, three of them as a man. I was a composer in 17th-century Paris, I made materials in India and in Ancient Greece I was a famous politician. In Ancient Egypt I was keeper of the oils for the Pharaoh’s wife, and I love oils so it all kind of fits.”
- “I feel I’ve aged 100 years in lockdown. I’ve had Botox, of course.”
- “What annoys me is when these families have got like 12 children and we’re paying for these kids… They work out that they make more money being on the dole than having a job, they just laze around.”
- “The real irony of this is that the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.”
- “Travelling is in my blood, and so is liking luxurious things and spending.”
- “I haven’t given up on men, there are a few of them around, but I keep leaving every city I meet them in.”
- “Everyone from Europe wants to buy houses in LA.”
- “I was too old for Jeffrey Epstein… [He seemed] very charming… He was a very well-liked guy.”
- “I’m not one of those kind of girls, I don’t like going to dinners with ten models invited… I was very young and impressionable, Jeffrey was a very charismatic man.”
- “I haven’t seen [Ghislaine Maxwell] since September [2018] at a friend’s baby shower… I don’t think anyone is going to find her. She’s gone far away. She’s a bit like a James Bond character. She’s quite a unique person and I don’t believe anyone is going to find her… I don’t think we will ever see her again, it’s going to be like Robert Maxwell continued; she will continue that family mystery.”
- “I had no idea what was going on [with Jeffrey Epstein]… It’s extraordinary it’s the case, it’s a wild story.”
- “I suddenly thought, I’m just Victoria Hervey… Horrible.”
- “I don’t want to make enemies.”
Wally of the Week – Lady Victoria Hervey defended Prince Andrew on ‘Good Morning Britain’ in November 2019. At the time, she ludicrously claimed her other mate Ghislaine Maxwell would “never be seen again.” Nobody anywhere will be calling upon her psychic powers ever again on that basis.
March 7, 2021
Merelize The Monster

As our petition seeking Facebook banish Merelize van der Merwe tops 25,000 signatures in less than a week, this giraffe slaying monster sickly shares a video of her kill on YouTube

After we featured the story of a monster whose husband bought her the ‘opportunity’ to slaughter a harmless giraffe on Sunday and began a Change.org petition seeking to ban Merelize van der Merwe from Facebook, it went viral.

Today, in spite of the Mirror, Unilad and The Sun featuring our petition against the citrus farming freak, van der Merwe audaciously announced: “I created work for 11 people that day… And a lot of meat for the locals.”

Worse still, ignoring international outrage about what she so callously did, in a 1:34-minute video that YouTube has disgracefully allowed to remain live, van der Merwe has shared footage of herself killing the giraffe “on a private farm in Smartwater, Limpopo.” She accompanied it with a tune by Johnny Clegg titled Scatterlings of Africa and the following captions:

“Shot with a 30-06. Perfect frontal neck shot!”

“The second rifle was a .450 Rigby. Was awesome to do my coup de grace, even if it wasn’t necessary!”

“Thank you to my wonderful husband and my PH Chrisjan Bakker!”

Today, we urge all readers who haven’t signed already to join the 25,000 who’ve already signed our Change.org petition seeking to get Merelize van der Merwe banned from sharing imagery of her grossly offensive ‘activities’ on Facebook. Do so by clicking here and please also share widely. This monster must be stopped.

Pictured top: Bleached blonde bimbo Merelize van der Merwe in an image where she “showed-off” her tacky tattoo and also a video clip of herself taking a second shot at the innocent giraffe she massacred online also.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=5EhqeZ0vYJ4&fbclid=IwAR3_j1OyqXZVM_O8Z37lo5JnUhCjPUx4KKxBuaquMP4OA9F9I-qzDdP8FYg#menu
Merleize The Monster – The video of Merelize van der Merwe massacring a harmless giraffe is quite beyond sickening. We advise viewer caution.

Merleize The Monster – Merelize van der Merwe reacted to our petition and articles about her by smugly posing with a can of ‘Lite’ beer. She arrogantly accompanied it with the caption: “While I make headlines across the globe, thought I’ll take a second to have a beer and enjoy our game farm. I hope that I can at least claim some profit from all the Kleenex used this week for all the emotionally unstable people out there.”

Merleize The Monster – In another image posted on her Facebook page, this clinically crackers cretin shared an image of an elephant that had been shot with a dart. How can Facebook and their seven-figure salaried ex-leader of the Liberal Democrats vice president of global affairs Nick Clegg consider this acceptable?

February 26, 2021
Stupid Shaun Bailey SINKS to 45/1

Odds of Tory twerp Shaun Bailey becoming Mayor of London in 2021 unsurprisingly sink to 45/1

Banger-on about being the son of a bus driver Sadiq Khan has without a question of doubt been a totally useless Mayor of London, but the prospects of his Tory rival beating him have now sunk to 45/1 from 29/1 last week.

Whilst Khan will go down in history for increasing the congestion charge at a time when the public would be safer in private cars than on pandemic spreading public transport, the result of batshit bonkers Bailey’s strange and frankly stupid policy ideas are most definitely the reason that he has fallen into third place behind the equally awful Brian Rose.

Aside from halfwittedly claiming homeless people can and should save £5,000 to get a home, Bailey’s pointless pledge to give away 300,000 pointless screeching (and likely to be completely ignored) burglar alarms has been deservedly condemned as “utterly ludicrous.”

Equally, this warbling wazzock’s bigotry has plainly come home to roost with a reminder of his comments in 2005 about “accommodating Muslims and Hindus” in the UK “robbing Britain of its community.” Given the 2011 census revealed that 40.2% of London’s population to be non-white, one can see why such offensive remarks will hamper his already hapless campaign

The best thing now for Bailey? Quit the Titanic before the iceberg hits.

Stupid Shaun Bailey SINKS to 45/1 – In January 2019, ‘The Red Roar’ reported Bailey was forced to return donations to his campaign from an an “impermissible donor” linked to the Paradise Papers scandal.

Stupid Shaun Bailey SINKS to 45/1 – Who’s more stupid Shaun Bailey or Owen Jones? During a 16:29 minute YouTube feature in May 2019, Bailey declared: “Nobody has a monopoly on common sense,” but then went on to prove he’s totally lacking in even an ounce of such.

February 5, 2021
Lockup Lunacy

Matthew Steeples condemns the government’s slapdash decision to lockup Britain (other than estate agents) once again as ludicrous

The government’s brutal decision to lockup the British population once again will bankrupt yet more businesses and wreck many more lives and for no good reason.

Whilst new cases and deaths have risen in recent weeks, the new strategy of, for example, bizarrely allowing potentially diseased estate agents to continue to tour multiple houses with their potentially diseased clients and potentially thus spread disease – probably as a result of the property industry being responsible for a quarter of all donations to the Tory party – yet closing virtually every other “non-essential” commercial operation is simply crackers.

Here, in a country that will now allow takeaway food but has banned takeaway alcohol, previous lockup-lockdown’s have taken away our civil liberties but have not been proven to stop the spread of coronavirus. In response, what are this incompetent, inept rudderless government now doing? They’ve decided not to find another solution, but instead opted to just hit repeat.

Now, at a time of year when many deaths are actually being caused by pneumonia yet this year are being pinned with “caused by coronavirus” to suit the government’s all over the bloody place strategy-less-strategy, Boris Johnson has finally gone too far with his one-rule for one sector and one-rule for the rest.

Depression will soar in this dark lockup and businesses (other than estate agents) will go bust and before the end of it, where will we likely be? In a position no better than where we are now. Shame on ‘Bosie The Clown’ and shame on his puppet mistress ‘Carrie Not On Regardless’ and her controlling cronies.

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January 5, 2021
Is Covid Racist?

Channel 4’s decision to show a documentary provocatively titled: ‘Is Covid Racist’ tonight is neither clever nor appropriate argues Matthew Steeples

In a move plainly designed to engender themselves to the ‘woke’ generation at the same time as seeking to stoke the fury of Laurence Fox and the dregs of whatever, if anything, that is left of the BNP, tonight at 9pm Channel 4 will show a 60-minute documentary titled Is Covid Racist?

Whilst statistics have consistently shown cases of coronavirus to have been proportionally higher in some areas of the country with higher BAME population percentages, this show will seek to highlight how “Covid-19 has killed a higher number of people of colour among Britain’s frontline National Health Service workers,” according to Television Business International.

Of this, Channel 4’s commissioning editor for factual, Harjeet Chhokar, concluded: “We don’t really know why,” but in so doing entirely misses the point. Even if Covid-19 is actually more prevalent in one community or ethnicity over another, that does not make it “racist” as to be “racist” is a personal choice and one of personal prejudice.

Nobody in their right mind – whatever their colour or creed unless they were a halfwit with a desire to drink bleach – would opt to infect themselves with this potentially deadly disease and thus Channel 4 should be jolly well ashamed of yet again heading down the road of political correctness gone crackers.

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Is Covid Racist? – In May, DW News shared an 11:50-minute report on YouTube. It suggested that “the virus does not discriminate,” but did point to a rise in xenophobia as a result of it. In essence, the virus itself is not racist, but racists will still be racists.

Is Covid Racist? – In March, on Medium.com, a Malaysian theologian and columnist named Alywn Lau asked: “Is Trump being racist when he calls Covid-19 the ‘Chinese’ virus?” He concluded: “C’mon, folks. 45 isn’t the most pleasant dude in history, but let’s give it a break with the hyper-PC-induced accusations.”

November 23, 2020
Randy & Mucky – Time to Face The Music

Time to face the music – Things are about to get a hell of a lot worse for ‘Randy Andy’ the Duke of York and the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell – just as her feudal family crawl out of the woodwork and a silver-haired, Savile Row suited socialist PR man tries to get her out of the clink

On Saturday, we shared the most telling and cringeworthy quotes from the first unsealed 2016 deposition of Ghislaine Maxwell.

Aside from the fact that ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ deviant daughter claimed not to know what “sexual acts” were and asked for the “definition of a sex toy,” this grubby woman showed herself as a bit of a liar by repeatedly contradicting herself.

Miss Maxwell – who couldn’t remember being gifted a fancy car or two (as one naturally does) and whom claimed she had no idea as to how Jeffrey Epstein turned from a school teacher to living it big bollocks billionaire style – now, along with the Duke of York, faces worse still as lawyers for her alleged victim Virginia Giuffre are now seeking the unsealing of a second deposition given three months after the first.

Of this news, this morning The Sun reported that “a source close to the case” remarked: “Maxwell was asked to answer questions that she did not answer on the previous occasion. Prince Andrew did come up during the course of the interview.”

Elsewhere, yesterday, the Mirror showed further pressure piling on mucky madam Maxwell. They reported that French prosecutors have also launched an investigation into her activities alongside the equally repugnant alleged “gifter” of three French 12-year-old-girls to Jeffrey Epstein, still missing ‘model agent’ and alleged rapist and child procurer Jean-Luc Brunel.

Ludicrously, however, this morning, The Steeple Times can add that Maxwell’s relatives have been curiously emailing high profile contacts claiming that their sibling is “looking forward to her day in court” as it will “give Ghislaine the opportunity she requires to clear her name.” Of this a society source who contacted us remarked: “’Delusional’ and ‘deranged’ were the words that sprang immediately to mind when I received such. I did not reply and I did not join Donald Trump in sending good wishes.”

Plainly ‘Ghastly Ghislaine’s’ family are as crackers as her and elsewhere on Friday, The Telegraph announced that the once “unceremoniously dumped by British Airways” PR tittle-tattler Brian Basham – a bombastic beast known for his “devil-may-care attitude” to detail – has been recruited to run what he’s optimistically calling ‘Operation GGO’ or ‘Get Ghislaine Out of Jail.’ Frankly, this supposed “street fighter” of communications has got as much chance of that as Madeleine McCann turning up on Shergar the racehorse and this “socialist and vocal republican” may as well just quit whilst he’s still ahead.

Instead of moaning that she’s not allowed to wear a bra and complaining that she hasn’t got a desk, a computer and the vegan food she so craves, we’d suggest, it’s time Ghislaine Maxwell finally did the decent thing instead. This petulant pillock needs to face the music, save her victims from further distress and simply admit to her cacophony of crimes.

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Randy & Mucky – Time to Face The Music – Not only does mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell face a trial in America, this grasping grinch is now also looking at potential charges for her grubby activities in France alongside fellow alleged paedophile procurer Jean-Luc Brunel.

Randy & Mucky – Time to Face The Music – Ghislaine Maxwell with Donald Trump. Will he be sending her any further ‘good wishes’? He’d instead probably do best to simply shut up.

Randy & Mucky – Time to Face The Music – In 1997, Brian Basham tried to “shrug off” the title of “former British Airways PR man” according to ‘PR Week’ magazine; in 2020, he’s definitely scraping the barrel in seeking to become “the man who tried to get the alleged paedophile procurer Ghislaine Maxwell out of the clink.” Here, in this YouTube clip from 2015, he speaks at a conference about government and finance.

October 26, 2020
Nutty Natalie’s Nonsense

Natalie Elphicke MP’s decision to take £25,000 to talk about her ‘Naughty Tory’ husband and her U-turn to now help him appeal his sentence show her as nonsensical, noxious and nutty

When her randy ‘Naughty Tory’ husband, Charlie Elphicke, became a convicted sex offender in July, his nincompoop wife Natalie – whom also shamelessly took over his former parliamentary seat – happily accepted a bung of £25,000 from The Sun to pen articles titled ‘My Ordeal’ where she proceeded to bleat about her “humiliation” rather than sympathise with the victims.

“Blubbering balderdash” correctly surmised one commentator of this wacky woman’s grasping antics, yet Amanda Plattell – a “dear friend” of fellow convicted sex offender Rolf Harris – decided to pen an article late last month for the Daily Mail about the matter. In her dippy diatribe, Plattell suggested Mrs Elphicke was right to do a U-turn and start helping her grubby, groping husband appeal his very much deserved two-year jail sentence.

Going further of her change of heart towards the sexual abuser she has two children with late last week, Natalie Elphicke astoundingly told Kent Live:

“I fully support Charlie in his appeal against both his convictions and today’s excessive sentence. The court seems to be on a bit of a mission, it entirely ignored the report of a highly experienced probation officer as well as sentencing guidelines.”

“There is no doubt that Charlie behaved badly. However, everyone, Charlie included, has the right to a fair trial, and I don’t believe that he has had one.”

“As I have written since the trial, I believe that Charlie’s conviction was a terrible miscarriage of justice. Having read all the evidence, including elements which the jury did not see, I continue to support him in every way possible in his appeal against both conviction and sentence.”

“Substantive appeals have now been lodged and I hope others may join me in supporting Charlie’s legal fight to clear his name.”

Whilst this might seem beyond crackers, henceforth, Natalie Elphicke OBE MP might do best to stop banging on about her favoured topic of immigration and instead examine her own moral compass. It plainly is beyond warped and, quite frankly, it is perhaps now time that this nutty woman retreated back into the shadows.

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Nutty Natalie’s Nonsense – To accompany her £25,000 interview, Natalie Elphicke turned on the tears and didn’t even bother to don warpaint. If she thought that would engender support from the public, she was very much wrongly mistaken.

Nutty Natalie’s Nonsense – Another topic on Natalie Elphicke’s agenda has been “getting Brexit done,” but now she has moved back to help her cad and bounder turned convicted sex offender husband, she has yet again just shown herself as utterly contemptible.

October 4, 2020
The Crackpottery of Coronavirus

Coronavirus has become the go-to excuse for just about anything that goes wrong and it is ridiculous suggests Matthew Steeples

“Coronavirus” and a shrug is now the equivalent of “leaves on the line.” Used when anything at all goes wrong in this weird new era, this unfortunately completely overused response to any situation has become beyond irritating.

When I telephoned a car hire firm yesterday to simply extended a booking in France, I was told that under new rules because of “coronavirus,” I would have to go to a specific office in St Tropez. I got there and found it “closed due to coronavirus.”

Sent next to another location at a private airport by a call centre operative, I was told there that they could not help as they’d reduced their operation “due to coronavirus.”

Though I eventually sorted the problem by going to yet another location many miles away, this situation is far from rare. When any mishap occurs right now, people just pin it on coronavirus in spite of the fact that many problems have utterly nothing to do with such.

The likes of Marks & Spencer and Pizza Express are operations that have failed to move with the times, yet they blame their decline on a pandemic rather than their bad management. It’s the easy way out and it’s become the go-to get out clause.

Equally, crazy people are spreading messages that coronavirus is a creation of billionaires seeking to profit from us – one society sort ludicrously told me that it was “made” by Bill Gates whilst another, claiming in all seriousness it to be fact, announced that Barrack Obama had put it on a plane and sent it around the world. Here in coronavirus we have a new bonkers and sadly it has also brought with it the phrase “the new normal” also. The sooner such (and the virus itself) disappears into the ether, the better.

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August 26, 2020
Wigan Wanderer Whacked Out

Woman from Wigan wins latest round in the long-running case of ‘walk in a park ruined by exposed tree root’ at the Court of Appeal

Last week, we reported on ‘elf and safety nuts going crackers over Magnum ice cream containing, you’ve guessed it, MILK. Today, we can report the outcome of another ludicrous debacle – that being the case of the woman who fell over a tree root.

Detailed in July 2019 in The Law Society’s Gazette even in an entire article by one Nicholas Dobson devoted to this long-running dispute titled: “What is a highway?,” the story of one Deborah Barlow relates to an incident on the 21^st September 2014.

On the date in question, Ms Barlow had visited Abram Park in the Greater Manchester town of Wigan. Whilst walking “along a path” (referenced yesterday by Lord Justice Bean more definitively as “the Path”), she “tripped over an exposed tree root and sustained injury to her shoulder and arm.” Naturally, she plainly subsequently consulted lawyers.

Of what became a saga worthy of Miss Marple’s attentions, Lord Justice Bean continued: “It might be thought that the question of whether she has a valid legal claim against Wigan Metropolitan Borough Council (“Wigan” or “the Council”), the present owners and occupiers of the park, would be a straightforward one. Far from it.”

Subsequently, the matter was put before judges in both the county court and the High Court. Each took different views and whilst at the first Barlow’s claim for damages was dismissed by Judge Platts “since the path in question was not a highway maintainable at public expense” according to Dobson, on appeal Judge Waksman ruled to the contrary.

Yesterday, at the Royal Courts of Justice in London, the matter was considered by Lady Justice Macur, Lord Justice Bean and Lord Justice Singh and the previous judgment was dismissed. Who’d have thought a simple “walk in the park” could have gone from something so innocent to such an almighty mess?

Remember this kids: Beware of those pesky tree roots or you might find yourself, like Deborah Barlow, in a bit of an ‘elf and safety nightmare.

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June 2, 2020
Tweet of the Week – Lewis Goodall

Sky News’ Lewis Goodall provides not one but two of the best tweets of the week

Sky News political correspondent Lewis Goodall – famous for going round during Theresa May’s disastrous General Election in a truck named the #LewisLorry – is a gent one can rely upon.

In two tweets this week, he excelled himself. They read:

“Quick note on latest Boris Johnson Brexit piece. The United Kingdom is not an “ancient” nation. The UK (rather than Great Britain) as a political entity has existed since 1801. It’s about as ancient as the electric battery.”

“I love the British public. Second putting you in your place selfie story in a fortnight. Man in WHSmith: ‘can I have a photo with you?” Me: ‘of course, my pleasure.’ Man: ‘thank you so much. You just keep doing what you’re doing. One day – you’ll actually make it big.’”

Absolute crackers. Brilliant.

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November 13, 2018